i really want to play Elden Ring but I want to go through the entire series, so I booted up Dark Souls remastered. You got any tips?
I'm no expert soulsbourne player, but here's one thing I know.
For a series famous for its bossfights, Soulsbornes tend to kill you very often via death traps. When entering a doorway, move your camera to see if there aren't dudes with their swords held up ready to vibe check you as you pass by. An empty room is not always an empty room, sometimes there is instant death waiting inside. If you see a guy from a fair distance, consider it a warning. And if there are a bunch of shmucks on higher ground, always see if there's a way to get rid of them first; there's a fight waiting for you and the last thing you want to deal with is enemies shooting at you while you're very busy trying not to die.
Just my two cents if you ever get to DS2, try playing Vanilla first if you can instead of SotFS. Having played both the latter made many decisions I can only describe as maddening, such as the over abundance of “turned to stone” enemies that block important pathways and need a specific item to clear. They have one of these in the friggin TUTORIAL AREA. Not there in Vanilla. Another thing, they increased aggro range on Alonne Knights in Iron Keep so they snipe you from a mile away. This an many more baffling decisions in Scholar!
Seriously, try Vanilla FIRST. The only downside is the DLC isn’t already included, like in SotFS.
Also does anyone know any other fictional ships that match or surpass the Massive in size?
Because I’ve been searching and every time I search for the “largest ships in fiction” it gives me ships that are a few kilometres at most. Maybe like 100 km if I’m lucky.
So the Massive is the largest (non-planet. I’m not counting planets that someone strapped a big engine to as ships.) ship in fiction until proven otherwise.
I headcanon that because of the sheer size of the thing, a sizeable portion of the Massive’s interior is taken up by trains, trams, teleportation systems and other various forms of public transportation to get all the people and supplies needed to keep the Massive working where they need to go.
Also, the Massive contains farms and other factories meant to make the Massive basically self sufficient in terms of food, water and other things that the crew may need. They have more than enough space.
Invader Zim was an unparalleled media experience. Some alien nearly destroys his planet so he’s banished to be a fast food worker. He decides to stop being banished when he hears he can destroy more stuff so they send him to the far reaches of space on a false mission so he dies but earth is there. He decides to collect information on the planet to collect its weaknesses by going to public school. The only people who can see through his disguise are a neglected rich kid 12 year old obsessed with Mothman and his gamer girl sister. Both the siblings are goth. The Mothman kid is the only one interested in stopping the alien but not out of any moral obligation or anything but for that sweet sweet daddy’s love. One time the Mothman kid got a therapist who killed the previous therapist and took his place, and this is a d-plot within the episode at best. The flagship brand of soda in the universe is called poop cola. There was an episode about how Zims entire alien race is more machine than human, and their entire being is contained in the little metal backpacks that are attached to them at all times, and their bodies are more things to carry these PAKS around and if they were to detach they would die while the PAK would attach to the nearest creature, overwrite their mind and kill them. This episode was cancelled to make the Christmas special. Gir is there.
The League gets incredibly concerned that their main tech mechanic, Danny Fenton, has instances of his heart or breathing randomly stopping. His skin is cold as ice and his skin is deathly pale.
Danny didn’t realize that the League doesn’t look at hiring applications. If they did they would have seen that he put being a half ghost on his resume.
Batman absolutely looks at hiring applicants are you kidding me. He’s the only not freaking out because he already knows. It’s on the other Leaguers if they decide that they don’t need to go over anything Batman does just because they know he’s a perfectionist. Him not saying anything is actually him teaching them a lesson that they ALL need to thoroughly do their jobs even if they think another member can pick up their slack
"Is it me, or are the others acting a little... weird.. around me?" Danny asked, looking up from the project he'd been working on.
Batman looked from him to his colleagues, noticing not for the first time the 'sublte' glances they were throwing Fenton's way. Unfortunately, their brand of subtlety stranded just below the level of a sledgehammer.
So of course, the kid had noticed.
"It's not you. They're just idiots."
Fenton huffed. "Yeah, but compared to you, everyone is."
Batman decided not to address that statement.
"So you know what's going on, then? Care to share?"
After sending a glare in Superman's direction, which the man finally noticed and prompty scurried off, Batman huffed: "They didn't read you resume."
Fenton froze.
"Ah."
"Hm."
"Oh no."
"Hm."
"And you-" Fenton cleared his throat, trying to rid himself of the high pitch his voice had taken, "and you didn't tell them?"
"Hn."
Fenton blinked, taking a moment to process the new information. He blinked again.
"Why?"
Batman huffed.
"Like most educations, I'm starting with teaching them how to read."
As for why Batman didn't invite Danny into the league despite reading the application.
Batman is Batman. He does extremely thorough background checks. So even though Danny didn't mention it, B absolutely finds out that Danny is a retired vigilante.
But B is also a dad. He sees this "kid" (anyone Dick's age or younger is a kid in Bruce's head) who half died because of parental negligence and was subsequently shoved face first into the night life lest he lose his home, his family, and his life.
Who just wanted to be an astronaut, but would never be eligible for NASA again due to a combination of physical abnormalities from his nonconsenual species change and poor grades due to rogue attacks eating his time.
A teenager who took up his mantle, not because he wanted to, but because no one else could. Then proceeded to carry it so well that, even as his enemies grew stronger; his fights became less destructive, his school work steadily improved until he graduated with honors, and not once in his entire 4 year stint was there a single casualty- human or ghost. And after those 4 long years fighting alone, Phantom managed to broker a peace between the two dimensions that were each half of him now.
Batman looks at Danny and sees a child who took up the burden and carried it to completion. Then hung up his cape to pursue the closest thing he could to the dream that was stolen from him at 14.
Batman knows Danny could be an invaluable asset to the team. Bruce can't bring himself to ask that of the boy.
That doesn't stop him from putting a note at the very bottom of his contingencies list.
Dick frantically scrolled through the JL database on his wrist computer, looking for a clue, even a hint of a hope that Bruce had prepared for this.
Bruce planned for everything, so surely he had planned for this: all the Justice League, incapacitated, down for the count; and the Teen Titans, not far behind them.
There must be a plan for this, but the trick was finding it.
Subroutines, contingency plans, back-up strategies—and then he found it. Last Resort: Danny Fenton.
…that couldn’t be right.
Dick was pretty sure Danny Fenton was one of the tech guys on the Watchtower, maybe? Bruce had introduced Dick to him, once.
"This is one of our engineers, Robin. If anything happens to the station and I'm not available, ask Danny."
Danny had sort of laughed and played it off, as Dick recalled. We'd be in a sorry state indeed if Batman were unavailable, huh?
Dick couldn’t think of a better phrase than 'sorry state' to describe this situation. The tower wasn't in jeopardy so much as the whole world, based on what Dick knew about Brainiac.
He decided he didn’t have time to second guess whether Batman really meant Danny Fenton when he listed him as a last resort. If it were a typo, then the world was ending anyway and it wouldn’t matter if Dick called Danny Fenton and Danny Fenton couldn’t do anything to stop Brainiac.
But if Danny Fenton could do something…
Dick flipped through the contact list until he found the phone number.
He tapped his foot until the call connected, relieved when he heard the somewhat vaguely familiar voice of Danny answer with, "what's wrong?"
Dick hesitated, surprised that Danny seemed to know there was a problem without knowing what it was.
“Is this Danny Fenton? Um. You might want to turn on the news...”
“I’m on vacation, we don't get the news here, and this is a ‘call only in case of an emergency’, so please just tell me Robin: what’s wrong?”
Dick shook his head and refocused. He should be better at this by now, not be stalling by asking stupid questions—how many times had Bruce gone over that with him? At least a dozen—but he was nervous. He'd never thought he'd ever have to resort to the Absolute Last Resort.
"It's Brainiac. He's got the entire JL incapacitated, and the Titans aren't doing much better. You're listed as a last resort in Batman’s contingency list."
His very long contingency list, Dick was sure Danny knew.
Danny sighed and muttered something under his breath that sounded like 'I should have known'. "Where?"
"We're in LA next to the Nakatomi Plaza."
"Got it."
About ten feet away from Dick, a green portal opened, and Danny stepped through.
"Huh?" Said Dick, hearing the feedback of his voice coming through Danny’s phone.
"Do you have a back-up domino mask, Robin?" asked Danny.
Dick nodded mutely, pulling one from his utility belt.
This Danny was nothing like the carefree, bashful engineer Dick had met before. He was focused, calm, and—
Dangerous wasn't the right word, but it wasn’t the wrong one either.
"Tell me as much as you can about the situation in as few words as possible."
That, Dick could do. Standard Batman training.
Danny took in the information quickly and efficiently. "I see. Should be simple."
"I wouldn’t underestimate Brainiac—"
Danny placed a hand on Dick’s shoulder and offered him a small smile. "Do you trust Batman?"
"Of course."
"Then trust there's a reason I'm the last resort."
With a blink of the eye, he was off, nearly as fast as the Flash, slamming into Brainiac and lifting him off the ground with one hand.
Dick winced; he’d told Danny Brainiac used nanobots to control the JL and that avoiding touch was important—
Oh, and now Danny was completely wrecking Brainiac’s shit. Huh.
"It’s assholes like you and Boston Dynamics that give all robots a bad name!" said Danny, picking the Brainiac up and slamming him into the ground.
“I am not a robot, I am an android of level 20—”
“Intelligence, yada yada, I read your file, you’re a menace with a microphilia kink, join a subreddit like a normal person and get over yourself.”
Dick was honestly shocked speechless. He just said that? In the middle of a fight?
Danny held Brainiac to the ground with one hand, ice spreading and covering the robot within seconds. "How you like them apples, huh? Where I come from, we call that a blue screen of death."
Dick sighed. So Danny had cryogenic powers. Cool, but he'd told Danny Superman's ice breath hadn't worked, so why did he think—
"Error: anti-glacial properties not functioning." Brainiac stared down at Danny; only his eyes and mouth seemed capable of movement. “What are you? I’ve never encountered your pieces before.”
Danny grinned. “I’m from a place you’ve never probably never heard of before: Small Town America.
Now, give me one good reason why I shouldn't scream at you until you're less than dust?"
"Because it is impossible. Recalculation in progress—"
“Hey Robin,” Danny called over, completely whelmed and traught, “what are the odds that this is one of his copies and not the real deal?”
“Um,” said Dick. “Do you want a specific number, or…?”
“Ballpark it.”
“Pretty high.”
“Cool,” said Danny with a nod. “Got anything to say for yourself?” he asked Brainiac.
"I am beyond human comprehension."
“And yet you keep trying to put our cities in a little glass jar.”
“Even if you stop me here, I’ll be back.”
“Sure, sure, classic villain line,” Danny said absently, reaching his hand…through? Brainiac’s? Face? To pull out a chip?
So Danny had cryogenic abilities and matter phasing, that was fine. It might as well happen. If Superman could pull a new ability out of his ass every other week, so could anyone, right?
"Technus would love to study you, and I owe him a favor. Maybe he can fix you. I'm also pretty sure you destroyed Skulker’s OG planet. And the Yetis. So they might want a few words with Brainiac HQ."
“I don’t think he can hear you,” said Dick.
“His nanobots are listening. Speaking of which.” Danny closed his eyes and frowned as if concentrating, and then held up a hand and created a…green shield? Over the battlefield?
“There. That should have fried them. Most nanobots don’t like ectoplasm.”
“Huh?” said Dick.
“Exactly.”
He stuck the chip in his pocket and went about dragging every single member of the JL into the Javelin and buckling them in. “I’m gonna fly these guys back to the Watchtower. Wanna come with? You can co-pilot.”
Bruce never let Dick fly the Javelin. “I’m in.”
“Full disclosure,” he said, doing the pre-flight checks perfectly (or at least, up to Batman Standards, which were probably more than perfect), “ I don’t have a license yet.”
“I’m an adolescent wearing pixie shorts and fighting crime, you think I care?”
Danny tilted his head. “A worrying statement, but I’m on vacation and am therefore not contractually obligated to say anything about it. Let’s go, Robin.”
They did not crash (fortunately) and Danny landed the javelin with practiced ease (though everything did glow green as they came in through the port and Dick was at least 47% sure that the edge of the wing would have hit the Watchtower if it had not, miraculously, phased through the wall instead. Dick wasn’t gonna tell anyone except Barbara about it.)
It wasn’t until Danny had, somehow, floated everyone into the Med-Bay and left from the same strange green portal he came from that everyone woke up from their nanobot induced nap that Dick was finally able to relax and contemplate what he’d seen.
Last resort, indeed.
Bruce was the first to recover, because of course he was.
He sat up, scanning his location, the people around him, the situation. Same old Bruce.
"Robin—”
“I’m here, B.”
Bruce grunted. “You called Phantom."
“Phantom?”
“Danny,” Bruce amended. “He left?”
“He told me to tell you he’s still on vacation and that you and he will be having ‘words’ about his being listed as a ‘last resort’.”
“Hn.” Bruce sat up, taking inventory of himself. “Brainiac?”
“According to Danny, he was a robot copy.”
“Where is the bod—”
“Danny took it with him into…a green portal?” Dick sighed. “He said Brainiac won’t be a problem for us anymore.”
Clark sat up then, rubbing his head. “What happened?”
“Danny saved your asse—I mean, butts.”
“Danny? The tech guy?”
“How was Danny able to save us?” asked Diana.
“It’s all in his file,” said Bruce.
“Danny has weird ice powers,” said Dick. “But I’m sure there’s more information in his file.”
Bruce just sighed.
.
.
.
Later
“Why didn’t Danny just tell us about his ice powers, though?” Clark asked in the Watchtower kitchen. “Did he think we would judge him for it?”
“My theory is that he’s Mister Freeze’s long lost kid,” said Barry.
Bruce sipped his coffee. One day the Justice League would learn to read. Not today, apparently.
Not today.
In the mean time, Danny was owed an extra week's vacation and a standard "I'm sorry I investigated your past and put you in my contingency plans without asking" apology package.
The concept tho, that the JL have probably had a debriefing on Mr.Freeze and so would KNOW how long Nora has been frozen and subsequently able to tell how old Danny is - eyeballing it maybe but still- and honestly believe that's a viable option is hillarious.
Also Dick just leaving out the mention that Danny knows about planets being destroyed is *chefs kiss*, Dick really went "The technician's business is none of MY business."
Okay but Danny’s literal actual birthday is probably also in his file and the way they could go and look and know for sure but choose to eyeball him and guess tho
The Justice League (incorrectly) assumed that Batman would share any important information he found, but Batman decided not to so they'd be forced to do stuff for themselves; it didn't work
Salient point the leaguers will never appreciate is that Batman shares pertinent information, regardless of importance.
Danny, possible apex form of a mythical interdimensional hybrid race, can incapacitate any and all JL level threats with ease, AND has technical, combat and negotiation expertise? Not pertinent information, they'll find it if they need it.
The bokoblins in tears of the kingdom seem smarter. They collect hunted meat in backpacks. They build fences. They use crafted weapons rather than just sticks like in botw. It begs the question: surely these are sentient creatures Link is murdering en masse? We collect their organs. We make potions out of them and eat their flesh. This is getting weird
The yiga were one thing because while they were human enemies, they always teleported away when you beat them. We never see a yiga die on screen. The bokoblins die by the hundreds. You loot their guts. Is this okay
Just because a monster has to go grocery shopping doesn’t mean that monster doesn’t go around murdering innocent people after his pantry is full. He’s an enemy soldier occupying stolen land, and he just happened to draw the short straw when the stronger monsters looked for someone to go pick apples.
It’s like a Nazi soldier in occupied France, grabbing some lunch while he’s on break. Sure, he’s still a human being, but he’s also an enemy combatant engaging in imperial takeover.
If the Yiga didn’t teleport away, I wouldn’t show them any more mercy. They’re enemy soldiers occupying stolen land. They could surrender at any time.
We see in a memory cutscene in TOTK that monsters only appeared with the first Blood Moon from the Demon King’s power.
They are LITERALLY made of evil.
I don’t... I don’t know how much more you can make the killing of these guys justified, they are made of literal evil and they attack any hylian traveler on sight. They serve a guy who wants them to fight and slaughter until nothing is left alive in Hyrule (I think he even says something along those lines).
Look I liked Undertale, it was cool and had a nice message... But sometimes a monster is a monster it’s not that deep.
Can you imagine how absolutely devastated Link probably is emotionally in Tears of the Kingdom?
(Serious Spoilers below the cut)
This game is just his worst trauma all over again but worse, and this time he doesn’t even get amnesia as a way to soften the blow.
He fails to defeat the newly awakened evil again
The Master Sword gets damaged severely again
He almost dies again if not for the intervention of Rauru
Monsters are running rampant through the world again
But he holds out hope, because Zelda told him to find her, so she must be out there! She isn’t trapped again for another hundred years! Sure the Sage’s visions show her in the past, and the dragon tears corroborate this, but surely she found a way back, after all she told you to find her, and people have reported seeing her!
But then you get to the final Dragon Tear, see it fall from the crying Light Dragon, you see what happened. Zelda became an immortal dragon... and lost herself.
Zelda was not left waiting for 100 years again, she wasn’t waiting for a thousand years. Zelda was left waiting, transformed and trapped in her own mind and body for over TENS THOUSAND YEARS, MAYBE MORE
It’s the worst day of his life all over again, but made so, so, SO much worse
zonai ruins in botw and zonai aesthetic in totk are so different, i don't know why they decided to change it like that. it's triggering something in me. i hate inconsistency
As much as I do like totk I too am not the biggest fan of the direction the took the zonai... mostly because it’s just Ancient Sheikah again. A civilization far in the past with vastly superior magi-tek? check. One-eyed robots doing everything? check. Artstyle based on an extinct culture (Jomon for the sheikah, pre-colombian mesoamerican for the zonai)? check. Were the reason why in the distant past the “great evil” of the game was rendered a non-threat until the game starts? check.
There’s also this feeling that a lot of question we might have had about the zonai were answered in really unsatisfying ways. Like the Labyrinths, they’re such huge structures! How were they built, what was their purpose/cultural significance, the Sheikah placed a shrine in there so was it built in collaboration with the Sheikah, or was it refurbished for the shrine after the zonai were gone?
The answer was “The zonai had magi-tek and used their robot servants to make it as a trial for link.” and that just kinda... ruins the mystique I guess. It’s little better than saying, “It was put there so you could have a challenge at this part of the game.”
“If you wanted timely rescue, you or Rauru could have been a LITTLE more forthcoming with information. It’s nice of him to share details of his life and home, and explain how his arm worked, but he didn’t convey ANYTHING ELSE in the amount of time available to us both.”
“Look the Nazca Lines are pretty and all, but I feel there must have been a more efficient method of telling me what happened and what to do. The Purah Pad not have a note app or something?”
It’s that time of year again. Courtesy of digitalhammurabi.com
Addition about the image, courtesy of Twitter user @lui_log: wrt the background image, which is a stone plaque showing a winged goddess flanked by owls: “Also, we don't know whether this is a depiction of Ishtar, as the piece has been looted, thus has no archaeological context that could point us to whom it shows. Nor does it bear an inscription. The owls could mean that it is Ishtar's sister Ereshkigal, Goddess of the Underworld.”
I feel the need to add, before people start to bring up “first sunday after the full moon after the spring equinox seems pretty pagan”, that the hebrew calendar is a lunar/solar calendar, and the first full moon after the equinox is usually* the 15th of the month of Nisan, i.e. Pesach**/Passover, i.e. the holiday going on when Jesus was arrested.
“The sunday after passover” doesn’t sound so pagan, does it?
*the only exceptions are hebrew leap years, that add an entire extra month
** Easter in other languages actually tends to be based on the Aramaic/Greek/Latin version of the name Pascha
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