As above, So below

Kelvin here! For all your quality shitposting needs. I also answer to Kit

[swordofparacelsius]

me, stepping out of the shower: who am i

[zillychu]

hey guys check it out I can do a frontside 180 with my stomach haha

[zillychu]

hopital

[zillychu]

just 4 u. I braved Phone Art while on Turbo Morphine (I think they called it dilaudid. it's Turbo Morphine 2 me)

oh ur super flexible? yeah well lmao can u do THIS??? (throws up and dies)

[zillychu]

u know in retrospect my stomach shrimping wasn't even the worst part so far. it was the tube that went to third base with my floppy ass cardia. through my sinuses. just straight up cockwarmed a silly straw all the way thru my esophagus for 2 days

[zillychu]

I'm a fool. a fucking fool. an absolute clown. do u know what happened minutes after I posted this.

I found out my body cannot handle opioids.

my muscles lock tf up and deliver the worst pain imaginable in every direction at once. I can't describe it. it's not just pain it's the sensation of every disgusting awful flu ache you've ever experienced in your life condensed into one square inch of your body, all over your body.

do u know what alternatives hospitals have to opioids? HA, HAHAHA

they don't

[zillychu]

GUESS WHOSE HOSPITAL IS GETTING HIT BY A TORNADO

[zillychu]

made the saving throw 😎 not today, Satan

[zillychu]

Y'ALL WILL NOT FUCKING BELIEVE WHAT BIOLOGICAL PROCESS STARTED LITERALLY THE DAY BEFORE SURGERY

[zillychu]

THERE'S ANOTHER FUCKING TORNADO

[zillychu]

I'd love to say this has been an educational experience, but unfortunately I run on Spite and simply vow to torture my blorbos even more now

which is saying something while being in the Vivisect the Half Dead Child fandom

[zillychu]

I LIVED BITCH!!

Stomach is back where it should be, I got some guts stapled and skin glued, and recited Dexter's Lab every time the nurses mixed powdered medicine in with my applesauce. I'm bored of drinking ramen and watching Resident Alien reruns so I'm gonna peruse the tags!

I cannot tell you how many times I unironically gazed into the middle distance and thought this

I've learned things can be true and also a shit post at the same time. unfortunately

starting to think maybe I've been saying this too much all my life and karmic justice just backed up in the pipes before exploding. still gonna obliterate those twinks tho. get back here Siffrin I'm not done with you yet

this guy is getting the true moral of this story

I HAVEN'T IN YEARS so either the AO3 curse has a disconcerting half-life, or it extends to discord servers and Google docs. both are horrifying and deserve a federal grant for further investigation

you and me both! isn't nature beautiful

you've made me realize my most recent fic in my gdocs is in fact the darkest thing I've written. so maybe all the ppl in the tags claiming AO3 curse aren't as wrong as I've been thinking they are

god's a bitch and I'm into omegaverse

I feel like I should get a medal for enduring something so fucked up that randos on the internet think I must be lying. yeah bro me too

did I stutter

[zillychu]

honestly the worst part about all of this is the fact that I can't watch Murderbot. I want to so bad. but I refuse until I'm feeling halfway alive again

fuck life. I give myself lemons. AO3 on hospital Wi-Fi

you do not. like emphatically, I don't think that's a great idea

I'd say I'm sorry but tbh this seems very on theme for ISAT so

THANK you I need everyone to remember I'm a gamer first, god's favorite crusty sock in the bottom of the drawer second

the ARE a lot of people in the tags calling me Jesus Christ

I'll admit that one's on me. when I started being unable to eat anything, my first thought was not "stomach straight up saying the abdomen's haunted"

I hate that I was actually considering getting white haired anime boy haircut right before all this happened. could you fucking imagine

don't carbon date me like this

Rascal Flatts was right. life is a highway and it's riding me all night long

[zillychu]

the abortion was a success! (/silly)

they snipped and stitched some things, yanked the whole sucker back down UNDER my diaphragm where it belongs, and did this thing called a fundoplication where they wrap and stitch the top of the stomach around the bottom of the esophagus. it’s supposed to help keep that little bastard in its assigned seating

what I had was a called a combination sliding hiatal hernia (stomach wants uppies) and paraesophageal hiatal hernia (stomach wants uppies but through a different hole in the diaphragm bc it’s not like other girls, making it look like it’s trying to phone home), along with combined organoaxial and mesenteroaxial gastric volvulus (stomach flops around like a dead fish and twists itself shut like a bread bag AND goes upside down). the former usually ends up cutting off blood flow and starts necrotizing the stomach (very dangerous), but I was extremely lucky that hadn’t happened yet!

the hernias are uncommon but not terribly rare. the stomach flopping around? that’s rare. the fact that I had both of these at the same time, where they both did ALL AVAILABLE BAD THINGS POSSIBLE?

to put it gently, according to one resident, I had surgeons fighting over me. pictures were taken. I had like six separate groups of medical professionals coming into my room regularly. my surgeon shook my hand like I was a celebrity. it was honest to god hilarious.

all in all, I spent 3 months thinking I was being a huge wimpy diaper baby, only to find out I narrowly evaded death bc my friend Moth told me to go to the ER right away, and it triggered a panic attack big enough to make me do just that. the poor ER doc came in sweating with the initial CT scans like “I’m gonna be real with you I’m not entirely sure I know what I’m looking at but it’s giving INCREDIBLE Emergency Surgery”

I’m upset I don’t get to birth an alien baby, but considering how it was Rapturing into my chest, it probably would have been a chest burster anyway. I want to kiss Miss Xenomorph as much as the next guy but I think I’ll just stick to sending prime numbers out into space until one returns my booty call

EDIT: btw I love the dog jokes lmao I had no idea volvulus was common in dogs! don't worry I'm not a werewolf (unfortunately), I simply have hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos, which makes all my connective tissue soft and stretchy. So we're waaaay more prone to having organs (and joints) slip n slide around and do things they REALLY aren't supposed to. But I wish I was a werewolf even more now. when will it be my turn

[zillychu]

haha that was a fun near-death experience glad it's over though GUESS WHO JUST GOT FIRED

[zillychu]

ARE YOU KIDDING ME THERE'S ANOTHER FUCKING TORNADO

[zillychu]

my clowns in hellsite, I have no idea how my house is intact when there are trees uprooted by my mailbox. if I had less staples in me I'd bend over and moon the sky

I'm not gonna keep dragging this post on I swear I'm just still on pain meds (I can handle higher doses of weaker opioids for some reason! yippee!) so I'm gonna look through the tags one more time and address a couple things I've seen often

- no, I wasn't doing anything in particular to fuck up my guts. sometimes our organs just Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 right through the polygons. don't worry about it, it's rare and you get a fun story to tell ur friends

- yes, I was fired because I missed too many days nearly dying and requested more to recover from nearly dying. what can I say I'm a needy unreasonable bitch

- yes it's pretty lame to do this to someone right as they stumble off the operating table and get dumped with expensive medical bills. yes this is legal. yes I'm filing for unemployment. yes I would leave mouse poops in the CEO's coco rice krispies if given the chance. love and peace ✌️

- it's cool my dudes I live in the Midwest, basements are an evolutionary aspect of natural selection here. we've also got Steve Templeton I'm pretty sure he fights the tornadoes off himself

- Murderbot TV series good :)

- don't worry guys I know the original artist for Life is a Highway. Lightning McQueen

- there are a LOT of you offering advice on how to avoid the torment nexus. while having a Siffrin pfp. just an observation

- who the fuck is Job

please laugh. every drop of joy I squeeze from this karmic fart parade is another finger shoved firmly up god's withered asshole

can everyone stop being funnier than me for 2 minutes

I only fucked someone once and it was bc they replied to my reply on their comment to the fic I filled for their kink meme prompt on Livejournal. it was vore. and my name's not Jesus

no I'm going I want to ask Joshua how he got that gay

can y'all stop comparing me to deities I'm already on thin ice here with one or possibly more of them

no this is Patrick

I'm sorry to disappoint but I only have 2 weed smoking girlfriends. if anyone lets me borrow one of theirs tho it would really help the Make A Wish Foundation. I beg them once a week and they keep telling me I'm "not a child" and "already got two wishes fulfilled"

take a ticket and get in line if you're gonna make an attempt on my life, you goddamn heathen

you can't give me this after I was just accused of being Dave Strider

DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[eliyahu613]

this tweet. but for tumblr

[dashaibo]

And what, pray tell, is so wrong with that? Must a king lower himself to the vocabulary of insects? Must an academiac explain his reasoning to kindergartners? There is no shame in knowledge nor is there in verbosity. Quite the opposite, they are to be celebrated. But I guess this is the world we are forced to inhabit. This world... This planet, teeming with life and all its infinite possibilities. And you would dare dilute it, so that a simpleton's mind could comprehend it? I will not stand for this. No more shall a man be judged for his might, his ambition, his intellect. No more shall we look down on those who propose a mere thought experiment about owning a human pec9sdjv0 c9i2ewokhndvoi adsjvci uwqeowdsxujvnli ufdsiuljfcniu ofeidcvjpc9nUIODSuljvniuwqopisafjvp985erioewaudJHB9jrg8frjuv8ar9jvuw08rd9vujq35g89spdujigk[0e9ravjik0rvu9jq54w8yvh r8og;af9ukjgmoiaelgurj9g8zboifyhvlo8fivujawp89 OC:Ivjare0sd9oizl

[semicolonthefifth]

Please leave the mall, you're making a scene.

[dashaibo]

You won't... Keep me... from Hot Topic... forever...

[dankxsinatra]

[parakeet]

this gif is fucking me up. stop. stop. youre squorshing her and shes Just a Baby

[miniaturecatmentality]

guys I just found the greatest video on the internet

[beemovieerotica]

[themainspoon]

Internet shitposters wish they could be as funny about 9/11 on purpose as the people who make shit like the "9/11 cheerleading routine" are on accident.

[utilitycaster]

How do you most envision your Tumblr Blog?

monarch addressing subjects from a balcony; my court (mutuals) titter behind me

I've laid out a picnic in the park and invited a large group of friends

Welcome to my Ted Talk

I'm sitting at that table on a college campus with the Change My Mind sign

Art gallery (my own work)

Art gallery (I am but your curator)

public diary

the territory that I, a raccoon, have marked within this municipal dumpster

my house (living room during a party)

my house (kitchen, which I am currently using)

The Saw Trap to my Jigsaw

boring people button

Voting ended onDec 27, 2024

[nixcraft]

Literal definition of spyware:

Also From Microsoft’s own FAQ: "Note that Recall does not perform content moderation. It will not hide information such as passwords or financial account numbers. 🤡

[parking-lot-sunshine]

KillKillKillKillKillKillKillKillKillKillKill

[alluringapex]

There's a way to remove it~

Go into the power shell

then paste in:

reg add HKCU\Software\Policies\Microsoft\Windows\WindowsCopilot /v "TurnOffWindowsCopilot" /t REG_DWORD /f /d 1

like this

Then restart. Also here is how to turn off the awful search suggestions:

How to Disable Windows Web Search and Speed Up Your PC

Stop the OS from pulling up web results when you just want files and apps.

[venonomnomicon]

incase anyone didnt know there's some great free software to handle disabling windows bloatware without needing to mess with the command line

With the freeware O&O ShutUp10++, unwanted Windows 10 and 11 features can be disabled and the transfer of sensitive personal data onto Micro

O&O AppBuster gives you the control back over your Windows again! Now you decide which apps you want on your computer.

these are a mandatory part of every windows install for me. been using them for years and it's such a lifesaver

[foxofninetales]

Because this has mostly been talked about with Windows 11, heads-up that this installed itself on every Windows 10 computer in our house with this week's update.

[rosenkranz-does-things]

How would you have asked Alecto the First to lie—how would you have persuaded that mad monster into even an unsophisticated con?

[parkchanwoohoo]

I laughed at this so hard I stopped getting air in my body and had to sit down. This isn't a vibrator it's a failed homunculus and it's in terrible pain

[zoologica42]

Temperate Lake Dashboard Simulator

🐦‍⬛2xcrested_cormorant Follow Going to try and eat this weird fish

♻️🐦‍⬛2xcrested_cormorant Follow wilmdlife hopital

🐸rana-bufo Follow No one can ever truly understand what BULL4rog's music means to me 😭 this song in particular argrgrgrgrgrg the way he puffs out his vocal sack asdfghjk

BULL4rog: listen here on spotify ♻️🐸rana-bufo Follow I think I huave chytrid

🐟ilikeeatingminnowsFollow I just migrated here from finstagram please be nice

🐠powerbottomfeeder Follow

I have HAD IT with this lake, it’s the third day in a row we’ve had nitrates above 8 ppm and uug the algae, my allergies I can’t do this

♻️🐟carpy-diem Follow

Lol we regularly get nitrates up to 20 ppm in my lake ♻️🦞crawdaddy Follow uhhh you shouldn't be bragging about that, it's really unsafe ♻️🐟carpy-diem Follow suck it you little oligotrophic bitch

🐢snappturt Follow Dear Tumblr, am I the Basshole for the way I catch minnows? I was chatting with some of the guys I bask with and they said the way I catch minnows is problematic; What I do is I sit on the bottom of the lake, I hide myself in the mud and I open my mouth. My tongue looks a lot like a little worm so I wiggle it around- and because of that, minnows swim over and check it out. Once they get close enough, then I bite down and eat them. Some of my rockmates have told me that this is manipulative and toxic behavior- but they also eat minnows...I don't know guys...

Am I the Basshole?

YTB

NTB

JBH

NBH

ESH

INFO

Voting ended onJul 6, 2024

🦆tree hole-nester-acorn-eater Follow

is it just me, or is this super homoerotic???

🐟bigpikexxl Follow liveblogging diving down to the bottom

♻️🐟bigpikexxl Follow dark

♻️🐟bigpikexxl Follow big log

♻️🐟bigpikexxl Follow rock

♻️🐟bigpikexxl Follow kinda cold

♻️🐟bigpikexxl Follow oh hi @deepwatersculpin!!!

♻️🐠deepwatersculpin Follow oh hey @bigpikexxl!!!

never thought i'd seen one of my mutuals irl!!! I didn't even know we lived in the same lake!!!

🐠Shadlad Follow I'm not sorry, and I'm not afraid to say it, if you're an introduced species, go dry yourself out. You're not welcome to eat up all of our resources and live in my ancestral longs and rock crags. These things are for us to relate to and not for you to squander.

♻️🦞crevice-steve Follow

Can't believe this type of fishcourse is still popular on this site, introduced species didn't choose to be introduced and have as much of a right to live as anyone else. Bigotry against introduced species is still bigotry and that's a hill I will dry on. ♻️🐠Shadlad Follow Go ahead, dry yourself out then ;) ♻️🪷nootnootnewt Follow Hey man, I hate invasive species as much as anyone else but please stop telling people to beach themselves for political reasons- yeah that includes inavsives too ♻️🦐typical_scud Follow Did you legit just use the word Invas*ve to describe introduced species? ♻️🦢flatfootswimmer Follow anyone in this thread eat pondweed?

♻️🐟largemouthbASS Follow A colab with my mutual @2xcrested_cormorant after they got released from the wildlife hospital. They haven't been on much since the Fish and Wildlife Service released them in the wrong lake and it took them a while to get back to their colony. We hope this guide will help you avoid accidentally eating/engaging with bait!

[draconym]

Seeing tumblr users tag their blorboposts with "gay panic" is making me insane. This term does not mean what you all think it means.

[draconym]

I am also pretty sure it's ignorance in 99% of cases. But. Please understand. That captioning something "gay panic" has deeply dark implications.

babe you are implying he's about to commit a hatecrime

[draconym]

Waking up to that image is in fact what sent me down this path

they are selling alcohol with this cutesy sticker design. fuck, man

[draconym]

People in the comments: lol didn't you know 'gay' used to mean 'happy'? Language changes, why would you want to stop this phrase from having a positive meaning

Places in the USA where Gay Panic is still a legally admissable defense for homicide:

I can't tell you how to tag your fanart. But if you read the tags, tons of people had no idea 'gay panic' had any alternate meaning, and I think if this were me I would want to know. This is not an outdated term and I'm sorry but some of you are being fucking stupid about this.

[the-starlight-papers]

My coworkers are insisting that rhubarb “is just red celery” and that rhubarb pie “looks like raw meat”

So anyways I am going to be making a rhubarb pie and bringing it in.

[omni-scient-pan-da]

I am just now seeing this post on Saturday, June 1st, despite the fact that it was made on Thursday, May 30th HOWEVER

On Thursday, May 30th, I went to sleep, and woke up Friday morning, on the 31st, having had a very odd and spooky dream, about being driven down a dark, haunted hallways and almost going through a portal to another dimension, but turned around at the last second

In this dream, I came out of the building containing the spooky hallway with a rhubarb pie, and was very enthusiastically declaring I couldn't wait to eat the rhubarb pie

This is around the time I started to wake up from the dream because I, in real life, have never once consumed a rhubarb pie, I don't even think I know what rhubarb looks like in real life and as I said out loud to my mother when recounting this dream on Friday, May 31st, rhubarb pie sounds like it would taste like a pie made out of celery

However in the dream, despite knowing that I have never once tasted rhubarb pie and have never had the desire to, I could not stop myself from very loudly and repeatedly talking about how I couldn't wait to eat the pie, and woke up shortly after the rhubarb pie was destroyed by a gang of bullies in the parking lot

This leaves me with four conclusions

I woke up in the middle of the night after being freaked out by the hallway on Thursday night, grabbed my phone to scroll through Tumblr, saw this post while scrolling but did not interact with it, and fell back asleep before the memory of doing any of this could be stored in my brain (according to my AP Psychology textbook, you don't remember the last 15 minutes before you fall asleep, so it seems decently likely that this could have happened if I was able to do all this in 15 minutes) and my brain just blended the rhubarb pie into the dream as though I had never woken up in the middle

This post was at the top of my dash at some point between it being made and me going to bed on Thursday night, and though I did not consciously see it, my subconscious picked up on it, and this influenced both my dream and my words on the subject the next day

This is all completely coincidental and it's just really freaky that Evan posted this on Thursday and then I had a dream involving rhubarb pie that same night

Evan and I are psychically linked and rhubarb pie is the secret to the universe

My bet is on the fourth option personally, but I dunno, let me know what you think

[omni-scient-pan-da]

Despite how much it reads as a classic Tumblr post, I really doubt it will break containment but y'know what, if it gets over 50k notes I'll make a rhubarb pie myself and give a live reaction

[baetology]

Stop letting your heart and your pussy choose your men.

[trapbinch]

I’m confused, what is left…

[trapbinch]

Oh nvm lmao my brain. You right sis lol you is right

[baetology]

You really forgot your whole brain.

[pussylipgloss]

she read this post with her pussy

[hellsitegenetics]

no post today king? :(

too busy slogging hog

[solipsisticworm]

String identified:

hog

Closest match: Hog

Common name: The slogger

[gloryofdawn]

[liesmyth]

ok but we're all missing the important question here... WHO in the vatican has taught the spanish-speaking pope how to say faggotry in italian. how on earth did it come up. was it a prank. was it political sabotage. is there homosexual tomfoolery afoot in santa marta. I need to know more

[liesmyth]

your holiness did you perchance say FAGGOTRY

[liesmyth]

I can't stress enough how much in my decades living gayly in Italy I have never ever heard a straight person say frociaggine. Only the gays say it. WHO TAUGHT HIM