Posting into the Void

Welcome to The Shitstorm that is my Tumblr

[infectiouspiss]

disabled ppl we need to start lying to nosy people okay? you tell me i'm too young to need a cane and i will tell you point blank that maybe you should tell that to the guy who ran me over. you don't get an explanation of my health issues you get lies and depending on how much of an asshole i want to be that lie will be anything from a humble car crash to a 1 billion lions attack. mind yr business.

[infectiouspiss]

"i could never live like that" well maybe you'll have to because this happened overnight. yeah you heard me i was the most able bodied man in the world but then one morning bam i woke up disabled. yeah you could have that too. there's no cure either you'll just wake up one morning and now you have to live like me

[infectiouspiss]

"what happened" well have you ever seen looney tunes? yeah an anvil landed on me and squished me flat.

[loveridden1999]

having a hometown is such a fucked up concept. i grew up here so i do not want to stay here anymore. i miss it when i am away but once i am back i realise why i wanted to go away as far as possible from it. i am familiar with every corner of this place i did not realise when it slowly changed into something unrecognisable. i would probably like to be buried here but i'd rather die than live here

[stopbeingapoo]

this post brought to you by every song Noah kahans ever released

[fellshish]

i know you said we ride at dawn but i’m not a morning person actually. can we ride after lunch

[balaclava-trismegistus]

if i dont respond to a message from you i can basically guarantee its not because i dislike you. im just getting attacked by imps and shit all the time genuinely.

[geyfrog]

*puts my hand on your shoulder* Don’t worry, I have your back. We’re gonna turn this crisis into a crwaswas

[brehaaorgana]

Greatest hits of FIFA cultural exchanges thus far:

Learning about flyovers and pyrotechnics at American games being a thing

Non-americans discovering the size of American football stadiums....for high schools in texas. Also the size of our stadiums in general.

Going to baseball games as a side treat! Lmao.

Non-americans losing their minds over "like, 100 petrol pumps," at buc-ees.

Related: Americans often forget how huge target and Walmart is.

People discovering American BBQ

Non-americans being obsessed with mid American restaurant chains like Golden Corral and Taco Bell

A lot of them really did feel god in this chile's apparently

The rightful obsession with waffle house

New understanding of American Big Drink With Ice supremacy as summer creeps in

Begrudging acceptance of mandatory water breaks during games

Americans realizing we have a Team USA and we are not, in fact, just "hosting our friends" from around the world — mostly because we won our first match and our team is decent??? Not amazing but not the worst.

Side rant: us women's football team is legendary good and we should care about that more like. Hello???

Admitting Americans are right about air conditioning

Related: the english team did warm ups in Florida RIP, and also the there's a video of the French team just being like fuck the heat, fuck the sun, this is so hot...

Americans who do not normally care about international football but fucking love a sport and cheering so we're just hyping whatever team is nearby, like we see a party and just show up and learn the chant. Like sorry many of us don't know shit about soccer but if we see a bunch of people in viking helmets or kilts or holding a bunch of flags and cheering we're game.

TAILGATING!!!!

I already said this but American yellow school bus is an international celebrity

The Scottish drank Boston dry of beer apparently, like they quadrupled what Boston normally sells for fourth of July weekend. SAM ADAMS HAD TO GET AN EMERGENCY BEER DELIVERY.

Also the English team fans got kicked out of The Londoner pub in Dallas after drinking 5,000 beers and going over max capacity lmao

Free refill drinks, tortilla chips & salsa.

So many non-americans are going to be here for the 4th of July for our 250th anniversary which is going to be great and hilarious

Non-americans discovering ranch as a beloved condiment

Non-americans understanding American obsession with hamburger now

Japan's homebase is in Texas and the cultural differences are frankly great and also the Japanese fans are SO NICE and helped clean up the stadium after a match???

All the short videos with the eagle screech (which I think is actually a hawk but whatever)

[sweaterkittensahoy]

On the note of Americans embracing whatever team is nearby, please enjoy this clip of Kansans going all in for Algeria:

[prof-grace-aspen]

Americans: always down to party

[evvergreen]

tumblr is the website for if you're just someone's weird sister

[kat-astrophy]

La Contesse Madeline d'Artois

[egberts]

i got that dog in me but it's poorly socialized and i don't take it on as many walks as i should

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Let’s do a Wild Hunt larp where we kidnap Jeff Bezos and release him in the forest and then give all the larpers (who are amazon employees) weird masks and motorbikes painted to look like fucked up horses and wolves.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Somewhat disturbed at how fast this post started picking up notes.

[bisexualshakespeare]

don’t set out food if you don’t want us to eat

[wonderwomemes]

i love that i can’t write the word fuck on facebook without risking getting zucced and here I’m greeted everyday by posts like this

[cgaratenby-deactivated20220830]

my only problem with this is that this sounds less like a larp and more like the actual Wild Hunt

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Quality larps are as realistic as is practical.

[dogpuppy]

[rogha]

one time a guy i know whose girlfriend was heavily pregnant didn’t tweet anything for a whole day so i texted him ‘congrats on your baby’ and made him think i had some kind of baby precognition 

[rogha]

like six months after that just after halloween i asked to see his son dressed as a ‘fat baby pumpkin’ and he was like ‘who told you’ and i said ‘no one. it’s halloween. you have a fat baby. he’s going to be a pumpkin’ 

[rogha]

bbc sherlock wants what i have

[specialagentartemis]

why does it take SO much energy to keep your house only sort of clean

[calugaritsa]

you should read Trigun bro the main character is Jesus but also Cain and his genocidal ecoterrorist twin brother is Abel but also Lucifer at the same time. They're kind of Adam and Eve too but later on the evil twin is also Noah. The protagonist Jesus guy has a homoerotic friendship with a priest whose gun is shaped like a life-size cross and the priest guy is Judas but also The Bride Of Christ™. There's canon trans rep. Transhumanism too. DID rep. Physical disability rep. Did I mention Jesus has a huge ass and wears leather bondage fetish gear everywhere. The other most important characters are a couple of insurance agents. Somebody is named Midvalley the Hornfreak

[maddieredgrave]

Casually leaving out the fact that Mr. the Hornfreak kills people with a damn saxophone, Jesus once shot a guy in his missile hand to knock it off course, and the canon DID rep includes a man named Razlo the Tri-Punisher of Death

[fallout-lou-begas]

wordle in 1: joyless. it is statistically inevitable that your go-to starting word will be the solution one day, and this is no more of an accomplishment than running a random number generator once a day until it gives you "1"

wordle in 2: misleading. you may think that this is the highest achievement, but it suffers from the same disappointment of a lucky guess that wordle in 1 causes. your second guess is a strategic choice, but ending the game this early just isn't interesting

wordle in 3: the peak. your starting word gave you some information and then your second guess contextualized that information into a solvable position. your sharp intuition and restraint is what truly separates you as above average.

wordle in 4: statistically average, par for the course, the baseline against which all other wordles are compared.

wordle in 5: you're sweating. you made a mistake at some point, or your starting word was effectively useless, and it took an extra guess above average to close things out. wordle in 5 comes as a relief.

wordle in 6: crushing humiliation. you have technically succeeded but at what cost. your thirty square grid will stare back at you like barrels of a firing squad. a failure in all but name.

wordle failure: never your fault. what kind of stupid word even was that like come on

[ceruleanheaven]

[looking at people younger than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at people older than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at myself] its over

[lamaison]

Legal Eagle asking "are you covered to have an open flame in the studio?" and a producer worriedly yelling "we're not!" as Ally goes to light a bong they filled with real whiskey is maybe the hardest I have ever laughed at an episode of Game Changer.

[pearlycomplaints]