I'm envisioning gangster-style thugs in league with the Metatron. Sandalphon types. The Syndicate is corrupting Whickber Street in Aziraphale's absence, moving in the back spaces and shadowed corners. Maybe representatives have been there all along.
"The forces of evil... are everywhere. ...They are pacing themselves, and can lurk for the rest of the night, if necessary..."
And Our Beloved Crowley?
There's only one reason I can imagine for him allowing himself to drop his cool, smooth facade and go Absolutely Feral.
Imminent threat to Aziraphale.
My heart is pounding.
The suspense of waiting for GO3 is excruciating.
I love this fandom!!!
*****
Btw, I highly recommend checking out @i-only-ever-asked-questions here on Tumblr. They are one of our resident experts on Whickber Street, map-maker and dicoverer of Crowley's location.
You may have seen their investigative mapping before:
They have a new, revised map, and a lot of new information about our favorite shopping neighborhood, simply based on putting together background scraps of information from the teaser-pics we've been shown so far! If you like Clues, and I know you do (!), check out Changes to SoHo in GO3 so far.
The case for (at least) two stories in GO season 2: Bildad
This chapter will be more enjoyable if you read the first post "The Kiss"!
Another blatant instance of inconsistency and topic of much debate has been Bildad's wig(s). His hair seems to change all the time, and the headband is never quite the same. What if I told you that if you stop focusing on the hair, and count the stripes on his headbands, a clear picture emerges? Sounds insane right?
Here's the entirety of episode 2, arranged by number of headband stripes Crowley has in each scene.
I'll put screenshots in case you don't want to rewatch those two sillies again for 4 minutes. But be real... who doesn't?
A pretty clear pattern emerges when you arrange the scenes like this : more stripes = more intimacy and trust between Crowley & Aziraphale.
For stripe 1, we only get the opening scene where Crowley "destroys Job's goats".
This scene could live on it's own in the story, theoretically. Aziraphale never interferes with Crowley as he destroys the children, because it's all hunky dory up in heaven.
The very next scene we see Crowley questioning Job and Sitis, starting to doubt his job, and he's got two headbands and two stripes for most of the rest of his hijinks with Aziraphale.
Until the very end of the episode, where we are back to one headband, but two stripes. The hair is short again, and the headband is neat, and this stumped me for a long while. If you only count the number of headbands and hair length, this scene clearly belongs with the first, and story-wise, would make little sense. But taken with the other two-striped scenes, it paints the complete picture of the saving of Job's children together as a team.
I've taken the three headband/stripe scenes out of order from the show and put them at the end. The only time Crowley has three headbands is when something deeply intimate is happening between Azirpahale and Crowley.
The first instance is quite early on, for the whole of the reveal of Crowley's crows to goats pipeline.
Interestingly this is also where we get the cryptic line "I am not the angel you knew".
Next is a little interlude inside of Crowley's "destruction" of Job's children, where Crowley admits to Aziraphale for the first time that they are "Temporarily not on different sides". It's also this part of the scene where we find out, surprisingly, that Job's children are unrepentant little shits, and Jemimah realizes that Crowley is actually, technically, a demon.
And now, after a brief break of two striped shenanigans, we return to three stripes Bildad in the basement, where he manages to tempt Aziraphale into admitting that heaven's morals are a little wacky, and into tasting food for the first time.
But this scene starts with Satan's great wind (LOL wow, a fart joke in between all the morality? Good Omens would never...), where Crowley curiously remarks "Hmm, they've started early".
All of the cryptic & meta commentary dialogue is clearly happening inside the scenes where Crowley is wearing three headbands.
Given that the three headbands portions of the story make little sense on their own, we could conclude that Job is a story retold three times, each consecutive time adding layers of context to the story, and quite literally, onto Bildad's head.
part 1 of this nonsense : The Kiss
next part : Heavenâs files.
This is going to have to be a multi-part series, but hey, almost no one is posting season 2 metas anymore so the people have to get their crack from somewhere. With thanks to everyone over in our @ineffable-detective-agency as usual.
All the clues you missed in the first S3 photo drop
Hello there and fair warning, spoilers abound! If you don't want to see the image, scroll on.
But for your viewing pleasure, I have assembled all 3 season's worth of shots taken at the same angle for easy comparing. Behold:
At first glance it seems like it's the same old Whickber street we know and love, but is it?
1. Bilton & Scagg's is no more?
From what we can see on this S3 image on the right, the biggest spoiler is that the blue Bilton & Scaggs hat shop (formerly publishers) that has resided next to the bookshop for 2 seasons has either been flipped with a new magic shop or some sort of games shop, and is now red and yellow. Note the playing cards in the front and red dice above the window.
2. The chinese lanterns are in the "wrong" spot
In season's 1 & 2, the iconic red lanterns appeared only on Wardour Street in front of the trio of Chinese shops. We can still see the reflection of the Chinese buffet string lights in the window, so assuming those shops are still at the end of the street, the lanterns now start directly in the alley alongside the bookshop.
3. The double posters have been covered with a banner, and the place is a mess
To our left, we have the mysterious double comic book panel posters from season's 1&2 now overlayed with some sort of orange banner, and they've lost their double top and bottom signs. The bike rack and topiaries from s2 have be replaced with a general air of dirt and grime; graffitied walls, green wheelie bin, dead plants and leaves everywhere, oh my.
4. Aziraphale is still wearing his pinkie ring.
I've enhanced the image here for better viewing but a good spot by @theastrophysicistnextdoor and @somehow-a-human shows it's there on his right hand as usual!
Conclusion
I will note here that they've attempted to crop out almost everything that we can use for actual comparative speculation (road lines, signs, people, double name for the record shop sign, lantern above the door, street sign for Whickber, position of statues inside the bookshop, entryway door sculptures, mailbox, candy dispenser, newspaper pile, etc.) so a serious golf clap to the GO team on such a clever image.
Thanks to the gang @ineffable-detective-agency as usual for the s3 image and sounding board.
The Looming Threat (or, Misdirection and a little Abracadabra)
"He's just an angel... I know."
Remember the shock you felt when you first saw this moment? The wrongness of it? Do you remember asking yourself how could this even be possible, for Crowley to be this clueless? So did I. And here's what I've concluded about it.
Our initial reactions were correct. Our first gut instincts were right. But we were sold a package, a distraction of the presto-chango magic trick sort. Like when we looked back later at S1 and saw the Bodyswap clues we'd missed the first time around...
This moment wasn't confusion for Our Beloved ex-Demon. This wasn't self-deception. After 6000 years of friendship and mutual flirtations and sweet glances and waiting and longing and "You go too fast for me Crowley" and holding hands on the bus and swapping bodies to save each other and Azi Literally Going into Hell to protect him -- then the S2 bickering and joking and so at ease with each other like An Old Married Couple -- and they're telling us that Crowley is suddenly just now realizing that Aziraphale actually loves him and whatever shall Crowley do about it...?
This entire moment was a LIE. An ACT.
Nina believed it. Maggie, in her turn, believed it. Everyone was playing matchmaker this season, and when they bought Crowley's lie, their earnest intervention helped sell that red herring to us.
This moment with Crowley was a Misdirection -- the magician getting everyone to look at one hand while the other hand plays the trick. We all focused on Crowley acting weird and distracted with Nina...
We totally forgot that Aziraphale acted weird and distracted first.
Aziraphale had been enjoying traipsing around the neighborhood with Crowley. He's planning a secret surprise right in front of him, and Azi's even willing to bargain away his books to achieve it. He's energized and happy, and they have adorably teasing flirty banter about French aunts and pens just moments before.
But in the middle of talking to Nina, his mood suddenly changed. Azirphale becomes distracted. There's a long pause, for absolutely no reason. Then that familiar frozen mask of a smile unexpectedly appears on his face. He's incredibly uncomfortable, and we feel it. We just don't quite know why...
And, just in case we missed it, the camara stays on his face as he briskly walks away. His eyes dart back and forth nervously, and the frozen smile turns into a worried glance behind him. We see a sideways glance like that later...
Azi's not concerned about Christmas lights, and Nina's obviously not a threat... Why is Aziraphale suddenly worried about whether or not Crowley is following him?
Now, I'd been puzzling about this sequence for a very long time, and I had even written about it before. (What happened? Did Azi spot the Metatron in the coffee shop? Did he see a window reflection of someone spying on them?) But I couldn't fully sort out this scene until I recently figured out THIS moment and connected it to other similar moments. To the other times that Azi goes vague and distracted and has an odd expression and makes odd eye contact or stares out into the middle distance...
It's when Aziraphale hears/feels a signal that heavenly presences have arrived on Whickber Street. I think it was his Angel Alarm -- the "alert" that was so specifically shown to us in Maggie's record shop.
Azi is suddenly aware (like he was in Maggie's shop) that some high heavenly authority is here, somewhere nearby, possibly watching, and they are caught out in the open. Together. And had just been teasing and flirting moments before. And they've got a secret Jimbriel alone in the bookshop.
The fun disappears as danger and risk slam back into their reality.
Meanwhile, Aziraphale isn't free to tell Crowley what he now knows, not there on the public sidewalk. He's even afraid to look back at him. He has to trust that Crowley knows him well enough to figure it out, to read the signals of his suddenly tense and anxious body language. Was Aziraphale's backwards glance a signal to follow? Or a signal to disengage and NOT follow?
In the gif of Azi walking away, we can see that Crowley had been watching his Angel closely, and actually started to immediately follow after. Then Azi glances backwards, Nina speaks, and Crowley stops walking. He casts one more glance at Aziraphale before engaging with Nina. No more signals -- the angel continues briskly walking, not waiting, not turning invitingly to encourage his companion to catch up.
Crowley keeps watching Aziraphale head off down the street. The fun they were having together has suddenly ended, with no spoken reason, and his attention is split as he tries to discern why.
Think about how we act with our own near and dear ones in Real Life, how body language gives off signals and messages. If we were out and about with a friend, enjoying ourselves, we wouldn't suddenly walk away without a word. We would at least look invitingly behind us and smile to signal, "Oops, didn't mean to leave you behind!" We'd pause and wait for them to catch up.
Rushing away the way Azi did signals that there's a problem. Someone we want to hide from or avoid. We might do that if we spotted an Ex-, or a nosy neighbor we wanted to steer clear of. Or our boss from work.
In Real Life, rushing away like this from a casual friend would likely cause an issue, but someone who knows us very well would pick up on the signal. They would probably scan the area to see if they can figure out who we spotted. Maybe they'd run interference for us to make sure the annoyance doesn't follow.
Crowley stares hard into the coffee shop windows as he's talking to Nina. It's why he's so distracted -- he's only half-focused on what she's saying. He's on Official Patrol now, trying to locate the danger Aziraphale so clearly signaled.
Meanwhile, Nina starts asking questions about the topic Crowley absolutely does NOT want a heavenly authority to overhear -- his close relationship with his Angel.
The Up There has made it quite clear that FRATERNIZING brings harsh consequences... and Nina is asking some extremely personal questions!
And so he begins a chaotic song-and-dance with Nina, a distracted slightly-frantic performance full of diversions and denials. Someone dangerous is in the area, Crowley doesn't know who or where, and he WILL NOT say anything about their relationship that puts his Angel at more risk than he already is.
When Crowley walks away, he's not puzzling out whether or not Azi loves him or if he loves his Angel... That's already known fact between them, at the very least since the Bus Stop. He's puzzling out who showed up and why. It's the reason Crowley doesn't try to catch up with Aziraphale. He doesn't even go back to the bookshop.
Crowley sits at an outdoor table at the cafe, and watches the street.
Our perception of several other scenes changes, once we realize what was happening in this one:
It's why Aziraphale tries to coax Crowley to return to the bookshop in the Smitten scene. He always wants to protect Crowley. He left Crowley behind at the coffee shop to keep him safe and has now come looking for him, and wants to get him to come home to the bookshop -- Where He's Safer Inside.
It's why Crowley's attitude towards Jimbriel has suddenly become hostile and paranoid. Crowley's been sitting at the cafe table, watching the street and the bookshop, brooding. Worrying. It's why he challenges Jim in that upstairs room. Danger keeps stalking them, threatening his Angel, and maybe sweet innocent Jim is actually part of the plot?
It's also why Crowley keeps up the pretense for Nina and Maggie's "relationship intervention" in E6. The Metatron himself has already arrived. He could walk back in at any moment. Or possibly has some sort of super-hearing (like Crowley's ability to know if anyone's watching), since the MetaBully knew that Michael had been talking about the Book of Life even though he hadn't come in yet. Again, Crowley won't risk saying anything that could be overheard and further endanger his Angel.
The street scene with Nina was an extremely well-crafted distraction. It sets up a sort of confirmation bias, scenes that fall like dominoes in a predictable line leading to unshakable belief in an Ineffable Breakup.
Maybe they did fall apart at the end, even if they Knew the Metatron was Likely to show up, even if they knew they were being spied on. Maybe they couldn't handle the stress. Maybe...?
But Aziraphale Knows heaven is dangerous... And Aziraphale will protect Crowley at any cost. He literally Went Into Hell for him... And Our Ineffables fight with their wits, motivated by their love and dedication to each other...
So... maybe it wasn't a breakup. Maybe it was another thinking-on-our-feet, scrambling-to-keep-up, can't-discuss-it-out-loud Code-Language chaotic desperate PLAN.
I think we have solid reasons to believe in Our Ineffables after all...
*****
Thanks for reading my long analysis! I see so many interconnected scenes that support each other in building a case, it's hard for me to know where to stop! I've already marked some of those in the post (in Bold) that you can check out if you enjoyed this one.
I fear this challenge might have beat me cause this is honestly the closest i could find đ
I mean there wereâŚsuspiciouslyâŚmany pictures of David sprawled out on the ground but unless there is some media out there of David going through unspeakable horrors while being stretched to death, then this image above might be my best choice lol
Can you suggest some fics where thereâs a big financial disparity? One lives really lavishly while the other is super poor but they try and make it work. Not sugar daddy though.
đ¤
Hello! You can check out our #financial struggles tag for fics along these lines. Here are more to add...
Somewhere In the Middle With You by Mizmak (M)
Can fast-living, carefree Anthony Crowley learn to settle down after losing the bulk of his fortune? Will the bookshop in a South Downs village, which his Aunt Agnes turns over to him, force him to behaveâor will he find her only employee, Aziraphale Fell, too much of a distraction?
Then thereâs Aziraphaleâhe loves his quiet, sensible lifeâwhich is about to be upended by a very attractive man he has nothing in common with.
At least, not yetâŚ
Homeward Hearts by mordelle (Series) (G-E)
Aziraphale has been homeless for six years in the States. It was difficult to pick up the wallet that had fallen into the gutter.
âSir,â he croaked, âyour wallet!â
But the man did not hear him. It was a good thing his red hair was so distinguishing, or heâd have lost the man in the crowd.
Ghostwriter by bisasterdi (E)
With the ghostwriting job that pays his bills on the line, struggling author Aziraphale is given one last assignment to prove himself: Write a tell-all 'autobiography' of notorious playboy Anthony J. Crowley. They certainly don't get off to a great start, but with Aziraphale's job and Crowley's only form of financial support on the line, they'll both have to hang in there long enough to finish the book.
If Crowley's family--notorious in the seedy underbelly of organized crime--and the law enforcement investigating them don't get in the way, then the very real feelings that spark between them will.
All My Heart Is Yours by FeralTuxedo (E)
1847. Aziraphale Fell arrives at Eden Hall to take up his new position as tutor to the young heir. The house is enormous, remote, and its occupants rather strange â but none more so than its master, the ill-mannered but inconveniently handsome Mr Crowley.
Mr Crowleyâs gaze lingered on him.
âNow I see you in broad daylight, I can tell youâre no gentleman.â
Aziraphale bristled. He was wearing his best ensemble, and it was of fine enough quality, if a little rumpled from the luggage.
âWhereas you certainly look the part, even if your manners suggest otherwise.â
A Victorian human AU loosely inspired by Jane Eyre, but with 50% less angst and 100% less spousal incarceration.
Overboard by Joanofart (E)
Based on the 1980's romcom Overboard, Crowley is a carpenter who has a not-so-great first encounter with the rich and snobby Aziraphale Archer.
After Aziraphale falls off of his yacht and loses his memories, Crowley comes up with an epic plan for payback. He will trick Aziraphale into believing he is his husband and the father of four rambunctious children.
Can Crowley stick to his plan and give Aziraphale the payback he deserves? Or, will he find out that Aziraphale is much more than he first appeared to be?
*It is not necessary to have watched the movie to enjoy this fic!*
Once upon a time by elf_on_the_shelf (E)
âHello, my dear.â
Crowley bit his lip for a couple of seconds before he took a deep breath and just went with it.
âWould you like to go for a coffee sometime?â
There was silence at the other end.
Oh shit.
âThat was my friend messing around with my phoneâŚ?â
âYou do realise that only works over text.â
âMyeah.â
Why was he like this? He had wanted to kill Bea for doing the same thing and yet here he was, doing the thing. At Beaâs behest, mind you.
âI would love to go for coffee. Oh, and cake!â
Aziraphale is a very rich and successful writer. Crowley is at the worst possible moment of his life - living off Bee's couch and posting his mum's fairy tales on some random sites only to be ignored by everyone except one random person simply called A.
This is a story about how both of our main protagonists get over the ghosts of their pasts, learn to work together and maybe - just maybe - fall in love in the process.
Not to mention that all of the characters that we love (hate - looking at you, Gabe) make an appearance.
And adding the fantastic The Secrets I Have Held In My Heart, rated M, 38k.
A reverse-ish human AU where Ezra is an angel and Crowley is from the wrong side of town. But....
>> What if..... Crowley was the one that wanted Ezra to take the Top Job?
>> What if.... Ezra wanted them to run away together?
>> What if..... Crowley was the one who said "I don't even like you" and "we don't know each other"?
Or: Crowley fell in love with Ezra Teachdaire when they were 15. But no one could ever know. Especially not Ezra. 15 years later, they're still hooking up, and Ezra might suspect something.
Title is a line from Arctic Monkeys, I Wanna Be Yours: "Secrets I have held in my heart... are harder to hide than I thought"
Love how tumblr has its own folk stories. Yeah the God of Arepo weâve all heard the story and we all still cry about it. Yeah that one about the woman locked up for centuries finally getting free. That one about the witch who would marry anyone who could get her house key from her cat and itâs revealed she IS the cat after the narrator befriends the cat.
What about the one with the princess locked in a tower learning to become a wizard? Thatâs lived in my mind for years and I havenât seen it in a long time
Oh, love that story, adding it to the list:
20. Princess Talia
and adding a few more contenders
21. Thyme
22. The Monster under the Bed
23. A Meaningful Death
24. Humans are unstoppableâŚuntil they arenât
25. The Monster under the Fridge
26. Antler Guy
27. Cleric slamming healing spells
Adding a few more I remembered:Â
28. The Frog and the Scorpion
29. HSTHETE
30. The First Witch in the World
31. Imagine that Oceans were replaced by ForestsÂ
32. A Faerie taking a NameÂ
33. The Dragon on the FarmÂ
34. Synovus & MenaceÂ
35. Raising the Anti-ChristÂ
36. Aliens vs. Flora & Fauna of Earth (pretty sure there are even more additions to the original post but I had this one saved)Â
37. Doctors without BordersâŚin Space!Â
38. The Villain-WranglerÂ
39. The Last ContactÂ
40. The 100 Parent-Point ChildrenÂ
41. And the Heavens WeptÂ
42. The Night GentlemanÂ
43. The Serpent God and their PriestessÂ
I can hardly take any credit for these stories! But I love sharing them. Unfortunately I cannot read all the prompt responses so please tag me if you want me to reblog a story that resonated with you so I can give it a little boost :)
I didnât realise that Iâd somehow accidentally unpinned this post until yesterday, and subsequently had to travel back through a couple months worth of reblogs to find it again. so now Iâm gonna add more stories as I find them so that I can use this as an archive to find them all again.
Also, this post will be procedurally updated with new stories when I find them, so if you liked it, then maybe check up on it every month or so and I might have new stories to share
1. Standing beneath both Sola and Luna by @comicaurora and @izzbeingchaotic
2. The Future-giver by @shady-tavern
3. Hungry Babushka Ghosts by @thestuffedalligator
4. Nothing I didnât already know also by @thestuffedalligator
5. The Night-Mother by @melgillman
6. Sherlock Pendragon also by @thestuffedalligator . They really are good at this, arenât they.
7. The Deathless Sisters by @bixbythemartian
8. Thereâs a monster at the end of town⌠by @zakeno
9. A collection of glimpes into a childâs world by a lot of people
10. Underworld Duet by @officialleehadan
11. A benign existence compiled by @willinghands
12. Musings on a hand axe by @gallusrostromegalus
13. Agnodice. More people should know about this
14. Perhaps they shouldnât have eaten the dragon⌠by @laurasimonsdaughter
15. Imitation Seawater by @derinthescarletpescatarian
16. What is the difference between a cathedral and a lab? By @letallthetrashraindown
17. The Must'Ainât by @gallusrostromegalus
18. The Golden Record by @fennecshandgf
19. I turn to Ares by @kochei0
20. Sons of the Labyrinth by @golyadkin
21. The Sphinxâs love by @animentality & @fox-moblin
22. Under the Tracks written by Sio on Twitter, brought tumblr by @apelcini and illustrated by @texeoghea
23. Lots of good recipes started by @girlmuppet and @batmanisagatewaydrug
24. True love brought to tumblr by @kaijuno , @transgenidoqueen and @harbingermotel
25. The Need to Stay by @maddiesharafian
26. The Whale, The Tuna, and The Salmon by @bees-with-swords and illustrated twice over by @eldritchjackalope
27. The Moon asks a Question written by dirgewithoutmusic on Ao3 and illustrated by @purutsukid
28. What we can learn from a child by @notreewaits-deactivated20200806 , @yelnatszeroni, @Ilywela13 , @ladyofatraditionalkind , @banrions , @greedy-guts , @thegodsofkhaosinkarnate
29. Compiles of Japanese and European folklore/myths brought to tumblr by @walmart-the-official and @bleu-guacamole , sourced from yokai.com and the translation works of Prof. D. L. Ashliman of the University of Pittsburgh
30. Time by @welldrawnfish
31. Just so you curious types know where you totally shouldnât go for your research by @draculasdaughter , @three-blogs-in-a-trenchcoat , and @whateverthebeeswant .
32. The Midnight Cafe by @wizard-email
33. The Rules of the Hunt. A collaboration between @rysttle and @polistini
34. The Hand You Cannot See by @blackbearmagic, @nikniknikin, @the-tabularium, @draconym
35. Not what is expected by @dxactivatxdusxr , @its-just-a-phage , @flowernstt, @anotherdayforchaosfay , @anaalihelmisimpukka , and @stealthclaw1
36. A collection of mishaps and mindslips by @cafffine , @rumplefuckingstiltzkin , @fried-berries those whose comments they compiled, @heywriters , @ariconditioner , @modmad , and @lagomorpheme
37. The faceless angels by @cannibalcaprine-deactivated2024, @ancient-debris, @omnybus (the artist), @captain-acab
38. We will remember your shoes by @cooking-with-hailstones, @netherworldpost, and @vaspider. Found through @the-haiku-bot
39. The room where you can play scrabble forever by @exhaustedwerewolf
The one by @inbabylontheywept about the girl being fated to marry the boy from the Nativity Village had me riveted on the edge of my seat until the last word
Uhhh. I have no idea what story that is. Iâm flattered, but are you sure that was me? I get mixed up with @foldingfittedsheets pretty regularly. Just a guess .
(Coming mid/late August â once I finish writing + editing properly!)
Went to Kew Gardens recently, and naturally that spiraled into a Good Omens human AU:
Crowley is a botanist with a PhD, working on the Tree of Life project. He gives science tours for school groups (and the occasional misguided adult). Aziraphale owns a dusty little bookshop in Soho and signs up for said tour purely to prove to his extremely athletic, extremely annoying brother that he does get outside sometimes.
Itâs going to be short-ish, slice-of-life, low-stakes, high-fluster. Hereâs a little preview:
Aziraphale realized his mistake almost immediately.
The tour group was mostly under the age of ten, outfitted in neon jackets and sticky fingers. There was a bubble machine involved. A woman named Bev handed him a clipboard shaped like a leaf.
He considered backing out. Quietly. With dignity.
And then the tour guide arrived.
Crowley â according to the badge clipped loosely to his coat â was tall, lean, wind-ruffled, and wore sunglasses on top of his head despite the grey clouds. His boots were muddy. His coat looked like it had once been expensive, now repurposed into something vaguely feral. He had the energy of someone who regularly forgot to eat and slept only when plants did.
He started talking about tree evolution using illustrations and sock puppets. Aziraphale, for reasons that remained unclear, stayed.
Later, while the children ran off toward a planting station, Crowley drifted up beside him.
âBit older than our usual demographic,â he said, not unkindly.
Aziraphale cleared his throat. âYes, well. I booked this as a⌠gesture.â
Crowley arched an eyebrow. âA gesture?â
âTo prove to my brother that I do, in fact, leave the house.â
There was a beat. Then Crowley grinned, slow and crooked.
âSpite-booking a childrenâs botany tour. Thatâs a new one. Canât say I hate it.â
Aziraphale glanced away, flustered. âIt was meant to be adult-led. Educational.â
âI am an adult and educational,â Crowley said solemnly. âEspecially about moss.â
A little vignette of adventurers stumbling into the lair of an ancient green dragon, because I am for real obsessed with the idea from Fizbanâs of them weaving the natural plants and features of their lairs around the treasures.Â
(Warning for some claustrophobia!)
Descending, unknowing, into the lair of Arauthvala, the Hidden Empress
An excerpt from the journal of Lothar Greymoon, adventurer and traveller.
Mustrum Ridcully (the Brown, but never to his face), Archchacellor of Unseen University, is literature's best and most astoundingly successful wrong man for the job.
Some context is important. Before ascending to the highest level of leadership within the Disc's premiere magical establishment for learning, the position of the Archchancellor was filled by whomever had successfully assassinated the previous occupant. The quickest way to move up in the world, literally speaking, was to make sure someone else dropped by an average of six feet. Of course, this led to a lot of power-hungry madmen who were convinced they could control the Forces Man Was Not Meant To Know, many of whom died with remarkably similar facial expressions when they were inevitably proven wrong.
Then along comes Mustrum. Unlike many wizards, he is an outdoorsman. He is loud. He is physically strong. He is a mountain man in a pointy hat who believes in keeping rare species rare by hunting them (and everything else he meets along the way). He is a sportsman and, generally, considered to be exhausting by the rest of the faculty.
He is also, seemingly, impossible to dispose of by the usual methods. On top of everything else, Mustrum Ridcully is a very powerful wizard. By the age of 27, he was a Seventh Level Wizard (out of Eight), and that was quite some time ago. Still, in a building of magical Oppenheimers and Einsteins, he is Theodore Roosevelt; loud, boorish, and utterly unmovable.
He has a one-track mind, and on that track runs the Ridcully Freight Train. He can focus like the sun through a magnifying glass when he wants to. He is not Stupid, but he can be a bit Daft. He would fight to the front of the line to push the button labelled 'Do Not Press, Ends World' before the paint can dry. As such, he can occasionally end up in situations no self-respecting Dumbledore or Gandalf would, but no one with half a brain would mention such things aloud for fear of being brought along on his next hunting trip or fishing expedition.
He mostly concerns himself with University affairs, taking particular glee in any legal motions a given idiot might attempt to bring against it. They have a whole pond full of people who have tried to sue the University, you see. But he also understands that the wizards, in order to be left to their own devices, should leave the world to all of the other devices.
Rare are the times when Ridcully NEEDS to step in to save the day. In fact, he never actually DOES so in any of the books. Certainly, he helps out. Does a thing here or provides a bit of information there. Despite this, however, there is never any doubt that were it absolutely required, Ridcully COULD end basically any conflict in the books with a pocket full of fireballs (9 times out of 10, anyway). That he does not, and that no one ever asks him to, speaks to the wisdom of the man and the face he shows to the world.
All the previous Archchancellors would have demanded to shape history and show off their power, you see. And they did.
But compared to his peers and especially previous holders of his job, Mustrum Ridcully is an extreme outlier and total oddity, but he is also the only Archchancellor of the UU to hold to job for more than one book. Obviously, it was the other Archchancellors who were wrong.
And Mustrum Ridcully is certainly the wrong man for the job. Here's hoping he keeps it forever.
This post is dedicated to Saraqael. I find her pretty interesting as a character, because I honestly don't know what to do with her.
The fandom in general seems to view her as one of the good guys. She does not participate in the power games of Michael and Uriel, but focuses on doing her job instead. Even lesser angels like Muriel are treated friendly and with respect by her, something we have rarely seen in heaven before.
Moreover, Saraqael is witty and intelligent, and does not hesitate to let other people know it. She is the only angel who is not fooled by Crowley's disguise in heaven and seems suspicious about Aziraphale's explanation for the 25 Lazarii miracle, telling him "We will keep a very close eye on you" (for more about the ways in which Saraqael shows competence, see this post by @ao3cassandraic).
But then again, Saraqael does not seem to question the atrocities of heaven very much, either. In her eagerness to carry out her duties, she seems quick to perform even the most cruel of acts, like erasing Gabriel's memory or turning Nina and Maggie into salt. At first, I thought that she is simply amoral. Not immoral, but amoral, literally having no sense of morality. Like Muriel, who is cute and nice, but does not see what the problem with killing Job's children is.
But when I watched the series again and read some of the opinions about Saraqael (for example this post by @vroomvroomwee), I started to rethink my notions about her. If we take her amorality and her utter obedience to heaven for granted, then it becomes obvious that her behaviour in at least two scenes in the series is pretty much out of character.
The first scene is the one in which she catches Crowley in heaven. Based on what we've seen so far from her, one would imagine her to immediately sound an alert, throw him out etc. But she does nothing of this. Instead she encourages Muriel, whom she has just accused of "collaborating with the enemy", to "go on" and "show him the trial". She intentionally shares confidential information with a demon.
That's not what you would expect a loyal and obedient angel like Saraqael to do, and it's risky for her, too. Crowley would have watched the trial anyway, so even if she wanted him to see it, she could have stayed in the background and pretended that she never noticed him. But it looks almost as if she wants him to be aware of the fact that she is permitting him to know about the trial. Her reminding him of their common past points in the same direction.
And in the scene where the angels are in the elevator with Crowley, Muriel looks nervous, wedged in between their superiors and probably afraid of being punished for helping Crowley. Michael seems annoyed and Uriel has a very stern face. All of them are looking straight, avoiding eye contact with Crowley. But Saraqael's expression is very hard to decipher. Unlike the others, she is openly watching Crowley, and she does not seem upset or worried about the fact that he has just managed to get past heaven's security mechanisms. To me, she looks curious or even amused, as if she were fighting back a smile.
For some reason, Saraqael does not seem to perceive Crowley as a threat. And she is making efforts to show him that there is no need for him to perceive her as a threat, either. Her behaviour towards him gives the impression that she is trying to build trust between them.
The second scene in which Saraqael acts out of character takes place shortly after, when the Metatron enters the bookshop and chastises Michael for talking nonsense. @most-normal-eccles-cake-ignorer analysed it very neatly in this post. Saraqael is the only one besides Crowley who seems to recognize the Metatron immediately, but her reaction is very odd. She looks up and fold her hands, probably silently calling to God. And yet her expression is not one of pure devoutness, but one of fear, and she gives the Metatron an anxious side-eyed look. It appears almost as if she is asking God for succour against the Metatron. And that although whenever she talks to him she shows nothing but reverence.
Taking these two scenes together and seeing how they do not quite align with the initial assumption of Saraqael being a completely submissive angel, I conclude that Saraqael has much more of an own agenda than one would assume at first glance. That would also be more fitting for someone of her intelligence. Her opinion of Crowley is most likely different from heaven's official standpoint, and so is her opinion of the Metatron.
That's why I'm wondering whether Saraqael's obedience is in fact just a strategy to survive in a corrupt system. An user in this Reddit thread on her brought up the idea that she isn't on board with heaven's plans, but is "more politically saavy [sic!] than Crowley" and "knows when to keep her mouth shut". Maybe her tactic is to gain and maintain a position in the celestial hierarchy that allows her to have some important influence. Because since she is so conscientious, she gets assigned many tasks. And we do not know whether she actually carries them out in the way heaven wants. We don't know whether she would have truly wiped out Gabriel's memory and turned Nina and Maggie into salt, or whether she would have just pretended to do it like Crowley pretended to kill Job's goats. But that's just a theory. I'm very curious what Saraqael's actual character arc in the finale will look like.
What are your opinions on this peculiar angel? Let me know in the comments!
I submitted this story and one other one to the Next Generation Short Story Awards. My other one didn't place, but it was a story that was deeply soul-enriching and I was extremely proud of it.
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