What BPD feels like for me
BPD can be a different experience for everyone but I figured I would share a bit of what it’s like for me.
It feels like a constant battle
A battle between my two selves. The rational side and the irrational side. The “good” brain and the “bad” brain as I call them. Being someone who is very self aware, it can complicate things a bit. I know when I’m doing something or feeling something that is irrational, however I can’t stop it. It’s like a part of me takes over and I can’t control it.
It feels as though I’m under constant attack
For me, it always feels as though someone or something is out to get me. My brain is constantly whispering things like “they hate you”, “they only did that to upset you”, “they’re going to betray you”. It always feels like something bad will happen. This leads to much anxiety, anger, and emotional pain.
It feels like I have no identity
I have no clue who I am. This is something I am working on in therapy but it is very difficult. My interests are always shifting and it is hard to recognize myself in photos and my memories. It feels like I am a shell of who I was. Everyday, I feel I have a new calling and purpose and then the next day it’s gone.
It feels like I’m banging on a sound proof window
I keep banging, hoping someone will notice, but everyone just passes by. There are people around but no one seems to see how much I’m struggling. Without physical signs, no one seems to care either. I feel trapped in my mind and I just want out.
It feels like the end of the world
A minor inconvenience to you feels like the end of the world to me. Sadness feels like I’m dying, anger feels like rage, distance feels like abandonment, and pain is always turned into suffering.
I’m curious if anyone has similar experiences or different experiences! I’d love to hear it all :)
jbbartram-illu
2087
baratheonpilled
dededos
