[if-i-was-a-wyrm]

sonce the sports are happening big rn where i live i made a handy chart of all the phrases i use to communicate with my loved ones during these trying times. i thought others might find it useful too

ive discovered you can have whole conversations with people using just these phrases and none will be any the wiser that you dont even know what sport it is theyre talking about

[natalieironside]

There's always a moment of intense cultural whiplash whenever I realize I'm talking to someone who thinks "legal" and "illegal" are meaningful categories and ascribes innate goodness to following the law. It's like meeting a space alien.

[applejaymi]

touch starved

[applejaymi]

im sorry everyone i made them hug

[synnthamonsugar]

The pilot -> astronaut pipeline makes complete sense but is also funny to me. There's a secret second sky and if you get good enough at doing sky you can do space.

[dogplayingpoker]

Obama joining a DMMD roleplay discord: uhhhh let me be Clear

[rabbitrah]

Me thinking why a whale (big) would eat krill (small) and then I remembered rice (yum)

[rabbitrah]

so few people appreciate the wisdom I have to offer.........

[nessa007]

taylor editing a fan edit of elizabeth taylor to her song elizabeth taylor

[authoritankie]

"The USSR was so oppressive they didn't even have tropical fruit" hey quick question why is tropical fruit so readily available in the US. WHY IS TROPICAL FRUIT SO READILY AVAILABLE IN THE US.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

quickly now: how did Florida and Hawaii come to be part of the US empire

[avaricesstuff]

Calling it the US Empire as though the USSR wasn't even worse about taking over and subjugating territory.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

groundbreaking: more than one country can commit acts of imperial violence

[hungwy]

people born in 2000 should be like 12-14 now. but they’re not. that’s how fucked up our world is now

[how-not-to-human]

The older this post gets the funnier it becomes

[duchesspeggy]

My cousin born in 2000 is a licensed psychologist.

[shepardoftheearth]

that’s how fucked up our world is now

[beastliness]

hate it when the people who I love are suffering due to circumstances beyond my control 👎 there should be a sea monster that I can slay to fix the problem

[beastliness]

nobody ever gets locked in a tower or chained to a rock at sea anymore - it's always some shit like chronic illness or ptsd related depression

[citationneededbutimright]

"i asked chatgpt!" yeah well i asked rocky and he said ♪♫♩♫♪♩ ♫♩♩♫♪ ♫♪♩ ♩♪♫♩♫ ♪♫♪

[halethleia]

[dragon-in-a-fez]

the phrase "this machine kills fascists" has gone through enough layers of meaning that I think it's come all the way back around to where the funniest thing you could put it on would be a gun

[primeministerofantarctica]

"ryland is rocky's dog" this "ryland is rocky's goldfish" that. ryland is a giant but extremely fragile and skittish creature that rocky keeps off property with an entire team of dedicated carekeepers. ryland is rocky's horse.

[beemovieerotica]

one cool thing about having an autistic dad whose special interest is underwater spearfishing is that when he catches fish he'll just call up a nearby chinese restaurant like "hi. i caught a fish. can you cook it and i'll bring my family by?" and they're like "yeah sure come on over white boy" and the fish is delicious.

[beemovieerotica]

it's worth adding that my mom is chinese and she always gets embarrassed by this. like she doesn't want to come to the restaurant with us. she doesn't want to be seen with the white man she caught plus the fish that her white man caught. everyone who works at the restaurant thinks my dad is awesome and compliments him + her for choosing him and we all find this very fun except for her.

[curioscurio]

ads these days are so sensitive to being tapped like darling my fingers barely brushed you and youre already opening yourself for me... well close those damn legs. dont make me get the taser

[xenosaurus]

this may be my age showing but I am a passionate supporter of wires. earbuds? put a leash on those things. wireless keyboard? no, it needs to hold hands with the computer. the ps5 controller I forgot to charge has the staying power of a wealthy nonagenarian with a much younger wife and 14 life insurance policies, but the controller plugged into my pc? that baby will outlive my bloodline. my ethernet cable is like a son to me.