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https://systemconfessions.carrd.co ~ a place for systems to anonymously say things on their mind with input from their community! ~ anonymous, specific mods in the carrd!

[systemconfessions]

hey there!

are you a system? do you have questions or comments that you’re too nervous to share publically? you’ve come to the right place! submit anon messages to our inbox and get feedback from us and the community!

[systemconfessions]

fr tho send asks

[systemconfessions]

i feel like my system hates me. I'm usually host, and the only one who really talks to me is my gatekeeper. i have a system friend who's met several of my alters, none of whom talk to me. My system friend knows things about me and my trauma that I don't. I don't know how to move towards healing and working with my DID if i don't know anything about my headmates or what happened. I got here by splitting 3 years ago, and I don't even know what caused that.

i don’t think your system hates you, it’s more likely that they just aren’t able to communicate with you as easily as they can with other members, i suggest setting up a discord server or even just a journal for you guys to leave messages for each other. maybe ask your gatekeeper to pass the message on to your other alters? alternatively maybe ask your gatekeeper to pass messages back and forth? i sincerely doubt they arent communicating out of hate or anger.

[systemconfessions]

okay i’m sso sorry for rebloging that here i did not realize this account existed

[givemeinternet]

[givemeinternet]

[systemconfessions]

My alters don’t front much. And when they do, it’s mostly cofronting I think. I don’t know if that still counts for having osdd or not... so yeah...

honestly, i’m almost 100% sure that’s a common thing that people are just nervous to talk about. the most important part of it (in my opinion) is working on building trust with your alters, that way you feel safe enough to get the rest you need. it’s something we’re still working on, unless we’re in a crisis the host is out most of the time. it’s totally normal and understandable, especially if you’ve got trust issues.

[systemconfessions]

wrong blog hopefully nobody saw that

[systemconfessions]

i feel like my trauma wasn’t bad enough.

it’s really not as bad as what other people - especially other systems - have gone through. i was about 6 and 9 when the two ‘big’ things happened, with a good dose of bullying at school and by my step siblings in between.

but i just feel like that’s not enough for did to form. am i faking?

i’m gonna keep saying this until the day the internet explodes this is so important, but trauma is 100% subjective. so many things can be traumatic to some people and not others, especially during childhood. bullying from peers at school or from (step)siblings at home can be extremely traumatizing, especially when it’s done over a long time. your two big traumatic events alone are enough. i’m so sorry for the trauma you’ve gone through, and i hope you’re able to heal.

and we’ve said this once before, but i’m saying it again: people know that they are faking systems. you can’t accidentally fake a system. you may have some confusion towards the words you use, but your lived experiences are very real, and you are not faking.

i don’t have a fancy way of wrapping this up, but this goes for every ‘am i faking’ or ‘was my trauma enough’ anon. the things you’ve lived through were real and traumatizing. your dissociative symptoms, alters, amnesia (or lack thereof), etc is very real. there is no exception to this.

[lavendermoth21]

how do people know theyre faking?

[systemconfessions]

if you say to yourself “i am going to fake being a system online”, you know you’re faking

[systemconfessions]

back in full force baby! updated the carrd with admin info, answered two questions, we’re looking good! here’s a reminder to please read the carrd before submitting anything, and if you want a certain mod to answer your question put at the beginning of your ask (mod ___) or just their emoji and they will answer it as soon as they can! :)

[systemconfessions]

i feel like my trauma wasn’t bad enough.

it’s really not as bad as what other people - especially other systems - have gone through. i was about 6 and 9 when the two ‘big’ things happened, with a good dose of bullying at school and by my step siblings in between.

but i just feel like that’s not enough for did to form. am i faking?

i’m gonna keep saying this until the day the internet explodes this is so important, but trauma is 100% subjective. so many things can be traumatic to some people and not others, especially during childhood. bullying from peers at school or from (step)siblings at home can be extremely traumatizing, especially when it’s done over a long time. your two big traumatic events alone are enough. i’m so sorry for the trauma you’ve gone through, and i hope you’re able to heal.

and we’ve said this once before, but i’m saying it again: people know that they are faking systems. you can’t accidentally fake a system. you may have some confusion towards the words you use, but your lived experiences are very real, and you are not faking.

i don’t have a fancy way of wrapping this up, but this goes for every ‘am i faking’ or ‘was my trauma enough’ anon. the things you’ve lived through were real and traumatizing. your dissociative symptoms, alters, amnesia (or lack thereof), etc is very real. there is no exception to this.

[systemconfessions]

im so scared my headmates are all made up. i dont feel real, and i dont feel like I've been through enough to have headmates.i didnt question OSDD or DID until after i met a friend who is part of a system. im also co con 99% of the time. its as if im too separate to be a singlet, but not enough to be a real system.

you are absolutely not faking. DID and OSDD are meant to be very covert, running in the background to keep you safe. it’s very normal to not start questioning until you meet someone else going through the same thing, i mean, a lot of people don’t have any frame of reference that their experience is abnormal until someone else points it out.

also, trauma is extremely subjective and it’s likely you don’t remember all of it. again, that’s normal, that’s what DID/OSDD are meant to do! it’s really hard to accept but i promise you it’s true.

as for being co-conscious, something i’ve come to learn is that trust is absolutely fundamental to having a system. if you’re on edge all the time, worried about what an alter might do unsupervised or how they might mess something up, of course you’re gonna be hanging out in the background! i suggest trying to open up more communication with your alters, getting to know and trust them better so that you can rest easy while they do their jobs.

and again, you are not faking. faking a system, or any disorder, is always a conscious decision. you can’t accidentally fake a system, even if it turns out it’s not a system and was something else, you aren’t faking. you’re working with the information you have.

[systemconfessions]

a little update from the rest of the system on why this account is not as active as mod 🌸 would like:

1. some of the anons we get directly looking for advice are things we just do not have experience dealing with, and due to low interaction we’d feel bad posting that we can’t answer your question

2. mod 🌸 is somewhat upset due to an internal conflict, we’re working to be more accommodating to her so she has more time to do what she wants when she’s out.

3. we’ve been taking hiatuses on and off for the past few months, we’re trying to run 6 different accounts and because a lot of them are specific to certain alters they tend to go unused for a while.

we might use this account to help 🌸 run things more smoothly, if we do we’ll add our specific opinions and ideas in the carrd so if you want a specific mod to answer a question you could pick. thanks for reading. -⚫️

[systemconfessions]

Hi there! We're a system with lots (and I do mean lots) of fictives, and one of them is a fictive from a specific AU of the source series. Well, sort of recently, the blog owner of the AU denounced something that was kind of an integral part of the fictive, and they sort of just... shut down. They haven't gone after the owner or anything, but they refuse to go near the blog anymore, and they feel awful. I was wondering, is there a way the rest of the system could help them feel better? Thanks!

i’m not the best person to ask as we aren’t super familiar with fictives but, it’s important to remember that it is absolutely not the fault of your fictive that they are the way they are, and that as long as they aren’t hurting themself or others, they are 100% valid no matter what anyone else says. i’d reassure them that they’re not bad or toxic or however they may be feeling, and that the person who denounced that part of them doesn’t understand what it’s like to be that person!

[systemconfessions]

sorry for the radio silence we’ve been crazy stressed recently it’s absolutely bonkers!!! aaaaaahhh !!!

[systemconfessions]

hey this isn't meant to be syscourse and i'm not going to talk about who's right and who's wrong or anything like that, but if you're not really endogenic friendly could you please not post in endogenic tags? it's hard enough navigating our own tags already (and just to be clear i'm referring more to your tos page than your opinions on the term sysmed; if you post in general community wide tags that's whatever but like. #actuallyendogenic isn't really for you)

we’re fairly endo friendly, obviously we won’t tag syscourse as actuallyendogenic or even actuallydid/actuallyosdd, we used the tag to advertise this account so that people actually like, send in anons

our opinion on the word sysmed has nothing to do with whether or not we’re endo friendly, but because this account was made specifically with traumagenic systems in mind we accept sysmed anons + general syscourse

we stand by the fact that comparing syscourse to lgbtq discourse and using terms for inter-community issues is incredibly harmful, again we don’t crosstag syscourse and actually_____

the reason our tos says endo anons may not be posted is because, again, this account was made by and for traumagenic systems, and there’s a lot of places where the traumagenic and endogenic experience is not the same.

we as a system differ a lot on syscourse, which may lead to some confusion because our communication is not all that great, but as i am primarily running this account i want it known that i am endo safe.

~🌸

[systemconfessions]

tbh as an endogenic system I also disagree with the term sysmed. While there definitely are similarities between transmeds and system gatekeepers and I've noticed them as a queer system, we really shouldn't use those similarities as the term for system gatekeeping.

in the future anons like this won’t be posted, but i wanted to say- there are not similarities between truscum and system gatekeepers. saying there is implies a lot of things, and comparing a dissociative disorder to an identity is just... so so gross. i’m not going to engage with this further and if it’s spirals i’m just going to delete it, but seriously, don’t.