I’ve seen some posts about Toph’s “internalized misogyny” and zero acknowledgements that Toph is a disabled girl and that that entirely informs her performance of gender. Toph’s relationship to femininity is also informed by her parents’ emotional abuse, because as a wealthy girl whose parents saw her as helpless because of her disability, she was expected to be delicate and feminine and a “lady” and seen as capable of little else. She specifically says that she chose to leave polite society and “proper” behavior behind, not because she thinks being a girl is weak or stupid but because she was stifled by the life her parents wanted her to lead, a life where she had no say. She does clash with Katara, one of the most feminine characters, and often seems more comfortable with the boys in the group, but her conflict with Katara is over her difficulty in accepting help from others more than anything, not about a disdain for femininity. She chafes at Katara’s mothering behavior but also clearly misses her own mother, and wishes that her mother, in particular, could see and appreciate her for who she truly is.
If we want to see how Toph views femininity, the best place to look is in the episode “Tales of Ba Sing Se.” Katara and Toph’s segment is short and exists mostly as a fun little filler, but it does tell us some very interesting things about how Toph views herself as a disabled girl. This segment spoke to me in particular as a woman with a visual impairment who struggled similarly with performative femininity as a girl. My aunt also went blind young and I see a lot of her in Toph as well.
The segment begins by poking fun at Toph as a “one of the boys” type of girl who doesn’t think she needs to clean herself up, and Katara is positioned as the “girly girl” whose idea of fun is a spa day. Toph doesn’t think that sounds like fun and it’s easy to dismiss this as internalized misogyny, but putting aside the fact that disliking things associated with compulsory femininity is not the same thing as disliking women - women (and girls) should be allowed to not want to do certain things without being accused of internalized misogyny - Toph’s objection to this becomes less about the fact that it’s feminine when you actually pay attention to what she says.
Toph: The Fancy Lady Day Spa? [Sarcastically.] Sounds like my kinda place.
Katara: Are you ready for some serious pampering?
Toph: Sure, Katara, whatever you say. As long as they don’t touch my feet.
The very next scene is Toph looking incredibly uncomfortable as the spa attendants touch her feet. This is played for laughs, because Toph is a girl who doesn’t care about getting her feet dirty, but remember that Toph’s feet are her way of interacting with the world. She specifically said that she didn’t want her feet touched, and was ignored. I’m not saying that Katara or anyone is awful for forcing this on her, I’m saying that this is simply just not something she is going to enjoy. She consents to it anyway because Katara is her friend, and she does genuinely end up enjoying the rest of the spa day and makes an effort because Katara wants her to.
Toph: Well, that wasn’t so bad. I’m not usually into that stuff but I actually feel … girly.
Katara: I’m glad. It’s about time we did something fun together.
Cut to a shot of the two crossing a bridge over a creek. As they do, they pass three girls going the other direction. Shot cuts to Katara and Toph from behind the girls.
Girl with umbrella: Wow, great make-up.
Girl with umbrella: For a clown!
The three girls laugh, Toph’s smile is replaced by a frown as she and Katara stop walking. Katara puts her arm over Toph’s shoulder, attempting to console her.
This scene actually made me go still when I watched it because I don’t think I’ve ever seen my experience with makeup addressed in a show like this. Toph admits that this is not something she is used to but she does enjoy feeling “girly” for once, and she also enjoys being complemented on her appearance, until she realizes that she’s being made fun of. This is when we see a side of Toph that we are rarely privy to, the more vulnerable side of her who can be hurt by the words of others. Specifically, a group of older girls. This tells us that despite Toph’s choice to discard compulsory femininity, underneath there is a deep insecurity at her ability to measure up.
And maybe you can’t realize this unless you actually have lived with a visual impairment, but what this scene highlights is that Toph can’t actually see what she looks like, with or without makeup. Being made up like this is a privilege for her, and one she can only experience through other people. So she can be happy about it when she’s with her friend, or when other girls compliment her, but when other girls insult her, she feels deeply the rejection. She can’t feel empowered the way that I see people talk about makeup culture being empowering, because she can only view herself through the eyes of others. I’m not saying that people with visual impairments can’t ever enjoy makeup or can’t wear it for themselves, and I myself enjoy makeup, but I also specifically relate to Toph’s feelings about it and how hard it is for her.
Katara: Don’t listen to them, let’s just keep walking.
Shot cuts to the face of Star, who is one of the three girls.
Star: I think she looks cute. Like that time we put a sweater on your pet poodle monkey.
Third girl: Good one, Star.
Katara: [Angrily.] Let’s go, Toph.
This is just…so awfully dehumanizing. Anyone who sees Toph can immediately tell that she is visibly disabled, that she’s different. She can’t pass as able bodied and her performance of femininity reflects that. Even when she is made up and looking hyper-feminine, it’s obvious that this isn’t how she looks all the time. It’s also obvious that she didn’t do her own makeup as she has a very “professionally done” look in this scene. The girls who pick on Toph do so because she’s a very obvious target, a disabled girl who is clearly uncertain about her performance of femininity.
Katara: Those girls don’t know what they’re talking about.
Toph: It’s okay. One of the good things about being blind is I don’t have to waste my time worrying about appearance. [Cut to a close-up of Toph’s face.] I don’t care what I look like. I’m not looking for anyone’s approval. I know who I am. [She stops walking, and she cries a bit.]
Katara: That’s what I really admire about you, Toph. You’re so strong, and confident, and self-assured. [Toph sniffs.] And I know it doesn’t matter, but … [Keeps her palm on Toph’s shoulder.] You’re really pretty.
Toph: [Turning to Katara, smiling.] I am?
Toph: I’d return the compliment, but I have no idea what you look like. [Katara laughs.] Thank you, Katara.
The segment ends not with Toph rejecting the spa day or femininity, but an acknowledgment of both her strength in choosing to be her own person and her vulnerability because Toph is, at the end of the day, a girl, who has lived all her life with the pressures of compulsory femininity, pressures that for most of her life were imposed upon her without any say, because her parents treated her like she had no say in her own life. Toph also is happy to be called pretty by Katara, and makes a joke about not being able to return the compliment, a reminder that “pretty” is something that can’t mean the same thing to Toph as it does to other people because she can’t see. Toph isn’t going to experience being a girl the same way that other people do. And that’s okay.
titsay
kianamaiart
prguitarman
stormborns
theartofmadeline
gamechangershow
