#(and all)

[jstodd]

bruce, without batman would probably be the most ANNOYING parent at any and all of his kids' extracurriculars.

dick has a gymanstics meet, bruce is giving the pep talk of the century but absolutely slamming on the other kids, "you're the best thing walking, bradely cant even breathe the same air as you."

jason's on the debate team, bruce has spent the entire meet going "great point! that's my son!" relentlessly muttering about how jason might as well just be the whole team by himself at this point.

tim's in the robotics club and they're holding their annual robot games, bruce is barking in the crowd, front row, "cmon timmy you got this"

damian's art was picked for a charity auction, bruce is pulling out all the stops cuz his kid is better than everyone else's and so is work and he'll be damned if anyone's painting goes for more than his

bruce is just the most annoying, insufferable, asshole parent that's full tiger mom for his kids but like, hey, they're happy. all those kids walk out of each event with a new trophy, a new medal, a new plaque grinning from ear to ear, blushes on their face with their dickhead father right behind them happier than a pig in shit, as proud as he can be

in my head, pta dad bruce is an absolutely brutual soccer mom who operates under "fuck them kids" unless they're his 😭 that man is raising WINNERS

[askoverkill]

ARMORY. NOW.

transcript below:

(In a whirlwind of motion, you find yourself at the armory door.)

(You.) (Collapse against the door.)

(Dusk needs you.) (He's never burned before.) (If you don't do something, he will.)

(If you don't...) (...)

(But you can't move.) (You need to do something!) (He's in there right now!!!!) (MOVE!!!!)

(STARS, HE'S DYING IN THERE!) (YOU HAVE TO ACT!) (YOU'RE KILLING HIM BY DOING NOTHING!)

-Frin! Siffrin, what's happening?

I-

(What can you even say?) (That your duplicate is in a kiln?) (Hahaha, it's so absurd!) (It's all nonsense!)

...Siffrin? You need to talk. We can't help if we don't know what's wrong.

I think he needs help getting in?

(Weakly, you nod.) (That is one of your problems.)

(Gently, Isabeau moves you to the side.) (He backs up, giving himself plenty of space.) (Then, he rushes forward and-!)

THUNK!

(ISABEAU SLAMMED THE DOOR OPEN!)

Hey! Hey now! That was unnecessary, that door was already unlocked. Do you know how much these doors cost?!

...Because I don't know either! This isn't one of those price games.

What... the...

Siffrin, how'd you know the Director was over here?

(You can't explain!) (YOU CAN'T!!!!)

[eleim]

if jabber had periods would he like to bang someone during them

[wraith-on-wings]

ao3 is down how am i supposed to read about leon “slut” kennedy getting aggressively fucked by many different people and things :(

[loveiseverywhereforeyestosee]

Wolfstar this wolfstar that , jegulus this jegulus that , dorlene this dorlene that , marylily this marylily that , rosekiller this rosekiller that , nobleflower this nobleflower that , pandalily this pandalily that

Yet they all lose each other in each and every universe

[nostalgic-shamefest]

IS IT?

He really said that with a straight face huh

[haljordangetpregnant]

Bruhal version of “You are the most jealous man I know” “You know other men?”

I love the prompt but damn HAHAHA they are both manwhores and they are awfully aware of it themselves

Half the people in their wedding would just be their situationships or exes I fear

They are both messy at love, honestly.

But-

Hal is more easygoing, he's a hot white man from the Coast. Have you seen an average hot, tall, and white Californian? (I haven't but my point still stands) (He can be a homewrecker, I'm just saying) (*cough* Sorrowlantern*cough*)

And on the other hand, Batman is really, really jealous in a relationship he's 100% commited to, with rings and documents and everything. He's a Goth, Gotham is Gothic, he loves hard. But he loves too much sometimes and it's a problem. (He can also be a homewrecker but we don't talk about that forbidden relationship that should not be named)

So when they get married, they're compromising well. But I bet they both have some weak moments, or rather, some people in their significant other's life that they cannot stand, no matter what.

Bruce cannot stand Ollie.

And Hal cannot stand Talia.

With Bruce, it's simple. In his mind, he's providing for Hal, right? Hal's struggling to hold down a job, but he helps Hal, and they can both be happy together doing hero work.

But Oliver can also do that. He's also a billionaire.

(Carol's a little different because Hal's pride will absolutely not let him leech off his ex's money without some labour)

Ollie is also a vigilante. Ollie is also smart. Ollie is also well-versed in technologies and aeroplanes, and he understands the hardship of being a hero and hiding his true identity.

Heck, sometimes when WE's the direct victim of some evil villain's scheme, Bruce doesn't even have as much money as Ollie. Had to sell his things and started again from scratch and everything, lol.

Whenever that happens, I bet Bruce's extra jealous and irritating.

Hal: Damn, you're the most jealous billionaire I know (after Bruce forbids him from going to Ollie to try to get a new aeroplane)

Bruce: You know other billionaires?

Hal: ...

Bruce: Is it Olliver Queen?

And with Hal, he's really not the jealous type, for real. But I bet he dislikes Talia a LOT. Imagine Dick's level of beef with her. (I like BruTalia haha, maybe that's why) He's chill with any other ex of Batman, but Hal guesses it's just that Talia is just THAT ex that a man cannot forget about. Also, there's Damian. So Bruce still has to go meet her from time to time.

Also, she wears green stuff. And she's a brunette. And she's a hot villain who can kill Bruce. She also has great legs. You know Bruce's type.

Bruce just likes brunettes with mental problems who can kill him, and give him traumas. (If you have read my fics you know I made this joke a lot hahaha)

And that's exactly why Hal hates Talia. It's like finding out your man's ex looks like you.

So it goes like, (lol)

Bruce: You're the most jealous brunette with a green color scheme who has given me trauma that I know.

Hal: You know other brunettes with a green colour scheme who have given you trauma?

Bruce: ...

Hal: Do I need to give you more traumas?

Hahaha so that's that.