An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Summary:
It would never occur to Conner, Bart, or Tim to play pranks on their parents. No, really, it wouldn't.
It was more like they used the pranks as educational measures to teach their parents a lesson in parenting.
To be fair, they more than needed it.
I started writing this fanfic over a year ago and finally found motivation to write the third and last chapter. I still need to proofread the remaining chapters, but you can have fun with the first chapter while waiting for the rest to drop!
I’m like this close to falling back into an IT fixation and if I do I’m almost definitely gonna continue working on that abandoned fic I was writing of Will being in Derry instead of Cali
Loathe he was to admit it, UA taught him a great deal of things. He wasn’t generous enough to credit that to the instructors, no they all pretty much fucking sucked...as well as the other students and his classmates, hell everyone fucking sucked. However, it was definitely a learning experience. Constantly on the brink of mortal peril and all.
Firstly, he learned that he genuinely, truly, hated just about everyone. Secondly, he learned that he was shockingly lacking emotionally. This was an issue because apparently being a hero required one to show some degree of empathy and support to the general public as if saving their petty lives wasn’t enough. Thirdly, he learned how to tone himself down, so to speak. Mistakes were made, specifically, he made mistakes; he wasn’t perfect. Which ultimately taught him not to judge a book by its cover. Yeah, the spineless annoying Deku was not all weak and worthless as Bakugou claimed. Yeah, he probably owed a lot of his own personal growth to boy. Did that mean he would admit that out loud and apologize to the kid, not a chance in hell. Bakugou still had his damned pride and even though that in itself was another flaw, it was a rather slow work in progress.
When he finally graduated he was brutally honest about not giving a rats ass about any of his classmates’ futures. They were about as one dimensional as the line he struck through the class survey box indicating he would rather not keep in touch with anyone from UA or receive any type of reunion correspondence, thanks. He’d worked with some and caught glimpses of others and although couple were quite persistent to keep his camaraderie, cough Kirishima cough ,it was safe to say that they weren’t in his orbit and that was fine by him.
Fast forward to present day and he finds all that he’s supposedly learned is being challenged by a single unsuspecting walking threat.
Momo Yaoyorozu.
He never had a strong opinion of her, if he was quite frank. She wasn’t completely useless in UA but she wasn’t remarkable either, which he found to be a pity given her quirk. She was the obnoxious type of self-sacrificing sweet that made his teeth rot and left a disgusting aftertaste in his mouth that needed two rinses with listerine, or perhaps alcohol. Whichever was closest on hand.
She’s active when they graduate, that much he knows, but they never cross paths. She apparently specializes in hostage negotiations and emergency relief response and he strictly fights and beats the shit out of anything he’s given permission to. So outside of each other’s orbit and yet they still end up in a frame together of individuals who have been named employee of the year in their respective branch.
Is he surprised? Not really.
She, however, is and its clearly reflected on her face that he resists and urge to sneer at her for old time sakes but, again, he’s learned so he settles for a cold stoic expression. She quickly schools herself as well and offers a small smile but its meaningless to him. They just have to take a photo and he can continue on with his stale Champaign and equally stale career.
Except she’s grown tenacious and is unrelenting in forcing her unsought presence on him, sticking to him like that goopy monstrous wretch he fought so, so many years ago. She’s clearly learned a thing or two working with negotiations and showers him with pricey quality alcohol, an upgrade from the complementary stale bullshit that was being served. He remembers her prestigious background, i.e. fat wallet, and isn’t above admitting that he definitely stayed for the drinks. He figured that it was the least she could do after attracting an absurdly amount of unwanted attention. She’s a hot commodity and even his glower isn’t enough to keep her admirers away. Just to be clear, he wasn’t keeping them away from her, but away from himself. He has enough to deal with just her.
After he’s had his fill in liquor, the startling revelation that Yaoyorozu has indeed become a master strategist is the last clear thing he remembers before his mind and consciousness muffles and thus its also the first thought he has when he wakes up on a strange but very comfortable, velvet maybe, sofa with a groan.
“There’s a glass of water next to you, when you’re ready.” He’d roll his eyes if they weren’t closed.
“Do you usually resort to intoxicating some unsuspecting idiot to use as an excuse to excuse yourself from celebratory functions or am I just special?” His eyes open in time to see her flush guilty, reclined on the arm of the sofa opposite to where his head was resting.
“It’s not as if you truly wanted to be there as well.” She mutters glancing away, determined not to stare at him, her victim. He scoffs.
“Don’t act like you did this for me.”
“I’m not acting, but you cannot solely blame me. It’s not like you chose to keep my company because of my bubbling personality.” She sniffs with destain almost daintily and he jerks up with a sneer.
“I didn’t choose to keep your fucking company, you wouldn’t leave me alone!”
“If you wanted me gone, you definitely could have managed it.” She retorts and raises an eyebrow tauntingly. “It’s not like you’re shy, or are you?” Undiscouraged by his threatening glare she continues. “The fact of the matter is that you choose to stay around me because of the liquor. I did not make you do anything, it was a mere incentive.”
“Of course, to endure your sparkling personality.” He bites scathingly and it makes her face scrunch up like she’s swallowed something bitter. “Right.”
There’s an uncomfortable silence that is only broken by her tired sigh.
“I’m not sure how you are at handling alcohol and I don’t want to assume, but there’s ibuprofen and water right next to you on the coffee table. You’re also welcome to anything in the kitchen.” She stands and stretches, still dressed up from the party, and he definitely does not notice the sleekness of her neck as she rolls it or the lift of her assets the dress accentuates. The fucking audacity.
“What, no change of clothes?”
She freezes and blinks. “Oh. That can be arranged if needed.” Her flush has faded and its almost as if she’s already forgotten about him. As if she is counting on him to just be out of her hair as quickly as he can.
“You’re just going to give me free reign of your house out of guilt?”
“I don’t think I’m guilty of-“ He stands with a sudden swiftness that stuns her quiet and he’s walking through her house with sure steps as she sputters after him. “What are you doing?”
“I decided that you can sleep on the couch and I’ll take the bed.” He declares checking the doors for the bedroom.
“Excuse me?!”
“Think of it as your penance. You know, if our roles would have been reversed, this would have been a very controversial situation.” He states matter-of-factly leaning against the jamb of her room and her flush deepens.
“There was never any ill intent and you know it!” Her newly disheveled and agitated appearance sends a jolt of satisfaction through him.
“Do I?” He promptly shuts the door before she can react locking her out. She knocks on the door frantically and yells. “Bakugou! This isn’t funny!” Then after a moment, “I don’t have a change of clothes!”
He makes a show of slamming some closet and drawer doors to make her panic. They both know she has the power to get into her room and he wonders if he’ll force her to break her own door down.
She soon quiets and huffs away and while she’s left him in peace he takes the opportunity let the last couple of moments sink in. Her room is, well, grand yet minimal. It’s fitting for her. It’s oddly still yet cozy. He decides to take her spacious chaise by the window, she can think he slept in her bed all she wants, he knows a thing or two about boundaries and he’d rather not cross that one.
She doesn’t return and he’s not all that surprised, she was never one for a fight.
Despite himself Bakugou lets out a laugh. He laughs because he can picture her in that expensive uncomfortable dress, flushed and irate on her velvet couch all because of him.
He laughs because he rather likes the sight of such a pristine individual like Yaoyorozu, pink and breathless, because of him and if that isn’t the funniest joke of the century he doesn’t know what was.
AN: I feel guilty for not updating anything in years, don’t judge me.
