At the hospital, Buck crumbles. His family catch him.
4x14 Speculation
Buck moves through the automatic doors leading into the emergency room.
Sure, his legs are working, but that doesn’t take much thought. The adrenaline is rushing through his veins, creeping up his spine, keeping him on his feet. The rest is muscle memory.
The medical staff didn’t pay him any thought as they whisked Eddie away, barking orders to one another.
Buck stops. He can’t see.
Everything is white. The lights are too bright.
He can’t hear. There’s nothing but tinnitus. Then, the ring of the bullet replays again, the sickening tear as it ripped through Eddie’s shoulder.
Buck closes his eyes, inhales a breath, digging his nails into his palm.
He can taste it.
Eddie’s blood.
The splatter had been almost cinematic, maybe even cliché, as it coated Buck’s face and shirt.
Straight out of a fucking action movie.
Blinding him, scaring him, make him face the situation straight on.
It isn’t fiction. Buck wishes it was.
But Eddie bled out. Eddie might die.
Buck retches.
His heart pounds, maybe he’s dying, but hey, at least he would be closer to wherever Eddie’s mind has drifted.
He hears voices. He doesn’t have the energy to pull them apart, identify who is who.
They’re calling his name.
The floor beneath him gives away.
He’s falling.
Then impossibly, there’s hands, many sets of hands grabbing at his arms, his hips, his torso, his chest, guiding him onto his knees.
He strains his eyes, desperate to see.
A face hovers in front of him.
Bobby.
It’s Bobby, down on his knees, hands firmly pressed around Buck’s shoulders. Panic swims in his mentor’s eyes, his lips are moving, but the words distort.
Buck shakes his head.
Voices start to become clear.
“—Shock,” That’s Hen, panic laced in her tone, “He’s in shock.”
“Buckaroo,” Chimney attempts a soothing voice, but the treble is clear, “Can you hear us?”
Buck can’t nod. He can’t move.
Hen speaks again, “Pulse is rapid.”
Athena’s voice joins the mix, her tone gentle, “Buck, baby,” Her hand rests on his knee, “We’re here.”
Bobby combs his hand through Buck’s hair, “Buck, you need to breathe.”
He’s holding his breath. He didn’t realize.
Buck inhales, and fuck, it hurts, it hurts like hell.
It’s harsh; he hates it and wants nothing more than to hold it again.
But he can’t.
Bobby rests his hand on the nape of Buck’s neck, “You got it, kid.”
“Bobby—” Buck manages, it’s small, broken, pitiful. He yearns, balling his hands around Bobby’s shirt, “Bobby—” He cries again, doubling over, facing falling between the groove of Bobby’s collarbone and neck.
“Hey, hey,” Bobby supports the sudden weight, “I’ve got you.”
Somebody presses a kiss in Buck’s hair. He knows it’s Athena.
Buck drops, twisting off his knees, practically collapsing into Bobby’s hold. He clings to him as a child would to a parent, and he isn’t ashamed. Not even for a moment.
Bobby never minds. He holds Buck like his own.
Buck sprawls his legs across the laminate floor, his breaths are shallow, and his gaze locks onto the feet of a plastic chair.
“Hang in there, kid,” Bobby chokes, trembling hand still traveling through Buck’s hair, “We’ve got you.”
Buck finds his voice, “Eddie—” He freaks, “Eddie.”
“He’s in good hands, Buck,” Chimney tells him, hand on his shoulder, “The best.”
“Froze,” Buck sobs, “Couldn’t move.”
Hen asks, “What?”
“Too quick,” He stammers, “I didn’t move.”
“We’re not doing that, Buckaroo,” Athena is gentle but stern, “Not your fault.”
Buck jerks, closing his eyes, aware of the blood on his hands, on his face, his shirt, and he wants out, “Blood.”
Silence.
Then Athena speaks, “Okay, I’ll be back,” She knows what’s wrong; she always does; she’s on her feet, heading for the reception desk.
Buck settles in Bobby’s grasp, working on his breathing.
He can hear mummers from his family and the distant whispers of bystanders trying to piece together what might have happened.
“Buck,” Bobby breathes, “Do you think you can stand?”
“I—” Buck swallows - he doesn’t want to get up, “I can.”
Everybody’s hands are on him again as Bobby grips his forearms to lift him onto his feet. He sways, but Bobby’s got him, “Knew you could do it.”
Athena steps close, handheld out, “Come with me, Buckaroo,” She sung calmly, “Let’s get you cleaned up.”
Buck nods and then turns to Bobby, “Will—”
Bobby promises, “We’re gonna check up on Eddie, and then I’ll be right with you.”
“Thank you,” Buck takes Athena’s hand; despite the stained blood, she doesn’t even flinch as she locks her fingers around his.
Athena leads him down the corridor and into the elevator, never letting go of his hand.
Upon exit, a nurse meets with them, holding a towel and some clothes – “From lost and found,” She explains.
Buck didn’t catch her name; he only hears some of what is said.
The next door they go through leads into a shower room.
“Here we go,” Athena helps him to sit on a plastic chair that is in the corner of the room; it squeaks at the sudden weight; Athena mutters about something budge cuts before moving towards the sink.
Athena takes a cloth, running it under the faucet; she rings it out a little.
Buck deflates, slouching in the seat, his leg bouncing.
He feels like a kid. A sick one that needs caring for, the caregiver was usually Maddie, but sometimes Athena or Bobby. He’d welcome any one of them.
Athena gently traces the cloth of Buck’s face, but her chin trembles, eyes filling with tears.
The blood isn’t just blood; it’s Eddie’s blood.
Buck wants to reassure her, but instead, he cries, “So much.”
She stops to nudge his chin up, so their eyes met, “What?”
“He lost so much,” Buck chokes, “Blood – too much.”
She looks heaven forward, then kneels, hands on Buck’s cheeks, “I know you’re scared.”
“I thought he was dead,” The sob tears through him, “He wasn’t moving; he was right in front of me, Athena, and I couldn’t help—”
“He’s here,” Athena tells him, “He’s alive, and you were there; that’s all he needed.” She wipes the cloth over his forehead gently.
“Can I tell you something?” He asks, “That you can’t tell them.”
“Of course.”
His voice breaks, “I almost got hit.”
Athena hisses, pulling back the cloth, “What?”
“Eddie was falling, and I couldn’t move,” He stumbles over his words, “I was the next clearest target.” He shakes his head, “I could see Eddie, he was on the ground, but his eyes were on me; he was trying to get me to move.”
Athena sits on her heels; she takes his hand.
“I couldn’t,” He blinks away tears, “Then the captain he pushed me down.”
She nods.
“If he hadn’t, I’d be dead.”
“Well then,” Athena smiles, “He’s my new favorite person.”
Buck frowns, “Why?”
She rests her hand on his cheek, “He saved you.”
He yelps, “I never freeze.”
“Eddie isn’t a patient that you were assigned to,” She speaks softly, “He’s somebody you love.” She cups his hands, she offers him a soft smile, “You weren’t even in your uniform, sweetheart; Firefighter Buckley didn’t freeze, Buck did. A very brave young man who just watched his best friend get shot.”
Buck croaks, “I did.”
Athena gently grips his chin, making sure he is listening, “Don’t you forget that.”
I don’t do episode speculation (and other lies I tell myself) especially for 4x14
Someone is holding his hand.
It’s the first thing Eddie notices when he wakes up in the – hospital? Has to be. Someone is holding his hand. No one held his hand the last time he got shot. It’s nice, or at least nicer.
He remembers, then, the last thing he saw before –
“Buck?”
His voice is cracked and dry and his throat feels like someone poured sand down it and then punched him in the neck. Intubation. So he’d been seriously under.
“Buck?” he repeats. He can’t quite get his eyes open to focus. They’re still blurry from the anaesthesia and the drugs, but he thinks he says the name louder this time. At least loudly enough he can be heard.
“I’m here, Edmundo.”
The hand holding his squeezes, just a little tighter. And it’s too small and soft and delicate to be Buck’s. And the voice is wrong, too. And the name.
“I’m here,” Ana repeats.
“Why?” Eddie asks.
It slips through the drugged haze that asking his girlfriend why she’s sitting at his bedside after he’s been shot is probably not the right thing to do.
But, well, he can always blame it on the drugs later.
“Where’s Buck, is he—”
“He’s outside,” Ana says. Her hand slips out of his and in a distant part of his head he thinks it’s probably the final time. “I can – he’s with Christopher.”
A knot Eddie hadn’t been aware of dissipates. Buck is okay, and he’s with Chris.
“They, um, they wanted to stay together while you were in surgery. Until you woke up,” Ana says. There’s something wrong with her tone and Eddie’s not lucid enough to figure out what it is.
“Good,” he says, and then coughs because his throat is arid. If something were to happen to him – well, something did happen to him. And therefore, Chris should be with Buck. It’s the correct thing.
Ana is still sitting beside him and Eddie can’t imagine why.
“I thought…” Ana starts and then stops. It occurs to him then that he must have woken up a few times already, just doesn’t remember them because of the post-surgery haze. Otherwise, there would be doctors and nurses coming to check on him, instead of Ana. “I thought it should be me, shouldn’t it?”
“What?” Eddie asks.
“Taking care of Chris,” she says. “Shouldn’t – if you and I are – shouldn’t it be me instead of Buck?”
Eddie is too tired, in too much pain, on too many things, to be tactful. “There’s no one I trust more with my son than Buck.”
Ana is quiet for long enough that Eddie thinks he’s fallen back to sleep and is drifting again. And then she says, so softly he almost can’t hear her, “You love him.”
“He’s my best friend,” Eddie says.
“You’re in love with him,” she corrects.
Eddie hasn’t put that exact string of words together yet. He hasn’t – there hasn’t been time yet, but he’s had the feeling. It’s the last thought he remembers having before he lost consciousness in the street. A simple oh, obviously, like one and two equalling three.
It’s funny, of course, that it would feel like a math problem. But hey, he’s never been very good at those.
“Yeah,” he says. And then, because he has to, “I’m sorry.”
She almost laughs, and then very briefly, her lips press against his forehead. “Good luck” is all she says and then she’s gone.
Chris comes into the room a moment later and presses his teary face into Eddie’s good shoulder. Eddie cradles the back of his head and murmurs his best assurances that he’s okay and he’s going to be fine eventually and he’s sorry for worrying him. He finally catches Buck’s expression somewhere too far across the room. Eddie had only seen Chris’s face for a second before Chris hugged him, but Buck’s is a near match. He’s clearly been crying too, and he’s ashen from it.
“Your, um, your abuela and Pepa and Carla are all outside,” Buck says. His voice is stiff and ragged and just this side of broken. “Your – your family. Do you want me to go get—”
“Later,” Eddie says. “I’ve got everyone I need right here.”
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: 9-1-1 (TV)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Howie "Chimney" Han, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Characters: Evan "Buck" Buckley, Howie "Chimney" Han
Additional Tags: big brother chimney, Post Episode: s04e13 Suspicion, 4x14 speculation, Panic Attacks, Blood, Angst, Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Nausea
Summary:
“You alright Buckley?” Mehta asks. Buck wants to laugh because-
Physically? He’s fine. Emotionally?
It feels like someone carved his heart out of his chest and is dangling a knife over it, suspended by the thinnest thread. One wrong move and it would snap, the knife plunging deep into Buck’s heart.
Buck (understandably) freaks out after they make it to the hospital. Luckily he has a brother to take care of him.
So how do you think the final episode will? Like in which order ..
hi yelena!! 💞💕
there are so many things going on in this episode i totally forgot to include things that we know will happen but this a sketch of what i think the episode will look like. how they are fitting it all into 45 minutes astounds me and im a little worried it'll be paced very fast and would be better as 2 parts but they are working with what they were given and i trust that they have it figured out.
this got long/ 4x14 speculation under the cut
💌fill my inbox💌
the shooting again from snipers pov and then the chaos- rescuing eddie included
everyone else finds out cause eddie and buck are now late then athena shows up and tells them
Buck shows up for work- maybe athena brings him with her
there's another incident right at the end of their shift that leads them to the discovery that firefighters are being targeted
buck and bobby have a one on one
Buck tells chris
buck breaksdown finally after putting on a brave face for everyone else and maybe chris' reaction breaks this wall somehow, either by lashing out (because it is easy to lash out at the people who you know will always forgive you) or saying something along the lines of "its gonna be okay kid"
the montage of everyone getting ready for work with a bullet proof vest
there is another incident and Athena figures out who it is, raids the house, he's not there, but they find evidence of arson planning
the 118 is called to a fire, bobby is in danger, athena arrives on scene etc. (i think it is plausible that bobby may be seriously injured as well)
buck puts himself in danger to protect everyone else, athena trains with the rifle, they catch the guy
then scenes with eddie in the hospital, surgery went well, hes gonna be okay, eventually, chris is there, abuela is there, (maybe ana?) (possibly buck?) he gets to go home
buck and eddie one on one moment (manifesting a "you saved him, thats how he remembers it" parallel) maybe he mentions he needs to break up with ana
family brunch with a voiceover and everyone is happy and healthy :))
somewhere in there athena and bobby communicate like healthy adults.
if the shooter is the same guy that stole the truck (i think it was brian? i’m gonna call him brian), do y’all think he still would’ve shot eddie if he had had his turnout on? obviously he couldn’t tell it was eddie before, but if he read “diaz” brian would’ve avoided shooting him because eddie had put faith into him?? brian didn’t seem like a killer, or at least in some capacity he admired/respected eddie for giving him a chance. maybe if brian is the shooter, eddie didn’t have his turnout on because brian would avoid him and that’d be easier to guess it was brian? or maybe he wouldn’t have thought it’s the same person because eddie diaz was with the 118, and the truck clearly was from the 133.
"Kurt?" Blaine asked quietly from where his head was resting below Kurt's chin, tracing lazy circles around Kurt's nipple with his finger.
"Hmm?" Kurt hummed in response, fingers brushing through Blaine's curls which were coming free from the gel.
"What are you thinking about?"
There was a short pause before Kurt let out a quiet, "You."
The fingers in Blaine's hair stopped stroking. "I'm thinking about how for a moment it felt like everything that happened between us these past four months didn't and we were right back to where we used to be. I'm thinking about how good it felt to be touched by you again. I'm thinking about how right this feels holding you in my arms right now." Kurt accentuated his words with a kiss to the top of Blaine's head.
"So you don't regret it?" Blaine closed his eyes preparing for the worst. He expected whatever was going to come out of Kurt's mouth next would break his heart. He was afraid that this was too good to be true. His dreams of having Kurt back again couldn't be happening after how badly he hurt him.
Kurt shifted his shoulder so Blaine would move his head to the pillow and they could look into each others eyes.
"Blaine, of course I don't regret it. I love you and this felt right. It feels right." Kurt's voice was full of so much sincerity that Blaine was having trouble keeping the tears back. He was still afraid that there had to be a catch.
"But?" Blaine asked knowing there had to be something else to it.
"But I don't know if I'm ready to try again just yet. I want to Blaine. Believe me i do. I'm just scared." Kurt shakily inhaled before he continued, "The distance messed us up so bad last time, what makes us think it won't happen again?"
Blaine took one of Kurt's hands between his own and caught Kurt's eye before saying, "Kurt, I would never hurt like that ever again."
"It wasn't just you, Blaine. I should have noticed something was bothering you. I should of-"
"No baby stop," Blaine quickly shushed him and then Kurt started crying at the term of endearment that Blaine was always so fond of calling him. The one he hasn't heard directed at him in way too long. The one that still causes those annoying butterflies to swoop in his belly.
Blaine cups Kurt's face gently, wiping away a stray tear with his thumb before continuing, "Please don't blame yourself. Please. I should have talked to you and told you how unhappy I was before did what I did. There's no excuse for it."
"Let's just agree that we both made mistakes that we will learn to improve on in the future," Kurt said.
"Ok," Blaine replied with a little smile.
Kurt returned the smile before adding softly, "I do want to be with you. I just don't know if I'm ready yet."
"Thats ok," Blaine said. "Take as much time as you need. I'll wait. I'd wait for you forever."
Kurt couldn't help but chuckle. "You are so cheesy." He nudged Blaine's shoulder.
Blaine joined in the giggling. "You love it."
"I do."
Blaine smiled his most genuine, big smile. The smile that lights up his whole face and always makes Kurt just want to kiss it right off of him. Since its hard to break old habits, that's exactly what Kurt does.
Blaine hums into the kiss before wrapping his arms around Kurt's waist to pull him closer. It's just a sweet and gentle kiss. They don't know how long they stay like that. Their mouths moving together slowly. Neither one tries to push for more. They're both content just like this.
It's Kurt who breaks away first. "I feel disgusting. I'm in desperate need of a shower."
Blaine makes a noise of disappointed and when Kurt moves to get up Blaine grabs his wrist. Kurt looks back into Blaine's eyes and they're pleading Kurt not to get up. It's almost like Blaine's afraid that this is all a dream and if Kurt leaves he will wake up.
Blaine speaks then and his voice is quiet, "Please can I just...can i just hold you for a few more minutes?"
The way Blaine's voice cracks breaks Kurt's heart into a million pieces. He was never very good at denying Blaine anything.
Kurt smiles. "Blaine, you could ask to hold me forever and I would let you."
Blaine lets out a teary laugh as Kurt lays his head of Blaine's chest and Blaine's arms immediately find their way around him. They both know that they still have a lot of healing to do, but right now, in this moment, the pieces of their broken hearts are slowly finding their way back together.
