#a modest proposal

[facts-i-just-made-up]

Though Taylor Swift’s engagement was announced with much brazen media coverage, it still went over better than her great-grandfather Jonathan Swift’s more modest proposal.

[imonthemoonitsmadeofcheese]

A Modest Proposal

Link to Ao3 if you prefer to read it there

"The sheer volume of glimmer you have access to stretches believability. There is no way this all comes from Gambit."

"It doesn't."

"Where does it come from?"

"Heh. Moondust, you don't wanna know."

"And if I do?"

"Well, if you do, then I have a question for you."

"Very well."

"Do you wanna get married?"

"What?"

"Do you wanna get married?"

"To you?"

"Yeah."

"No."

"Ha! Didn't think so."

"There is no way you are being serious."

"I am."

"Hmmm… Why?"

"Because there's a law, an old law... pre-Golden Age, pre-everything, but still on the books in the Last City... and therefore still law in the eyes of the Vanguard… and humanity as a whole for reasons I can't explain. Human culture is fucked up."

"What is this law?"

"That when a person is legally married they cannot be compelled in a court of law, to testify, or otherwise bear witness, against the person that they are married to."

"You think that I will... rat you out?"

"Actually, it's more protection for you, they can't make you tell... and therefore you'd be safe if you did know the details of any... questionably legal things I may or may not be involved in... including some of the more serious ones that uh... could get someone executed."

"You actually are serious."

"Yeah, but you said no, which is what I expected. And that's totally fine, neither one of us is marriage material."

"I see... very well… I accept."

"What?" "I accept."

"You said no."

"I have changed my mind. I will marry you."

"The fuck?"

"That can be negotiated later. But for the current... engagement... do we... choose a date? I am assuming there is some form of documentation. Shall we... wear rings?"

"You're not actually saying yes, are you?"

"I am. Why? Were you not prepared for this answer?"

"Damn straight I was not prepared for this answer. You're a Hunter. You don't do tied down."

"And you call yourself the Drifter. I suppose we shall just be… tied to each other then and… drift together… However, regardless of the logistics, yes… I accept your offer. Unless… of course, you wish to change your mind and withdraw it."

"What?"

"Do you wish to withdraw your offer? It's easy enough for you to get out of it. But… then you will be the one declining… not I. So, tell me, Rat… do you wish to withdraw?"

"I-"

"Hmmm?"

"Moondust, I-"

"Yes?"

"That's… Eris, that's…Uhmm..."

"It is a yes or no question. Do you... wish to withdraw... your offer?"

"Fuck."

"That activity does not require matrimony and is a separate discussion."

"Hahahah! Look… I uh… Oh hell..."

"Yes or no. Do you withdraw your offer? Speak."

"No."

"Hmmm… Well then… I suppose we shall proceed. Will you… wear a dress?"

"Uh… I'd prefer not if that's ok with you.  Drifter don't look good in white.  Just not my colour."

"I feel the same. Good. We are in agreement then."

"I'm still not sure if you're serious."

"You asked me flippantly expecting me to say no, but... this is something you actually want. It radiates off of you in waves... You desire me intensely at the same time you seek security and safety... The thought of formalizing our relationship is comforting to you. It also terrifies you but… you want this."

"I do. Holy shit... I do."

"That is generally the phrase that is used, yes."

[thegrandmarsh]

i went with this question on the off chance that i would get an actual soup suggestion but then i got something better

[haveyoureadthisfanfic]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Have you read A Modest Proposal (House MD)?

Yes, I am/was in the fandom

Yes, but I’m not in the fandom

No, but I’m in the fandom

No, I’m not in the fandom

Voting ended onJul 10, 2025

Summary: Tritter's case against House still depends on subpoenaed testimony from Wilson. To save House from losing everything, the doctors of PPTH decide on an unusual solution, which in turn leads to unexpected consequences. This is a story about the sacrifices we make that turn out not to be such great sacrifices after all. (Contains spoilers for everything up to and including "Merry Little Christmas.")

Author: ignaz

Note from submitter: the only House fic i've ever read and the only one i'll ever need to

[eesbegovic]

I think we can all agree that Mike *really* needs a friend right now.

A close, intimate friend, someone he can talk to about everything that's weighing on him. Maybe someone who can offer some measure of absolution for everything that he's done... or at least reassurance that Mike isn't actually secretly evil.

Paulo's trying to be that friend, bless his heart, but Mike seems to need a relationship lacking... ~~romantic subtext~~

Bad luck there buddy, what are the odds that all of your closest friends would be secretly crushing on you, only to [Mike thinks] abandon you after getting over their crush. Even this one random jock who invited you to the track team, not to mention your aggressively straight friend who you've known for years.

[Technically Lucy didn't "move on" so much as "was rejected," and Paulo and Daisy are still his friends, and James etc etc etc. That's not the point.]

So Mike needs a friend who isn't and can't be interested in him. Someone he can talk to about his "I'm a shallow facade laid over a fundamentally bad person, and everyone who comes to know me too well will hate me" complex.

Abbey! He hasn't totally ruined everything with Abbey. Look a these two go.

Unfortunately, the center of Mike's "I'm a bad person" self-image is probably how he yanked Lucy's chain in Eternal Flame.

Abbey and Lucy are far from friends, but anyone with even a vaguely positive affect towards Lucy would be horrified by that little stunt. One imagines that Mike wouldn't want to confess this to Roseville High's most notorious black-and-white moralist, who's only just starting to recover from his "women [Daisy] need to be protected from predators [Paulo]" mindset.

So Mike needs a confidant who:

Won't fall for him - a surprisingly difficult ask, just to be safe we're looking for someone who categorically doesn't like boys and/or is in a committed relationship

Knows enough about the friend group's backstory that he can talk about all the things he regrets without having to spend an hour explaining the extremely messy history to everything

Is predisposed to dislike Lucy

[climbhighsleeplow]

OK, for regime change to occur in Iran, we need to defeat the Revolutionary Guard. They are a huge paramilitary organization of cowardly thugs who delight in terrorizing, imprisoning and abusing women and children. They are ruthless and trigger happy and won’t hesitate to murder their own citizens for the slightest provocation.

Let’s fight fire with fire !

Send ICE to the streets of Tehran.

[aeess-audiobooks]

Jonathan Swift's satirical essay lampooning the callous treatment of Ireland by the English has been raising eyebrows and consciousness since it was published by S. Harding in 1729. If "Eat Your Young" is your favorite Hozier song, then this is the book for you. Trigger warning for discussion of cannibalism.

[i-have-a-modest-proposal]