#accioshitpost

[wizards]

[pokemonmastr]

Harry, to Hermione: *after realizing he likes Ginny* you ever come to a realization that makes you want to stop everything and just go to bed?

Hermione: yes.

Harry:

Harry: i’m going to bed.

[lupusstellasblog]

Drarry headcannon

Ok imagine this, there are two lovers, Harry and Draco. Both of them know a language the other does not. Harry knows Parseltongue and Draco knows French. Both of them speak sweet nothings to each other in the respective languages, but the other doesn't understand what their lover is talking about. So secretly, both of them learn the others language in their free time. After months of practice, one night, in bed together, with no planning at all, they whisper sweet nothings to each other in the other person's language. This surprises both of them, and no doubt, they had one of the best nights they've ever had.

[ask-chivist]

Based on this post by @accio-shitpost

[onceandfuturechimera]

First Words

It’s been literal years since I’ve posted anything even resembling a fic, so I hope y’all enjoy and don’t judge me too harshly.

Inspired by this post x

Sirius sighed contentedly as he settled into his favorite armchair, Harry sat on the floor playing with colorful muggle blocks at his feet. He wished he had been able to join Harry and Remus at the park that afternoon, but he had been needed at work and it couldn’t be avoided. Harry likely didn’t even note his absence, as Remus was plenty of fun all on his own.

“So,” Remus began as he exited the and came to stand behind Sirius, “Harry said his first words today.” He didn’t look at Sirius as he said this, but continued to dry his hands with the dish towel he was holding.

Sirius smiled at that as a wave of pride flowed through him. That pride was short lived, however, as sadness washed over him for a brief moment as he thought of James, who couldn’t be here to witness this milestone, or any milestone. He realized, after a moment, that Remus hadn’t said anything else, and looked up towards him expectantly.

Remus was now looking directly at Sirius and, while he managed to keep his expression neutral, Sirius could see the displeasure lurking behind his eyes.

“What?” He couldn’t help but feel as if he had missed something; likely some unspoken accusation, considering the glare that was beginning to overtake Remus’ features.

“His first word was ‘fuck,’ Sirius. He was seated in the sandbox playing with several other children when one of them threw sand at him. One can only imagine where he picked up a word like that.” There was no mistaking the accusation Remus was making this time.

Sirius knew that Remus’ intention, both with the glare and the admonishment, was to instill a sense of guilt. Even so, Sirius couldn’t help but find the whole scenario utterly hilarious.

As he tried, and failed, to choke back a laugh, Remus’ eyes grew dark with anger. “This is not funny, Sirius! We’ve talked about this. I thought we had agreed that you were going to mind your tongue, especially in Harry’s presence.”

“I am!” Sirius said around another wave of laughter, “You know how often I used to swear, Re. I’m worlds better! I only slip up occasionally.”

“Yes, well, I happen to think there are quite a few scholars lining up to debate you over the definition of the word occasionally,” Remus quipped.

“Come on, we can’t be the only ones out there whose child’s first word happened to be a swear.”

Although he was trying desperately to maintain an air of anger, Sirius could see amusement blossoming behind Remus’ neglected scowl. He opened his mouth to speak again but was cut off by the sound of wooden blocks tumbling to the floor. “Fuck!” Harry exclaimed happily into the silence that followed.

“You see? See what you’ve done?” Remus exclaimed, driving the point home.

“Okay, okay, I’ll work harder on the whole ‘not swearing’ front, alright?” Sirius promised, waving him off.

“Oh, I know you will,” Remus replied, his angry glare now becoming a smirk, “because the swear jar fee has just gone up. 5 galleons.”

“Fuck,” Sirius said under his breath as Remus walked back into the kitchen.

[angel-of-arkham]

saw a shitpost by @accio-shitpost and it made me laugh out loud, not just deeply exhale through my nose. i had to draw harry, i loved the mental image of harry angrily and incredulously gesturing to a cross.

[choerrybloom]

is it just me or does the lestrange family radiate a strange and chaotic gay energy

[thorinpotter]

Sirius: Dude worms are metal as fuck. I mean when people die they decompose into the dirt right? And you know what worms do? They eat dirt. That’s heckin crazy man.

Remus: Sirius, it’s 2 in the goddamn morning. Go to sleep.