Autistic Sherlock - Molly
The relationship of autistic!Sherlock and Molly has been building for two seasons, and the scene in “The Reichenbach Fall” where Sherlock talks to Molly the night before he jumps off the roof means something entirely different to me now. I used to be confused by it, hate it even. Now, I love it.
Sherlock is an asexual autistic. He’s not good with humans, but he’s especially not good with female humans. Molly is educated, though, and he understands the same thought processes she uses to do her work at St. Bart’s. He trusts her as someone with similar forensic skills to his own. He trusts her work. He doesn’t just bully her around when he wants something. He likes her. He tries to tell her the things he believes she wants to hear from him. As an ace and an autistic person, he doesn’t really know what those things are, so he takes guesses. Sometimes he gets close. Sometimes he misses terribly and hurts her feelings. But he keeps at it. He doesn’t find another coroner to help him out. He likes her.
After he embarrasses her and frankly makes a fool of himself at the Christmas party in his flat in “A Scandal in Belgravia,” he reads the room, sees how he’s hurt her feelings, how others are responding. He feels terrible. He was trying to be funny, to impress everyone, because he doesn’t know how to be cool around women. It bombed terribly. He was nervous. How often does Sherlock Holmes have a party at his flat? (Whose idea was that, anyway?) His fortress of solitude was invaded by a bunch of allistics all at once. It threw him, he made a miscalculation, and as a result, he hurt his friend’s feelings.
But he apologized, immediately and directly. Sherlock never apologizes. Even when he pushed John away in “The Hounds of Baskerville,” he never directly apologized. He just made sugary coffee. But to Molly, whom he values but never knows how to connect with? He was off-balance so much that the only fix was a direct statement. He apologized to her, wished her Merry Christmas, and gave her a peck on the cheek, a traditional English Christmas greeting. He owed her that much.
Molly Hooper is the only person Sherlock had ever kissed up to that point. He knows she likes him as more than a friend. He doesn’t speak that language, being ace, and he figures he’s probably sending fifteen wrong signals to her by kissing her on the cheek, but nothing else will do, and he can’t do nothing. Not for Molly. He likes her. He can’t have her being sad and upset, in his flat, on Christmas.
In “The Reichenbach Fall,” Molly tells Sherlock that he looks sad when he thinks John can’t see him. Sherlock tells her, “You can see me.” She replies, “I don’t count.” The rest of that conversation, where she repeatedly describes her position in their relationship as far further down than Sherlock ever intended, and where she will not let him correct her, informs him that he has been friending wrong all this time. She tells him that if he needs anything, he can have her. Her help. But she assumes he won’t want it.
He is taken aback, flustered, confused. Molly doesn’t feel valued, and that’s his mistake. He does value her, her helpfulness, her organization, her skills. He values how she doesn’t give up on him, like so many have. She’s one of his very few friends. He never berates her, like he does Anderson. He never belittles her, like he does Donovan. They don’t respect him, and he judges them for it. But Molly. Molly adores him. Molly believes him. Molly is impressed by him. Not only is all that rather flattering, but it’s a far cry from the usual prejudice, revulsion, and defensive anger he gets from most people.
Yes, he’s weighed her affection for him and found it relatively constant no matter what he does. He’s taken her for granted, assuming correctly that she will be there for him no matter what. But he’s missed how his brusque manner makes her feel along the way. Until she tries to excuse herself for existing.
Sherlock knows what it’s like to have people wish he didn’t exist. He’d never wish that on anyone, let alone someone precise and caring like Molly. He needs to remedy the situation.
When Moriarty’s Final Problem becomes clear, and Sherlock realizes that his rival intends for him to die in disgrace, Sherlock hatches a great plan, and he does so by utilizing Molly’s expertise. It’s the perfect storm of opportunity and necessity, bringing in the coroner he’s indebted to at precisely the moment when he needs a corpse identical to himself. Molly, faithful Molly, helps Sherlock out. She does everything he asks of her. And she keeps his secret afterward. She is a true friend. He doesn’t really deserve her. But he does need her.
There’s a shit ton of pseudo-sexual overtones to their quick conversation in the St. Bart’s lab. He steps close, tests her resolve by asking if he were less of a man than they both think he is, would she still help him? “What do you need?” is her immediate response. And Sherlock, hearkening back to her previous offer, simply says, “You.” Yeah, it looks like he’s gonna get laid the night before he dies. But that’s just the shallow veneer on the top. Underneath, he’s simply speaking her language. She said, “You can have me.” So he says he needs her. All of her. Her friendship, her expertise, her loyalty, her trust. What else would he possibly want? He’s had all those things all along. He just needs them one last time.
It’s the sweetest thing ever. An ace autistic guy asking his female friend for help in a desperate hour of need when everything is on the line. And she listens, believes him, and drops everything to help him. It’s the epitome of friendship.
Oh, there’s calculation going on. Sherlock knows Moriarty has been watching him. So if he’s been neglecting Molly, Moriarty won’t think she’s important. Moriarty never has his goons point a gun at her in order to force Sherlock to jump. He’s not watching her. Sherlock knew she’d fly under Moriarty’s radar. But he doesn’t lie to her, try to flatter her. He’s honest. All his risks, all those calculations, are between him and Moriarty. Molly is safe, and Sherlock intends that she stay that way.
After he comes back from the dead, he asks her to solve crime with him. That’s how much he trusts her. And she does. That’s how much she trusts him.
