‘To Helicon And Back’ is such a fascinating but heartbreaking episode. There’s so much to be said about the role-reversal transition in the episode and how it affects and progresses everything that follows on from it in the Spaghetti Order of the episodes.
Everything Xena wanted to avoid with Gabrielle travelling with her has happened - only, it really has nothing to do with them travelling together, but rather the obligation and responsibility of the Amazon nation. Although, you could argue that if Gabrielle didn’t meet Xena and didn’t travel with her at all, then she’d never have became an Amazon Princess.
GABRIELLE: “Xena, you should take command. Take it!”
XENA: “The Amazons aren’t going to listen to me, Gabrielle. You’re it. You’re it!”
This is the only place where Gabrielle is the leader. Where Xena has to follow Gabrielle’s order. Where Xena has to ask for Gabrielle's permission. Where Xena has to stand outside and wait for Gabrielle. Aside from a few who were infatuated with her, the Amazons barely batted an eyelash at Xena. Some couldn't even tolerate her. Every time they visited the Amazon village, it was always "Our Queen's back!
... Oh, and Xena's with her."
I think the Amazons felt the same way Gabrielle's birth family did about Xena. That she took their pride and joy away from them. They were always abandoned and someone was left to reign in her place as Regeant so they never truly had an AMAZON QUEEN in Gabrielle.
Regardless… This is the only place where Gabrielle is the Alpha and Xena is the Omega. So when Xena says "You're it". She means her own presence is invisible to Gabrielle's tribe and that the Queen, in this moment especially, was all that could be seen. Gabrielle was it because Xena was expendable and inconsequential to the Amazons. They simply didn’t care if she was there. They only cared about Gabrielle returning to them.
It’s not ever Xena’s story when it’s an Amazon-heavy episode. It’s Gabrielle’s because Gabrielle is their own and the only reason why Xena is allowed to be there as part of their community is because she’s Gabrielle’s.
Xena has no control or authority with the Amazons and she’s absolutely fine with it because she knows she doesn’t deserve it. So she just acquiesces to the fact that the dynamic between her and Gabrielle is in opposition to how it is when they’re anywhere else and maybe some part of her actually likes the fact that within the views of the Amazon nation, Gabrielle is the hero and Xena’s the irritating tag-along sidekick. They don’t need her there and she’s fully aware of it but she knows Gabrielle needs her there because she knows she’s her whole life and she can’t possibly be the hero or the warrior without her there with them. Yeah, some part of her likes it. Loves it even because she’s happy Gabrielle is getting all the attention. But there’s a larger part of her that is absolutely fucking terrified of what that entails and does not want it to ever happen.
GABRIELLE: “I don’t want to be buried with the Amazons.”
XENA: “Alright. Well, in 50 years, when the time comes-”
GABRIELLE: “Xena, I want to lie with you, with your family, in Amphipolis.”
XENA: “What about your family?”
GABRIELLE: “I love them but I’m a part of you. I want it to be like that forever. I love you.”
I think the most tragically heartbreaking thing about this episode and its role-reversal transition is that Xena had to face the reality of her worst fear coming true in that Gabrielle is becoming more and more like her as a warrior in such a way where she always knew would be the inevitable outcome of their partnership but that Gabrielle would never have considered would because when she told her sister in the first episode that she was going to be a warrior just like Xena… she had no idea what the hell she was getting herself into. But Xena always did and Xena can’t do anything about it now. She can’t stop it. She’s absolutely helpless in preventing the transition from happening at this point. She just stands there watching the nightmare unfold before her very eyes. Looking into a mirror reflection of the sins of her past in the one conscious being in existence that saved her from her own damnation and in ending her own life before it had ever really began. Just the same as how she was forced to see it happen in ‘Remember Nothing’ and so she pulled back out of the deal with the Fates in giving her a second chance to live a simple quiet, peaceful life without bloodshed.
It is a very POWERFUL visual and dialogue that wrecks you at the end of ‘To Helicon And Back’ because you know just how painful it is for Xena to have to face the reality that this is it now. That it’s finally happened in this life and reality and it will keep happening from this moment onwards because she cannot do anything about it anymore. There’s no deal with the Fates to break. No alt-reality to change or destroy. She can’t reverse time or do anything to prevent what’s happening at and in this moment.
Gabrielle has chosen Xena over herself in every way and in so doing has forced Xena to bear witness to the sacrifice Gabrielle has made in becoming just like her.
GABRIELLE: “I don’t think I did. With each battle, I lose more of myself.”
XENA: “War’s tough on the soul, Gabrielle.”
It’s in this moment that they both feel this role-reversal transition as one being passing into and becoming each other because that was always the nature of their soul and therefore their inevitable fate.
