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Poor Dick :(
Commission Info / Kofi (members get comics a week early)
Look I’m not the biggest JayRoy fan bc I have shipped DickRoy since I was like 13. However this idea is rlly funny to me.
Bc Dick helped Roy raise Lian in the beginning when he was lost and needed to get his life together.
If Roy and Jason started dating
And Roy introduced her to his boyfriend
And it’s Uncle Dicks little brother.
You think shes calling him anything else???
Like picture this bc once again these. Characters are like 9000 years old and they do not follow the timelines of aging
Lian is born and Dick is helping Roy out in person for a long time, but by the time she’s like 6-7 Dicks very busy with Gotham and bludhaven and new York and him and Roy have had a bunch of falling outs but they’re not letting affect the kid but Dick doesn’t visit as much in person.
Lian is still very attached so Roy will sometimes call Dick on FaceTime and let Lian update him about her life and everything and ramble and for a while that’s the only times Dick and Roy have contact is the text message of
You free Lian misses you?
And Dick spoils the kid rotten, he sends her birthday presents but also half birthday and quarter birthday present. if Roy needs to be somewhere Dick will take her on a trip somewhere just the two of them.
He tells her about his family and Lian becomes obsessed with becoming an acrobat. In the way kids are this gets tacked onto everything else she wants to become
She doesn’t wanna be an astronaut no she wants to be an acrobat astronaut.
She doesn’t wanna be a doctor she wants to be an acrobat doctor.
So on
He tells her cartoon versions of what happens in his life
So the penguin is peddling drugs through the city that he’s purchasing through laundering money with illegal businesses
Becomes
A penguin walked into a laundromat and ate all the Pennies so now he has go find the penguin to get the money back.
And it’s an event when he does come to see her.
She gets so excited and happy bc Dick carries her around all the time and she gets princess treatment 24/7. And he teaches her games they used to play back in the circus and at first Roy was worried bc Dick doesn’t exactly have a scale of normal and he’s not gonna call dick and talk To him but that’s not something they’ve done in years
but then Lian falls off the monkey bars at day care and flips before landing on her feet, perfectly fine.
And when they call him about it they ask about it bc what is a kid doing with flips ofc they’re curious but whatever he is doing? The moms want to know? Is there a class because that could’ve been a really nasty fall and catching yourself is a very good skill to have especially as an active child.
And when he asks Lian if she was scared “no! It’s like game uncle Dick taught me why would I be scared!”
And Roy calls Dick for the first time in years just to talk to him not for him to chat to Lian.
And he asks and Dick just kinda awkwardly admits that that’s how his parents taught him not to be afraid of heights or falls. If you teach kids a life skill through a game they’re less likely to freak in the real life scenario. And Roy is kinda reminded why he became friends with this asshole and why he stuck around and it kinda rekindles their friendship.
And then Roy starts dating Jason and it’s on the DL, bc Jason has issues and Roy isn’t going to introduce someone who isn’t a certain thing to his child. Right.
But things are going well
Very well
And then he decides well fuck it
And they tell people
And everyone is happy for them even Dick despite his very very pained “really Roy my kid brother?”
“Are you gonna give me the shovel talk Grayson”
“God no, you’re a titan which means you’re family which just makes this weird because people I both consider family are dating.”
And then Roy tells Lian
And she is pissed
“Why is Uncle Dicks little brother here”
“Well Lian he’s gonna be around a lot more”
“Does that mean uncle dick is gonna visit more”
“No sweetie but you see uncle dick a lot, Jay over here will just be more around”
“…why?”
“Well because he’s daddy’s boyfriend now”
“Like how Casey’s new mommy and daddy are boyfriend girlfriend”
“Yeah sweetie exactly”
“So he’s gonna be like my new daddy?”
“Well no, unless you want him to but-“
“I don’t”
“What Lian-“
Lian is very angry because she wants her uncle Dick around more and when she told her friend at school her friend said that her new stepmom was around more since her and her friends dad got married
She then logically assumed the ideal way to get her uncle around more was simply to force Dick and Roy to get married.
And since Dick asks for a list of things she wants every year for her birthdays and Easter and Christmas and st. Patrick’s day and All Saints’ Day and Eid and Labor Day and Halloween and holi and Passover and … (no she does not realize not everyone gets gifts on all the holidays that exist, this is very normal to her. Roy had to rent a storage room by the time she was 5)
And Dick has never once not gotten her what she wanted (once she asked to meet the penguin who stole the Pennies and dick took her to the zoo and the showed her the penguin who had a little ziploc baggie of coins tied around its middle-she pointed out that he still had the Pennies and dick said that he felt bad and let him keep just a few)
So anyway she was gonna ask for them to get married on her Christmas list but she wanted to ride a pony and so she was gonna add it to her 1/4 birthday list but now her dad is ruining it because she knows you have to be boyfriend girlfriend before you get married and this is not fair.
So she has a parent trap style vendetta against Jason. He is Meredith Blake.
And Jason who loves little kids is devastated bc his boyfriend’s kid does not like him.
And Roy is confused bc Lian and never acted like this ever.
And Dick has no idea what’s going on bc Lian is eternally an angel with him bc he has gentle parented the shit out of her and also bc he will never see anything she does as wrong ever he knew her when she was a baby that young lady is perfect if you say a derogatory word against her he’ll steal your knee caps.
And one day Lian calls him from preschool and is like “daddy is busy he wants to ask if can you pick me up” and Dick of course says yes because they’ve done this before and sometimes you only have time to make one last phone call.
So he picks Lian up.
And Roy gets there and freaks bc where the HELL IS HIS CHILD. And bc he’s a hero he assumes his identity is compromised and calls Ollie and everything is on lockdown and WTH his going on.
And like 8 hours later Dick calls him and he almost doesn’t pick up and Jason is trying to calm him down and they’re all tracking her but on a whim he answers cuz maybe Dick can help find his baby.
“Hey Roy any ideas when you’re coming to pick Lian up or should I take a day off work tomorrow?”
“What?”
“Dude are you okay you sound wrecked what the hell happened”
“Lian is with you?”
“Yeah- what’s happening Roy?”
“Why is LIAN WITH YOU?”
“She…called me to tell me you were busy and needed someone to pick her up.”
“I-“
“Roy is everything okay”
“She- she called you?”
“Yeah? from the school telephone the same way she does Everytime you have a mission. Roy brief me? Are you okay? Is? Is Jason alright?”
“Can- put Lian on the phone right now.”
“Roy-“
“NOW GRAYSON!”
“Yeah sure okay”
“Hi daddy!”
“Lian why did you ask Dick to pick you up?”
“Yep!”
“Why?”
“Because you were busy”
Deep inhale “who told you I was busy”
“You did”
“I did not-“
“Yeahhh u did, you said you would be with Uncle Dicks little brother”
“What does that have to do with-“
“Go be gross with him I’m mad at you”
“You’re mad at me, young lady I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU FOR HOURS.”
“Why? Just because you forgot about uncle dick doesn’t mean I did”
“Wha- Lian what are you talking about”
They go to Dicks apartment and Lian explains that she is very cross with Roy because he knows uncle dick is her favorite baby sitter and it’s not fair that he gets to marry Jason when Dick is her favorite and since everyone knows that it’s babysitter and dad , boyfriend girlfriend, married. And that’s how Roy finds out that Casey’s new mommy used to be her babysitter and his daughter has been under the assumption that him and Dick were gonna get married since she was four.
And it’s annoying because Jason has never babysat her this whole time and Dick is her favorite baby sitter and he’s dating Dicks brother like that’s the wrong one dad.
Anyway Dick excuses himself to laugh until he cries in his room and Roy is bluescreening while staring at his daughter.
They clear some stuff up but when she’s mad she still calls Jason uncle dicks little brother.
pls ignore this, i had a thought and needed to write. its unedited and probs bad
pure porn no plot below the cut
Bleghhh stupid evil birds. I want them hanged. D3r came out lighter than i wanted him to but wtv
Can u tell I took inspo from Joyous_Night from the night coalition ARG, for King's design
guys we genuinely need more subby tboy x subby tboy in our lives. I just had the best orgasm of my life thinking about a good boy sucking on my dick; we both can't help ourselves and just want more from the other and panting like dogs after because it was so intense. I can still feel his grip on my thighs even after he lets go and looks up at me for validation with his big, brown eyes. PLEASE I NEED THIS IN MY LIFE PLEAEPLEAAPDLEAPADLE
I miss summer and warmth
The only way I can rationalise people accepting literal children going out and fighting crime as Robin is if they don't think Robin is a real child.
I think it would be fun to see how Bruce would use that to his advantage in protecting his kids. Like, if people think Robin isn't human, if they instead think he's a spirit or a ghost, they are less likely to shoot at him, less likely to try and physically attack Robin because they think it would be no use.
The fun part would be deciding HOW they would do this. I like to think that Robin's domino mask doesn't have a hole for his eyes but instead is glazed over so that he can see out of it, but you can't see in. Maybe they install small lights in it so it looks like his eyes glow in the dark, because can you image how fucking scary it would be to just see these two sentient light-like eyes and just know the Batman must be lurking somewhere close by?
Maybe Bruce installs super strong magnets in their gloves because on the chance that someone does pull a gun on his kid close range, it would be a lot easier for them to grab the gun away if they had the force of magnetism on their side. Also, grabbing onto poles and other metal materials would make all the scaling on tall buildings a little safer. Obviously, they'd need a way to turn it on and off, but still. Can you imagine, you're in a warehouse and there are steel frames fucking everywhere and you look up and suddenly there's a child gripping onto one effortlessly? Horrifying.
Maybe they have a voice box. Want to scare people? Play this really ominous recording of a child's laughter that echoes just a bit too loud to be normal. Play this ominous screaming that seems too silent to be real. Play this ticking that seems to never end that induces stress and increases the chance of them messing up.
What would be even funnier is keeping this act up with the Justice League and other teams.
Batman doesn't bring Robin to these meetings at the beginning because he sees no need to involve a preteen in such matters, but at some point the subject does come up and it's sort of like; So, Bats, what exactly is the kid? Like...is he yours?
And Bruce (paranoid as fuck) doesn't want to admit to these people that yes, Robin is my son because hello? That's gotta be his biggest weakness, he would do anything to keep that kid safe and fuck them if they ever tried to hurt him to get to Bruce.
So, he tells them that he's a spirit sent to haunt him and remind the city of it'd failures and the Justice League just... believe him?? Because this is Batman, and why would Batman ever lie about something so, frankly, strange? And it's not a huge deal, like they're a team comprised of metas and aliens and literal godesses, so what if the one normal human guy has a weird little ghost child? Who cares if he cares about it like it's a real boy? Maybe the baby spirit has rights, too!! They don't know!
So, when the JLA gets more popular and becomes an actual, legal part of the American government, they're required to list all of their members. And they class Batman as a human, because that's obvious but next to Robin, they don't really know what to say or how to ask Batman about it, ao they just put "Unknown Child Spirit - TBD"
And then just... never change it?
So, they don't question why a few years later Robin seems to look entirely different, or why after that he changes again, or why Robin is suddenly a girl for a while before going back to a little boy. That's obviously just some weird spirit thing they don't understand, and it's not like Batman is going to explain it!
