♡ genre ¿? ♡ -> angst!
♡ pair ¿? ♡ -> namjoon x gn!reader
♡ plot ¿? ♡ -> leaving you was the first and last thing that killed him
♡ warnings ¿? ♡ -> cursing
♡ request ¿? ♡ -> yes!
a/n: first bts post! hope you enjoy it to the person who requested it and i'm also baaaack, so hihi!
he didn't think this through at all. once you're offered the chance of a lifetime, you really don't think what you're leaving behind right? you don't stop and take a second, you accept and don't look back. he really thought this was gonna be better for his career, moving somewhere else for a couple of years and living his best life while he was still young and thriving.
yet now in los angeles with the hot weather killing him slowly as he walked through the streets, he was paralyzed. his feet refused to keep moving as he saw a figure walking with their friends and enjoying the california sun. they looked so much like you that it took his breath away. in the distance it truly did look like you, as they got closer the resemblance went away and that's when he could walk away again and not look like a creep.
once he got back to his apartment, he felt haunted like he just saw a ghost. his apartment didn't feel cozy and homelike like yours did. his studio was nothing like the one back home and he felt like he was losing himself slowly in a different scene that wasn't his to begin with. he really thought he would have things in control like he always did but as he was brought back to reality again, he felt like everything was getting away from his grip. he was starting to lose his breath, his mind, his soul and all of it was because he made the wrong decision.
he wanted to call one of his brothers, a friend, a family member, no. he knew who he wanted to call and it was you because you had been through hell and back together yet you remained in his life like the most precious person he had ever met. but it was too late now huh? he made the decision to leave you behind, to end things. he looked at the ring he bought every day and wondered if he made the right choice. he wondered if he truly was the most selfish person on earth 'cause what he did only was good for him, for his career, that's the benefit that he got. getting bigger in another country was the step he always wanted to take yet he couldn't have everything. he couldn't have you and also the fame, success he always aspired to get.
maybe he made the wrong decision. 'cause no matter how famous he got after this, he would never be as happy as he was with you. he would never get to live the moment where he would propose to you, he would never be teary eyed seeing you walk down the aisle and he would never know what a family with you would look like. he lost it at all when he left seoul and when he left you at the airport. you promised to try long distance out yet a few weeks after it, it was too little and not enough for either of you. so you gave up, you stopped fighting and namjoon let you go.
if he couldn't love you like you deserved, what was the point right? why keep fighting for something that's already dead? it wasn't worth it. but right now he wished he wouldn't have stopped fighting, that he would've stayed in the battlefield if he still got to call you his. he didn't get to see that face of yours and call you the most beautiful person in the world, he didn't get to cherish you, to actually appreciate you.
it killed him slowly and softly how much he needed you right at this moment and till the end of time.
so he did the one insane thing he didn't want to do and called you. he expected nothing, no voice of yours in return. that voice that he was slowly starting to forget because it's been so long. because even if it destroyed him that he was not seeing you anymore beside him, he decided to stay and make the best out of what he already created.
"namjoon?" your voice asked and startled him as he composed himself. he took a deep breath and prepared himself for either a call that was gonna change his life forever or for the most dreaded decision of his life.
"yeah, it's me. can we talk?" he asked and could feel you hesitate through the phone call. even miles away he could imagine you every move you were making.
"yeah, did something happen?" you asked this time and he knew this was either his chance to fuck it all up or to make things right. he needed to think his words through and to be careful with them.
"kind of? i don't even know where to start." he said and he was already facepalming himself as he tried not to sound ridiculous and desperate. "i just really needed to talk to you. it's been a while and i needed to hear your voice." yeah that wasn't smooth at all but he truly did need to hear you.
"i'm glad you called then. i wish you had done it sooner." you replied in a lower tone but he still heard every word clearly as he was starting to regret just leaving you like that. most of the time when you tried to talk to each other he would be busy or the time zones were so different that you could never have space to be with each other. he sometimes wishes he would have picked somewhere else to at least be closer to you but nothing would be like having you in his arms.
"i wish i did too but you know how it's been." he said but now that he thought about it, you probably didn't know how things were going. he just always expected for you to be understanding but he never was and that wasn't good.
"yeah i know but if you want to talk about it, i'm here joon." god the nickname. it brought joy back to his heart that he could not describe, the way you were so comprehensive even when he was a mess. he could not explain the way he loved you, it was so much more pure and bigger than he has ever felt.
"i know, i just wish i could be there right now." he was so blunt about it but it didn't matter anymore, he needed to get everything out. "i miss you, i miss us and everything we had. i wish i could go back and never had made the decision i made. 'cause even if right now i might have it all, it doesn't feel like it when i can't be with you and be comfortable in my own house, close to everyone i love but especially you."
there was silence. a silence so loud that hurt but nothing beat the words you said.
"why did you do it joon? i know you wanted to be bigger, you wanted your career to ascend. but i told you many times you had to be sure about this and that you might lose me in the process of it. and i think you have, you took so long to call, to talk to me and tell me how you feel." he felt his heart breaking into a thousand pieces as he sighed and tried not to let the tears fall. even if he was hurting, nothing could compare to what you went through when he left you, when he decided to leave everything you've built behind like it was nothing.
"i'm sorry (y/n) that i made you feel this way. i'm sorry that i was an asshole to you, that i did not consider anything but is it really too late? am i really the last person you want right now? please tell me so i can forget you." he pleaded, he was desperate for you to tell him how you actually felt and if this was truly over.
"i don't know how i feel. i want you so bad, i want to be with you and hold you like i did before but right now it might be making the decision too quickly and i don't think i can give it another try. you hurt me too deeply when you left and even more when you decided to break us off. i knew it wasn't working out but i was willing to always fight for you." you said and he could hear a tiny sob coming from you which made the tears fall from his eyes completely. "i'm sorry it had to end like this and that it was probably not what you were expecting but i hope you understand there's always gonna be a place in my heart for you joon, goodbye."
and with that you hanged up.
he felt lost, completely broken and like he could fall apart at any moment. he truly did lose you and it was all his fault. he was not gonna be able to go back to korea and tell you how much he loved you, how much he needed you and how much you meant to him. he was always gonna be stuck here till the end of time, working for something he didn't like, putting his effort in a job he didn't feel passionate about anymore when his inspiration was all gone with you.
→ pairing | Jeon Jungkook x Reader / Changkyun(IM) x Reader
→ genre | smut, angst, cheater!jungkook
→ word count | 7,231
→ summary |After you broke up with him months ago for finding out he was cheating on you, Jungkook sees you having sex with Changkyun in a dressing room.
→ warnings |sex, Adult content, A lot of cursing, Jungkook being a little shit, a lot of bitching, angst, some fluffy? Don't know. There is smut.
→ A/N| I had some parts of this fanfic already ready and as I was out of inspiration for another thing, I decided to put it all together and write this.. I wanted to dedicate this to both ARMYs and monbebes, because I know there aren't many fanfics with I.M around here. And I don't know why, since Changkyun is such a sweetheart. Give him a chance. Maybe I'll write a part two with Jungkook smut. I hope you like it, if you can reblog I would be very grateful. Send me asks with your thoughts, I'm always open to opinions.
You and Jungkook started dating three years ago, during the Love Yourself Answer album promotions, which is when you joined the BTS dancer team.In the beginning everything was flowers and fairy tales, even though dating was hidden from fans, even if they weren't forbidden to date, all the affection you received from the other guys and all the love you got from Jungkook seemed to be enough, but the The truth is, you just didn't seem like enough for him, at least not anymore.
You were nervous as fuck, you couldn't even remember the last time you performed in front of so many people.It was probably on BTS' last tour. And you didn't even want to imagine what a scandal it would be when when he found out you were going to perform with MonstaX. Jungkook never liked your friendship with Changkyun, always saying that he didn't want to be just your friend, that he wanted to fuck you, that the first chance he had to steal you from him, he would. And then he would start accusing you, saying that you liked the attention I.M gave you, that you liked to make him jealous and that you probably should have cheated on him over and over again. What had never happened, and would never happen, after all, you loved Jungkook and would never do anything to hurt him.
You never imagined that all those accusations were a shield to protect him from his own guilt. You had arrived a few hours earlier at HYBE to practice some of the new choreography that Hoseok had shown you. And as you passed in front of one of the rooms, you heard moans, moans you knew very well, peeking through the door lock, you could see very well the figure of Jungkook fucking another girl from behind, one of the staff. The next thing you remember is running away from there, locking yourself in Namjoon's studio, crying, sobbing, as he tries to calm you down and while Jungkook knocks on the door begging to come in.
After calming down a bit, and picking up your cell phone texting the first person that appeared on your screen, begging them to get you out of there, Namjoon convinced you to listen to what Jungkook had to say. He bent down in front of you who were sitting on top of the loveseat, while Namjoon was beside you, holding your hand. This happened for months, he cheated on you for months, saying that he was very anxious and stressed and that you were always busy practicing or studying, and that's why he ended up falling for the other woman's temptation. He didn't even have the courage to take the blame for his own mistake, he blamed you for not paying attention and blamed the other woman for provoking him. You were so enraged that as soon as he closed his mouth, your hand went to his cheek, making him fall on his ass on the floor, perplexed.
You left the studio and strode towards the elevator, seeing Jungkook running towards you as the doors closed. Already used to exiting through the back entrance, you ducked past the other staff and pushed open the emergency exit door, bursting into tears as you finally stepped out of the building.
"What happened?" The familiar voice made you look up and see Changkyun walking towards you, eyes wide and face worried. “I got your message. Why are you crying?”
"Jungkook." You hissed between sobs. "He cheated on me."
“What? That little fucker.” And he hugged you, letting you cry on his shoulder. Changkyun was a very sweet guy, he was quiet, he listened more than he spoke and always seemed to be willing to do anything to make you smile. On the same day you had met, two years ago, he had already called himself your best friend. And even though he was a sweet, calm, understanding guy, he was extremely scary when he got angry. Just like Jungkook. At the same moment, Jungkook had thrown himself against the door, calling your name, stopping to run when he saw you in another man's arms. Worse yet, in the arms of the man he knew had his own intentions with you.
"Yah! What the fuck are you doing here?" He yelled and pointed his finger towards you. Changkyun shot him a look before grabbing your shoulders and pushing you gently, releasing you from his embrace.
"My car is just around the corner, come on." He said ignoring the steric screams of the younger one, who was now held back by the hyungs who had finally managed to catch up to him, before he started a fight and ended up on the front pages of the gossip magazines.
You didn't see him again, except for the day you took your resignation letter to HYBE's HR. He wanted to talk to you, but the members themselves wouldn't let him, as they knew there was nothing he could say or do that would put an end to all the insecurity and sadness he had caused you.
Changkyun was the one who helped you out of the pit. He and the other boys welcomed you into the family and let you watch them train and practice. You spent more time with I.M and he let you hear his new compositions and kept your head busy. In time you had memorized all their choreographies and impressed with how quickly you had to learn them, they asked if you wanted to work with them, and because that was your profession and because you loved what you did, and for obviously being unemployed, you accepted. And that ended up bringing the two of you even closer.
And that brought you back to the present.
You were standing behind the stage, shaking, this would be your first performance together with another group, away from Jungkook and without Hoseok's tips. It would be a mix of songs, Jealousy, Shoot Out and God Damn, and the other seven guys didn't seem nervous at all. And you knew that BTS would be in the audience, after all this was an award show and they had been nominated for multiple awards. You thank god the whole team was wearing masks.
When the lights went out, everyone got into position as the curtains would go up in a few seconds and the performance would start. You were beside Changkyun and he was so close to you, you could feel his breath on you, and you could feel his heart beating, close to yours. You didn't know where the courage or the will to do it came from, but when you did, you had lifted your mask and pressed your lips to his. He stood still, the lack of light, everything being dark, you didn't know what his expression was, you didn't know if he liked it or hated it, so you quickly walked away, lowering the mask again, seconds later the lights came on and his eyes were glued to yours, and he had a bright smile on his face, which was a bad thing, as they couldn't smile during the performance.
Jungkook was in the audience with the other guys, he blinked a few times, with the feeling that he already knew one of those dancers on stage, which was strange.
"Stop frowning, the camera is about to fall on us." Yoongi warned him and the younger one obeyed, softening his expression. "What's it?"
"I don't know, I'm under the impression I know that dancer." The youngest said covering his mouth so no one could see what he was saying.
"There are a lot of them, be specific."
"The one with the stars on the... That's (y/n)." He almost yelled, widening his eyes and pointing at the stage, Yoongi hurriedly grabbed his wrist and lowered it, scolding him with his gaze.
"What's it?" Jin who was beside her asked.
"Jungkook is thinking one of the dancers is (y/n)." Yoongi said, waving at the camera as it landed on them.
"It's not possible, she didn't tell me anything about working for Starship." Namjoon whispered to his friends.
"I'm sure hyungs. I was with her when she got that tattoo." Jungkook bent down to get a bottle of water and as he did so, he whispered. "That son of a bitch besides stealing my girlfriend, now has her as a dancer."
"You betrayed her in the first place. He didn't steal her from you, you handed her over to him on a tray." It was Hoseok's turn to speak. "Now stop the scandal before some fancan catches you freaking out." And then the stage lights went out, the next song was about to start, Changkyun grabbed your hand and pulled you against him as the other members of the group and dancers left the stage, leaving just the two of you.
"You have no idea what you activated in me." He whispered in your ear and backed away a few inches, the lights coming on again. And as the audience cheered and applauded, he winked at you and then flashed a dirty grin, which made your whole body tingle. Jungkook shifted uncomfortably in his seat, clenching his jaw at the sight of you so close to another man. All the fears he had of seeing you leave him for another man were manifesting. And in his mind, you were still together, still dating, he just needed time with you to convince you of that, he only needed ten minutes, but you had run away from him for months. This was his chance, after the performance, he would talk to you, whatever the cost.
Seconds before he started, you both walked confidently towards the front of the stage, where sparks erupted as he started his chorus. The audience screamed in excitement, being surprised by the choreography, seeing you dance around the idol with sensual movements, but nothing explicit, which ended up holding everyone's attention as the two danced close together and seemed to connect with each movement, giving goosebumps everyone who watched that performance, whether present there or on television, not knowing that a song like that could have such an engaging choreography. The chemistry between the two of you just couldn't be seen by those who didn't want to.
The two of you turned around, facing each other and dancing together. You were smiling under the mask, having fun with what you were doing, even increasing the steps with a few more movements, like throwing your arms up and down through your body. As for him, he would smile at you, he was having fun because he was doing what he liked and because you were enjoying it too. He liked the idea of you being happy doing that with him.
As soon as Changkyun's part was over, he flashed a seductive smile to the audience as he put his arm around your shoulders and you put your arm around the boy's back and you both walked sensually across the stage. The lights went out once more and Jungkook swore, his voice not being heard as the crowd went wild. And when the lights came on again, the whole group was on stage accompanied by the other dancers, ready to perform Jealousy, and there was no other song that explained so well what Jungkook was feeling at that moment. He was so jealous, both of the closeness you had with the other guy, and of never having had the opportunity to dance to a sexy song with you on stage. You had so much charisma, so much stage presence, you were the perfect dancer, the perfect woman for him and you were in the arms of another man. Fuck!
They were then called by a Staff, it was time to prepare for their presentation, which would be the next one after the commercials. One by one they got up and went to the dressing room, not getting to see the end of MonstaX's performance.
After leaving the stage, the boys celebrated the success of the performance and as everyone went to the dressing room, Changkyun who was a little behind, held your hand. You looked at him and he was smiling as he walked, it was a cute, innocent smile, different from the one he had given you a few minutes ago.
“You two were amazing, did you see how the audience reacted to you? wah, even I got goosebumps from that dance." Minhyuk said, rubbing his arms, laughing.
"They could even say you two are dating or something." Kihyun said, looking over his shoulder at the boy who was walking calmly. "Are you?"
“I don’t know.” The boy next to you, squeezed your hand and pulled it, making you spin and hit his chest, who now had his arm over your shoulder, still holding your hand, but this time your faces were much closer. “Maybe.”
“Finally someone who is willing to take your virginity." Jooheon joked and received a middle finger from Changkyun as you laughed, embarrassed. "Is this how you treat your hyung?"
"Sorry hyung, but please go fuck yourself."
"At least he's polite, Jooheon, we teach him well." Shownu said, making the others laugh.
And when they reached the dressing room door, the others walked in while the two of you stayed outside for a little while longer.
"How it feels?"
"I feel like I can rule the world." You laughed at the cliché. "That was amazing, really. You know, at first I was super nervous, but then you looked at me and gave me so much confidence that I just got carried away and wow."
"Was it better than performing with Bangtan?" He asked, getting closer, holding your waist that was so euphoric that you didn't even notice the approach.
"It was different. You know, with BTS the choreographies were much heavier, and more difficult, Hoseok does what he can to make them as unique as possible, and that takes a lot of strength and a lot of energy. And even though I had fun, I don't think I had all that eye-to-eye emotion like I did with you, after all, I've never danced a solo like today, not even with, well, you know who.”
"What about the kiss you gave me? How did you feel?"
"I-I don't know." You bit your lip, seeing his eyes leave yours and move towards yoour mouth. "I just felt like I had to take the chance, I felt like I would never get another chance like that. I know I shouldn't have done that..."
"You're all wrong, babe." He sighed, bringing one of his hands up to your face, caressing your cheek before cupping your chin, his thumb going to your lip and stroking it. He licked his lips, slowly bringing his face to yours, making your heart race like a race car. "You should have done this a long time ago." You swallowed hard and closed your eyes as your breath hitched, the urge building more and more, his scent, his voice, his touch, god, you wanted him. And just as your lips were about to touch, a scream startled you both, making you pull away. As you looked to the side, Jungkook came towards them, along with Jimin and Taehyung. Changkyun took a deep breath, clenching his jaw, closing his eyes tightly before forcing every muscle in his body to pull away from you and turn towards the others as they approached.
"Get away from her"
"Why should I walk away from her?"
"You have no right to touch her."
"And why not?" he asked crossing his arms in front of his chest, annoyed. "She wants it, so do I. What's the problem?"
"You know very well what the problem is." Jungkook said taking a step towards the two of you, making you roll your eyes. In the last few weeks you had found yourself wondering what your reaction would be when you saw Jungkook again, you thought you would cry, you thought you would want to slap him, you even thought you wouldn't resist him and you would come crawling back to him, but you never thought you'd actually be rolling your eyes, irritated by the sound of his voice.
"Jimin, put some reason in his head" You asked the older one, who looked at Taehyung before looking at Jungkook.
"Maknae, that's enough." Jimin said holding back. "Let's go, or we'll be late for the performance. Leave them alone."
"Kate, you can't do this." He said, this time looking in your direction. You took a deep breath, thinking of the best way to answer him, but Changkyun was quicker and answered for you.
"She knows what she can and can't do. And she can kiss me if she wants to, and I know she wants to."
"She is my girlfriend." Jeon yelled threatening to step forward while the other boy burst into loud laughter. The noise caught the attention of the guys in the next dressing room, leaving the room and meeting confused faces as Changkyun bent his knees laughing.
"What's up?" Shownu asked confused, you shrugged and shook your head. "I.M?"
"They say the Golden Maknae can do anything, but I didn't know that comedy was one of your gifts, Jungkook." The boy said wiping the tears that had fallen from his eyes as he laughed, seeing Jungkook get even redder. "Get real kid, she's not your girlfriend anymore, she stopped being when you cheated on her with some skank.”
"It was a mistake, a mistake that only concerns her and me, you have nothing to do with it, so let us both work it out."
"Look at her. Does it look like she wants to 'work out' something with you?" Changkyun's angry voice reappeared. Jungkook looked at you who were huddled between Changkyun and the guys at the dressing room door.
"Jeon Jungkook I swear if you're looking for a fight again, I'll tell Bang-PD." Namjoon's voice rang out from behind the three Bangtan Boys who turned around, making room for the leader to pass. "Go back to the dressing room now, or else." Jimin and Taehyung waved at you before turning around and walking back down the hall, Jungkook looked at you for a few more seconds before doing the same. As for Namjoon, he whispered an apology to you before bowing to greet the other guys and following the path of his members.
"You know that if you got into a fight with Jungkook, he would have ripped you in two, don't you?" Minhyuk asked, making the boy frown. "What? Have you seen the size of his arms? He looks like two tree trunks."
"Who needs enemies when you have Minhyuk as a friend, right?" Hyungwon joked, making the mood lighter.
"Let's go back outside to our seats, the next performances are about to start." Shownu said.
"You can go ahead, I'll change first." Changkyun said, slinging his arm over your shoulder, you felt yourself burning with embarrassment seeing the boys' eyes all over you.
"Are you going to change or are you going to change (y/n)'s clothes too?
"Stop being so annoying, Jooheon." Kihyun said holding the boy's neck and pulling him away."
"Come on honey, let's talk." He said pulling you into the room and closing the door.
...
After going on stage, Jungkook couldn't concentrate, the only thing he could see was Changkyun's vacant seat and think about where he could be. Was he with you? Had the two of you gone, were you doing something? Jungkook has never wished for a performance to end as quickly as this one. He couldn't lose you, he couldn't. He needed to have one more chance, just one more chance to make everything right. He would do everything right, he knew it. After all as Changkyun himself said, he was the Golden Maknae, he could do anything.
"Jungkook, where the hell are you going?" Namjoon called out to him, seeing that the boy was following a different path than the one leading to the group's dressing room. "You'll end up getting punched in the eye and I won't do anything to defend you, you're being a pain in the ass today."
"I won't do anything wrong, Hyung, I promise." Namjoon shook his head in disbelief.
"She wants nothing more to do with you, kid. Accept it and move on before you get hurt." Yoongi said. "Go, but you know, if you get in trouble, the whole group's reputation is on the line."
“I know, hyung. Thank you.”
And so he continued on his way.
Back in the dressing room, you and Changkyun were inside the cramped bathroom, you were sitting on the sink, and he was between your legs, hands on your thighs, while yours were in his hair. You didn't know how long you were there, but your lips were starting to hurt and swell from kissing him so much. Your makeup must have been all smeared with sweat, not even dancing had you sweated like that.
“Fuck, i want you so fucking much.” He whispered, using one hand to cup your face, looking into your eyes as your ragged breaths tried to synchronize. You wrapped your legs around his waist and pulled as close as possible, moaning as you felt his cock brush against the fabric covering your private parts. "You will drive me crazy."
"Have me. Take me, please." You begged, didn't giving a damn about where you were, you knew someone could walk in at any moment, but you were wrapped up in so much ecstasy, you couldn't control yourself anymore.
"Shit, wait a minute." He said, giving you a quick kiss before rushing out of the bathroom, leaving you with an emptiness between your legs, and your entire body tingling every second. You leaned your head against the mirror behind you and closed your eyes, biting your lips, one of your hands stopping at your breast and massaging it while the other stopped between your legs, massaging your pleasure point.
"Fuck, what a sight." His voice made you open your eyes and see him with dark eyes. Desire, lust, passion, you could see it all in those eyes. And it was all for you. "Take your pants off, sweetheart." He said, closing the door behind him. You did as he said, stood up and took off the pants you were wearing, leaving only your panties that could easily be pushed aside. He hurried to lower his own pants, lifting his shirt and putting the hem in his mouth, holding it while he put the condom on his cock. And what a dick. Your mouth watered at the sight of him, just wanting to be able to feel him, even if it was over the condom. You knelt in front of him, replacing his hands with yours, massaging his member before putting it in your mouth, swallowing as much as you could, moving as fast as you could, watching him throw his head back and roll his eyes. He gasped, his chest rising and falling, his muscles tensing. “Hell no, babe.” He grabbed a piece of your shirt and pulled it up at once, grabbing you around the waist, and sitting you down on the sink again. "I'm going to come inside you tonight, another day you can do whatever you want with me, but not today, got me?"
“Yeah.”
“Good.” He whispered and then kissed you, holding your face on both sides, a kiss so deep you could barely breathe. He then released one of his hands from your face, and went down to between your legs where he pushed your panties to the side, touching the waterfall that was at your entrance. he cursed. "I want to taste you, but if I wait a little longer, I'll come without even having fucked you."
"Please don’t." You whispered against his lips. Desperate for more.
"I promise to make it up to you when we get out of here, hm?"
"Hmm." You barely managed to respond, feeling him enter you, arching your back, feeling him stretch you. “yes” You dragged the word out, before you hugged him by the shoulders and he hugged you around the waist, starting to move against you, until he was finally all inside, pounding to the end, hard and slowly, rolling his hips against yours, your body unable to keep still, trying your best to get more friction, more movement. “Fuck.”
“Yes babe, fuck. Soo good for me.”
“"The door!" You whispered, seeing that it hadn't closed properly, and the wind seemed to be opening it.
"Don't worry, no one will come in here until I leave, the guys are good at giving us privacy." he whispered.
"Let me hold it." You asked not too sure. He smiled and nodded giving you a kiss on the forehead, helping you down, you faced the door, with your hands flat on it as he held your waist and positioned himself at your entrance, entering again, slowly, making you throw your head back and press your fingers against the door, wanting to dig your nails into the wood with pleasure. “Faster, please.” And he did what you wanted, increasing the force of the thrusts and the speed too, getting to the point where you couldn't hold back your moans anymore, letting them invade the entire bathroom and probably the dressing room on the other side of the door as well. The air was so hot, you were so sweaty that sweat was running down your body, wetting your shirt, as was Changkyun, but neither of you wanted to stop.
He then grabbed the back of your neck and pulled you back, making your back lean against his chest, one hand holding your neck while the other was around your waist, his lips were against your ear, talking dirty things that he would still do with you and everything was so intense, you both closed your eyes, the moans coming out of your mouths more and more sly, louder. And when you felt like you were about to come, you held his hands, your insides tightening, your entire body tensed as he fucked you hard, with desire.
"Oh fuck, babe." He groaned and tightened his arms around you.
""Shit, I'm cumming, fuck."
"Fuck, (y/n). Oh."
And you felt like you were in free fall, your legs got weak and thanks to Changkyun you didn't collapse.
The two of you held still for a few seconds, enjoying the sensation, your hearts beating, racing, your breathing heavy, your head spinning and his scent soothing you. You had never imagined doing something like this, or even feeling something like this being with him. It was strange to feel that way. You had always felt that Changkyun was different in some way, you knew that ever since you met him, he seemed to be special, but you didn't know he was that much. If you were in love with him, you'd be fucked. You spaced out for a second, feeling his light kisses on your neck , and only when you felt a cool breeze in your body. that something popped into your mind. The door. When you opened your eyes, the bathroom door was open, and worst of all, Jungkook was right in the middle of the dressing room, eyes glued to you. Anger, hate, despair, that's what you saw in his eyes, and it was all because of you.
"Shit" Changkyun hurried to close the door, slamming it hard and using his foot to hold it. For the first few seconds you felt nothing, and when reality hit, you were filled with humiliation.You felt ashamed, dirty, and all the pleasure you had just felt turned to disgust. "Honey, are you okay?" He turned you to face him. You shook your head, just wanted to cry. In fact, you were already crying. "Oh no, babe, don't cry." He pulled you into a hug. "Dress up okay? You have nothing to be ashamed of."
"But he just saw us..."
"We closed our eyes for a few seconds, we don't know how much he saw, it's okay." He then quickly took off the condom, rolled it up and threw it away. Then he put his pants on and helped you into yours.
"Just hold my hand and stand behind me, okay?"
"Hm"
When he opened the door, you kept your head down, your face still burning. Standing behind him, with your face close to his back, hiding as much as possible.
"(Y/n)" Jungkook voice as he said your name was broken, and you could only feel even more guilty about what had happened. You didn't want anyone to see you at a time like that, least of all your ex boyfriend.
"Get out of my way, Jungkook"
"I swear to god I'm going to rip your face off if you don't let go of her, Changkyun, I'm at my wit's end with you. I should blow you all over for what I just witnessed." And now his voice was menacing. Minhyuk hadn't lied when he said that Jungkook would be able to split Changkyun in two, he had been boxing for a long time and could win any fight, especially with people who didn't know how to fight. "Let go of her. (y/n), let's go."
"Back off."
You knew that if you didn't interfere, they would end up fighting and getting hurt, so you just let go of I.M's hand and walked out from behind him. He frowned at you. You were shaking, you didn't want to look into Jungkook's eyes again, but you had to, and this time, you could only see sadness in his eyes, even though his expression was one of pure hate.
“I'll go with you.”
“(y/n)...” I.M whispered your name confused and... hurt perhaps? and you looked at him, holding back tears, the corners of your lips turning down as you forced yourself not to cry. You tried to smile, tried to show that everything was fine even though you couldn't lie in that situation. And so you turned to Jungkook, the smile fading. “I'm right behind you.” And you pointed towards the door. He gave I.M one last look before heading towards the exit and you did. As soon as he walked out into the hallway, Jungkook turned around to say something but you interrupted him. “Let's not have this conversation here, Jungkook, come on.”
And so you made your way to the boys' dressing room, heads down so no one could see your red eyes. And when you entered BTS' dressing room, only the guys were there, no staff, just them. Which would make possible the scandal that was to come.
“What was on your mind to do something like that?” Jungkook asked as he closed the door behind them with all his strenght, drawing the boys' attention. "Have you gone completely crazy? What happened to you? You would never do such a thing.” And as you looked around at everyone else present, you took a deep breath, trying to keep control of your calm. You were no longer ashamed, you were simply furious.
“What do you want from me, Jungkook? What do you want me to say?”
“I want you to tell me why I walked into that room and found you two having sex in the dressing room bathroom.” He raised his voice, and behind the two of you, the boys looked at each other wide-eyed. They had seen the two of you fight before, they were used to it, but apparently they had never witnessed anything like this. Not even the day you saw him cheating on you. “You kept telling me that there was nothing between the two of you, that you were just friends, but less than two months after we broke up, you are fucking him? And worst of all, in a place where anyone could go in and see. Have you no shame? Aren't you ashamed that you told me you didn't feel anything for him, but now you're having sex with him? Did you do it while we were dating too?”
“Oh, fuck you, Jungkook. You're not going to come here and accuse me of cheating.” You cursed. “You have no right to question me about my life. I don't have to explain anything to you.”
"You're fucking mine." he yelled.
"I'm not yours." And you did too. “You cheated on me, you were the reason our relationship ended, I.M was the one who was there for me when I spent nights crying, sobbing thinking I wasn't good enough, that I wasn't pretty enough, because the man I loved cheated on me with a fucking staff. I saw the two of you, Jungkook. I found you fucking her.”
"And now you decided to do the same? Did you decide that you were going to have sex with him here, knowing that I wanted to talk to you, knowing that I would come after you, knowing that there was a possibility that I could walk into that room and get you two?”
"Stop fucking accusing me. I didn't do anything thinking about you, on the contrary, everything I did was thinking about him." You spat out your words, already out of patience to try to maintain civility.
“Hey guys.” Namjoon tried to intervene, leaving where he was and stopping beside the two. “You two are hot-headed, you need to calm down first before it gets out of hand. Have this conversation another day, hm? Or you will end up regretting the things that will be said now.”
"No, I don't want to talk to her another day, she needs to explain to me right now why she was having sex with another guy..."
"Oh my god, are you listening to any words I'm saying?" You asked, this time in a lower voice, but still not believing what you were hearing. “Get real, Jungkook. You cheated on me, we broke up, period. What I do with other people, what Changkyun and I were doing in that bathroom is none of your business. I didn't want you to see it, I didn't want anyone else to see it.”
“So glad I was the one who walked into that room and not one of the MonstaX guys, because otherwise they would have gotten you in a position where they could see your pussy, which would be embarrassing, unless of course they're screwing you too.”
"I'm so fucking sick of it." You sighed, placing your hands on your hips and looking to the corner of the room before turning to the boy. That was supposed to be a perfect day, everything was going well until he started acting like you were still together, as if you committed a crime for having sex with Changkyun. “You should choose your words better Jungkook, if there's any bitch in this room, that bitch is you, who couldn't keep your dick in your pants during our relationship. We've been together for over five years, and at no time have I done anything to hurt you. But you always did the opposite, always accusing me of something I never did, always being cold to me when you were angry about something, always preferring to hang out with your friends than spend time with me. And to be honest, I got it. I understand why you never wanted to go public about our relationship, I understand why you were always stressed, I know what your life is like and your obligations, but nothing gave you the right to do what you did to me or accuse me of this nonsense. And I don't give you the right to keep acting like my boyfriend, acting like nothing happened, like I'm the wrong one. It’s done, accept it.”
Soon the room was silent, you could only hear the noise of the groups performing on stage and the fans singing along. The other guys continued without saying a word or acting on what was happening. You ran your hand over your face, tiredness was wearing you down, after all, it wasn't every day you danced, fucked and fought.
“Look, I shouldn't even be here, I only came because I didn't want you to freak out in front of him, I didn't want you to do something stupid that could hurt him and put Bangtan's reputation on the line. I'm going now. I hope you get on with your life, because I'm gonna get on with mine.”
And walking past him, you opened the door leaving the room without even saying goodbye to your friends. You just wanted to take a taxi and go home, but before you could walk back to MonstaX's dressing room, Jungkook's hand reached for your forearm and pulled you back hard, making you spin around and slam into his chest, eyes wide both from his action and from the fact that any minute that hallway would be full of idols, staffs and probably cameras too.
“We are not over. I made a mistake. And I'm sorry, I was weak, I was stupid, it shouldn't have happened, but I'm here, apologizing and begging you to rethink your decision."
“Let go of me”
“(y/n)”
“I said let go, Jungkook.” And so he did, he let go of your arm, but he didn't pull away from you. "Don't follow me, don't call me, don't try to talk to me anymore, leave me alone. You don't deserve a second chance and even if I gave you one, you'd ruin it. You don't know how to have things, you only know how to conquer them, and after you get them, you keep them in a cardboard box in your basement."
"This is not true." And his voice was broken again, red eyes full of tears, so full that it started to slide down his face.
"It is. You never showed that you loved me, Jungkook, you just showed me that I was yours, and nothing else. You only used me when you needed to and when I wasn't available, instead of waiting for me, you went after another woman, perhaps several other women.”
"I love you" He started to sob. Chin tense, nose red, sniffling, chest rising and falling rapidly. You hated to see him like this, but you hated him even more."Please, please don't leave me. I've changed. I'll never do anything like that again, please, I beg you." And he took one step towards you, but you took two steps away from him. He covered his face with his hands, bursting into tears, no longer controlling how much he cried, nor the volume of his voice. Jimin was the first out of the dressing room, followed by the other guys who looked alternately between you and him. “P-please babe...”
“Goodbye, Jeon.”
And when you turned your back, you could hear him call your name, and as much as you wanted to go back and hug him, say that everything would be okay, you knew it wouldn't be like that.
1 YEAR LATER
“Hyung, where is the..." Jungkook's words died when he entered Namjoon's studio and saw that he was watching a live on the computer. Changkyun was the one on the screen.
A few weeks earlier, many pictures of you and Changkyun on a Caribbean cruise ended up being posted on the internet. Everyone freaked out. In the pictures you kissed, hugged, played and had fun. There was no way to deny that. The whole world already knew he had a girlfriend and his face was all over the news in every possible newspaper. When you sat in the manager's office to talk about it, the first thing he said was that you should break up, but Changkyun refused. And as he had already talked to the other members of the group, he had already decided that he would not extend his contract with Starship, which is why he no longer felt obliged to follow the company's rules, although they were never forbid from dating.
So it was time to go public.
Namjoon was one of the first to know and so the other guys in BTS were also informed, and everyone was happy that you were happy. Except Jungkook.
"His fans will never let him assume a relationship like that, they will hate her, they can't go public at all. She will suffer." And even though he was really worried about you, he was also jealous, jealous that the other guy would do to you what he wanted to do.
"Like I said, I have a girlfriend. And I'm really happy to know that so many people, so many fans are supporting us right now." And while he smiled, Jungkook just got angrier. "She is very important to me and makes me very happy. She is always by my side and is a monbebe just like you guys. I'm sure that when you meet her, you will love her, just like me."
Jungkook couldn't forget you and he had tried so hard but nothing could replace what you were to him. And even though he couldn't accept the end of your relationship, even after a year had passed, he was happy that you had gotten your bachelor's degree in dance and now you were planning to open your own dance school, aimed at the poorest kids who could not afford dance lessons.
"I hope you respect her and take care of her as you do to me. She deserves all the love in the world." Changkyun continued to speak. Jungkook left the studio, he didn't want to hear that man's voice anymore, the one who stole his happiness, who stole the woman of his life. Who was he trying to fool? He screwed up, it could have been him making that announcement, it could have been him now telling the world how happy he was with you by his side. But all he had left was an empty space in the bed and a broken heart with no chance of mending or healing. He just wanted you back, but right now, he didn't stand a chance.
sypnosis: diagnosed with the hanahaki disease, you had only two options - accept a deathly fate, or never love again.
genre: au, angst, fluff, humor, friends to lovers? maybe.
warnings: many talks of death and dying, namjoon is the sweetest brother omg, unrequited love, swearing, pining, longing, fictional added terms and effects of the hanahaki disease, really sad reader, really sad characters, and lots of angst.
word count: (read author's note)
reminder: this is a sequel. please read part one here; however, this also could serve as a stand-alone, but I would advise you read the first part as well for the full experience.
a/n: i was mauling for a long long long time over whether i should do three parts at most or just keep this one really lengthy, and since i was afraid of losing track if i chose to cut it in parts again, i just decided to make this one quite a bit long. sorry!
"let me try to love you back to life."
"Is that what you think?"
You remember the long pause before your response, a deafening silence amidst the growing tense and suffocating air that evening as you spoke.
You had known then that Jimin regretted what he said the moment he did, but it was too late. He’s already said it, and he’s hurt you.
Jimin looks at you with ache as you stare accordingly at the blank wall, noticing the way your eyes have begun to well up in tears as the familiar feeling of tightness succumbs your throat, light feathers of pink flowers forcefully being swallowed down, "Do you think that I don't remember? That I simply don't care? That I'm just on the fence playing peek-a-boo with death on my door?"
Focusing on you with a heart contrite, Jimin places his bottom lip in between his teeth, eyes meshed together amongst sorrow as he swallows in shame, feeling completely guilty at his preceding words.
"y/n I-"
You then laugh ironically, halting him to a stop.
"Forgive me, Jimin."
Your throat is furthermore burning by each passing second as you direct your gaze at the cause of your painful love, "Forgive me if I prefer to want to spend my last days in peace with the acceptance of my crushing fate. Forgive me for not wanting to die on my death bed sulking and cursing the universe and God and myself and whatever I can for this unfair hanafuckinghaki sickness. Forgive me-"
You uttered every word that night with a sense of despise, a sense of spite, each one a striking arrow shot directly at Jimin's heart.
"-if I choose to pretend to be happy and to be okay for my brother and for your sake." You spit out, last words purposely said with more effect.
Taking a few steps closer towards him, you point your finger accusingly against his chest as your tears willingly fall, lips slightly quivering as your anger all the more increases the moment you two lock eyes.
Your breath is caught at the back of your throat as you look up, finding yourself standing in the very front of Jimin's presence.
You swallow harshly, height difference being of no use as your red eyes focusedly trained on his same ones tower over him, both pairs seemingy battling for agony, "But don't you stand there and accuse me of being indifferent- fucking indifferent of all fucking things towards Sung's death. She was my friend before yours, and losing her hurt just as much as anything else."
You remember crying out, not finding an interest on holding in neither your sobs nor your coughs any longer as you did so right at his face, further recalling how you felt not even an ounce of guilt whatsoever as you purposefully reminded him of your current illness in hopes of making him feel worse.
“y/n please...” Jimin barely utters out, almost visibly fading from the way you raise your voice further in his attempts of cutting you off.
"Don't. Don’t you dare accuse me of ever forgetting that night, because as far as I remember, I was the one who kept inside the pain of losing someone close. I was the one who held you when you cried, consoling you to an unbearable extent that I forgot to console myself." Still looking at him in the eyes, you speak out words of regret as you proceed to cough lightly, the pain inside you endlessly growing that you insisted on passing it to someone else.
One word after another, you could remember physically witnessing the pain in Jimin's eyes.
The way his eyebrows were furrowed together and the glistening streaks that ran along his red cheeks were an evident proof of your success in wounding him, but you didn't care. You told yourself you didn't care. You lied to yourself in saying you didn’t care.
No. You didn't care.
For once, you could still sense that rushing feeling of wanting to lessen the burden of falling in love with Jimin. For once, you wanted to make him feel the pain you've kept inside you for the past two years. For once- for once you wanted to be the cause of his pain, not the other way around.
But that once lasted only as is, just once.
The moment you speak those words against him, your heart begins to ache all the more, the dreaded feeling of guilt and shame and love and pain all united together in rising above your limit as you abruptly collapse onto his arms, growing weak and coughing brutally as the camellias say hello to its desired lover.
You eyes begin to desperately search his as you cling onto him, head proceedingly buried against his chest all the while sobbing uncontrollably, apologies escaping past your visibly whimpering lips, “I-I'm sorry, Chim. I didnt- I don't blame you, I'm so sorry-"
You remember seeing Jimin, just seconds ago having been distraught and practically falling apart from your direct words, somehow manage to gather himself as he stands his ground, still and determined on holding you securely.
His arms are wrapped around you in a protective yet delicate manner, eyes trained worriedly on your fragile state all the while patting your back, tenderly comforting you, “Shh- shh. It’s okay, y/n. Just breathe. Focus on your breathing, that’s right.”
Your breathing has gone erratic, lifting your head a tad bit in order to look at him as you reminisce that night, when you were the one holding him as he cried. "I'm so sorry, Chim."
You remember the first few of your countless apologies which Jimin nevertheminds, holding no other concern than that of which is your state of well-being.
"It's okay, okay? We're okay. Now c'mon, walk with me to the sofa. You can do that right? On three. One, two three..”
Minutes feel like hours as you recall the way Jimin assisted you for a time on end, treating you as though you were a rare delicacy with his manner of tenderness, softness, soft whispers against your ear and soft touches along your spine as he helps you find your amity once more.
Unaware that he is just that — your amity, your armistice.
Sat on the sofa, you continue on controlling your breathing as you inhale in and exhale out, Jimin's voice supple and light by the side of your earlobe as words of encouragement slip past his lips, still slightly red and swollen from his previous cries.
You could practically feel his breath against your ear with the sheer distance between the two of you, the noticeable intimacy of both your positions making you shudder and shut your eyes in an attempt of preserving in place another series of newly blooming flowers.
Standing up abruptly, you look at anywhere but Jimin as you scan your surroundings, all before making a clear statement.
Hesitantly, you whisper, "I think I should go."
Jimin's eyes haltingly falters, confusion capitulating his entire expression before attempting to reach out to you, "So soon? I think you should stay y/n-"
"Why?" You intervene motionlessly.
Caught aback with the benevolence and lack of sentiment in your voice, Jimin unrequitedly stutters as he responds, "Because y-your condition is still not well and I-"
"My brother is a doctor, Chim. I'll ask him to stay with me."
"-I just think it'll be better for you to stay here for a while and rest-"
"Better for me?" You begin, once more keeping his words short, "Or better for you?"
You remember Jimin's widened eyes, clearly not expecting you to say what you did.
"I.." Jimin thinks before continuing, hands grazing yours just as he speaks, "I just want you here. I need you here."
At his words, you remember recalling that exact phrase spoken to you the night Sung died, just when he caught himself falling apart and firstly reached out to you.
You remember the way he stared at you with a sense of longing, a sense of yearning, deeply wanting to convey an emotion you don't- you refuse to understand.
Because you recognizes the love held not only on his eyes, but on his touch, on his lips,
making you want to kiss him, hold him, touch him.
God, you just want to love him.
“Jimin..” Your voice feels light against his face, whispers eluding past your lips as your breath leaves a wisp along Jimin’s plump cheeks, stroking the slightly pink and flushed skin from the sadness it’s undergone not too long ago.
His eyes beam longingly at you, conveying messages that seem foreign to your understanding as your heart palpitates unevenly against his grasp. But it was enough to block your mind, it was enough to drive you wild, it was enough for you to completely lose all sense and thought-process, your brain not reciprocating anything other than what the heart is yearning for.
Him.
And lastly, you remember not being able to hold yourself back as you bring to life the buried words you have kept underground for the longest time.
Your eyes trained directly at his averts down to his lips, the camellias no more blooming as it succumbs to desire, craving no more than to offer him the love you have saved in secret for the past twenty four months, "I love you, Jimin."
Lowly pronounced words as you gaze at him, breath still and steadily fanning the smile slowly forming on his lips.
"I love you too, y/n. You're my best friend."
You remember your conflict, the feeling of pure loss and distraught overtaking you as you remain still. There you were, being loved by him completely, yet it is a love that seemingly leaves you feeling incomplete. Feeling unwhole and broken, feeling void and sunken.
You remember hearing your heart physically crack as you perceive his words, your sight lingering on his own, mockingly filled with a kind of love that you didn't want.
A love that you, quite literally, didn't need.
As soon as you hear what he’s chosen to disclose, you crack an unwilling fictitious smile on your lips just seconds before a hand covers it, your body limpingly maneuvering against Jimin’s hold as you feel your throat contract once more, catching his undivided attention.
Eyebrows furrowed, Jimin calls out in confusion, “y/-”
You remember the endless coughs that had suddenly broke out of you, the worst of what is offered from the Hanahaki being at present time the moment his lips offer a chaffing smile, his concern and sincerity being your death unbeknownst to him.
Coughing vigorously, you push Jimin aside as the overwhelming feeling of sorness and torment leads you to spurt out tears by the corners of your eyes, pushing you to whimper out cryingly. Your back is turned from the origin of your agony as he calls out your name, a voice so quiet yet loud against your hearing, emotionally wounding you as you cry out in pain.
"-y/n..?"
Because you remember a one petal.
And then two, then three,
and you remember blood.
Not wanting to let him see you in such a state that shall most definitely force him to fully understand the meaning of your supposed ‘love’ for him, you run out of his home, opening the door and not bothering to shut it close as you hurryingly exit out.
You ignore all of his calls and pleas as you run
and you run
and you run
and you run
and you cough, thanking the heavens silently as you locate a bus stopped after passing a few blocks.
“y/n wait! Please!-”
You step inside the transportation with no intention of looking back, forcing yourself to cancel out the calls of Jimin's voice, muffled from the reaches of the outside bus doors. A voice that's calling you. A voice that you most definitely would run to if given the opportunity, a chance that excludes coughing and hurting and crying
-and dying.
Ignoring the whispers and talks of the three other passengers inside the vehicle, you avert you tearful sight from and to the driver's concerned gaze as you send a small forced smile his way, meekly stating,
"I don't have any cash on me, but I'm dying in 30 days. You'll let me ride, won't you sir?"
You remember that eventful day, exactly five days ago, one hundred and twenty hours since you had avoided any association with Jimin.
He's contacted you endlessly, knocked on your door several times and even stayed outside your apartment overnight during one weekend, and each time you had luckily spent it over at your brother's. The times he went there though, you were gone and so was Namjoon, leaving him calling out to your brother’s empty studio apartment.
Five days without fits of vicious coughing, yet five days without him.
Is that the sacrifice you have to make to be healthy?
Then, would that be the sacrifice you'd have to make to live?
"Jimin called me."
"AH- Kamchakya!" Your thoughts are finally cut off as you jump at the sound of both your brother's voice and the slam of the door. Stumbling backwards, you barely get the chance to hold your balance as your hand clutches your clothed chest, visibly startled at your brother's sudden presence.
Namjoon had entered your apartment nonchalantly as he shut the door close behind him with no more than a small smack, yet his strength effects the opposite of what is intended.
Eyes widened, you attempt to catch your loss of breath before bending down completely, hands now placed on both knees, "Joon what the hell?! You couldn't have knocked?" Turning aside, you conquest onto throwing the first thing you could find at the genius which he opposingly catches without a beat, throwing the tablecloth right back at you easily as he takes small steps forward, mumbling a small apology afore repeating his previous words, "Sorry. Jimin called me. For the tenth time in five days, may I add."
Rolling your eyes at his bluntness, you contrastingly fail to catch what you once threw as you walk a couple steps back, grabbing the now dirty item and attempting to hide the way your chest tightened by the mere mention of Jimin's name.
"Jimin called you. Congratulations. Would you like an award, big foot?" You joke accordingly.
Now stood up in the kitchen, Namjoon leads on to making himself at home through the means of providing himself something to eat, attempting to hide a small smile dragging its way onto his face out of gladness in finding that his little sister is not letting some pathetic disease affect her overall personality.
"Big foot? That's a new one." Reaching for the bread and peanut-butter, he calmly makes himself a sandwich, as that is the only food he can prepare without failure, all the while strategically conversing in a serious talk with you, "But don't play dumb with me, y/n. You know Jimin and I aren't on good terms right now. Since..." Namjoon trails off, wanting to obviously avoid the topic of your illness.
You sigh, chest heaving as this doesn't go unnoticed by you, of course. Yet not wanting to go down that path in the early morning either, you choose to passively ignore the way he quickly averted his eyes away from you and let him continue.
Clearing his throat surreptitiously, Namjoon proceeds to act indifferent towards the newly formed tension, "-anyway, he and I aren't okay yet but he's still called me for the tenth time, and I finally answered. You're telling me you aren't even a tiny bit curious on what Jimin and I spoke about?"
You've now sat yourself on the kitchen counter, careful not to hit your head on the overtops as you habitually clean up the mess your older brother had habitually started on creating, "I'm not curious, Joonie, because I don't need to ask."
"Mhm, is that so?" Namjoon turns around to look at you, his head somewhat tilted sideways as he proceeds to happily munch away his sloppy and disgusting-looking meal, "You already know what he said then?"
Neatly putting away all the ingredients of which your brother has taken out, you begin to shift in your spot as you look down at your now wobbling feet which you noticed have too begun to unconsciously shift and play with one-another.
You respond hesitantly, letting out another sigh, "Probably asking how I'm doing? Telling you to say sorry to me for him? A bunch of sappy stuff, I bet. He didn't even do anything wrong."
Smiling every so slightly, Namjoon nods his head meekly as he makes his way to the fridge in order to grab some water, throwing his sandwich in the trash bin in the process, "Yeah.." he pauses before chuckling softly, "-that's our Jimin.. Holy shit that sandwich was fucking disgusting by the way. Aish-" He curses before pouring some of the cool liquid on a glass and desperately chugging it down, tears forming around his eyes as he scoffs in distaste.
Confused and surprised, you check to see the bread if its begun to form any mold, which you find none.
"Huh, I wonder why. The bread is good." You say just before stepping off of the counter carefully, "-can't believe you managed to fuck up a sandwich, Joon. You really do suck at cooking, don't you? Well I guess, food in general." You addingly joke, which Namjoon, in contrast, takes complete and total offense to.
Yet just as he is about to bark back at you with a Nobel Prize winning poetic insult, you unintentionally proceed, therefore cutting him off.
"Don't worry, I'll make sure to leave you the recipes of your favorites before I leave, okay?"
Smiling at him innocently, you find no flaw in your choice of words, making your brother's heart ache without warning as you look up at him with a tilted head.
"I know how much you love my cooking anyway, no matter how many times you claim that you don't." You laugh lightheartedly, "I might forget though, since I forget everything- but hey, Jimin cooks a little bit too, so just go to him whenever you miss my cooking, yeah? I know you guys fight a lot but please try not to once I'm g- mph!"
Pausing, your voice is unexpectedly muffled as your lips come in sudden contact with your brother's shoulder, completely quieting you down.
Taking a moment to fully comprehend such an unforeseen situation, it wins a small while for you to come to notice that he has completely submerged yourself in a tight embrace, both arms wrapped around your waist as his chin is placed right on top of your head.
You didn't know how to react.
It is without a doubt that you and Namjoon are close, don't get this wrong. And furthermore are there the endless comforting shoulder rubs and thoughtful words of advice from time to time, but a hug? A hug is usually where the two of you draw the line, both finding an unspoken mutual perspective on personal space.
So to find yourself in his position, with both your hands up in the air by the side of his waists as you remain frozen from the abrupt fright, you remain still, the only thought being in your head is how the last time that the two of you practically hugged this long was back from your parents' passing.
That being thirteen years ago.
Namjoon, on the other hand, does not give a flying fuck as he feels nothing but yearn for you. Your previous words has caused something inside of him to trigger and suddenly feel a certain lack of your warmth and existence, which he hates.
Don't worry, I'll make sure to leave you the recipes of your favorites before I leave, okay?
That's exactly what you had just said.
-please try not to once I'm gone.
You would have added.
His mind is in disarray, his medicinal IQ of 148 fading into an 8 as his thoughts are gathered in shambles, trying so desperately to rid of the now forming vision of a future without your not-so-bad-but-not-good-either cooking, a future without your Namjoon please get a liscense nagging, a future without your unbearable teasing, a future without-
a future without you.
How could he wake up to a future that's missing his little sister?
Namjoon is an orphan now. You both have been for thirteen years. The orphaned doctor, he would sometimes call himself.
And thirteen years ago, this orphaned doctor swore as he looked upon his parents' opened casket for the last time that he will never abandon his sister. Thirteen years ago, this orphaned doctor cried as he smiled against the clear plastic on his dead mother's pale box, swearing under oath that he could never let an accident take his sister away too. Thirteen years ago, this orphaned doctor choked back tears as his hands leave prints against the plastic of his father's case, promising to keep the strength he trusts his dad would have asked of him to endure. Thirteen years ago, this orphaned doctor painfully smiled as he kneeled down and looked at you, your black gloves of mourning beginning to dampen as stains become visible from your attempts of wiping away your brother’s tears.
Thirteen years ago, Namjoon mentally vowed in his deceased father and mother's name to always prioritize you first, determined in a future of being his little sister’s hero as he lastly placed a bouquet of soft pink camellia flowers on top of his parents' shared grave, squeezing your smaller hand intertwined with his.
Thirteen years ago, he was only thirteen, yet he had been the father and the mother and the brother his eight-year old sister needed.
Namjoon didn’t realize when he started crying.
At this point, the both of you are now on the floor, the age difference having been confusing as you are the one cradling you older brother tenderly.
Your once frozen hands are now soft and delicately wrapped around his back, rubbing in circular motions as you mouth words of comfort against his ear. Dampness could be felt on your shoulder down to your chest as your brother maneuvers while sobbing silently, head now seemingly permanent on the base of your neck.
Does being sick always come with scenes like this? You think to yourself.
"Shh, Joon. C'mon it's okay. Shh, it's alright," You coo softly, your own tears subsiding as you don't care of much other than your brother's current distress, "Joonie, c'mon. Seeing you like this is breaking my heart."
Okay scratch that, your tears aren't subsiding, they're sliding.
"Joonie..." You whisper softly yet desperately, wanting nothing more than to console your brother ever so leniently, "-please stop crying."
Suddenly, you feel Namjoon halt as he abruptly pushes away from you at an arms length, hands holding both sides of your shoulder as his reddened eyes direct yours before making the suggestion,
"Get the surgery."
Truly, that was not the right time to bring up the surgery, of this Namjoon is certain.
And to be honest, he doesn't even have a clue whether there is a right time to bring up the surgery. But he's become overwhelmed and desperate, wanting nothing more than to guarantee your life be saved. So although the timing doesn't match, he allows the situation to happen and chooses to not take back his previous words, instead facing whatever you decide to let on. Fate shall take its course.
Caught aback, you look at your brother bewilderedly, "What?"
"Get the surgery, y/n." He sniffingly repeats, nose still red and mouth still dry from his previous and still cooling breakdown.
"What are you talking about, Joon?” You smile slightly, eyebrows knitted and confused. “What surgery?"
"y/n," Namjoon begins, voice short and desperate, "I told you about this, didn't I? I was training for medicine a few years ago, yeah? I was an intern volunteering. My superior's patient had the disease, th- the Hanahaki disease, right?" Namjoon speaks relentlessly as he becomes breathless, looking slightly crazy as he rambles over a particular memory which you have no recollection of discussing with him.
"His name was Jung Hoseok, one of the first ten Hanahaki surgery recipients. He survived, y/n. The surgery was a complete success. He's alive even to now and I also still have his contact saved in my phone. Look-"
"Wait wait wait," You shake your head, hands coming to stop his phone-reaching hands all the while trying to process the vast information suddenly provided, "-the Hanahaki surgery? The surgery you did a Science project on that I helped you with during your senior high school year? F-flower Chowder? The Flower Power?" You finish, grinning at the newly found memory yet just moments before frowning entirely,
"Joon, you're telling me to get the Flower Power?"
Namjoon inhales a short intake of breath as he looks down and shuts his eyes, dreading the soon-to-be-happening conversation, "I know this seems crazy but-"
"Yeah no shit, it's crazy."
"Just hear me out oka-"
"This is really bat-shit off the walls crazy, Kim Namjoon!"
"-it's medicine, y/n. It's not really crazy-"
"medicine. my. ass."
"-it's been successful each time it was performed, and-"
"Joon just stop it!"
"-it's the only way to save your damn life!"
With wide eyes you blankingly stare at him, scoffing in disbelief at his sudden raise of voice, "Save my life? Then what? I go to live like a fucking robot for all eternity? Lose all my emotions and live as some kind of cyborg? We aren't in a fucking sci-fi movie, Joon!"
Processing your words, Namjoon does understand your point; but he's become helpless, the helplessness making him reckless, the recklessness making him desperate, and the desperation leaving no room for understanding your point, "A robot is still alive, y/n."
All in all, a reckless mess.
"A robot is still al- what?! Joon, are you hearing yourself?" You speak incredulously.
No, truth to be told, Namjoon is not hearing himself.
"I don't know what you think this, but I am not about to turn into some kind of sim with no feelings. Both you and I know that I would rather die as I live than live as I exist to be nothing more than just that, existing." You speak threateningly, "Don't you ever make me go through that, Joon. Not even as a last resort and not even when I'm not awake anymore to defend my point."
Holding up your right pinky finger, you raise your eyebrows, staring at him expectantly, "Promise me."
Namjoon glances down at your raised finger, jaw clenched and gaze hesitant. Yet just as he proceeds to reach forward in order to seal the deal, he speaks one last time, defeated, "And what if it is the last resort, y/n?"
You look at him, eyes downcast as you begin to subconsciously lower your hand as he continues, "What if you're moments away from leaving me? What do I do? Do I just let you die? Do you really expect me to just let you die even wh- when there's an option to take where you can live?" Namjoon is breathless as he speaks, voice desperate in convincing you.
Sighing, you lower your head slightly, "Joon, I already told you that I'm okay. I'm ready. I've accepted it-"
"But I haven't." Namjoon cuts you off, his words serving a stab at your heart.
"I haven't accepted it. I won't accept it." He takes hold of both your hands, lowering his height so that the two of you are on same eye level afore smiling sadly, "I've lost both our parents, y/n. I've accepted that. I've lived with that. But you can't ask me to accept losing you either because I don't think I'll be able to keep myself sane without you around. I need you, y/n. You're my sister, my anchor, God, you're my lifeline. You've kept me going for these past thirteen years, and I love you. I love you so so so so much, nae yeodongsaeng." He finishes, your heart crumbling at the sight of his flooding eyes.
"And I'm sorry if this is somewhat unfair to you, but please." Namjoons cries out, voice barely above a whisper as he sheds diring tears, "-please choose to try. Choose to try to live.
-If not for you, please do it for me."
"Fuck you Namjoon." You curse mutteringly, voice low and steady as you stand in front of Jimin's door for the past ten minutes.
You twist and turn like a little child as you curse mentally, feeling dread throughout your entire physicality and not at all wanting to continue with your plan. Nonetheless, you remind yourself of your brother's desperation and of your reasons for doing this.
For your brother, you cheer on.
"Okay. Okay! I can do this." You jump up and down, feet bouncing lightly against the hard ground, repeating the same phrase over and over again, "I can do this."
Turning to knock, your mind then suddenly flushes with dread as you subconsciously retreat back to your car, hands waving frantically around, "I can't do this."
"y/n?"
You freeze.
Fuck.
Hands still amidst the air, you stay still, unbelieving of the situation.
"y/n? What are you- is that you? Am I seeing shit right now?" He mumbles the last words to himself, which he silently thanks goes unbeknownst to you as you stay frozen, feet glued onto the ground and heart beating out of your chest at the familiar sound of his voice.
Hesitating, you muster up the determination to slowly turn around.
Your throat tightens once more all the while your heart contrastingly does backflips as you physically see him for the first time since five days and-or one hundred and twenty hours and-or a very painful long time for someone who's in love with someone.
"Hey, Chim." You meekly call out, trying to hide the anxiety creeping in within you.
Jimin, still processing your presence after countless failure of trying to see you, steps forward lightly, eyebrows furrowed as he evidently attempts to figure out the right words to say, "Hey."
"Hey." You wince as you attempt a grin.
Jimin's lips form a tight smile, "Hey."
.
.
.
Shit, this is so awkward.
The thought enters the both of your minds as a seemingly unprecedented tumbleweed passes by.
Clearing your throat, you notice the way Jimin looks down at his fiddling thumbs and curious little pinkies as you speak out once more, trying to ease the visible tension, "So are you going to invite me in or what?" You laugh breathily, chest heaving up and down in desperation of holding in those God-awful petals.
Jimin looks up at you with wide eyes, breathing a sigh of relief as he nods his head repeatedly, "Right- right! Yeah come in. This is your home too, you know." He speaks as he holds out his keys and turn to unlock his door, not noticing the way you've weakened among with the just fallen petal that silently wisped past your lips.
This is your home too, you know.
It's insane how such light words could make a person feel so lost and contracted.
Seven simple words that were spoken without a thought have you in a dazed mentality, hand tighteningly gripping your clothed heart before faking a positive expression as he turns around to face you.
"You can head inside first." Jimin shows that beautiful smile, moving aside as he lays his hand out in the direction of his now opened abode.
You only nod in return as you waste no time in entering, mumbling a small 'thanks chim' as you pass by.
He then follows soon after, set and determined on making you feel at home as he steps forward.
Yet a sight goes inevitable as your head spins around a moment barely passing as you enter his home, catching the vision of Jimin accidentally stepping on the camellia flower, the fragment that symbolizes your unrequited love, your pain, which lay on the timid ground, cracking it in half.
It seems the universe really is telling you something.
You ponder to yourself as you gaze wanderingly, the now torn petal not leaving your sight.
Smiling ironically, the formidable occurence somehow boosts your acceptance of the situation at hand as you make your way to the sofa, speaking aloud even more so formidable words, "We need to talk, Jimin."
Just moments before sitting down, Jimin remains still, eyes glazing at you directly for a second before gathering himself and proceeding to act indifferent, "Of course."
Jimin. He thinks.
Not chim, Jimin.
"Jimin I-"
"No please-" Jimin cuts you off as you begin to speak, "Please let me say first what I've been keeping inside for this past week of being avoided by you."
You didn't know whether you were supposed to take offense or not, yet nonetheless you decide
"-just wanted to let you know that I'm getting surgery."
I can't believe she's calling me Ji- "What?"
You smile empathetically, "I'm getting surgery, Jimin."
elite alpha bts kim line x elite omega named reader
The Han Clan's power and distinction has long been deteriorating after decades of being unable to produce a true rare-breed omega. This changes as Han So, rare as you are, presents as a true omega. However, your fate has already been predestined— to infiltrate and destroy the domineering Kim Clan and their true rare-breed alphas.
Will you be able to fulfill your purpose?
Will you be able to keep up with your lies, deceit, and trickery, or will your walls start breaking down?
(angst / smut)
AN: this was not proofread 🥲 will do soon tho hope you enjoy! THIS HAS A PROLOGUE, please read that first 💟
previous next
Chapter 1
You enter the room with elegance and grace that expected of an omega— with lightness in your steps, a welcoming aura, and a hint of a smile plastered across your face. You didn't miss the turning of heads as soon as you stepped into the room, even before your name was called out to be presented before the Kim Clan's leaders.
"Miss Han So of the Han Clan!" declared loudly by the escort. You can feel more heads turning towards you and a deafening silence with a mix of whispers settled into the room. You bowed in front of the podium and smirked as your head was down, relishing the attention.
"Miss Han, you came!" bellowed Kim Yul as she hurried towards you with arms wide open. She seemed genuinely happy of your arrival, you noted. "What a surprise Miss Han. I'm glad you accepted our invitation, we were really looking forward to finally formally introducing the true omega to the true alphas of our clan", said Kim Hwan with pride.
"Of course, everyone here knows how the Kim alphas and Han omegas have long been matched together. Of course including those of our omegas forcefully claimed by your men in the past", you said with fake lightness. Fuck, this early and you were already throwing snide remarks. Well, it's probably good to make them remember what they did and show that you are a different omega as early as now. You maintain your posture and laugh to stand your ground in the midst of their apparent discomfort.
"Yes, a thing of the past decades if you may. What's important is that we have here countless alphas of your liking, and of course our true alphas, our three sons." As expected, this man would never apologize. Well, you're not here for apology, but revenge. Doesn't really matter.
You smiled as you took Kim Hwan's arm as he guides you through the ball. "As much as I am delighted to be meeting your sons Mr. Kim, you do not need to worry and guide me through it all. I'd like to take my time meeting them through my own efforts. For now, let me explore your party and estate first. Thank you again for your invitation", you said sternly with a smile never leaving your face. They seemed very eager to marry you off one of their sons as soon as possible, as if they didn't abandon your clan when there were no true omegas being produced.
"Well then, we'll leave you to it. Enjoy the rest of the party, Miss Han. You're truly something else." said Miss Kim Yul as she hugged me for the second time. "My parents are coming in a while, too. It's best if you check up on them next." You reply to both of the older Kims.
Though you are well aware of the purpose of your arrival to this ball, you weren't sure if you should work too hard or get to it immediately. There's a part of you that wants to slightly rebel against your parents wishes and get away from the clan feud for a few moments, which is why you decide to postpone meeting the Kim alphas. Instead, you go straight to the bar and fill yourself with alcohol, the recent subject of your oral fixation.
You downed a number of tequila shots in a short period of time, causing you to feel woozy and hot. You only felt the effects as soon as you stood up, losing your sense of balance. 'What a freaking shit show of a party', you thought, as no one at all tried to flirt with you the whole time you were at the bar. It didn't even feel like you were the only omega at a party full of alphas.
You made your way to the dance floor spotting the oldest Kim alpha whispering something on a woman's ear behind her back, holding her waist. 'This asshole, didn't he know I was coming to this stupid party? Why the fuck is he flirting with this woman I can't even smell any pheromones on?', you thought to yourself, scoffing.
Kim Seokjin is one of the three true alphas you were most acquainted to, more than you'd like. Before you presented as an omega, he and you could have even been labeled as best friends, attached to the hip at school, though he was a few years your senior. He would often bring you to his home and boast about your friendship to his brothers, playing with you across the Kim estate. His family did not think much of the friendship, while you had to keep it a secret from your parents. You regarded the friendship as something precious to you, not to be tainted by your parents' hate towards the Kims.
However, things took a turn as soon as you presented as an omega. Your parents started seeing your value, becoming much more visible and valuable to the clan. You weren't sure if this was a good thing or not— formerly invisible but with freedom, now recognized but restricted. As you expected, your friendship with Seokjin took the biggest blow, almost immediately. You were sure you were not to continue the friendship while plotting his clan's downfall. He found you slowly becoming out of his reach, while still being able to see you change before his eyes. The good and innocent Han So was slowly becoming provocative and coy. You couldn't forget the words he uttered to you one night out of frustration.
"What the fuck, So? What the fuck is all of this? You disappear from my life 'cause you'd rather fuck all these low-leveled petty alphas?" He says with gritted teeth, his large veiny hands seizing your frail hands violently with no hint of remorse. "Get the fuck away from me, Jin", you say, freeing your hands away from him. "Just tell me if you want me to fuck you next." You add, scoffing. "Fuck me next? Are you fucking kidding me? I should have trusted my brothers, you're nothing different from all those slutty Han omegas." This he says with a resigned but certain tone. These words, no matter how much you try to dismiss them, shake you to the core. Not because you were hurt by the implication, but because you realize your parents were right. Kim alphas will remain imperious and egotistic, seeing omegas as nothing but objects to give them pleasure. Even Kim Seokjin, your best friend. 'Not anymore', you thought.
You try to come back to your senses as you try to see clearly just who Seokjin is fondling right in front of you. You squint your eyes to get a better view of your ex best friend being the one thing he disgustingly told you you were. 'You're just a slut like me, Kim Seokjin. Being an alpha doesn't make you any different.' You thought to yourself, pressing your lips together, displeased at the sight.
However, you decide to play the role of the cunning and slutty omega he claims you are. You grab a glass of champagne from the waiter and spill all of it all over yourself, stumbling in your steps to make it look like an accident. Now his attention was most likely on you, even if you purposely weren't checking to see. You then grab the nearest man you could get ahold of and place both of your arms on his shoulders, intertwining the fingers of your hands on the back of his neck.
"Hi there, alpha. Can you help me with my tiny little accident? I'm all wet." You say sensuously, but just loud enough for the people near you to hear, fluttering your eyes. The man was taken aback but quickly smirked, realizing he can take advantage of this. Giving all his attention to you, he held your waist and inhaled your scent in. 'This motherfucker's lucky, thank heavens he happens to be fucking hot too.' You think as he looks away to find some tissue of some sort. "No, alpha. Just clean me up with your hands. Touch me." You say, while going through the tangles at the back of his hair using your fingers. You hiked up the slit of your dress, showing even more of your thighs, reaching a very dangerous part of your body. He relished and smirked at the and says "My pleasure, omega." As he too roams his hands all over your body.
With this, you finally looked up to check Seokjin's eyes on you. 'Bingo', you thought as his full attention was yours, his eyes roaming around your body, following wherever the hands of the man in front of you touches. You reached for his left hand, places it closer to your face and licks it. "We should never waste this lovely champagne, shouldn't we?" You say, eyes still locked not with the man you're tasting, but with Seokjin's. You feel him lick the side of your neck and you shudder at the sensation. 'Man, this man's good.' you think closing your eyes, but quickly opening them again to look at the beautiful stranger in front of you. "Let's take this somewhere else, I'd like to clean you up a little more thoroughly", says the impatient man, eager but with poise. You smirk as you follow him wherever he might lead you to.
'This dickhead', you thought, as you were alone with a stranger in the Kims' one of many bathrooms. 'Why isn't he coming? Is who he's with his girlfriend or something?' you thought as the stranger's hands were all over you. You realize he has a distinct scent from the others now that you two were alone. He smells of wood sage, fresh rain, and sea salt. You melt into his scent as he carries your legs and sits you on the sink. "Strip." You command while smiling, as you spread your legs wide open. You lick your fingers, put your thong to side and touch yourself. His eyes turned dangerous with your actions and removes his coat and unbuttons his pants. He then proceeded to touch himself as he relishes at the sight of you. "You're such a fucking tease, Miss Han So. Just how I like it." He says, with a voice so honey deep you want to hear it scream your name and compel you to submission. You then stop touching yourself and proceed to kissing him on the mouth with roughness and a sense of urgency. You can feel his lips turn to a smirk as he mutters under his breath, "You're one feisty omega, you might just be made for me."
He returns your sense of urgency and climbs up to the sink to climb on top of you. As he attacks your mouth leaving you breathless, he grinds his cock to your pussy. You wince at this teasing, wanting it immediately inside of you. "Alpha, please. Fuck me now, put it inside me", you beg as he continues grinding. He smiles and looks at your face as you beg, taking in the moment. "Of course I will, my needy omega", he says as he touches his cock and rubs the tip onto your clit. You wince at the teasing again. "But not so fast, as much as I'd like to put my cum all over your face, I get off on you begging for my cock just as much." He says, continuing his actions. You almost cry at the sensation and arch your back and push your hips forward. You need some sense of friction and you're going to get it. "Fuck, alpha. I need your big cock please. It's the only thing I need, please put it inside. I'll be a good omega." You plead again, throwing all decency and pride out the window. His face lights up again at this, "I thought you were supposed to be a different omega, Miss Han? Doesn't look like it now, huh? You think you can tease me in front of my clan without you begging in the end?" He says, you not registering the words completely as you keep moaning. You slip off the strap of your dress to reveal your breasts and grab his right hand to guide them to your breasts. He knew what to do from that point on and massaged them while still grinding on you. You then reached for his cock and massaged it as you see the look of pleasure in his face.
Before you can put his cock and all its glory inside you, the door suddenly busted open signaling an intruder. Both of you, however, didn't mind and went about your business, not wanting the moment to end. However a very loud and firm voice vibrated in the room. You looked at the source of the voice and saw a very angry-looking Seokjin. 'Gotcha', you thought again. But now, you weren't so sure if you liked having him look for you and claim you or hated him for stopping this one hell of a good time with your stranger.
"I said stop this, Kim Taehyung." Seokjin says again, as he pulls the man on top of you and throws his coat over your exposed body.
These are ALL fictional works! I, in no way intend to represent the artist wrongly. These all works of fiction, from my imagination and written purely for entertainment purposes only!!
Do not let my work influence the way you view the artist.
KEY- ✿- fluff ☂︎- angst
note- these works are OLD. my writing has changed since then, but if you enjoy these then cheers!
trace the colours of our skin
✿
✑Pairing: non idol! Taehyung x Reader
☞ Summary: It was comforting knowing you could see the rawest and truest form of your blind date just like how he could.
OR: agreeing to go on a blind date for a YouTube video where you both are naked and talk about yourselves while drawing each other might have been the best idea.
In Two Lines | KTH | MASTERLIST
read the below three fanfic drabbles all together here ↧
Our Love in two lines
✿ ☂︎
✑Pairing: Idol Boyfriend! Taehyung X Pregnant artist! Reader
☞ Summary: Taehyung always wears his heart out on his sleeves. You get pregnant unexpectedly, why don’t his emotions come rushing through as usual?
↝ prequel to Our Love in two lines
Her Love in two lines
✿
✑Pairing: OLI2L! Taehyung X OLI2L! reader
☞ Summary: It’s Valentines’ day and you’re very late. But thats okay. Taehyung says you’re worth all the wait.
↝ sequel to Our Love in two lines
His Love in two lines
✿ ☂︎
✑Pairing: OLI2L! Taehyung X OLI2L! reader
☞ Summary: The mother of his child, his beautiful girlfriend, the love of his life; all portrayed through his rose coloured lenses
Summary: You weren’t big on social media. Hell, you didn’t even care much for trends. So when you get a notification one day on instagram from a person claiming to be a global sensation, you can’t believe it. Months later, you still can’t believe your penpals with BTS’s good boy - Kim Taehyung himself.
Warnings: FLUFF, Light teasing, Angst, Betrayal, Mentions of past toxic relationships, Sexual assault, Cheating, and mental abuse.
Notes: The events that are in this story can definitely happen in real life, BUT this is just a fanfiction and I don’t think these events will actually happen/are occurring. Anything in italics are texts messages. This is going to be another long, and bumpy chapter. Sorry for how long it is, but if any of you are like me you love long chapters like this. But still, sorry in advance :/
BTS ML | Index | CH 10
*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*
"I'll keep being your penpal."
You see Taehyung's smile grow, and you feel kinda bad for shooting it down.
"If!" He jumps. "And I mean only if there are no more lies. No more secrets. We're both completely open books with each other."
"Of course! I really mean it! I know what type of person you are, and I trust you, Y/n. I wanted to reveal who I was eventually. I technically did when I sent you the picture of me a while ago, but you just didn't recognize me. I just wasn't sure how to do it in the best way after that, you know?"
"Mhmm."
"Mhmm…?"
You roll your eyes at him.
"Yes, mhmm. As in, yes, I understand, Tae."
He smiles at the nickname you've already formed since finding out his real name. And you roll your eyes again but bite your lip because you can't believe how normal it already is for you to talk to him. Like he isn't a part of BTS and just… Taehyung.
"You know, you’re cute when you bite your lip."
You rub your lips together and then rub your hand against your mouth for an extra measure. Not wanting to give Taehyung the satisfaction of making you smile right now.
"Oh, shh. Keep your compliments to yourself while you're in the dog house."
Taehyung whimpers like a wounded puppy while pouting his lips. And it's the cutest fucking thing you've ever seen.
God, this is hard.
"You can't stay mad at me forever. I'm your…."
And there it is. You've been wondering when this conversation would come up. The 'labeling' conversation. But of course, it decides to come up when you're trying to be a badass bitch and put your foot down. Trying to make sure Taehyung understands what he did was wrong, even though you already slightly forgave him.
Taehyung whistles awkwardly, and it actually makes you laugh. You pick up your phone from against the pillow and lay down flat on the bed. Holding it above your face.
"What's that? Is thee Kim Taehyung… feeling awkward?"
He rolls his eyes at you.
"Is thee Kim Taehyung… feeling confused?"
"Har, har, very funny."
Even though you both laugh your little teasing off, you don't want to stop this conversation now that it has started.
"But since you mentioned it." You don't miss Taehyung's eyes getting more prominent for a second. "What are we? This is the weirdest time to bring it up. But, fuck it! I wanna know."
"Look at you being all tough and shit. You drink coffee today?"
"Tea, and don't change the subject! I'm in badass bitch mode, and I want my swirling thoughts from the last two months - answered."
"So, you've thought about this then?"
Taehyung smirks, and you bite your tongue to keep yourself from smiling again. Once again, having to try really hard not to give in and let him swoon you. He really knows how to push all the correct buttons.
"Maybe I have, maybe I haven't. Still, answer the question."
"What question?"
"Oh my God!" You shove one of your pillows into your face. Annoyed, but also secretly loving how playful Taehyung is being.
"Okay, okay,” He chuckles out. “What are we? Honestly, that's hard to say. You know now how complicated my life is, and we haven't exactly met in person. Even if we did sext last night."
He mumbles the last part, and of course, you come up from the pillow at that exact moment. Making your face beat red from mentioning what happened yesterday night when your hormones were on autopilot.
"Are you blushing?"
"No!"
"Oh my God, you are! That's adorable. My little kitten's all blushy from sending me such good photos last night."
You drop your phone on your face.
"Ow!"
You hear Taehyung's laughter boom into your ear because your phone moved to the bed next to your face after hitting you. It may have just been a simple tease, but his words definitely effected you more than they should have. And he knows it like you’re already wrapped around his finger when it comes to all things sexual.
It was just sexting! Something teenagers do when they're first learning about sex or learning how to love themselves.
But talking about sex out loud, outside of doing the act itself, makes you so shy. And then Taehyung just had to call you kitten. With his god damn deep, sexy, panty dropping voice!
You're a goner.
"You know, for someone who hasn't been with a girl since they were seventeen, you definitely know how to make a girl feel a lot of different things."
"Correction, I know how to make you feel a lot of different things."
You move your phone back to above your face, making sure to keep a tight grip on it this time. Taehyung is sporting his usual teasing, sexy smirk. And since Taehyung just broke your bad ass bitch wall with a hammer, you can't help yourself but smile back at him.
"There we go! There's my angel's smile."
"You did all this to make me smile?"
"Didn't I tell you? It's my daily goal!"
You giggle and bite the tip of your thumbnail. Feeling extra cute at that moment from getting all this affection at once.
"Your piece of work."
"I know, I've been told." Taehyung chuckles at himself. "I have a question!"
You laugh at his dramatic mood change.
"What is it?"
"How did you find out who I was? Like, all this time, you've seen my face and knew BTS but didn't figure out it was me until now. How?"
You look over at your plastic bag that's filled with the light bulb you went back to buy and the magazine. You bought the magazine for the simple fact that you needed to keep being reminded that V was actually Taehyung. That this wasn’t a dream and the person you’ve been talking, and flirting with is in fact an Idol.
You stand up from your bed and get the magazine that revealed to you all Taehyung's secrets at once. When you got back to your bed, you said nothing and showed him the magazine cover.
"Gotcha," He said and then dropped his bottom lip. Only showing his bottom teeth and making a funny face while scraping his teeth against his lip. “I was thinking that may happen."
"You thought I would go out one day to buy a lightbulb and come back with a magazine with you on the front cover? You must be psychic,” You say the last part of your sentence sarcastically, and roll your eyes. 
"You know what I mean, silly. It was a possibility."
"Mhmm."
"Mhmm..."
Then you witness another dramatic mood change in him, but this one isn't positive. His smirk falls, and he's back to a blank expression. Like you both weren't just teasing the fuck out of each other.
Your 'badass bitch’ mode has been turned off for the moment, and you feel yourself getting worried about whatever he's thinking about.
"Hey, you okay?"
He nods his head, then does the opposite and shakes it.
"I just feel terrible about all this. I know I should have told you. I knew going into this that if we actually got close, I would want to tell you who I really was. It's just… I never expected it to get this far, I guess?"
"What do you mean?"
You wiggle your back on the bed. Getting kinda nervous about what Taehyung was implying.
"Like… I want to meet you Y/n." Your eyes go wide. "I do! The only reason I’ve haven’t been bringing up this subject is because you didn’t know who I was. And now you do! I want to meet you in person Y/n.”
Your stomach drops, and you almost drop your phone again. Taking precautions, you move to lay down on your side and get under the blankets. Giving you some time to respond and putting yourself in a makeshift protective barrier from what Taehyung was requesting.
Before you found out who Taehyung was, you were all for meeting him for the first time. Yeah, you would have butterflies and be nervous, but you thought you were just meeting a regular guy at the time.
Now, everything is different. Meeting Taehyung is different. Hell, talking to him is even different! Although you’re still yourselves with each other, you've never met a celebrity in real life. Knowing you, you would probably mess up with the first few words and forget your name, so you call yourself an astronaut! Stupid, yes, but honestly possible.
"Hey, stop freaking out."
You only get out of your anxiety-ridden state when you hear Taehyung's voice. He must have noticed your mini-meltdown because his face was now close to the camera. Looking at you with such care.
"We don't have to meet yet. I was just saying, I really want to."
"I do too! It's just… you’re you."
Your words sound small, and honestly, you feel embarrassed to admit that you're feeling self-conscious now about meeting him because of who he is.
It wasn't talked about a lot, the prospect of you two meeting in real life. Only sprinkled in conversations from now and then. But each time, your reaction was always so much happier. Now it's obvious you’re feeling a different kind of way about it.
"I am me. I'm that guy from BTS. But I'm also the guy you've been talking to every day for the past two months. Can't you look at it like that?"
You nod your head at understanding what he's saying, but you're not going to straight-up lie and say it changed your mind completely. Do you want to meet him? Yes. Are you scared shirtless about it, also? Yes. And you're not going to lie about it.
"I know, I know. But still, think about it from my perspective. Average girl, living an average life meeting the guy she's been texting for months… and now just found out he's a worldwide idol… yeah, if that doesn't sound nerve raking I don't know what is."
Taehyung sighs, and you watch him slump in defeat. You hate to bring up how complicated this all is and your feelings on top of that, but it had to be said. It's not that you feel any different about him. You don't regret opening his first DM or being his whatever the fuck you are to each other. It's just that you've never experienced anything like this.
It's not stopping you from talking to him, and it's not stopping you from liking him. You just want to pump the brakes a little on meeting each other for the first time. You're just hoping it doesn't make him want to ditch you altogether.
"Hey!" You say into the phone to get his attention. "I still like you. I still want to see where this all goes, can you just give me a week?"
Taehyung raises his eyebrows at you.
"A week?"
"Yeah, a week. Like… maybe take a little break from each other and let me think this through? I've honestly had a hectic day to last me a lifetime, and as much as I want to meet you in person, this is all a lot to process. Can you just give me a week to think it all through?"
Taehyung wiggles in his spot, nervous about what you're actually implying. You realize it kinda sounded like you were ditching him forever, leaving him high and dry just because he's famous, but that's not what you mean. You just want a break from all this and concentrate on yourself. Mental health should always come first, after all.
"Y-your not-"He swallows the lump in his throat. "You're not saying in a week… are you thinking about leaving me-"
"No!" You cut him off right away, and he sighs in relief. "It's just time to think. Can you give me that, please? It may not even take a week, but I would really appreciate it."
Taehyung still looked skeptical about the idea of you two taking a break from each other. The only time you stopped talking was when he needed to delete his Instagram, and you both were having a hard time about it. He had such a hard time that he broke the silence between you two after a week and texted you.
Ky's right. You've both really have become a part of each other's routine in such a short amount of time. It may have been a different circumstance when she said this to you, but it's still true. You're even feeling a bit of anxiety from not talking to him, but you know you need this. You need this time away, and maybe it will make many things more evident to you.
"Alright," and Taehyung's separate agreement set it in stone.
-
~~ The Next Morning ~~
-
You woke up feeling a lot lighter on your feet. Feeling yesterday's anxiety and worries stay as yesterday's news.
You roll over on your bed and reach for your phone, but you stop. Hesitating to see if Taehyung texted you or not even though you said you wanted a break. You never specified what this break of yours would entail. Only that you needed time to yourself, and will let him know when you were ready to talk about the prospect of you two meeting. And allow yourself to get fully involved with a celebrity like him. It's already too late for the latter, but you need to take some time to think about it.
When you finally pick up your phone to look at any morning notifications, and you see a text from Taehyung... and two from Mara.
Your eyes widen when you see Mara’s contact on your screen. You thought it would take her a while to talk to you again or even suggest to talk things out, but here she is less than a day later. Texting you twice at 7 in the morning.
Mara ㋛ (7:15am): Hey, can we hang out today?
Mara ㋛ (7:15am): I feel bad about how we left things yesterday, and I really want to apologize 🥴
You (7:30am): Okay. When?
Mara ㋛ (7:32am): You free now?
You (7:32am): Yeah, I don't have work until 4 today.
Mara ㋛ (7:32am): Okay. See you in 30
You close out of Mara's messages, and feel weird about how short and grammatically correct it was. Like you were texting one of your old teachers instead of one of your long-term best friends. Ew.
You ignore these feelings for now and then open up Taehyung's messages. Smiling as you read.
V ♥︎ (7:01am): Good morning beautiful! I know you want space, and I'm going to give you it. But I still hope it’s okay for me to text you every morning and night 😬
You (7:33pm): Morning and I think i’ll let it slide lol
V ♥︎ (7:35am): you're smiling aren't you? 😏
You (7:36pm): shhh 🤫
You bite your lip and continue to smile after you exit out of Taehyung's and your's texts. Having these brief texts a day should be fine. You only want time to think, not leave him out of your life altogether.
After putting your phone on silent, you get out of bed and get ready for the day. Trying to stay in a good mood that Taehyung created as you wait for Mara to come over.
-
When you hear the knock on your front door, you feel your mood run sour. It's weird this is how you're reacting to Mara's presence now. Granted, she did treat you like a lower being to her yesterday. Saying you were nothing but used trash. But she was also one of your best friends. You shouldn't be feeling this way about her. You shouldn't be hesitating to open the door, pausing your hand above the doorknob, but you are.
When you finally open the door, Mara is there, and she looks no different than she did yesterday. You weren't expecting Mara to look like trash since she's drop-dead gorgeous, but you were slightly hoping she would look a little more apologetic.
Unlike last time she came over, she waited for you to invite her in. You moved to the side and put out your arm to gesture her to come in, not saying anything as she crossed the threshold into your home.
You smell the familiar scent of daisy's from her favorite perfume as she passes you to sit on the couch and you think it's a little much for just coming to see you. She wears that perfume all the time, but the perfume’s essence hits you right in the face.
You look at Mara curiously as you sit next to her on the couch. Leaning your body, so you're facing her, and she does the same.
"Listen, Y/n..." Mara pauses, and you scoot in your seat a little more. "I'm sorry about yesterday."
Well, that was an easy apology.
"I was just jealous of you being with a guy you really like. A guy that just so happens to be one of the biggest faces for Korea, out of all things, too. I'm sorry, and I feel terrible about everything."
"S'okay. I'm surprised about the whole situation, but I really needed my two best friends to be there. When you started bashing on me instead, I felt more at a loss for words."
Mara nods her head and glances at your hands in your lap. She takes ahold of your hands and holds them in the middle of you both.
"I'm truly sorry, Y/n. I know I'm a bitch, but my overactive bitch mode has been coming out a lot recently. I feel really bad, and I should have been a better friend."
"It's okay. We all get some weird mood swings from now and then. Ky also told me about the guy you were seeing."
"W-what?" Mara, let go of your hands.
"Yeah, and I get you didn't want to tell me about it since the stuff with V - Taehyung was so hectic at the time. But Mara, I'm your best friend! You know you can tell me anything, right?"
You put your hand on Mara's shoulder, and you feel her body go stiff. You furrow eyebrows in confusion and just now realize how weird Mara is acting. You're just about to ask Mara what's wrong, but she stands up abruptly before you can.
"I-I have to use the bathroom."
You watch Mara speed-walk to the bathroom down the hall and don't look away until the door gets shut behind her.
"What the fu-"
Your words get interrupted when you hear a buzzing sound next to you. Mara's phone must have fallen out of her pocket when she abruptly left. You would never snoop on your friend's phone, but Mara doesn't have the 'hide messages' thing on her notification screen.
So when you look down at it, the message you read on her screen shocks you.
Kwang 🍆😍💦: What did she say??? I’m on the edge of my seat baby!!!!
You pick up Mara's phone and stare at the notification with your jaw dropped. You look at your ex's name, the emojis, what he said... and the word baby. He called her baby.
Even as you hear the bathroom door open and close, you don’t look away from the text. Even as you hear footsteps, and then they skid to a stop behind you, you don't stop looking at it. You don't look away from the text until Mara snatches the phone out of your hand. Making you turn and stand up aggressively.
"The guy you’re dating is fucking Kwang?!"
Mara rolls her eyes, and the nervous aura she had on before is completely gone.
"He treats me good." You scoff at her excuse. "He's different now, Y/n. He treats me well, and we've really gotten to know each other these past three months."
"Three months?" You step forward. "You've been dating my abusive ex... for the past three months!?"
Mara scoffs, and you shake your head in bewilderment. Like she just forgot everything he did to you while you were dating and how he practically cyberbullied you every day for months after you broke up.
"That was just a misunderstanding-"
"MISUNDERSTANDING!" Mara jumps at your outburst. "It was a misunderstanding when he practically sexually assaulted me the day we broke up? Pinning me down and trying to shove his tongue down my throat until I bit him! It was a misunderstanding when he wouldn't let me go out with you guys because he didn't trust me enough to not cheat on him? Even though he was the one always having a side piece!"
Your fists were clenched, and you were filled with rage. You haven't talked about these accuracies with your ex in such a long time. Only Mara and Ky knew about the sexual assault. Others, including Taehyung, learned about the cheating and mental abuse he caused you. But what happened when you actually broke up was something you wanted to keep buried for as long as possible.
Until now.
After you were done letting all your rage out, Mara looked at you like you just lied straight to her face. Like you were spitting nothing but nonsense at her.
"As I was saying, he's changed. He doesn't treat me the same as he did you. He respects me and my views. He doesn't even care that you're talking to Taehyung."
Your eyes go wide, and if you weren’t such a pacifist, you would punch Mara straight in the face.
"You told him about Taehyung?"
"Yeah, I wanted to see how he would react. Surprisingly, he doesn't care. He's really changed for me."
You practically see hearts in Mara's eyes as she talks about Kwang. Like him simply 'not caring' about you talking to someone new - that you thought he would be kept secret and didn't need to be said otherwise - erases everything else he's done.
You stare at Mara, completely dumbstruck. You can't believe one of the people you considered the most trustworthy and loyal person to you just betrayed you. Just took your heart straight out of your chest and stomped on it until it was nothing but dust.
"Get out," You whisper. Unable to raise your voice at that moment.
Mara barely hears you but doesn't miss what you say. Taking a step back from you and looking at you wide-eyed.
"W-what?"
"I said get out!" You scream and point at your front door. Feeling tears run down your face and not caring what Mara thinks about them. "Get the fuck out, and never talk to me a-again."
You stutter out the last part of your sentence and regret them immediately. Not because it's not how your feeling, but with those words, you just kicked Mara out of your house and your life.
Mara looks upset for a moment but sobers up quickly. Looking at you now like you're beneath her, just like before, and leaving your home without another word. The second your front door slams shut, you crumple onto the floor. Getting on your hands and knees and sobbing into the carpet.
Your body is shaking, and your cries are loud. Not caring if you disturb your neighbors or if Mara is still around to hear you. You're not able to move from your spot even as your phone rings on the coffee table.
It takes you until whoever is trying to call you texts you instead that you're able to pick up your head from the carpet and look over at it. You slowly crawl over to the coffee table, unable to stand up from how recked your emotions are.
You see Ky's contact come up twice, once from a phone call and another from a text, and you realize it was her that tried to call you. She knew Mara was coming to talk to you, so she was probably wondering how it went.
You call her back since there's no way your shaking fingers will let you type right now, and she picks up immediately.
"So, what did she say? I'm on the edge of my seat right now, girl."
Even though Ky's bubbly personality is showing right now, this makes you sob into the phone because she just said the exact words Kwang texted Mara. The text that just broke your long term friendship.
"I'll be right over."
Ky hangs up the phone, and you drop it on the ground. Going back to being a crying mess on the floor. Pulling your knees into your chest and sitting on the ground in a ball. Crying your eyes out until your now only best friend comes to talk to you.
Summary: Yoongi gets into a heated argument with someone. Yoongi begins threatening them, so Y\N, picks Yoongi’s hand and drags them out of the room before anyone gets hurt.
pairing: Min Yoongi x female reader
words: 1k and something
prompt: “you know that better than anyone ”
genre: angst
- … If I see you again…I’ll kill you.
*steps*
- What the fuck are you thinking, Yoongi?
- Let me go! – he releases his arm from her touch.
- Why are you doing this?
- don’t pretend you give a fuck about me y\n! cause I know you don’t!
- what? What are you talking about?
- You’re not my girlfriend anymore!
- But I’m your friend! I don’t want you to get hurt! Can’t you see that?
- I can’t see shit! You’re not my mom, y\n! I’m not a fucking kid, okay?
- Then fricking act like it! You think is mature to threatening people in a bar at this hour? Even more, being an idol? Even more, being drunk!?
- Mature? You want to talk about mature, huh? you, that broke up with me cause I'm an idol? Is that mature? Even more, you broke up with me but I keep seeing you everywhere! Couldn’t you like, just me the way I am? You can’t do that, y\n! you can’t keep coming back, cause I'm not being able to let you go! So don’t you dare tell me to be mature.
y\n didn’t say anything, just looking at him. Taehyung and Hoseok came out looking for them.
- Is everything okay? – Taehyung said looking at y\n that had tears in her eyes. – are you okay, y\n?
She dries her eyes, trying not to cry more
- Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
- Yoongi, what happened? – Hoseok looked at the hot heated man that was staring at the ground. – why you acted like that?
- Fuck off Hoseok.. – he almost whispered.
- What?
- I said FUCK OFF! – Yoongi shouts.
- Would you calm the hell down?!– Hoseok reply trying to stay positive.
- Don’t tell me to calm down!
Taehyung saw that things weren’t working so he picks y\n by the hand leading her to sit in a corner.
- y\n talk to me... What happened?
- He .. he started to … a guy approached me and I told him that I wasn’t interested... Then I walk away but he took my hand insisting… Yoongi saw everything and stopped him. They began to fight and Yoongi threading the guy saying a bunch of terrible things.. – she turned her eyes to look at Yoongi who was still arguing with Hoseok. – he can’t do that Tae, he is an idol and has to act like one..
Tae also looks at them, and then he took her hand catching her attention.
- I understand.. I do. But I think you’re not entirely right too, y\n. don’t you think you’re seeing just Suga, the Idol, the rapper and compositor, and forgetting Min Yoongi? The man who loves you the most, that can make bad decisions in an attempt to protect the ones he loves? You’re family so I feel like I can say that to you. Think about that.
Meanwhile...
- Drop the attitude, Yoongi! Stop acting like this! It's not going to solve anything.
- Hell if I care! This is fucking bullshit. I’m fucking done!
- Done with what? What are you talking about?
- I .. – his voice began to shake. – I don’t... I don’t know..
He turned his face away from Hoseok looking at Y\n that was listening to Taehyung bits of advice.
- Nothing matters anymore. I don’t care. I’m a mess, man.
Hoseok understood immediately.
- I can’t stand to see her and not be able to take care of her, kiss her, ask about her day... love her. I'm getting crazy man.. – tears were falling down his eyes now. – I hurt her. I hurt her by doing this stupid I do, I hurt her saying those things... Dammit, I hurt her being who I am.. how can I fight against this? Tell me...
Hoseok placed his hands on Yoongi’s shoulder hugging him.
- Don’t be so hard on yourself. You both are gonna be fine. I'm sure. You love each other. How can you two fight against it?
y\n walked towards them, Taehyung right behind her.
- I’m going home.
Yoongi tried to speak, but y\n interrupted him.
- Don’t. –she said in a low voice, not being able to look at his sad eyes. – just please, take care of yourself ok? I promise you won’t have to deal with me anymore.
- No... don’t do that...Don’t leave me.
- It’s not a big deal Yoon.. – she said trying to smile a bit. – You’re right, we both need space. We need to breathe. You know that. You know that better than anyone.
He just looks at her, wanting to say so many things, but not being able to say a thing, but:
- I love you, Y\N.
- I love you too.. no matter what. – she was starting to cry again.
Hoseok and Taehyung were staring at the ground afraid to move.
- Please don’t go – he tried to hold her hand but she didn’t let him.
- I’m proud of you Yoongi. – she said smiling, shutting down all the pain that she was feeling at that moment. – and I want you to be happy, no matter what. I'm sorry for not couldn’t handle it. But I'm proud of you and I'm better because of you. I’m sorry about everything I put you through. Please, be happy. You deserve more than anyone.
She gave a step back walking to the car.
Hobi followed her while Taehyung stayed with Yoongi who wasn’t moving.
- Y\n! I’ll take you home.
She looked back, stopping him.
- It’s okay, Hobi. I can go alone. I didn’t drink.
- But… you're in no condition to drive.
- Yes, I am. Take care of him, okay? – she smiled at him. – promise me.
He nods.
- I promise. if you need anything, you know I’m just a phone call away.
Instead of an empty room, however, he instead found what looked to be a greek god smoking a joint. Sat on the floor a long joint hanging from his lips was a gorgeous man, his hair dark but fluffy. Jungkook had to restrain himself from reaching out and touching it. His eyes were fox-like, black eyeliner smudged around them making him look devilish and seductive. If Jungkook wasn’t so focused on the way said man’s slender fingers looked wrapped around the joint, he would have noticed the man staring directly at him.
or
Jungkook fresh into University is determined to slip into the background and stick to himself, but enter six beautiful men determined to get him out of his shell and teach him the ways of the world, (and maybe fall for him in the process)
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
