Jongin looked up at Sehun’s apartment building, hesitating as he adjusted the backpack hanging from his shoulders and grimacing at the weight of its contents. Almost everything about his plans for the evening were mundanely routine and nerves had never before been a concern whenever he decided to waste his hours sprawled out on Sehun’s couch, game controller in hand and cartons of fast food cluttering the coffee table, but tonight’s surprise visit held significance and it was stirring uncertainty within him. Despite having already confessed how he felt to Sehun and kissing him under odd circumstances, their relationship had hit a plateau and things hadn’t changed; at least, not aside from their feelings now being out in the open. He was ready to move forward and while he had his reservations, unsure of how Sehun would react to a possible shift in their relationship, he was prepared to take that leap of faith. Kicking down the stand, he pulled himself off of his bike and made his way into the lobby of the building, ignoring the knowing glance from the attendant behind the front desk as he passed by to reach the elevator. Pressing the button, he stepped into the elevator and hit the floor number, leaning against the wall opposite to the doors and toying with the thinning straps of his tattered backpack.
As the cable carried the elevator steadily up one floor at a time, Jongin let his mind wander, memories playing out like a roll of film behind his eyes. A fond smile pulled his lips up at the corners as he remembered the first time he’d ever seen Sehun, the boy’s stoic face contrasting sharply with the sensuality radiating from the woman whose side he never strayed from. The rumors had circulated like wildfire around the brothel; a prostitute with a pet of her own, a pretty boy not much older than Jongin catering to the female’s every whim. It was an odd sort of situation, unheard of within the gang but Jongin hadn’t paid much thought to it until he actually laid eyes on the lanky boy with pale skin and eyes that told of the pain he’d suffered while his face remained still. There had been something about him, an unknown quality that had drawn Jongin to him despite his reluctance to befriend anyone. A few interactions here and there were all they had before Jongin abandoned all ties to Scorpio and fled. Not a year later though, he found himself face to face with the boy once again when the older male followed suit a year later and filled a vacancy in the weapons designing department, with Jongin being one of his first customers. Two years passed and their friendship blossomed, leading Sehun to become the only person Jongin trusted with every fiber of his being and ultimately, the first and only person Jongin could admit to genuinely loving.
It was a foreign emotion, one he hadn’t dealt with this fiercely since he was a carefree young boy vying for his parents’ attention and it terrified him. He had given up the luxury of feelings and emotions when he was forced into prostitution, unable to afford letting the vulgar obscenities and being used like a toy affect him lest he fall too far into despair. It set the tone for how he saw the world, through judgmental and indifferent eyes but caring for Sehun had awoken the softer side of him, had created vulnerability and weakness.
The ding of the elevator arriving on his intended floor drew him out of his thoughts and alerted him that he’d reached his destination. Swallowing down the lump in his throat, he stepped out into the hall and headed for Sehun’s apartment, feet shuffling noisily against the carpeted floor. The shiny numbers contrasting against the sleek white of the door had never been more intimidating than they were now, gleaming in the crisp lighting and adding to the sickening nervousness building within him as he raised a fist to bang obnoxiously on the door. Clearing his throat, he straightened his spine and tried to appear as his usual confident self, not wanting to raise any suspicion within his best friend about his intentions.
“Hyung open up, I have Chinese food and a liter of Coke.” He called out, hoping the lure of his favorite drink and the promise of lukewarm dumplings would coax Sehun into hurrying up.
