Let Me Go (Alt. Happy Ending)
Let Me Go (Original Unhappy Ending)
Pairing: Loki x female reader (Y/N)
Summary: Prince Loki has been declared king regent after the Allfather falls into the Odinsleep without any warning while Prince Thor remains banished on Midgard. The God of Mischief summons you to his chambers in order to dissolve your engagement despite your reassurance that you will stand by his side through whatever devastating lie his father revealed to him.
Warnings: Angst, Loki telling you he's a monster, reader feeling hurt, confused, devastated
A/N: I wrote this a while ago with a very, very unhappy ending and promised a few people I would fix it so here we are 😊 The first part of the fic is exactly the same as the unhappy ending. I've added a purple line to indicate where the change starts just in case you want to read both.
I hope you all like it! 💚
The door to the library opens and closes but you keep your eyes down, your attention solely on your book and not the heavy footsteps coming steadily towards you. You flip to the next page quickly, biting your lip as you tuck your legs under you on the small couch and hold the book closer.
"Lady Y/N," a familiar voice breaks through your focus and causes you to jump in surprise.
"Fandral, I apologize. I was so engrossed in my reading, I didn't hear you come in," you greet one of the warriors three as you stand, smoothing out the skirt of your floor length gown. Prince Thor's oldest friend he doesn't smile in return and you can't stop the anxiousness that fills you. "Is there news of Prince Thor from Midgard?" you ask hopefully, the older prince has been gone for nearly a month. Much longer than anyone had expected and any word of his return would have been welcome.
He shakes his head, his somber expression confirming your fear that something is terribly wrong on Asgard.
The sound of the doors opening again distracts you momentarily from the blonde warrior in front of you. You swallow hard when two Einherjar, the palace guards tasked with protecting the royal family, enter the large room and you look back to Fandral.
"Fandral..." you repeat his name quietly as your mind fills with dozens of dreadful scenarios including Prince Loki being injured somehow. He takes a deep breath as he prepares himself for the message he is about to deliver and you wait in silence. The book slips from your fingers, hitting the ground with a thud when you learn King Odin has unexpectedly fallen into the Odinsleep.
"The king regent has summoned you to his chambers," Fandral tells you after explaining that Asgard will now be ruled by the younger prince and you nod slowly. "The Einherjar will escort you."
Walking down the empty halls, you keep your head lowered and your hands clasped in front of you as you follow the two guards closely. The sounds of your footsteps and those belonging to the Einherjar echo through the marble hallway, adding to the tension you feel in your chest. The palace has never been so still. The high court and royal advisors wait in the great hall for an update from the queen on the king's health while the palace staff has been ordered to remain out of sight unless summoned.
I can't imagine how hard this must be for Loki, to have witnessed his father succumb to the Odinsleep alone must have been so shocking. My prince has such a heavy burden to carry, I hope I can take some of the weight off his shoulders, you think as you and your escorts continue towards your destination.
Thor should be here. Loki never wanted this, he never wanted to rule the kingdom. He only ever wanted to be seen by his father and brother, you sigh when you think back to your late night walk in the garden where Loki admitted that very thought to you. He had never voiced it to anyone before, he knew his brother would never understand and his father would see it as a sign of weakness. As hard as it was to hear how he truly felt, you cherished the knowledge that you gained his trust and swore never to betray it.
Your thoughts shift to your engagement with the prince as you follow the guards up the grand staircase. Your relationship with Loki has not been what you expected and you couldn't be more grateful to all the gods for their blessing. The marriage had only been arranged to advance your father's status at court but in the six months since it was announced, you and your betrothed grew closer and closer. A friendship blossomed easily as you had many similar interests but in recent weeks you realized you have fallen completely in love with your future husband. The thought of spending the rest of your life with Loki no longer fills you with dread and apprehension as it did prior to your meeting. You are beyond excited by the idea of being his wife, counting down the days to your wedding although you are still too nervous to reveal your true feelings to him. Maybe on our wedding night I'll finally have the courage to tell him I love him dearly, you hope.
You look up just as the door to Loki's chambers comes into view at the end of the hall. If you and Loki hadn't broken royal protocol almost every night for the last two months, this would have been your first time here but the guards don't need to know that you knew your way.
You couldn't help breaking protocol though, you slept better in his arms then you ever did in your own bed no matter how soft it was or how many pillows you had. Each time you slipped out of your room to sleep in his bed, he would kiss you gently as his arms held you close to his body. When your eyes would drift closed, he would whisper how many days left until your wedding as if he was as excited as you were for the day to arrive. You blush a little as the memory of last night fills your mind. 'Only seventeen more sunrises until you are mine for eternity,' he whispered, his lips barely touching your ear just before he placed several light kisses to your skin.
A loud series of knocks on the tall wooden door pulls you from your pleasant memory and back into your present state of worry and anxiousness. One of the guards stands next to the door that leads into Loki's chambers while the other announces your presence as it opens.
As soon as the door closes you run to Loki without uttering a single greeting, immediately forgetting all the formalities of court that have been drilled into you your entire life. You hug him tightly but his arms remain at his sides and you fear you've made a grave mistake. Just as you are about to let go, he lets out a heavy sigh and embraces you tightly. After a long moment Loki pulls back slightly, not enough to free himself from your arms but enough to look into your eyes. He lifts his hand to gently stroke your cheek and you force a smile despite your growing nerves. He looks down at you in silence as you search his face for any clue as to what he is thinking. He seems emotionless but his eyes reveal the pain and confusion he is trying to hide from you.
You know better than anyone on Asgard how delicate the relationship between Loki and his father is but you also know deep down Loki is desperate for the king's love and approval. Were they fighting before the king succumbed to the Odinsleep, the thought pushes into your mind suddenly and your heart aches. Is that why he is taking this drastic turn of events so terribly? Does he blame himself? How could he though, this isn't his fault. Rumors that the king has been putting off the Odinsleep have been heard throughout the palace for years. It was bound to happen this way, surely Loki must know that.
You're at a lose for words as you look up at your future husband. I'm sorry, I'm here for you, everything will be okay. These words don't feel as if they will be enough to take away the emotions he seems to be wrestling with as he looks at you silently. Instead of speaking, you press your lips to his and feel the smallest hint of relief as he kisses you back.
Suddenly Loki breaks the kiss and pulls away from your embrace, taking several steps away from you. His eyes fall to the floor between you, your heart feels heavy when he lifts his eyes to look at you. You mumble a quiet apology for the kiss, fidgeting with your fingers but the prince shakes his head slowly in response.
He takes a step towards you and stops almost as if he can't bring himself to be any closer to you. "My beautiful Y/N," he says quietly, the joy missing from his voice. "If you only knew... one more kiss could be the best thing," as if he knows you already miss the feeling of his lips on yours, "but one more lie could be the worst."
"Loki..." you take a deep breath to steady yourself, moving tentatively towards him but you freeze when he takes a large step back, "You are making me nervous." Your mind races as you try to understand if he is accusing you of a lie or if he has been lying to you. "What do you mean, one more lie?"
He doesn't answer and you can't stop yourself as you begin to close the distance between you and your fiance. "Loki, you know I've never lied to you, I would never. I don't understand," you tell him, thankful that he allows you to come close enough to reach out and take his hand.
"No, I know you haven't," he lifts his other hand to cup your cheek gently. A small smile flickers across his face before he lets his fingers fall from your skin but he still holds your hand. "My father-" he clears his throat and corrects himself which you find curious, "The king has lied to me my entire life but now that I know the truth I know what I must do."
You are almost too afraid to ask what he means but you push yourself the speak, "You know you can tell me anything. What did the king lie about? What do you think you need to do?"
"The truth would only destroy your image of me and I cannot bear the thought of you seeing me for what I really am," his words frighten you. "Y/N, in this world there's real and make believe and I have learned that none of this was real."
"This seems real to me," you insist, squeezing his hand and placing a soft kiss to his cheek, his skin feels unusually cool to your lips.
"It is not," he counters with no explanation then he pulls his hand free from yours. "You're not something I deserve."
"Don't say that," you tell him as you feel your heart starting to break open. A new fear you had never imagined surfaces. Loki is ending our engagement, he's ending us. Without even a second thought you let out the only secret you've ever kept from Loki, "I love you."
The words hang in the air between you and you worry at your bottom lip, desperate for him to say he loves you in return. Instead, he shakes his head as if he doesn't believe you, "You say you love me but you don't know who I am. Let me go before you learn the truth and fear me as you should."
"I could never be afraid of you," you feel a tear roll down your cheek and do nothing to stop it as you look into Loki's eyes. "I love you and I know you, Loki. I know you better than anyone on Asgard. You're my prince, my best friend, my future. Just give me a chance, talk to me please."
His expression softens, as if seeing your pain and hearing your words has changed his heart but he looks away quickly. "You cannot know me Y/N because even I didn't know who I was until the king let his secret slip just before the Odinsleep took him."
"What secret?" you follow him as he walks across his room and places his hands on his desk, his back to you. "Loki, please you've always been able to talk to me," you urge, your hand resting on his shoulder lightly to let him know you are here. Your breath catches in your throat when he turns to look at you and you back away, your body filling with terror as he predicted when his crimson eyes focus on you. There's only one race in the nine realms that has eyes which glow such a deep red and they are monsters.
"Do you see it now?" he asks, his voice harsher than you've ever heard before when he sees how scared you are of him.
"I don't understand-" you shake your head, trying to make sense of what is happening but your fear makes it hard to think rationally.
"Odin is not my father," Loki finally begins to explain the long held secret of the royal family. "He stole me from my home as an infant during the war on Jotunheim a thousand years ago."
"You're... you're a Jotun?" you ask, your voice shaking as he walks slowly closer to you and you can't help but take a step backwards. You've heard stories about the frost giants from Jotunheim, every child on Asgard had. They were a violent race who were to be feared. The king waged war on the ice planet to save the realm from their horrid plan to destroy the bifrost and turn Asgard into a frozen wasteland. How could the man I love with all my heart be a monster from the frost realm?
"I am," he nods then asks you a question in return. "Do you fear me?"
"I-" you open your mouth to answer him but your voice fails you when Loki's pale skin becomes a deep shade of blue. Intricately detailed ridges form along the exposed skin on his wrists and neck, traveling up his face. He stands in front of you in his Jotun form and you find it hard to breath.
"Do you still love me as you claimed to only moments ago?" he asks when you don't answer his first question.
Yes! your heart screams but your mouth remains tightly shut as your mind replays the dozens and dozens of horrific tales you've heard about frost giants as a child.
Loki senses your indecision and makes the choice for you, "You said you love me but you didn't truly know me. Now that you know the truth, you're terrified of me as you should be. I know what I am, I'm the monster mother's tell their children about to ensure they behave. I am not something you cannot love, now get out!"
"Loki, wait..." you shrink back when he yells, your feelings for him trying to win the fight over your deeply rooted fear. "Please, I just need a minute-"
---‐---------------------------------
"A minute to what? Come up with a reason for why you no longer feel any affection for me?" he asks harshly. "I do not wish to hear lies or excuses for why your feelings for me are suddenly extinguished because I'm-"
"Stop!" you yell, surprising both the prince and yourself when you raise your voice, your heart pounding frantically. "Just stop... please," you say quietly, taking a deep breath to try and ground yourself.
He nods silently as if realizing for the first time that he's given you barely a few seconds to absorb the heavy truth he revealed to you. His crimson eyes follow your slow walk across his chambers to his bed where you take a seat. Your fingers trail over the vibrant emerald and gold blanket while Loki fights the pull in his chest to sit next to you.
You look down at your hand, feeling the smooth silk for what you fear is the last time, memories of your nights with Loki flash through your mind. A tear falls onto the blanket, a damp circle forming next to your hand then another when you think about how perfect everything was just this morning. Taking a deep breath, you wipe your eyes as you lift your head to see Loki has cautiously taken a few steps closer although he still remains too far for you to reach him.
Sniffling quietly, you force yourself to meet his red eyes while your mind begins to fill with questions you doubt Loki has answers to. Why would the king have taken him from his home? Why didn't the king of Jotunheim search for his son, did he think he had been killed during the destruction of the palace? Was the Allfather planning on using your fiance for some political reason or merely keeping him as a stolen trophy? What about his mother, the queen? How could the she lie to Loki when it so easy to see how much she loves him? Is Thor aware that Loki isn't his truly his brother, is that why they never became close as they grew older?
You close your eyes and rest your head in your hands while taking a series of slow, steady breaths to quiet your thoughts. When you open your eyes, the question you most desperately need an answer to pushes through all the others.
"Do you love me?" you ask your fiance.
"What?" The prince asks, clearly caught off guard by your question.
"I asked if you love me," you get up from his bed but don't move closer, hoping he'll come to you. "Or if you ever did..." you add when he doesn't move towards you.
"I don't see how that would matter now," Loki avoids answering your question, focusing instead on the floor below him. He suddenly turns away from you, walking towards his desk at the other end of the vast room.
"It's the only thing that matters," you reply, wiping your tears away with the back of your hand. You follow him, unwilling to let go of your prince until you know his true feelings for you.
Loki's back faces you, his eyes focused on his hand as he slowly turns it over. Examining his palm then the ridges on the back of his hand as he rotates his wrist, he finally answers you, "I love you more with each passing day."
You take a few steps towards him, your heart pounding at his response but you freeze when he turns to face you. "That is why I can't do this to you," he tells you, tears in his eyes.
"Do what Loki?" you're almost afraid to ask.
"I can't marry you," he states simply as your heart aches deep in your chest. "You can't be tied to a monster for eternity, you need to let me go."
You move silently across the room until your standing directly in front of him, his back to his desk with nowhere else for him to escape. Cautiously you raise your hand, Loki flinches when your palm is inches from his cool skin and you pause, waiting for him to let out a breath before gently cupping his cheek. You gaze into his deep red eyes, searching for the man you love through the pain, anger and fear. "I can't let you go," you say as a tear rolls down his cheek, tracing the ridges as it descends.
"Please Y/N," he pleads quietly, "You need to-"
"No," you shake your head, your thumb stroking his icy skin gently as you wipe away another tear. "I'm not afraid of you Loki," you tell him through your own tears.
"You should be," he counters. "We both know I'm a monster, my father-" you can see the hurt in his eyes when he quickly corrects himself, "The king said all Jotuns are-"
You cut him off before he can finish, "The king lied to you about who you really are, why should we believe anything else he told us?" Loki looks at you quietly, absorbing your question. "I don't know if Jotuns are truly as horrendous as we were led to believe but if they are anything like you..." you smile, letting all the sweet memories of your time together fill your thoughts. "Then they are far from monstrous."
"Y/N..." he whispers your name as if he can barely believe what your are saying.
"I love you," you remind him, your heart beating faster when the corners of his lip begin to curl up into a smile. His hand slowly raises, settling on your lower back and you let him pull you a step closer. Your eyes never leave his, "I want to marry you every bit as much as I did this morning."
Loki doesn't respond in words, instead he leans down, pressing his cool lips to yours almost desperately. You can feel his whole body relax when you put your arms around his neck and kiss him back fiercely. He pulls back slightly after a long moment, breaking the kiss but still keeping you close. "I love you," he tells you, his smile finally appearing only to fade as a thought enters his mind. "I can't stay here."
"What do you mean? At the palace?" you ask in confusion.
He shakes his head, "Asgard."
"But it's our home," you reply, unsure what he is thinking although you quickly decide that you will follow him wherever he goes, even it's the frozen wasteland of Jotunheim.
"I can't continue to live here knowing my whole life is a lie," he explains, his fingers running slowly through the ends of your hair. "How am I supposed to look at my mother now that I know the truth? What will happen when Odin wakes up? We argued and he exposed everything just before he slipped into the Odinsleep." You can see Loki's thoughts spiraling as his eyes drift away from you.
You cup his cheek again as a rushed idea forms in your mind, "Bring Thor back."
"Thor?" he asks as if he forgot his brother is still banished to Midgard.
You nod. "Bring him back, he can be king regent until Odin wakes," you clarify your desperate plan, "And we can leave. We can live on Midgard or any of the other realms. I don't care which one."
"You would leave everything for me?" Loki asks hesitantly.
You smile up at your fiance which calms him instantly, "You are my everything."
"Y/N, my queen, my darling," he smiles in return, keeping his hand on your back to hold you flush against his body. "I love you more than anything in the nine realms."
"Good," you giggle, your fingertips lightly tracing the ridges on his forearm as you look up at him. "Because I'm never letting go of you."
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