I’m connecting with Sun energy much more lately!
I’ve had a lot going on lately. I ended an ongoing toxic relationship that was draining me a lot.
Now is the time to heal myself, and choose to do what’s right for me. I have chosen a new path.
If anyone out there is in a cycling, “roller coaster relationship”, with someone who is not personally accountable, projects issues, and keeps you down... You have the right & power to walk away.
I had been in this place mentally too many times before. Every fight bigger than our last, and every makeup more euphoric than the previous. We had a pattern of toxic behaviors that seriously harmed us both, but I took the brunt of it. I do not want to speak on this in a “self victimization” post. I have been in cognitive behavioral therapy for six years now. I don’t plan on ever stopping. I am diagnosed with mental health issues & actively take medication for treatment. I understand the differences between “actually caring”, and manipulation, gaslighting, toxic relationship patterns, red flags, triggers, conditioned behaviors, denial, projections, etc...
My partner on the other hand, had struggled with drug abuse issues, anger issues, and mental illnesses run strongly in his family:(. I was being lied to for months, “I’ll get a therapist”, he said. “I love you so much and I’m so sorry for what happened”, he said, “it will not happen again”: after a screeching match over something that happened days ago... I love him, always will... however his inability to take personal accountability for ANY of his patterns of negative behaivor... I cannot. I cannot sit here and put myself in this position anymore. I had been there for him in his darkest hours, truly. Our relationship is more than complex, and even sharing this extent is getting me out of my comfort zone. But I hope if anything you guys can understand how spirituality is helping me through this.
Without my good friends supporting me, a major queen @highpriestessleo, my mother, and my other girls, I have no idea where I would be right now. All I know for certain is that this is a huge step for me. I am putting an end to a cycle that has been keeping me down spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. Turning to my tarot deck, my crystals in my pocket, the incense I was burning, the meditation music I listened to at night... always brought me comfort & guidance. It just took me many cycles of the same pattern to take these “omens” for what was really occurring. My use of tarot has improved my introspection & ability to trust my intuition. Having positive energy surround me to brighten my day when I’m feeling dull, makes all the difference! This has been hard to walk away from, but knowing I can always journal, meditate, charge my crystals, do a tarot spread, or just LEARN about spirituality... to further my own journey... brings the best energy into your life. I promise you, the universe is on your side... ask and you shall recieve 🌞
I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU! I now have over 6,700 followers 🧿👄🧿! I am truly baffled... you all inspire me to keep learning, & keep sharing!
Stay strong in these difficult times. As the 10 of Swords might show, theres sun rising on the horizon