#avoidant discard

[femmeoflaces]

today I found the letters I wrote to my last girlfriend stashed away in a basket. They were in hand printed envelopes I spent hours choosing the patterns for. The pink wax seal was textured with the lavender buds I mixed in to represent the time we’d spent picking them together. It was scented with the vanilla musk perfume I used to wear everyday, until it ran out conveniently when she left me. I wrote one every day we were apart, a different topic of love in each little note. Part of me feels like I’m keeping a bitter ghost on my nightstand by keeping them, but another part wants to remember how deeply and freely I was once able to love, how full my heart can be once it feels safe enough to soften.

[theladywitdacookies]

Ask me why l cut people off without a word.

I will reply with...

They handed me the scissors.

They know what they did.

No need to explain.

They didn't have anything else to say.

Why should I go out of my way?

That is on them.

The guilty always be runnin';

Runnin' away or runnin' their mouth.

JLK

[feelmycolourfadingout]

at least i can say i tried. at least i can say i never gave up on us.

[poemsbykorrin]

absence wears her name

I do not know if I was ever kissed, not by lips, but by the ghost of her. A girl with frostbite eyes and a disappearing heart, who drank from my wrist then wept into my ribs as if she hadn’t meant to stay.

She left with no candle lit. No letter. No signal carved into my fogged mirror. Only silence, like a knife left standing in a velvet cake.

Oh, I remember her, the way the world bent around her laugh, how my spine turned cathedral whenever she touched my name.

Now, I dwell in the after-room, where time has no heartbeat. She lives in my fever, in every missed call disguised as mercy.

I wear her absence like a mourning veil, tight, bone-split, beautiful in its cruelty. Every breath a rebellion against the grave she made of me.

Did she mean to vanish? Or was I simply a summer hallucination to her December soul?

No matter. I have become the ghost now. And darling, I haunt beautifully.

-Korrin

[0hpartyb1]

[backroomsbrain]

The thing is.

Yes, I did care. Very much.

The thing is, though...

They said they loved me, and I didn't say it back. I said I wasn't ready, but I knew I didn't feel it.

The thing is:

The principle of the entire thing, I guess? Affective responsibility? Surely, there was some degree of connection there. Some consideration was warranted.

The thing is, it hurt at first. Now I laugh about it. I am bitter, mostly because I can't believe I let myself get roped into whatever their game was.

But the thing is, though, that I know I will never be that pathetic, and it makes me feel at peace

[feelmycolourfadingout]

if one day you finally come back on here and see the posts i made about you, and you choose to finally come back and text me and tell me you’re angry and upset at what i said, maybe sit back and think. maybe ask yourself why i made posts like that. maybe ask yourself why i would be feeling abandoned and discarded. maybe ask yourself why i don’t feel like i can trust anyone now because you decided to leave with no acknowledgement:

i deserve to be angry. i gave you so much time. so much grace. so much love. so much care. and you didn’t want it at all. so i waited. i waited until it became too much for my body to handle. you said we’d know each other forever, glad to know forever for you is such a short time.

[0hpartyb1]