#bard shitpost

[bounce-a-coin-off-your-witcher]

Jaskier, to a room full of bards: I have gathered the Bardic Union here today to make a proposal. Emotional Support Bards. Everyone choose a Witcher - Geralt of Rivia is off limits for obvious reasons - and start writing about them. Follow them around. Feed them. Make sure they have a nice place to sleep. Sometimes you will have to give them a bath but it can be enjoyable if you go for the chamomile oil first!

Valdo Marx: And what do we get out of this arrangement?

Jaskier: Inspiration! And probably some trauma and unrequited love... (doing jazz hands desperately) but it’s worth it!

[bounce-a-coin-off-your-witcher]

Jaskier, to Eskel: There’s no joy like an eleven-year-old hearing her straight dad accidentally tell an even straighter dad that he loves him.

Jaskier, gesturing to a violently blushing Geralt and a giggling Ciri: Bear in mind this isn’t Redania, where such an exchange might be ordinary between two hetero men after hot yoga.

Jaskier, continuing: This is Kaer Morhen, where a man can be hanged for wearing orange.