I am in control in practically all aspects of my life. It has been this way for me for a long while now. And although it probably came to be this way out of circumstance due to my father leaving the family early on in my life, I assure that does not make me someone who is defective or with "daddy issues." The responsibility fell upon my mom to care for my brothers and sisters alone, and because I was the eldest son, I went to work early in high school to supplement the costs to run the household, working at a grocery store and then branching out to a law mowing business in addition to delivering newspapers. The newspaper deliveries were early in the morning, so I often fell asleep during class. But when I brought home my wages to my mother it was all worth it.
I went to law school out of college and then joined the military afterwards, when the economy did not yield many high paying jobs. The market for graduates in my town in Virginia was saturated, and so I joined the military for a three year stint, and then was on call for duty for the next eight years. I did a campaign in Kuwait for about six months and saw things I didn't want to see. Because of my education my wages were slightly higher due to my officer position. I did not enjoy being in the military but I learned how to have a deep loyalty with friends, both on and off the battlefield.
Working for other people was not in my blood. I didn't like taking orders from another attorney and so after a year in practice, I opened up my own, then expanded it to later acquire a suite in downtown LA for 10 more attorneys to join my office. Time became scarce for awhile, until I was able to get more help, then pass the work onto new graduates coming into my practice. Suddenly I had some extra time I didn't know what to do with. I decided it was probably a good time in my life to settle down with someone and do what everyone else in the world seemed to do at my age.
I went on a series of dates and became serious with someone for a number of years. I moved to California to be with her and not long after I settled in did she decide she wasn't ready to settle down. I was heart broken for the first time in my life. It was not pleasant, nor was it a feeling I ever wanted to feel. I spent the next couple of years having superficial relationship after superficial relationship, and although I fulfilled my sexual needs, it did not satiate much more than that. I was aloof with the women I involved myself with, and sometimes I hurt people I didn't mean to hurt before going awhile with no one in my life except the bottle. My friends began to get married and move away, with lives of their own and I found myself again, alone, wondering where I went wrong and how I would ever find it within myself to be happy.
It occurred to me one night, while talking to my mother over the phone, that I was living selfishly. She asked when was the last time I had ever gone out of my way for someone. I couldn't answer her. I had never in my life taken care of anyone personally, only to the extent I did with my family, financially. Aside from that I was hands off in dealing with anyone on a personal level, and because the age gap between me and my younger siblings was almost by eight years I found little in common with them to have any real connection other than blood. Per my mother's suggestion I decided to explore charity and pro bono work to take the focus off myself and concentrate on helping others. I also took the time to better myself in other ways, taking martial arts and spending more time creating and doing creative things than wasting my time watching sports and movies, being entertained. When I began expending energy to create and put forth things rather than take in things from being entertained in front of a computer screen or television set, I felt better about myself.
I met Sophie at a pro bono event put on by a local public interest law firm, handling a range of uncomplicated cases from dissolutions of marriage to TROs on tenant evictions and the like. Sophie was a hard as nails attorney who did not practice law, but did pro bono on the side. Her primary business was in real estate, and this she excelled in. From the moment I laid eyes on her I was completely enamored by her wit, charm and command of any room she entered. We began seeing each other over drinks and dinner after evening clinics, initially with other attorneys who lingered afterwards, to just with each other. I loved learning more and more about her. Every new thing about her that I learned made me even more addicted to her.
I asked her one night after dinner if she had a boyfriend and her response, while very much like what you'd expect from an attorney, took me aback. "Define boyfriend," she said. It turned out that she had several. I was in shock then, oddly, incredibly turned on. It made sense, a woman of such poise and so well put together, putting everything in their place in life, including her men. She told me that they dated her exclusively, to which my initial response was whether they ever became irritated having to share her time. She leaned in to me and, I will never forget this, said, "I am always in the mood, if that's what you're asking. The only person who ever goes without is me." From then on she had me. I became part of a polyandrous relationship. All that polyandry means is a relationship where the woman has several men, or male "spouses." For its intents and purposes in the States and in modern times, that extends to boyfriends, given that women here cannot marry multiple men.
For awhile I thought that women like Sophie did not exist, until I visited a new polyamory dating site called www.BeyondTwo.com. There, I found a forum where someone talked about her five boyfriends. It is manageable, and is not for every woman. It takes a certain kind of woman to be able to manage so many men without issue. Sophie takes full control of my life outside the office, and ensures that I am at her beck and call as soon as I get home. I think as more and more women make it into higher positions of power, there will be more women like Sophie, and happier men like me who are in positions of power, and know when to relinquish that control...
