" be as you wish to seem "

seventeen. lover of chao.

[angelicxchao]

hello tumblr. this is a super secret vent blog because my boyfriend accidentally revealed his to me and i got inspired. i will mostly describe my problems as a teen living with BPD symptoms and how that affects my life and interactions with people. you may call me celeste or nicky.

don’t have much of a dni besides basic t.r.a.s.h and radqueers. i vent pretty heavily and some things i say may cause concern so read at your own risk. advice is appreciated.

[angelicxchao]

why can’t we ever be happy at the same time

[angelicxchao]

I’m so stupid I need to stop talking about food around him

[angelicxchao]

I’m gonna throw up

[angelicxchao]

some stupid bitch called my bf “emor” twice genuinely what the fuck whatever screw my bitch y’all seem happy as hell I don’t even care bro college is around the corner and I’m more than happy to finally fucking upgrade for fuck’s sake

[angelicxchao]

am I overreacting bc I know when my bf is on the game it means shorter replies bc he’s busy but deadass everytime I see a short or dry msg no matter under what circumstance I instantly get mad or triggered and I have to hold myself back from going “FUCK YOU TOO YOU KNOW WHAT I NEVER GOT TREATED LIKE THIS BEFORE YOU” which is funny bc that’s a damn lie too

But I just feel like if I say that I used to have a better experience maybe that’ll make him go “oh my days I have to better” even though he does most things right already my god just kill me I hate this god I’d rather be under the assumption he didn’t see the msg just please don’t trigger me for fuck’s sake

[angelicxchao]

vented to my bf about a “condition” i have without being specific so I don’t force him to care about me or encourage to recover thinking I did such a great sneaky job then immediately after he threatens to make me eat a lot on thanksgiving…it’s July….I Am Not Subtle

[angelicxchao]

as much as I split on my fp I really do love him and I feel so guilty for when he sees me suggest that I don’t and doubts my feelings. I wish I could be so much less sensitive and be rational but I take things so harshly and personally that the tiniest thing makes me flip out and change up completely on how I view someone , it’s emotionally exhausting and I fear the day he lives with me because I’ll be unable to hide the worse parts of me

[angelicxchao]

when everyone and their mother tells me to break up with him but they really underestimate my ability to let anything slide as long I love them

[angelicxchao]

Not having my fp around all day is genuine hell but it’s made even worse by the fact that he left one comment that suggests annoyance so now I’m EXTRA worried that he’s mad at me or wants to get rid of me. I know he would never be the same with me, probably just roll his eyes at me getting mad with him and wave me off, but it still doesn’t change how I view him. I live for his approval unfortunately…until I split on him but still </3

[angelicxchao]

So His WiFi Was Out The Whole Time

[angelicxchao]

Not having my fp around all day is genuine hell but it’s made even worse by the fact that he left one comment that suggests annoyance so now I’m EXTRA worried that he’s mad at me or wants to get rid of me. I know he would never be the same with me, probably just roll his eyes at me getting mad with him and wave me off, but it still doesn’t change how I view him. I live for his approval unfortunately…until I split on him but still </3

[eclipsezzz]

”I love my girlfriend” okay well MY girlfriend gave me the capacity to form meaningful human connections. No like I’m so deadass I can’t feel empathy or sympathy so before meeting her I only befriended people to preserve social status as “the good kid” but ohhhh my god that lady made me feel an emotion other than anger for the first time in my life….

[angelicxchao]

NPD is such a hard topic to research especially when it comes to advice for dating a narcissist because every site and everyone is like “Run before they abuse you!”. Narc abuse is the only thing that exists to these people when it comes to relationships which sucks because I’m trying so hard to help and support my bf but it’s hard not being able to get a clear picture or answer on how to!

I’m getting down on my knees and begging cluster b tumblr for any advice on how to help romantic partners with NPD; what is it that you look or seek from non-NPDs? How do I best support you and understand you? How can I help with making sure you guys feel appreciated and loved in a way that is authentic and not just pandering? I’m extremely open-minded and patient. I only want to be the best for my boyfriend.

[angelicxchao]

it gets better :)