Beneath the Armor: The Heart's Unseen Battle [Talking about my story/sort of ranty because wow]
The Edge of Wanting....
Some nights, you write something and it just stays with you. Lingers under your skin, haunts the back of your mind even after you've walked away from the page. I’ve been sitting with this pair—her with her carefully crafted mask, him with the weight of a number for a name—and I can’t stop thinking about the moment things shift. That soft crack in a perfect facade. That breath of stillness right before everything becomes too much.
What happens when you're surrounded by power and prestige, but feel like a ghost in your own life? What happens when the one person who sees through it all is the one you're not supposed to touch?
I’ve been digging into this new story—still raw, still rough, still pulling itself together. It starts with a balcony, too much wine, and a silent guard who watches more than he should. And then it keeps unraveling: guilt, desire, quiet acts of rebellion in the form of touches too long, glances too familiar, and promises that neither of them should be making.
It’s messy. It’s complicated. It’s not heroic or clean. But it’s theirs. And maybe that’s what makes it beautiful. Or doomed. Maybe both.
Still editing. Still breathing it in. More soon.
Someone once told me my character Cerra was “giving pick-me vibes.”
Here’s the thing: she’s not. And here’s why.
Who is Cerra?
“Cerra is a human woman with rich brown skin that catches the light like polished wood, her expressive amber-brown eyes always seeming to hold more than she lets on. Her wavy dark hair, often pulled into formal styles for appearances, falls in loose waves when she’s herself, tousled and soft around the edges.
Shorter than Fox by a noticeable margin, she has a sturdy, battle-tested frame, built not for show but for survival. In casual wear, she leans into muted tones and functional cuts—leather jackets, layered tops, jeans—clothing that mirrors her grounded temperament. There’s a worn-in gravity to her, someone who’s lived too much life too fast, with a scent and presence that linger like memory.”
And then someone said:
“…Because right I got, she is pretty and unhappy. It giving pick me vibes….”
Let’s unpack that.
What is a “pick-me girl”?
A “pick-me girl” is typically someone who:
Seeks male approval by distancing herself from other women
Devalues femininity to appeal to men
Overperforms “cool girl” behavior (chill, agreeable, not emotional)
Centers male attention as a public goal
Cerra? She doesn’t fit this. Not even close.
Why Cerra isn’t a Pick-Me
She doesn’t crave male validation—she craves escape.
Cerra isn’t trying to be chosen. She already was—by a powerful man who didn’t choose her, but a version of her that served his ambition. She’s not performing to gain affection. She’s unraveling to reclaim selfhood.
“She was good at putting on the facade of a good wife… But as she stood straight up and looked out at the city… her eyes fell onto a Coruscant Guard…”
She’s not looking for a new role. She’s exhausted from the old one.
She doesn’t tear down other women to lift herself up.
She has no “I’m not like other girls” complex. Her discontent is directed at the systems trapping her, not the women navigating them.
“Cerra was not just a name on a list to some gala she didn’t feel comfortable going to…”
She doesn’t hate femininity. She hates how it’s been used as a leash.
She’s not the “cool girl”—she’s cracking.
She drinks too much wine. Her emotions spill out. She isn’t calculating how to win Fox’s attention—she’s falling apart in front of someone who finally sees her.
“Maybe the muscles in her face were simply far too tired, or maybe she was simply tired in general to keep the mask up.”
This is emotional exhaustion, not manipulation.
Her relationship with Fox isn’t about being desired—it’s about being seen.
Fox doesn’t make her feel valuable. He makes her feel real. Their connection is built on mutual emotional starvation, not social climbing or seduction.
“Cerra fell into it because of her status as a hero… all the things she didn’t want but it also won her the attention of someone who saw a chance to boost himself higher…”
She’s been used. She’s not trying to use anyone back.
If anything, Cerra is a survivor of romantic and political exploitation.
She’s not angling for attention—she’s clawing for agency.
Her arc isn’t about becoming someone’s favorite. It’s about surviving what happens when you’re selected for all the wrong reasons, and finding the courage to want something real anyway.
TL;DR:
Cerra is not a “pick-me girl.”
She’s a woman stripped of choice, playing a role until it breaks her.
She doesn’t want to be better than anyone else.
She just wants to be.
And Fox—tired, loyal, lonely—finally looks at her and sees someone worth being, not someone worth performing.
Some feedback just... sits weird.
I once shared a very rough draft of my story with someone. I made it extremely clear that it was unfinished, still being shaped, still raw. They gave me their thoughts—fine, I appreciated that. I thanked them. I told them:
“Well, I read it out loud but I look it over.”
“I am actually happy with this.”
“Thank you for not holding back.”
And then... they ghosted.
No follow-up. No clarification. No questions. Just gone.
Now, I’m not mad. Not everyone vibes with every story. But what stuck with me was this weird sense that they came in already decided about my main character—Cerra. Like they wanted to read her a certain way and then bounced once she didn’t fit cleanly into a trope.
I said I wanted honesty, and I meant that. But I want honest critique based on the text. Not assumptions. Not “Oh, I don’t like her so she must be a pick-me,” with nothing to back it up.
What really gets me is how they overlooked the entire point of Cerra as a character.
She’s not the typical “throws-herself-at-the-clone” OC. She doesn’t fall in love at first sight. She’s not running around being quirky for the sake of it. She’s not attached to some Jedi like Anakin where her personal drama floats above consequence.
Cerra’s husband is emotionally unavailable. She’s arm candy—chosen for political optics. There are clear hints that she was put in this marriage for public ratings, not love. And she knows that. The story knows that. Even after I tweaked the first chapter, those threads are still there.
But they didn’t ask about any of that. They didn’t dig. They didn’t even stay long enough to see where the character was going.
They just dipped.
And yeah... that kind of silence can say a lot more than feedback ever could.
Here is a randomly generated picture, based on her earlier description, because I am not an artist, don't claim to be one outside of the written word, and I don't have the income to spare for that (it's more to get an idea of what she more or less looks like):
Cerra isn’t the kind of pretty you notice in passing. She’s the kind that lingers in your chest hours later, like a memory you didn’t realize mattered.
So uh...Who's ready to get down to clown?
An original comic series I've been cooking for the past year and got a lot to share including the first book I'll be sharing over the coming months.
It's all about those dreams and making them real, baby!
Spinno's saw could act similarly to Carapace's shield/shell, so its strapped to the back, creating the allusion of a spine but can be taken off for what ever its needed for.
Oh, I like that idea. I’m considering making some similarities between the Prehistory Kwamis and the show Kwamis (Klaww being similar to Roarr, Cerra being similar to Stompp (but much louder), etc.)
For Cerra: "horns ready" or something (this is actually really fun)
Now you know how I feel. Horns ready is a good one. It could be a reference to horns at the ready; like headbutting. Which is Triceratops did as dominancr diplays or fighting in their herd.
I just finished my first ever, D&D campaign… And the first thing we did was fight, a dragon… And we killed it. And because I’m a bard, I wrote a song about it so I will give you all my song “Cerra, the dragon slayer”
