One of the new fics I wrote recently, after the shittiest year of my life and that almost makes me stop writing, is based on these list of prompts.
I’m still writing them, little by little, but I posted this one in my AO3 account. Here I did another quick edit (I will edit the one in AO3 soon) so if you read it there and find the little differences don’t worry. It isn’t as different, just some sentence structure and changed a few words.
Anyway, I hope you like it!
A warning, since in here the tags are at the end of the page, it touches the 2021 issue. Don’t read if you don’t want to be reminded of it.
Compared to other nights, it wasn't late.
In fact, Chaeyeon knows that Sakura is able to function for a whole day even if she spent an entire night without sleep, sometimes crashing somewhere and taking small naps. This is something that caused discussions, debates, and fights.
On one side, Chaeyeon – one of the group's motherly figures – worries that, in the long turn, all the irregular sleep patterns Sakura follows will lead to some kind of disease. (Mentally or physically, the feather-like dancer shuddered only with the mere thought of Sakura suffering for both at the same time).
On the other, Sakura always shrugged the worries saying that she was more than used to sleep very little. After all, since the day she debuted back in Japan, her schedules were more packed and hectic. And she’s been following an abnormal patter since she was fourteen.
Sometimes, no one opened their mouths. Because during the fiercest discussions - that began with one girl complaining and the other rolling her eyes. And ended with screams and a pair of doors slamming close at the same time - everyone was too afraid to say something and receive some kind of backlash.
The only brave enough was, of course, Eunbi. She never raised her voice, just sighed tiredly, and let some kind of comment slip. Not about the discussion but about whatever activity the group was having at the moment.
(Breakfast, practice, riding the car, watching movies…)
It never passed long before the anger was over though.
Suddenly, the others would encounter Chaeyeon hugging Sakura, whispering apologies on the stubborn girl’s ears. If they were out in public, the second eldest would nod, awkwardly patting Chaeyeon's back or head (or both), and whisper a fast "I'msorrytoo." It always made Chaeyeon giggle.
If they happened to be at the dorms, Sakura would press her forehead on Chaeyeon's. Cup the other girl's face as delicate as possible (as if Chaeyeon would break with the lightest touch), and give her a full heartwarming apology. No one was surprised to find a flower resting on the dancing machine's bed. A famous Sakura sandwich and juice with the note 'Do not eat unless your name is Chaeyeon.' Accompanied by a little drawing and a warning of 'I'm serious!', in small letters to either Yuri, Wonyoung, Yujin, Yena, or Hyewon. Or some random cute something for Chaeyeon (earrings, make-up, clothes, necklaces…)
It was a little thing.
Their little thing.
So no, Sakura up at one in the morning wasn't surprising.
What surprised Chaeyeon was that the older girl had her eyes glued at some place of the wall that was across her, the television, or maybe on some of the photos of group that were around the TV. Chaeyeon knew Sakura was deep lost on her own thoughts, though. A random worn-out T-shirt, grey sweat pants and, a cup of probably hot chocolate cradled between Sakura's hands. The beverage was still warm, judging by the thin threads of steam.
In silence, to not wake the others up and to not scare Sakura, she moved slowly.
Sitting as softly as she could next to the older girl, Chaeyeon waited. Knowing far well that Sakura noticed her, knowing that she could wait until Sakura was ready. There was no rush. As good as she could dance, Chaeyeon could stay still, too.
A couple of seconds later, both girls silently shared the biggest sofa and looked to someplace in front of them.
"I do not know what I am going to do after this." Chaeyeon turned to look at Sakura, the older girl didn't return the gesture.
It made her frown but suppressed the itch she felt on her lips, swallowing the question forming on the tip of her tongue. Sakura continued.
"I never thought I would be this up. Never imagined that I would reach the top." The girl giggled, "Refer to one of my old dramas," she clarified and Chaeyeon took a mental note to ask either Nako or Hitomi about it. "I was so disappointed when I didn't win the elections back in Japan. I felt like a failure. I failed my group, my family, my fans, Sasshi…"
Chaeyeon slowly reached for Sakura's shoulder, gave it a light squeeze.
"Then I came here, and I failed too. Not about debuting," adding before Chaeyeon could open her mouth, knowing the words that Chaeyeon wanted to say, "but at that time, the trainers yelled at me. They told me how badly my performance affected our group and how we lost on the group battle. Back then, I was disappointing everyone, even the few juniors that looked up to me. What would my juniors think about the pathetic me? What would my own beloved seniors think of such weak junior? How many fans did I lose in the past days after they discovered that I could do nothing decently?
I did not know how to dance, how to sing, how to express myself in Korean, how to stop all my tears and frustrations from haunting me every time I closed my eyes." Finally, Sakura looked at her, with eyes filled with tears threatening to overflow. "I was nothing more than a disappointment. And no matter how hard I pushed myself, nothing worked." Sakura looked down, to the cup on her hands that with each word became colder.
There was a moment of heavy silence, a moment that Chaeyeon took to order her thoughts. To find the right ones to say, something more than just a simple 'it's okay,' or an 'I know what you mean.' Because Chaeyeon could relate. The feeling of failing at something that you were confident at, the pain that caused the heart to break with every harsh word thrown at you, realizing that dreaming of a goal wasn't enough. The frustration of giving your everything to achieve something, only for reality to slap you across the face with the cold truth. Killing your soul with each failure, driving you to think why bother? The nights spent crying, inconsolable.
And then, Chaeyeon understood.
"Is this why you don't want to sleep?" Chaeyeon whispered, so softly that if it weren't for the fact that everyone was sleeping and the younger girl was right next to her, Sakura would have missed it. "Sakura…"
"I'm sorry."
The dam broke.
There was no way that anyone or anything could stop the tears coming from the Japanese girl's eyes. A strained sob broke the silence, Sakura captured the next, biting her lower lip, tramping it there. Chaeyeon took the cup from the older girl's hands, placed it on the small table in front of them. Wrapping one arm around Sakura, she pulled the girl towards herself. The older girl allowed the movement, crashing her face in the space between the neck and shoulder, gripping her hands around each shoulder. And Chaeyeon started crying too, wondering how she endured not releasing any tears until now.
She didn't say anything but tightened the hug and moved both of them gently to and fro.
Time seemed to stop, the darkness covering both like a blanket, and the sobs coming from Sakura were so small and soft that no one awakened. Chaeyeon never loosened her embrace. Not until the other girl's shoulders stopped shaking, her own shoulders were freed, and the sobs turned into little sighs.
There was certain guiltiness on Chaeyeon's stomach. It felt heavy and made her question about how naïve she was.
All that yelling and discussions now tasted bitter. And since it was their thing now Chaeyeon cupped Sakura's face. The touch barely there, but because Sakura's strength was inexistent at the moment, it made her face move up. Foreheads pressed, sharing a sigh.
"I'm always here, Sakura." Chaeyeon barely whispered, "I'm always gonna be here. I want you to remember that."
A few tears fell from Sakura's eyes, that were cleaned by soft thumbs.
"I will return to Japan. I am going to leave, and you are going to be busy with anything you decide to do with your career."
"You do know that phones exist, right?" Chaeyeon teased with a soft smile, making Sakura giggle. "Sakura, the gamer with the latest technology in the basement, forgot that there are many ways to communicate with each other."
If the other members that shared the apartment with them saw them on the sofa, Sakura in between Chaeyeon's arms, no one mentioned it.
Everyone ignored the bags and redness on both pairs of eyes when they sat on the kitchen table the next day.
And, if with each passing day, they wondered why the discussions and Chaeyeon's insistency for Sakura to sleep more stopped, they reminded silent.
However, they wondered about the two cups that began to appear often in the sink. (Wonyoung, in her innocence, asked because it annoyed her that Chaeyeon never allowed her to leave dirty dishes.) Both girls always shared a look, a smile, and a little blush on their cheeks. Trying their best to not get caught.
They got caught one morning and were scolded by Hitomi when it was her turn to wash the dishes.
"If you both are going to share all-nighters, please clean up your mess."
