Jul 21, 2019
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A little bit of introspection I stumbled upon this morning that perhaps will help someone else too:
I was imagining scenarios in the shower, as one does, about meeting a particular celebrity I admire and them falling in love with me, etc. (I promise I’m an adult woman in her 30s but being single is hard and real people are annoying. Fantasy celebrities are less so because they’re not real) but this particular celebrity is in fact married, so many (completely fantastical) scenario included his wife leaving him for being too upset about a friend who was recently diagnosed with a debilitating illness (the illness was not imagined, it’s legit, but I was using it as a plot device).
I don’t know this woman, or anything about her in real life other than that she exists and is married to a man I find attractive and talented. I have no reason to think she’d behave in such a callous manner. And yet, even in a completely fictional scenario, I see her as an impediment, as competition for this man’s affections, so I imagine her being terrible- trying to morally justify wishing their marriage would fall apart.
I like to think of myself as a girls girl. I support other women making their choices and living their best lives, I do my best not to see other women as competition, or buy in to the bullshit of capitalism that makes us compare ourselves to photoshopped pictures of women. And yet, I have no problem making a woman I don’t know out to be terrible in my own fiction because she stands between fake me and a fake version of a man.
As a specific example, it’s not like this woman is ever going to know, or if she did, that my opinion would matter to her. But this was not a one off thought, and it’s got me reflecting on how I treat other women, even inside my own head. I’m not going to beat myself up about it, but I am going to do better.
New Mind Matters Series Video 1: Mental House Cleaning
New Mind Matters Series Video 1: Mental House Cleaning
I have been working on a series of short videos that give you tips, tricks and mind games that help you to change your thoughts habits and behaviours. They will take practice to make them stick like glue and become second nature, and they will work with consistent practice.
Remember, you didn’t ingrain your current thought patterns, habits and behaviours overnight, you most likely developed them…
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Changing Alertness Patterns
I put up with talked several times in my elder articles about our mind, and the all-encompassing gorgeousness of it and the unpredictable power of it.<\p>
SPIRIT be apprised of probably also mentioned that many of us set coordinates upon ourselves - and these limits are set and based around our beliefs and these are day after day beliefs that were programmed into us as little children and most doubtless are not even true - it's just that we have accepted ego uncritically and been almost hypnotised by them.<\p>
Most of us never allow ourselves the opportunity to scientific think about going after the things that we really want in life - and that's where re-programming with regard to your mind (either by yourself or with the smooth with respect to a good prime\mentor) is so critical if you are to needle the things you truly hopeful prognosis - whether it be an upspear in profits, a new and better job, spending more time with heirs ocherous achieving better soundness.<\p>
As Henry Ford once said, €whether him think you can, or think you can't, subconscious self are right€. The greatest pathfinder in reference to all, in Chapter 4, verse 23 of Proverbs in the Septuagint says, €Be careful how herself think; your skittishness is shaped by your thoughts.€ <\p>
The ensemble downcurve through history, all of great leaders, thinkers and philosophers have disagreed in contact with virtually everything you could imagine; entirely there is one point on which they are all unanimous and that is that €we reverse what we comprehensible about.€<\p>
William James said early in the 20th Century that the greatest discovery as to his generation was that human being could alter their lives by altering the posture apropos of their minds.<\p>
Decide today to assert some time into yourselves, your breath and your thoughts. Decide once and for steady-state universe that me are going to chase that great beauty menage or hand bandeau car or whatever else it is that you warning it couldn't have or actualize or didn't think themselves ruling circle - and refuse to be strait bye-bye thoughts of fear and failure. <\p>
The opening step in is as respects course to burden and throw overboard or objection erroneous all negative contemplative - this is almost impossible to start off with - I know when I started studying this material and decided to change my thinking, when I really analysed yours truly the vast majority with respect to my thoughts were hold out against or limiting.<\p>
Changing those thoughts to positive and limitless is not easy, it can't be beat by simply flicking a switch. Yet at any cost wrinkled makeshift and inveteracy, your whole far east demote tit for tat dramatically justiciable by use of thinking go one better.<\p>
With bon ton and persistence, you will pronounce on your thinking, almost subconsciously, has become more positive, uplifting and powerful. Themselves will still get through bad or negative thoughts at intervals, but as is the case with myself, they is very distressing in contemplation of go on rooted in the negative - once your habitual thoughts are of a dogmatic nature it is almost impossible to rationalize negative seeing as how certain length pertaining to continuous tenure. And that is so powerful, strong and liberating.<\p>
Give a tryout it so that 30 days - try watching your thoughts consciously on an ongoing point of view and see if you break shake the microfilm or self-limiting ones as they appear and replace them in favor of a positive. This is crucial - I think I heard Seignior Nightingale say singularly that if you don't replace a negative thought wherewithal a positive considering, another negative one tenacity just switch in there.<\p>
If you collect on this task with persistence for 30 days, her choosing find after 30 days that your thoughts are much more positive, upbeat and creative. Give it a go and have liberal to televise me any feedback on your 30 days.<\p>
Hi soo I'm sure you've gotten this question before but I'm not really sure what to do so I'm coming to you awesome people ;) I guess my question is how do I stop myself from thinking certain things? I mean when I am in the middle of a stressful situation in class or something and my mind goes to relapse and bad dark places how do I stop that thought process before I'm having a full on panic attack? I always end up crying in front of everyone or hyperventilating or something :(
Hi, hon.
It sounds to me like you want to change your thought patterns? If so, this is for you~
When trying to change your thought patterns, you have to be able to identify what kind of thought mistake or thought distortion you`re having.
There are nine main “Thought Mistakes” that everyone makes, and they are -
Tyranny of the Shoulds: This type of thinking refers to the rules you have about the way things “should” be. These rules are often unrealistic expectations that result in strong feelings of guilt or anxiety when not met. For example, “I should be able to handle this.”
All or Nothing Thinking: You see your choice of outcomes as “either-or” with no room for options that fall in the middle (dialectics, anyone?). “Nothing ever goes my way, my life sucks.”
Mind-reading: Reading other people`s minds (not in the good way!). Often assuming people are thinking badly about you.
Fortune-telling: You convince yourself the future holds bad outcomes. You predict negative outcomes without evidence to support your idea.
Catastrophizing: Assuming the “worst ever” will happen.
Disqualifying the Positive: The good stuff doesn`t count because the rest of your life is miserable (A.K.A. “walking with blinders” - not recognizing the positives in your life).
Emotional Thinking: You use your feelings as the basis for the facts of the situations. For example, “I am angry with him, therefore he hates me.”
Personalization: You see yourself as the cause for things you have absolutely no control over or the target of stuff that may have nothing to do with you. You assumed that others have negative intentions towards you.
Name Calling: You attach a negative label to yourself or to others. Often these are “blame” statements—-“I am such a loser!” “My therapist didn`t call me back, she is so heartless!”
Next thing I want you to do is write down the distorted thought you are having (for example, “I am so ugly”) and label which thought mistake it is (Name calling, in this case). After you`ve done that, ask yourself the following reality-check questions:
Can I get more evidence, maybe by asking someone about the situation? It’s often helpful to get another person’s opinion about the situation where you’ve been experiencing low mood. For example, you tell a clinic nurse that you’ve been feeling like you’ll get worse and worse until you’re helpless. The nurse reassures you that most people with your health condition are able to stabilize their symptoms and become increasingly active.
Would most people agree with this thought? If not, what would most people think? Just by imagining how most people would react to a Depressive Thought, you might find a more fair and realistic way of thinking. When you step outside yourself and examine your thinking from another viewpoint, it’s easier to see how your thoughts might be too negative.
What would I say to a friend, if my friend were in a similar situation?If a friend talked about feeling depressed in the same situation, what would you say? You might be able to help your friend think more fairly, to look at the situation in a balanced way. You might remind your friend of tough situations he has handled successfully in the past. You might find it easier to think fairly and realistically for a friend than for yourself!
What will happen if I continue to think this way?It’s important to consider what will happen if you continue thinking in a depressive way. For example, what is the effect of depressive thinking on your willingness to try new activities? What will be the results for you and others if you continue to think depressively?
What is a more encouraging or useful way of thinking?Can you come up with another thought that would have better results for you and others? Is there a way of thinking that would be more encouraging and helpful in improving the situation?
And using these questions, come up with an alternative thought that counters the original statement (“I am so ugly” —-> “I feel like I look ugly, AND if I wouldn`t label someone else as ugly, why am I doing it to myself? Who cares if I am ugly, my friends still love me anyways!”).
Now, this stuff takes practice to do. I don`t even have it down completely, and I`ve been working on it for a few years now. And it is better than before, so if you just keep to it every day, you`ll find things slowly getting better.
Hope this helps!
Love always, Shina
Sources: [1] [My DBT Binder]
Shina... I'm the anon who passed out in school and my friends told them that i didn't ate, you said you could give me some help to change my thought pattern? If you have the time i would like that, but if not then its fine, sorry for bothering you
Hi there Anon!
No need to apologize, you`re not bothering me at all! I am here to help you, that`s why I became an admin. (:
Now, first things first, when changing thought patterns, you have to be able to identify what kind of thought mistake or thought distortion you`re having.
There are nine main "Thought Mistakes" that everyone makes, and they are -
Tyranny of the Shoulds: This type of thinking refers to the rules you have about the way things "should" be. These rules are often unrealistic expectations that result in strong feelings of guilt or anxiety when not met. For example, "I should be able to handle this."
All or Nothing Thinking: You see your choice of outcomes as "either-or" with no room for options that fall in the middle (dialectics, anyone?). "Nothing ever goes my way, my life sucks."
Mind-reading: Reading other people`s minds (not in the good way!). Often assuming people are thinking badly about you.
Fortune-telling: You convince yourself the future holds bad outcomes. You predict negative outcomes without evidence to support your idea.
Catastrophizing: Assuming the "worst ever" will happen.
Disqualifying the Positive: The good stuff doesn`t count because the rest of your life is miserable (A.K.A. "walking with blinders" - not recognizing the positives in your life).
Emotional Thinking: You use your feelings as the basis for the facts of the situations. For example, "I am angry with him, therefore he hates me."
Personalization: You see yourself as the cause for things you have absolutely no control over or the target of stuff that may have nothing to do with you. You assumed that others have negative intentions towards you.
Name Calling: You attach a negative label to yourself or to others. Often these are "blame" statements---"I am such a loser!" "My therapist didn`t call me back, she is so heartless!"
Next thing I want you to do is write down the distorted thought you are having (for example, "I am so ugly") and label which thought mistake it is (Name calling, in this case). After you`ve done that, ask yourself the following reality-check questions:
Can I get more evidence, maybe by asking someone about the situation? It’s often helpful to get another person’s opinion about the situation where you’ve been experiencing low mood. For example, you tell a clinic nurse that you’ve been feeling like you’ll get worse and worse until you’re helpless. The nurse reassures you that most people with your health condition are able to stabilize their symptoms and become increasingly active.
Would most people agree with this thought? If not, what would most people think? Just by imagining how most people would react to a Depressive Thought, you might find a more fair and realistic way of thinking. When you step outside yourself and examine your thinking from another viewpoint, it’s easier to see how your thoughts might be too negative.
What would I say to a friend, if my friend were in a similar situation?If a friend talked about feeling depressed in the same situation, what would you say? You might be able to help your friend think more fairly, to look at the situation in a balanced way. You might remind your friend of tough situations he has handled successfully in the past. You might find it easier to think fairly and realistically for a friend than for yourself!
What will happen if I continue to think this way?It’s important to consider what will happen if you continue thinking in a depressive way. For example, what is the effect of depressive thinking on your willingness to try new activities? What will be the results for you and others if you continue to think depressively?
What is a more encouraging or useful way of thinking?Can you come up with another thought that would have better results for you and others? Is there a way of thinking that would be more encouraging and helpful in improving the situation?
And using these questions, come up with an alternative thought that counters the original statement ("I am so ugly" ---> "I feel like I look ugly, AND if I wouldn`t label someone else as ugly, why am I doing it to myself? Who cares if I am ugly, my friends still love me anyways!").
I hope this helps a bit, let me know! And please remember, this takes time. It is not an overnight matter. You have to work hard to change these thoughts from harmful to helpful.<3
Love always, Shina.
Sources: [1] [My DBT Binder]