Everyone shut up i just learned that hip dips are also known as 'violin hips' and now I'm struggling to decide if I should headcanon Sherlock's hips having these, or John's hips having these and Sherlock loving to slide his hands into them and thinking of John as his living violin. Don't look at me.
I couldn’t finish it in time so I’m posting the first part right now and I will post the second part later on ! (Also hi, I forgot about posting it here)
They are all HEADCANONS, they are not canon and only about the characters !
ᵎᵎ... who takes his kids on long drives as an attempt to properly bond. there's no place better to talk than a moving vehicle you can't necessarily escape from
ᵎᵎ... who is the king of diner breakfast, pizza dinners, and letting the kids (every once in a while) have a sip of whatever he's drinking. the local diners and pizza places all know you and him by name
ᵎᵎ... who takes quick showers and long baths because you used to complain about him using up all the hot water, and he always used to sit with you when you took a bath
ᵎᵎ... who still greets you with "baby" no matter how long it's been. says you'd have to do a lot more than divorce him to lose the pet names
ᵎᵎ... who often has someone new on his arm whenever you see him, but it's never serious. not with the way that he looks at you
ᵎᵎ... who gained a couple of pounds and doesn't work out as often, properly assuming his 'dad bod' and shaves even less. you'd be lying if you said you didn't like it, and every time you might've insulted his appearance, he'd just smile and compliment you in return
ᵎᵎ... who asks you for a few bucks at every exchange for God knows what
ᵎᵎ... who's favorite thing to say is, "mommy and daddy need to have a little talk, okay?" knelt down, ignoring the ache in his knees as you scoff and roll your eyes in his direction
ᵎᵎ... who despite all his flaws tries to show up for his kids because he always seemed to struggle showing up for you
ᵎᵎ... who has "his days," which are filled with messy hookups, too much alcohol, a lot of cigarette smoke and a not enough substance. his age could never put a stop to his favorite activities
ᵎᵎ... who's always the first person you call when you need a helping hand. annoying, sure, but he's handy and strong and you always loved watching him work
ᵎᵎ... who sometimes wishes you had slapped him harder that day because any contact is good contact
ᵎᵎ... who's got a big ol mutt to keep him company. his name is rodger and he's so fucking lazy
ᵎᵎ... who grins whenever he sees you sign your last name as Zweig because to him, that's enough
ᵎᵎ... who listens to you yell at him over the phone with a hand down his pants and the out of breath response of "I know, I'm sorry baby."
ᵎᵎ... who very proudly kisses his kids' heads when he drops them off at school. doing whatever he could to perfect their routine so they wouldn't call you crying
ᵎᵎ... who still slaps your ass when he passes you in the kitchen only for you to grumble out an irritated complaint. you're seeing someone. he's got to stop doing that.
ᵎᵎ... who held his baby girl tight after she joined him on the couch for an all too gorey horror movie. she cried herself to sleep and he stayed with her the rest of the night. begged her not to tell you at the switch that weekend
ᵎᵎ... who is very noticeably going gray. says he couldn't wait to be a dilf but now wishes it didn't come so soon
ᵎᵎ... who lets the kids have donuts and soda for breakfast and ice cream for dinner because someone has to be the fun parent and it's obviously going to be him
Will groans and sometimes lets out a low moan when he feels really good, meanwhile Mike whines, whimpers and babbles in a way that anyone would think he is extremely overwhelmed (which he is, but not in a bad way) if they heard when he feels really good
Mike is slightly above average but looks longer because his dick is thin, meanwhile Will is a slightly shorter length than Mike but girthy as hell. Also Mike definitely has a happy trail, and I see Will as being clean shaven.
HOW THE HOMESTUCK CHARACTER YOU'RE DATING WOULD REACT TO YOU BEING CALLED A SLUR
Includes : Beta Trolls, Alpha Kids, Beta Kids. Online and Offline variants. Typing quirks, custom colors, special text characters, NOT SCREEN READER FRIENDLY. Long post.
TROLLS
ARADIA MEGIDO -
[AA]: 0_0
Online, she doesn't appear to comment about it. Aradia's sort of a lurker in most conversations. However, she's completely down to send ghosts after the person to haunt them- she probably just won't tell you. And if she DOES, it's offhandedly.
Of course, she won't do much in person just for her own safety. She'll just sort of press her lips tight together and make a weird face as she stares at the person.
TAVROS NITRAM -
[AT]: wOAH,, hANG oN tHERE,,,
Online, Tavros will nigh immediately comment on it. He doesn't like it, it makes HIM uncomfortable, and it PROBABLY makes you uncomfortable as well. Of course, his argument really doesn't go beyond “calling someone a ██████ is mean”, which'll likely get him called a ██████ in turn. In that case, he just kind of agrees and then shuts up.
Even if we play with the idea he's safe to go out in person, he still immediately tries to leave to avoid any sort of conflict. If someone's willing to insult YOU, they're willing to insult him and he certainly doesn't want to be there for it.
SOLLUX CAPTOR -
[TA]: oh youre one two talk about fuckiing ██████2 arent you
Online, Sollux immediately raises hell. He's a nerd and a hacker, he knows how to be annoying and will weaponize it IMMEDIATELY. He'll instantly start to spam the DMs of the person with the same slur AND more. And you best believe he'll work his magic and try to send a .zip bomb their way. Don't fuck with an ~ATH user, they'll kill themselves too.
Naturally, he isn't as confrontational in person. He'll still make a grimace and go as far as to maybe murmur a different slur back, but he certainly won't be the one to start anything… offline, anyways.
KARKAT VANTAS -
[CG]: OH I DIDN'T KNOW WE HAVE A ██████ EXPERT HERE. PLEASE, ENLIGHTEN US WITH YOUR PROWESS IN IDENTIFYING ██████S FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, PROFESSOR BULGEMUNCH. TELL ME, DID YOU GET YOUR DEGREE FROM…
It's no surprise Karkat would raise a stink. He might say the word back, but otherwise he won't use slurs in retaliation. His natural way of talking is colorful as-is. Throwing in any new variables would just clutter it up and make him sound edgy like that other moron. He's probably been blocked by now, but you can hear the righteous flurry of taps his fingers are making across the keyboard. "If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo." - Sun Tzu, probably.
There really isn't much of a difference in person- should we pretend he can even leave his hive in safety, anyways. His language is just as flowery, matched with lots of waving his hands and arms. It's almost like some sort of intimidation tactic, but that's really just how he speaks when he's animated. The difference is that it's a whole lot less than it would be online, and he's quick to leave. Retaliation is the one thing he doesn't wanna stick around for, as enlightening as a response would be.
NEPETA LEIJON -
[AC]: :33< *ac unsheathes her claws and releases a flurry of strikes!*
Truth be told, a lot of things Nepeta does reads as terribly unserious even if it's completely genuine. This is one of those things. She immediately jumps into roleplay, regardless if she was doing it or not… to write about viciously killing the other person over and over again! Her fingers are on fire! Her paws of fury cannot be stopped!… until Equius starts pestering her, anyways.
She's just as confrontational in public, probably because she doesn't get out much at all. She'll start hissing… and if that doesn't deter the other party, she's lunging. You'll likely need to pull her off… if you're worried she won't win, anyways.
KANAYA MARYAM -
[GA]: Have You Heard About [XX]
[GA]: Its Really A Crying Shame They Outed Themself As A ██████ And A Whiny Little Grub Loser
[GA]: Truly
Kanaya isn't entirely confrontational online. Especially she knows because it won't do much. That doesn't mean she isn't petty. She's SUPER petty. She immediately starts ignoring the other party and openly shit-talks them to you… in the same chat they're in. She completely ignores them, pretending they aren't there and she can't see their messages unless it's more fuel for the fire. She's giggling the whole time.
However, she's got a lot more patience and tact in person- she's got to, with the people she's been around. The other person won't elicit more than an eye-roll from her… though while she turns her back to them, you notice she'll start applying a new layer of lipstick…
Terezi is not much help. She doesn't care you got called a slur- she just cares that it was THAT one. There's so many better words, and she'll gladly point out which. She'll even rank them, if you want. Accidentally derails the entire conversation to her blindness and general synesthesia.
It's not much different in real life either. She'll grimace and power through the conversation and try to switch it to something else. If she can't, she's ready to leave. But she'll happily ask how you want that person to be killed later! Get ready for a roleplay session.
VRISKA SERKET -
[AG]: UH, HELLOOOOOOOO????????
[AG]: YOU'RE THE ██████ HERE 8UDDY!!!!!!!!
[AG]: ██████ ██████ ██████ ██████ ██████ ██████ ██████ ██████ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Right onto the attack. If she likes you, she's taking this as an attack against HERSELF. She's not shy about saying it right back, and incorporating new slurs into her dialogue. Get cre8tive! She'll spam them as much as she pleases until she gets bored- and, hey, if she can manipul8 them into injuring themselves, even better. But after, you better be ready for her to gloat to you how much better she is for fighting this battle for YOUR honor and you REALLY ought to be gr8ful……..
And it's not terribly different in person either. She's not afraid to get into a shouting spat, though she's sure to end it early and roll her eyes and storm off just so the other person can see how much SHE DOESNT CARE AT ALL FOR SURE CLEARLY!!!!!!!! Vriska will still lay into you though, making her defend you ALL BY HERSELF (even though she didn't give you the chance to butt in at all)……..
EQUIUS ZAHHAK -
[CT]: D→ Um
[CT]: D→ If I may
[CT]: D→ [YN] is not a “██████”
[CT]: D→ You mean to say ██████ surely because that is the e%c100sive term that applies to them
He argues about semantics. It's stupid you got called that, because you're not! He just wants to point out what you ARE so they'll be CORRECT next time!
He's really not much better in person. He just starts sweating harder than he usually does. You're not sure if he's enjoying this or not.
GAMZEE MAKARA -
[TC]: Aw InVeRtEbRo... WhAtS WrOnG WiTh BeInG A ██████? DoN'T AnY ██████S DeSeRvE SoMe MoThErFuCkIn SyMpAtHy? :o(
He doesn't actually know what the word means, though he's heard it before. He has to look it up before actually replying. What's so wrong with being a certain type of person anyways? "(Wе got you!) Our wagons take you to a place / Where they rejoice your voice and celebrate your face / (We got you!) Climb aboard and discover / Your sisters and your brothers and significant others / (We got you!) Ride's free, and it's free to get in / Whatever shape you be, you perfectly fit in (We got you!) / (Want you, need you!) 'Cause we can see your soul is shinin' bright / And we're the Carnival of Lights" - Insane Clown Posse, Carnival of Lights.
To be honest, it's a lot worse in person. He's stoned and completely misses it- either that, or he's never heard it said and only read it. He doesn't know what it means, and you're going to have to point it out for him to even really react. And all he's going to do is leave, really. Harsh vibes. No need to stick around.
ERIDAN AMPORA -
[CA]: im sorry wwhen did the ██████ get allowwed to havve opinions on ██████s again
[CA]: honestly laughable howw you think you evven havve a place in this convversation ██████scum come back wwhen you actually havve somethin to offer to society like [YN]
[CA]: havve you actually tried thinkin before speakin you piece a shit cause its glaringly obvvious that...
There's no way ERIDAN of all people would let anythin' like that slide. This is about to get VERY personal for EVERYONE involved, because he's pullin' out all the stops. If you know anythin' about this person, it's bein dredged up and attacked. On the off chance you don't, he'll make it up. It doesn't need to be true, it just needs to be a blatant attack and get his point across.
He's much worse in person, primarily because he keeps that thang on him. You and everybody in the area are about to become intimately familiar with the might of Ahab's Crosshairs.
FEFERI PEIXES -
[CC]: U)(, S)(-ELLO? [YN] isn't a ██████, you ██████!
[CC]: Just because t)(ey ACT like one SOM-ETIM-ES doesn't mean T)(-EY ACTUALS-EA AR-E!!!!!!!!! G-ET YOUR FACTS STRAIG)(T!!!!!!!!!!!
Feferi… TRIES to defend you, it seems. She's got a BIT of the spirit, but she's really not above both saying it AND insulting you in the process. You're lucky she's just going to block that person…
It's worse in person, because she's practically got a captive audience just by being who she is, and she'll try to defend your honor by dragging it through the mud. Just because you DRESS like a total ██████ doesn't mean you ARE a total ██████! You're too smart and nice and pretty to be a ██████, duh! She's going to point it all out!
HUMANS
JOHN EGBERT -
[EB]: uh, wow okay buddy!
[EB]: i mean looks like you're the ██████ here but whatever!
He immediately bounces back. What else is he meant to do? There's two of you and one of them! He gets into petty insults and eggs you on to join in. Once he gets bored enough, it's blocking time.
In person though, he fumbles through his words and ends up resorting to a childish insult instead. He's a great annoyance though.
DAVE STRIDER -
[TG]: i mean whos to say maybe we're all ██████s
[TG]: prolly just you though given youre the biggest ██████ ive ever met
[TG]: pales in comparison to [YN] its astronomical the level of ██████ery you exhibit im impressed
It's a “yes, and” situation. He immediately jumps on the track of using slurs in three different paragraphs. He doesn't like it aimed at YOU per se, so he whips it right back around at the other person, but you're certainly not exempt from jeering either.
In PERSON however, he cares much more about his cool guy ego. He just shakes his head and gives a thumbs down.
ROSE LALONDE -
[TT]: Curious, coming from you. Did you know the username [XX] tells a lot about your psyche? I can tell neither of your parents ever loved you. It's actually particularly Freudian when it comes to…
Online, she can easily play into her psychoanalysis shtick. Slap words together, long and smart, and bullshit… yeah, she seems to composed, she's got it in the bag. Throws in her own projection for the hell of it.
In person… she doesn't have time or the comfort to compose herself like she does at home. She just flings slurs and insults back. Fuck it. Who needs composure when you can be right?
JADE HARLEY -
[GG]: hey! youre a ██████! leave [YN] alone! you sound like a miserable person!
Let's not kid herself, she WOULD say slurs. But this is the closest you'd get to a genuine defense from… everyone, really. She'll try more to comfort you and shame the other person than start a fight.
In person though? BECQUEREL GO!!!
JANE CROCKER -
[GG]: Oh, you want to talk ██████? I'm sure you know all about being ██████, you little ██████. Do you think you're better just because we can't see your face? We all know you're…
Jane has read enough hatemail, and told how to cope with it. These people are sad and lonely. She wants to make them feel sadder and lonelier. Sure, she might come after to check if you're ok later on, but she's much too busy ripping this person a new one. She's more likely to discuss a cease and desist.
In person, she doesn't bother to dignify responses. Just rolls her eyes and threatens to call cops or security. She's just busy and doesn't want to deal with you being harassed.
DIRK STRIDER -
[TT]: What?
[TT]: I suppose that makes enough sense, but I'm more surprised I didn't get the accusation first.
[TT]: I'm prime ██████ material. Maybe it just imprinted on [YN].
He doesn't have a healthy enough relationship with the world around him and the association with slurs. So instead, he opts to make the situation about himself to divert it from you being insulted. Even tries to play it off as a joke. Even though he loathes labels, he'll take the one.
In person, he's not much help either. He sort of just stares at the person, formulating the right string of words to simultaneously prove himself superior to this person, be your ideal white knight without seeming too obsessed, and also not get hate-crimed in the process. He ends up not speaking at all. He doesn't apologize later either, too busy debating if the cons of killing himself outweigh the pros.
ROXY LALONDE -
[TG]: oh look who decided to speak up now
[TG]: do u think callin ppl ██████ n stuff earns u social points??
[TG]: nobdy likes an asshole get real we all kno ur the ██████
Roxy on the attack! She cycles between calling the person an asshole to their face, and calling the person an asshole to you in private while making sure you don't take it too hard. Eventually she'll be too focused on you to bother with the other one.
In person, she gets loud. Really really loud, and repeating what they said to draw attention. She's going to call them the hell out and make sure everybody knows what kind of person they are.
JAKE ENGLISH -
[GT]: Boy howdy and i thought my language is antiquated!
[GT]: Do your kiss your mother with that mouth or is she the uncivilized ██████ you learned that language from?
A stern talking-to is to be had! He's livid! Who uses that language this day and age! Other than him, because he immediately fires it back at the person and their mother and their father and everyone they happen to know.
In physical confrontation, he immediately escalates the situation. Finger jabbing in the chest, getting into their face, and getting LOUD. He doesn't WANT a fight, but he's very eager for fisticuffs all the same. Of course, he's quick to leave if it isn't working. He's only fighting if they are. And if they're NOT, he's out of there with you.
huuuuge believer in the hc of killua absolutely loving head scratches and massages like a cat, but being super embarrassed by it and denying it.
like, i can totally imagine gon gently playing w his hair, but it eventually develops into thorough scratches and massages, and before he knows it, killua is literally melting and falling asleep in his lap (just like a house cat). 😭
only for killua to eventually wake up, get super embarrassed when he realizes/remembers, denying everything and then even blaming gon for what happened lmao.
(gon thinks it’s absolutely fucking adorable and he’s definitely going to do it again w/o hesitation.)
