The Five Stages of Being Glutened: A Timeline
Because misery deserves a little structure. 1. Denial (0–5 minutes) “It can’t be. I was so careful. I checked the label. I asked the waiter three times. I even sniffed it like a bloodhound with dietary trauma.” This is the calm before the gastrointestinal storm. You convince yourself it’s something else — dairy? Nerves? Mercury in retrograde? Anything but gluten. You pretend the gurgle was a…













