#covert did

[themiichannelsystem]

Headspace but its just:

[chimerid]

things I didn't realize were signs of covert DID

a lot of "signs of plurality" lists focus heavily on introjection and alter communication, two things that we have very little of. we wanted to lay out some experiences we had prior to syscovery with a focus on memory loss, identity confusion, dissociation, and unconscious masking since these are what we experience most. we hope this helps someone.

this is not an exhaustive list and identifying with it does not guarantee anything nor does not identifying with it mean you are not plural. we are one system and these are our experiences, which have heavy overlap with our other comorbid conditions. you know yourself/ves best, use your own judgement when reading.

feeling as though i was never a child even when my body was, that i was always an "old soul"

feeling as though i never stopped being a child, that my body aged without me

feeling as though it is my first day on earth and nothing has existed before the present moment

experiencing all of the above so strongly at different times that i cannot imagine feeling any other way

"i don't hear voices, i just have multiple overlapping trains of thought all reacting to and arguing with one another. probably the ADHD"

feeling upset as a kid that my imaginary friends didn't act the way i wanted, or that they didn't like me

remembering my childhood in third person, as though watching a movie of my own life

feeling as though i am having lines fed to me when talking about myself

remembering times that i was upset, but with the inciting incident cut out. being unable to understand why i felt the way i did

feeling as though the "real" me died a long time ago and i took their place

being talented at acting and lying. feeling like i have spent my whole life acting, as though "i" am a character i put on for other people

being afraid of voicing opinions because i know they might change suddenly, being upset when someone tells me a supposed opinion of mine that i no longer remember or agree with

knowing when i am supposed to have an opinion on something but not knowing what it is, having to make up my own opinions based on what i think "i" would most likely say

"what did you do today" i don't know "how do you feel" i don't know "what do you want" i don't know "did you have work yesterday" ...probably?

feeling like my body sometimes says things that my mind does not remember/agree with, or that i'm surprised to hear the things i'm saying

reflexively lying about things i didn't do because i assume i must have forgotten about it

being freaked out when someone touches my stuff without telling me, because i assume i moved it and forgot entirely. being afraid of how quick i can forget things

having excellent memory as a young child and terrible memory as an adult

"face blindness" where i can tell that people look familiar but feel like i have never met them, being unable to put faces in context

feeling like i have never actually met my own friends and loved ones

"i don't have amnesia, i can objectively tell you what happened. even when i do forget, i can usually put it together through context clues."

"it can't have been that bad, i barely remember it and don't feel upset when i think about it"

"i can't have DID, nothing bad has ever happened to me"

no name ever feels right longterm

creating alt accounts due to a desire to "pretend" to be someone else

lacking a solid sense of identity, feeling like a hollow husk of a person who occasionally experiences moments of clarity and wants to be treated as someone other than the "me" i present to the world

"i've never had a switch, i just have an inconsistent sense of identity"

"i've never had a switch, i have always felt exactly the way i do right now"

feeling like my mind is being pulled in several different directions, especially when i'm upset. being unable to act because different "parts" of me want different things

feeling jealousy when seeing other systems be open about their plurality. feeling like it's something you're not supposed to talk about

feeling guilty for being happiest when i'm "faking" plurality

feeling drawn to stories about possession, secret identities, or doppelgangers

all of the above being such routine experiences that i never even thought to question them

[thepinks-sys]

if you have memory loss for any reason, never forget that you are inherently more susceptible to gaslighting. even just unintentionally!

document everything you can. take photos of everything, write notes about everything. keep track of who you trust to tell you the truth, and who you don't. don't trust any single person's account of something if you don't have to.

don't let others re-write your memories.

[permawanwan]

Pretending to be the host is so exhausting. Our main host (the one who made the lasting impression) was so excitable and loud and .. EuGH.

I feel disgusted physically thinking of the way I have to act. I’m almost about to refuse to stoop to that level. If I wanted to be a dog-like personality haver, I would do it all the time.

There’s a reason I’m so closed off and I’d rather it stay that way.

I hope it doesn’t come naturally. I will cringe myself to the grave.

[osddid-i-do-that]

Friend after I’ve opened up about being a system: “Wow … I never would have guessed. I don’t think I’ve ever noticed you switching ….”

The 3+ alter who have been switching off/co-con this entire time: GOOD.

[rantingravingrainbow]

Is it just me?

Im so tired of no matter how hard I seem to look all I find is stuff about the stuble, small signs of DID and everything refrencing something somewhat overt is seen as completely fake.

Like, it justs that what happnes if I do have overt symptoms, if I do deal with the stuff everyone seems to call fake. like for example: When I watched my own body break into a monologue saying words I don't agree with to no one in particular while home alone and I a passanger in all this desperately clasped my hand to my own mouth in terror.

Who in hell was there to tell me, im not crazy, im not poessessed, im not dangerous, im just a traumatised human?? No one!! (apart from the guys in my head ofc, love em) and if someone was there, if there was someplace where I could actually talk about these ScArY parts of me no one else seems to want to discuss, without being shamed, or fake claimed. God that would of saved me from so much damage in the past

Instead im still recovering from the pain I caused myself back then, still on my own, because I still dont know who tf to talk to about this without being called insane, but a little more open to not immeditally pushing out the guys in my brain out of fear.

[youlookkindadead]

how often do you have possessive-style switches? (definition below)

this is the only type of switch we/i have

very often, dailyo

semi often, multiple times per month

once in a while, around usonce a month

rarely, a few times a year

very rarely, less than once a year

we/i have never had possessive switches

used to have them more often, now rarely / not at all

we/i never fully switch

i'm unsure / other / vanilla extract / singlet button

Voting ended onMay 4

possessive switches are a form of overt switch in people with dissociative disorders. they are described as being complete black outs between switches, often sudden and quick, where one part is suddenly taken from front as another is shoved in - similar to spiritual "possessions" as might be seen in a movie.

[happyk44]

Been thinking about DID again and I think the idea of covert and over presentation is easier, at least for me, to understand when reviewing it through the terms nonpossession and possession forms (which are official terms used in the DSM). Covert seems to be becoming more synonymous with masking, especially online, so the understanding of how a covert presentation looks may be misconstrued to some people.

But also! I think presentation is more fluid than it's spoken about. The breakdown is always spoken of as:

80% of people with DID have a covert/nonpossession form presentation

15% of people with DID have an overt/possession form presentation but mask in most conditions

5% of people with DID have an overt/possession form presentation and do not or are unable to mask

I think, while the numbers are an accurate representation of people with DID when they are first diagnosed, as therapy continues and integration occurs, either with the goal of final fusion or functional multiplicity, the presentation would shift in some ways. In people with overt DID, they may experience more of the nonpossession switches and shifts that people with covert DID experience. Similarly in those with covert DID, the gradual understanding and connection with other alters would allow them to recognize more quickly when a switch occurs or when someone is co-con.

But even prior to diagnosis and therapy, when a person with DID is still undergoing traumatic events, someone with a covert presentation may appear to themselves and others to be overt, with or without masking, because they are under extreme stress and triggered more severely on a daily basis, thus the sense of "being taken over by someone else" occurs more frequently compared to if they were finally separated from the ongoing trauma and stress.

I've seen people question their diagnosis because, yes, while they do fit the general criteria, they do not have a static covert or overt presentation. They may be predominantly covert but certain alters may be overt for various reasons (alter is nonverbal, familiarity and sense of safety with external environment, etc). They may be predominantly overt but certain alters are covert for various reasons (alter is fragmented or not distinct enough compared to other alters, like holding or representing an emotion, etc).

I think the prominence of overt presentations in media (typically that unmasking 5%) and, now, online, where people with DID feel more comfortable to express themselves and share information, makes covert presentations misunderstood, which isn't helpful in both understanding the typical experience of someone with DID and understanding the likely fluidity of the presentations in people with DID in general. Overt DID is easier to notice and speak to, which is definitely why it gets more sensationalized, but I do hope that covert presentations will be spoken about more, with the intent to clarify its separation from masking.