Okay, let's talk about dating as a single parent, but from the view of an outsider. Don't get me wrong, I've never wanted kids of my own but have never been totally adverse to children. And there's plenty of cool single dads, but there's also a theme of priority and neediness with them. The last single father I talked to started talking about "when" he and his kids would move in with me after we got established in a relationship. Hold up!!
I have dated single fathers before and even thought, like, hey, if I ever married one then my mom might enjoy a stepgrandkid. I've kept an open mind about these things, however, my lack of jealousy has been more of an obstacle for me than anything else. My ex lived with his ex, who roomed outside of his room. Who was not entirely over him. I met her and it was awkward as hell! Finally she moved back to their home state of California BUT he was supporting his mom, sister and his grandmother by that time! What could I say? That was his family.
In the end he dumped me because I needed attention (more than 3 conversations and 1 visit a month) and his family took priority. If I had made sure I was with a man that prioritized me that wouldn't have happened. Instead I had an emotionally absent relationship for years with a dude that worked all the time and took care of his family. I never want that isolation again.
So I see all of these single dads with profiles like the ones pictured here or ones in chat that have told me directly that I would never come first.
And I get it. I do. You are taking care of this tiny precious human being that you would do literally anything for. They should be #1 and given the utmost protection and care. But at the same time, you can do that without putting up a hostile wall towards people you would like to date. People don't want to be told they will probably come last or be treated as a free babysitter or hell, an outright obstacle. So date, don't introduce the child right away, do what you need to do, but don't be a dick about it.
It should be as simple of that but I do suspect trauma with a lot of these people. In early 2019 after I became single I hit it off with the single dad of a 5 year old and we agreed we wanted to meet. He lived 3 hours away but about a week and a half in, he came to my town on vacation. He was with adult family members and his son so he could have time to himself while leaving the kid with them. So over the course of two days I waited to be asked out and he never did, he just sent me lots of beach selfies and photos of drinks. So, without trying to sound entitled or obnoxious, I simply asked, "how come you don't want to meet since you're right here where I am?" Okay maybe I shouldn't have asked and given it time but BOOM WHOOSH he ripped me a royal new one. He started saying that he was with his fucking family and that I was out of line. That his kid came first and that he was just trying to enjoy the fucking beach. And that I was a drunk loser that no one would ever want to be with. I'm not sure how that part came into play because I wasn't drunk texting him at any point especially then. I had simply mentioned that I drank regularly.
And if my drinking was an issue, then ditch my ass or speak your mind. Don't talk to someone for over a week and express interest in a relationship and say you want to meet if you don't want them! So he continued reaming me out and I said I was done, bye. He sent me 8 more insulting messages before blocking me. Whew, who burned his ass? Not me. So on top of kid drama, I don't need baby mama drama and trauma. I've had other single dads bitch about women and call single moms whores all because of their bad experiences. Men have traumatized the hell out of me but I don't slap them all under a negative label. I've met too many single dads like the dude I just talked about. One I actually told I didn't want to date a single dad and he screamed at me that I was a piece of shit. Irony.
But in general, the protectiveness, the neediness, the lack of time, and the drama make single fathers a no-go for me. If you keep having repeated negative scenarios then you need to stop and think about breaking the pattern. I don't want to be around men that make it clear that I will never be a top priority.
All I ever wanted was someone cute, loving and monogamous to see 1 to a few times a week, get high with and have fun. A concept of simple dating, however everyone wants to equate that to being "friends with benefits" which is a term for someone you fuck but could never love. Not for me. What ever happened to just going with the flow without using people?
I'm not sure what's going on in my dating life right now so these aren't active issues from me looking, but they are still presenting themselves in my inbox from my platonic OkCupid profile. And I'll never shut up with my dating opinions lol. I want to be a female Dr. Nerdlove!!
Hope everyone has a great rest of their weekend.
