icarus to the sun // r. grayson
index
xxvi. a safe return back to self
summary: it was supposed to be a meet cute. it was supposed to be easy. it was supposed to be Kori. it was supposed to, supposedtosupposedtosupposedto- you're beautiful. everyone always tells Dick not to stare directly at the sun. it's too bad he can't stop himself.
[inspired by One Tree Hill]
taglist (open until said otherwise): @peachmartini @nico707 @kath-is-tired @soulsforsales @flyingcat96 @uxavity @hurtcomfortwhore @marcspectorondeeznuts @asapkeepmerockyyy @coffeebun17 @liabiamiakiawia @luv-rizzimura @mewn1verse @6000-fandoms @littlemisstrashcan @makimakimi @xv-ellie-vx @afterhoursangell @mrs-cactus69 @ficcharsimpsblog @abeoavita @nightwingsleftescrimastick @coastalcowgirlie @neevy @karmaxq @gojoswaterbottle @notanotheroldman @catiwinky @arbolitodenamu @navvvvvi @brucewayneisavirgin
‘C’mon Dickie,’ Your eyes are mischievous in the purple-red light of the room, your perfume swirling around his nose, invading his senses. ‘It’ll be really good.’
Dick curls his arm around your waist, pulling you in impossibly closer. The world slowly disappears around the two of you, his other hand skimming across your waist, thumb brushing against your exposed back. He can’t remember how his hand got there – only that it is, and that it feels right.
Did he tell you he really liked your makeup? Well, whatever, it doesn’t matter now – but he thinks it’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen – you were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.
You tug on his necklace again. ‘I’ll be really good. I promise.’
Your noses brush together. His heart races in his chest.
‘You promise?’ He can hear himself, voice low and rough. ‘You’ll be good for me?’
You nod before he even finishes his question, a smile on your soft lips. ‘Yeah. So come and find out if it’s vanilla, won’t you?’
Your lips are closer than ever, already hovering over his. He can feel your grip tightening on his necklace, your other hand cupping his jaw, the ghost of your touch against his skin right now, your breath on his lips.
Dick leans in, closer, closer, closer–
He presses his lips lightly against yours, pulling your chest flush against his. You moan into the kiss, hands flying up to tangle themselves in his hair, pulling him deeper in.
Fuck, he could do this forever–whatever it would take to hear that pretty sound come out of your mouth again.
You tug on the hairs at the base of his neck, opening your mouth as he kisses you deeper, harder, tongue brushing against yours.
The bell on your bracelet rings by his ear when you pull lightly at his messy black hair, soft and sweet, echoing in his chest.
Your lip gloss does taste like vanilla.
He’s so glad he was right. He could feel the slick gloss smearing across his lips, his chin, marking him as yours. His hand reaches up to tilt your jaw as he slips his tongue into your mouth.
You whine at his touch, shuffling on his lap. He swallows it with pleasure, his lips crashing back against yours after pulling apart for a breath, like he couldn’t bear to be apart for any longer than he needed to.
His name tumbles from your lips like a prayer, like the only word that you’ve ever known, in that voice that he dreams about.
Dick breaks away slightly and you protest, a little noise escaping your mouth. You shake your head, chasing after him, your lips swollen and gloss messily smeared all across your chin.
Well, who was he to deny you?
He meets you again, mumbling against your lips, swallowing every little sound you make. “Fuck, I could–” Dick moans when you suck gently at his lower lip, biting softly. “I’ve been wanting this for so long– oh, shit– baby, I–” His hands wander across your back, settling on your hips before squeezing.
“Baby, I–” Dick throws his head back when you press your lips against his cheek before kissing down his neck, sucking softly. “Fuck– baby, I love this, I love–”
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
Dick jolts awake, his heart racing in his chest. He stares at the white ceiling above him while his incessant alarm clock continues to blare loudly in his room.
The early morning rays of the sun shine across his face, a gentle breeze filtering through the window, flirting with his white curtains. He groans, smacking his alarm clock and the room is filled with silence once more.
He can still feel the ghost of his dream on his lips, the taste of vanilla on his tongue.
Dick sighs, turning over to bury himself in his pillow and not for the first time since he’s met you, he thinks about a big stuffed rabbit plushie and wonders if it’s as soft as it looks.
x.
You’re avoiding him.
Dick’s jaw muscle ticks upwards once, forcing himself to keep his eyes trained on the blank document opened on his laptop screen. You sit on the other side of the table they’ve all gathered at in the Kane Memorial Library, situated as far away as possible.
You type away on your laptop, eyebrows furrowed in concentration, nails clacking away on your little butterfly keyboard as you work on the literature review of your dissertation. Donna leans over from where she’s sitting next to you, pointing at something on the screen and you laugh sheepishly, pushing her hand away.
He forces himself to type his name on his paper, a tiny semblance of being an actual, hardworking student, ignoring the empty seat beside him.
You usually sit next to him – almost always, your body angled slightly towards him as he pulled your legs over his thigh, your foot hooking onto his calf, resting your chin on his shoulder as you both scrolled through his phone together.
Dick glances up from his laptop, meeting your eyes from over the rim of his laptop. Your eyes widen, like you weren’t expecting him to look back before you smile, soft and polite, and return your attention back to your laptop.
Okay, so you were definitely avoiding him on purpose.
Wally clears his throat from next to Dick, reaching for his blue water bottle. “Can I have some? I forgot mine and I’m not paying $2 for a plastic one.”
“Yeah!” Dick looks up at the sound of your voice, a smile on your face as you look at Wally, “Save the dinosaurs–I mean turtles, sorry.”
“That’s for straws, gorgeous.” Roy gently corrects you and you roll your eyes, sticking your tongue out at him.
Dick just nods, flexing his jaw again as Wally takes the bottle from where it’s sitting next to his silver laptop. His eyes flit back over to where you sit, but you’ve already turned your attention away, laughing at a tiktok Donna sent you.
(look at me, look at me, look at me)
Wally sets the water bottle down, the metal clanging lightly against the table. Dick glances over, rolling his eyes when his best friend grins at him sheepishly.
“You drank all of it, didn’t you?”
Wally holds his hands up in surrender. “So I was thirsty, sue me.”
Dick shakes his head, a smile on his lips. “You know what–” He stands up, the chair scraping behind him as he grabs his water bottle. “One of these days, I might just do it.”
Wally lets out a noise of protest.
Dick glances around the table before his blue eyes settle on the crown of your head. “I’m going to go refill my bottle. Does anyone want anything?”
Kori looks up briefly from her phone before shaking her head. Roy slides his own yellow water bottle across the table, the metal bottle teetering dangerously close to the edge before Dick slides his slim fingers through the handle, the two metal bottles clanking against each other.
Donna shakes her head and Wally leans back in his seat, grinning. “Maybe a water bottle for me?”
Dick shakes his head, gently tapping his water bottle onto Wally’s forehead. “I’m not spending $2 on you either, so you and I are just going to continue sharing spit and you’ll like it.”
Dick looks up when you let out a little laugh, your hand covering your mouth. You rock your body into Kori sitting next to you, shoulders shaking. His shoulders loosen, his own lips stretching to match the one you were hiding behind the palm of your hand, and for a brief second, he wished you’d let him see it.
Kori looks over at you, your laughter contagious. “His joke wasn’t even that funny.” She teases, gently nudging you with her shoulder and you shake your head, sucking in a breath. “It was so gross–” You let out another peal of laughter, each sound intertwining with your words. “I wasn’t expecting it–”
Ah, Dick’s hand tightens around the water bottle straps before it loosens, the two metal bottles hitting his thigh. Your laugh was so pretty.
You straighten, clearing your throat but the remnants of your smile still remain. “Okay!” You do your best to avoid looking at Kori, “I’m good now, wait–” You can’t help yourself, sneaking a peek and immediately dissolving into a fit of giggles again. “Kori! Don’t look at me!”
You hold your hand up, pointedly blocking your vision from her as you meet eyes with Dick. He blinks, a soft smile on his face.
Come back to me, he wants to say – but he doesn’t.
You hold his gaze for a brief moment before the unguarded smile on your face drops into something politer, distant and your attention disappears back into your laptop.
His own smile twitches.
He clears his throat, walking around the table towards the water fountain. You don’t look up once.
Dick ignores the way Wally’s eyes bore into the back of his neck, pausing by you. Kori glances up, an eyebrow raised but doesn’t say anything. Her fingers remain motionless from where she’s scrolling on her phone.
Dick bends down, careful not to get too close, careful, careful, care–
Orange blossoms and white peaches.
He swallows, his heart jumping into his throat. You glance up over your shoulder, turning to face him, leaning away slightly.
“I can refill your water bottle too.” Dick gestures to your pale pink water bottle. His heart thumps against his ribs, painfully loud and he swears you can hear it judging by the way your gaze drops to his chain dangling off his neck, the ring pendant swaying in front of your face. His voice slips into a whisper, meant for your ears only. “It’s not a problem.”
You pull your gaze back up into his blue eyes.
A beat.
You shake your head, turning back to your laptop. “I’m okay, thank you though.”
Dick’s face burns. He straightens, nodding. “Okay.” His mouth has never felt so dry before. “Sounds good.” he stands behind you, frozen for half a second before he’s jerking his limbs away from you, his hands feeling empty despite the two water bottles dangling from his fingers.
He forces himself to take slow steps, half-expecting, fully wishing that you’d change your mind and loop your arm through his like you always do, chattering excitedly about whatever you had been thinking about.
He knows better than that though.
He turns towards the water fountain before he can spiral. This side of the library is quieter, cooler, the fluorescent lights humming above him. The whir of a printer sounds next to him, papers sliding out of it before landing in a neat little pile on the paper tray.
Dick stares at the ever-growing stack of papers for a moment. Whoever was printing all those pages must be going through a rough spot.
He finally tears his eyes away from the never ending whir of the printer, setting Roy’s bottle down on one corner of the water fountain before unscrewing the cap of his own with hands that haven’t quite yet steadied.
The water stream begins immediately when he pushes the bottle against the sensor, filling his bottle to the top.
Dick watches the water rise, hoping the sound of running water would drown out the thoughts in his head, but they never do. You think he would have learned by now.
He screws his water bottle cap back on, swapping his for Roy’s yellow one.
I’m okay, thank you though.
He grimaces slightly, rubbing his hand over his face. Even when you were pushing him away, you were still nice. Dick sighs, shifting his weight from one foot to the other as he watches the water bottle slowly fill.
Someone laughs nearby.
His head jerks up before he even knows it, his shoulders turned towards the sound — and then he realizes he knows this laugh.
You’re standing a few feet away, hugging a girl that Dick vaguely recognizes — your freshman year roommate? Something like that, he can’t quite tell — your arms wrapped around her, tight and snug.
He blinks.
The early afternoon sun rises through the skylight window, its soft golden light falling over you, bathing you in a warm glow, the rest of the world disappearing around you.
The sound of water overflowing over forces him to look away, his eyes widening as water spills out from over the rim of Roy’s bottle. “Shit.” He hurriedly grabs the bottle, hands fumbling as he spills the excess. The water sloshes out from the water fountain, little droplets splashing onto his shirt and he curses again.
He glances over towards you, but you haven’t noticed him, still smiling the same smile he’s carved into his memory, still glowing under the sun’s spotlight, still every bit pretty he remembered.
Bits and pieces of your conversation float through the quiet hallway, reaching Dick’s ears and his cheeks burn. He shouldn’t be listening to this, he shouldn’t even be standing here anymore—
“So, what about you and that guy? Dick? You guys looked really cute at the party!”
He forces himself to stay very, very, still. His ears strain to hear you over the pounding of his heartbeat.
You let out a small laugh. “No, we’re just friends.”
“What?” Your friend sounds shocked. “But he looked like he really liked you. I saw you guys on the couch, you know. Looked real cozy.”
“No. He was just being nice.” You give her a rueful smile. “It was just a mistake on my end.”
Dick feels like he’s been rooted to the floor, every limb locked.
He looks towards you helplessly, mouth opening and closing.
“But…” your friend looks over at you, her voice lowering slightly. “You really liked him, didn’t you?”
You shift your weight — Dick can hear the soft scuff of your Onitsukas on the library linoleum floors. “Yeah.” You finally answer quietly. “But it’s okay. It’s not his fault, you know?”
You shrug, lifting your face towards the sun as you stretch. “I was getting in over my head. You know me, always rushing in before I’m sure.”
Something in Dick’s chest gives.
Your friend gives you a small laugh, reaching over to pull you into a hug and the two of you turn around the corner.
Dick stares at the two full water bottles, water droplets sliding down the metal slowly, his throat tight.
He glances over to where you once stood before grabbing the water bottles in one hand, the two metal bottles clanging noisily against each other and turning abruptly on his heels.
It’s more of an instinct rather than a proper decision.
“Hey— Wait— [Name].” Dick jogs over, his heart beating against his chest. You glance behind your shoulder, pausing when you catch sight of him. “Dick?”
He swallows. “Can I talk to you for a second?”
You slow down, your arm still looped around your friend, who gives Dick a sly smile.
Your eyebrows knit together in confusion. “What are you doing here?”
Your friend gives Dick a once-over before her jaw drops in a small ‘o’ in understanding. She turns towards you, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “Hey, I’ll catch you later. Text me okay?” She untangles her arm from yours, squeezing your hand. “I mean it, text me as soon as you guys are done talking.”
She glances back at Dick, his ears a bright red before looking back at you. “Seriously. As soon as you guys are done.”
She pressed a kiss to your cheek before she lets go, giving Dick a pair of thumbs up behind your shoulder.
‘Good luck’, she mouths.
Dick pretends not to have noticed.
“What’s up?” You smile, tilting your head to the side. “Did you need my help carrying—“ you glance down at the two water bottles hanging by his side, “— the two water bottles?” You let out a small laugh. “I thought you went to the gym? What’s all those muscles for?”
Dick shakes his head, tightening his grip on the water bottle handles. “No— I just…” he shakes his head, forcing himself to stare into your eyes. “Can we not— joke for a second?”
You stare at him, your smile faltering. “Um, yeah, sure.” You walk towards a row of books when the librarian stares at you pointedly. “Am I in trouble or something?”
He gives you a small smile, the corners of it barely reaching his eyes. “No.” Dick shakes his head, “You’re not in trouble at all. I just–” He inhales deeply, shutting his eyes for a moment.
“I overheard you talking with your friend.”
Your eyes widen, the smile wiping off your face instantly. “What?”
“Sorry.” Dick’s eyes fly open immediately at the tremble in your voice. “Sorry, I wasn’t eavesdropping, I swear. I was just filling the bottles like I said and I happened to overhear it.”
He runs his hands through his hair, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “I just want– no, I need to tell you–”
Dick looks at you, blue eyes wide and earnest. “Us. Whatever you’ve been feeling, whatever we were before – you, me, us — none of it was imagined. You weren’t reading into things. You weren’t wrong.”
You look away, crossing your arms over your chest. “Dick, you really don’t have to–”
“No.” He cuts you off firmly. “I do.”
You watch him, watching his jaw work itself as he struggles to come up with the right words. Your fingers tighten around your arm, the back of your neck burning as he inhales, mouth half open like he’s ready to speak before he closes it again.
“I’m not good at this… stuff.” Dick gestures vaguely between the both of you, your one eyebrow raised. “I kept thinking about the right words to say, picking the right moment and I–”
He huffs a breath, hanging his head. “Turns out I just kept saying nothing.”
Dick closes his eyes, taking a deep breath.
“I should have kissed you that night.” His voice is soft, almost drowned out by the sounds of students milling about the library shelves, but you hear it all the same.
Your face burns. Your heart threatens to beat straight out of your chest.
Dick’s eyes are so blue when he opens them again, shining under the fluorescent library lights. The metal bottles brush against his thigh, a dull ‘thud’ against his black sweatpants.
“I should have kissed you, you don’t know how much I wanted to.” He looks at you helplessly, tracing over the curve of your lips and the soft skin of your cheeks. “You don’t— you don’t know how much I regret it, how much I wanted it, how I went home and dreamt about that exact moment and actually kissed you instead of being the coward I was.”
“So why didn’t you?” You force the words out, a whisper more than a question.
Dick pauses his ramble, staring at you for a moment. His chest rises and falls heavily before he swallows.
“I was scared.” He admits, tightening his grip on the water bottles slowly slipping out of his sweaty fingers.
“I am terrified of how much I want you.” Dick whispers. He looks away towards the broken spines of paperback books behind you, staring unseeingly at the titles written in gold and black ink.
“I want you so much, it makes me think I’m crazy.” He lets out a small chuckle at himself. “When I want something, I can’t let myself have only a little bit.”
He pauses.
“And I didn’t want to pull you into something unless I was sure of it.”
He finally forces his gaze back to you, ignoring the rapid beating of his heart. “It wasn’t fair to you. And I’m sorry.”
You look at him, flexing your fingers around your bicep. “And?” You stare at him imploringly, taking a tiny step closer. The space between the two of you vanishes, leaving nothing but the heat between your bodies.
“Are you sure yet?”
Dick nods. He raises his hand, placing it on the shelf above you, fingers gripping the ledge. “I’m sure.”
You take another small step forward, your arms unfolding from your chest. Dick holds his breath as he watches your hand reach forward, hesitating once before your finger hooks itself into his chain dangling from his shirt, the ring pendant swaying back and forth.
His blue water bottle slips from his fingers, dropping noisily onto the ground but Dick couldn’t care less.
You tilt your head up slightly, noses brushing. His nails scrape the shelf, grooves appearing in the old wood.
“Sure enough to kiss me now?” You whisper, your finger pulling him in by the chain.
“Yeah.” Dick swallows, his eyes darting down to the plush of your lips before returning to your half-lidded gaze.
You cock your head to the side, lips parted, waiting. Dick swallows, the blood rushing to his ears loud and hard, every nerve in his body extremely aware of the closing distance between his lips and yours.
He waits for a heartbeat, pulse pounding dully in his ears before pressing his lips onto yours, soft and slow, warm and barely there at all.
He was right, it does taste like vanilla.
x.
Wally looks up from his phone when Dick appears at the table, sliding Roy’s bottle back to him before taking his seat.
He sits up.
You appear a moment later, catching Wally’s gaze and blowing a kiss his way before sitting down, digging through your bag.
Wally glances over at Dick, the black haired boy typing away on his laptop, shoulders relaxed. He doesn’t look up once.
Wally looks back over to you. You stare deeply into the laptop camera, mouth parted as you fix your lip gloss, the shimmering liquid catching underneath the library fluorescent lights. Roy says something that makes you laugh, holding out the lip gloss wand towards him and he pretends to pucker his lips before winking and returning back to his work.
Something in Wally’s brain clicks.
He takes another look at Dick, his eyebrows furrowed, deep in thought. Dick finally glances up at him, his skin prickling underneath the intense gaze.
“What?” Dick stretches his neck, the joints popping like a glow stick. “What is it?”
The library lights catch on Dick’s face, exposing the tiniest bit of glitter on his bottom lip. Wally tilts his head, his eyes flickering back to where you were applying the finishing touches to your lip for the briefest of moments before back to Dick.
“Nothing.” Wally finally answers, resting his chin on his palm. “You just look… different.”
“Maybe because you’ve been staring at me with no explanation.” Dick snorts, looking back at his laptop screen.
Wally hums. “No, you seem a little more relaxed.” His eyes bounce back from Dick to you again.
You tuck your lip gloss into your bag, sweeping your hair behind your ears. You don’t look across the table until Wally clears his throat lightly, locking his green eyes onto yours.
You tilt your head. Wally shakes his head and smiles knowingly before leaning towards Dick, chin resting on his shoulder.
Dick glances down, an eyebrow raised as Wally opens his mouth, words barely audible over the soft shuffling of papers and keyboards clicking in the library. His entire body stills when Wally’s words finally register, Dick’s hand instinctively reaching towards his mouth to tap on his bottom lip.
“You uh,” Wally suppresses his grin. “You got something on your mouth, man."
a/n: ok i really will put on a bit of a disappearance act now (I feel like im just constantly lying lmao) bc i need to really think out the next few chapters but anyway!!!
act 1 is officially over ! act 2 begins... NOW! (aka my fave seasons of one tree hill s2/3)
