#difficult feelings

[positivelypresent]

Feel it to heal it!

[derektheformerbully]

“That Dexter kid that Simon hangs out with is pretty nice. I remember this one time when I was having a total breakdown at school, he led me to the janitor’s closet and brought me some water and a bag of chips.”

“We talked a lot about how I miss my dad even though he was horrible to me and Dexter said that’s okay to like…feel that way. Because at the end of the day, he was still my dad.”

“Anyway, who needs therapy when you have a Dexter? Haha! This is a joke. I know I need therapy and I’m in like…3 different therapy programs. I hate them all, but my Aunt insists.”

[therewerenoturtles]

In my feelings.

[chronicpainandmaryjane]

If you’re too sick to go to school, then you’re too sick to go out and play...

Which actually means “how sick can you possibly be?” I just had the adult version of this conversation with my mother. I work for an AMAZING company that has been incredibly accommodating and understand of both my mental and physical health issues. Part of those accommodations is that I pretty much work from home whenever I “want”. To be honest, I never WANT to work from home. I really love my job. I have the world’s best coworkers. I work for a company a can stand behind and not want to hurl myself off of a cliff because they’re some unethical greedy corporate monster AND they pay me fairly and provide excellent benefits.

Thanks to technology, me working remotely is no biggie. In fact, we have several people who don’t even live in the LA-area who are in critical roles and are remote 100%. What I can’t do remotely though is attend the work Halloween party. My analyst and I had planned a coordinated costume thing and I was really hoping that my pain levels would be low enough that I could go into the office tomorrow and told my mom this because I was excited and happy and hopeful (even though I haven’t gotten my pain below a 5/6 in a month or so it feels like).

“Don’t you worry about how that will appear if you only show up for the fun stuff?”

BITCH. I show up every single god damn day. I login and work a minimum of 8 hours a day. I have been rated as an Outstanding employee despite needing accommodations because I still go above and beyond in my role. I can do my job and then some. Sure, it means I have pretty much nothing left of myself BUT I love the work that I do and honestly, as nerdy as it sounds, it is my passion. Hell, I am even one of the three leads of our Inclusion Community of Practice to help establish guidelines and best practices to ensure we have an inclusive environment and I am focusing on making sure that physical and psychological accessibility is a addressed and that we destigmatize mental health issues.

Anyhow, I broke down into tears and sobbed for the first time in a while so I guess that’s good. I dunno. I’m just raw I guess.

[celtic-poetry]

We shouldn’t confuse this lust with love.

@celtic-poetry, excerpt 3

[arbesathejohnlockian]

Hello disappiontment. At least my ocd keeps quiet now.

[halfcrazedauthor]

Envy

Oh yes, oh familiar friend. My heart and mind missed you, the way you claim what isn’t mine. The things I want but cannot have, when others have equal sway. Will you ever leave me alone? Allow me patience and kindness? Or will you simply swallow my heart, in your eternally green embrace?