I was so happy to read your post about your sister being a neurotypical ally for you! That’s wonderful. If you are comfortable, would you mind sharing more ways people can be allies? Thank you so much!
💜😭aww thank you whoever you are, this was such a sweet message to receive! Of course I can try - people asking respectfully how to be good allies is just The Best!
Okaaaay advance warning this will be a bit jumbled. (Also for reference the point of view I’m coming from is someone with ADHD, possibly also autism, though I am still in the process of getting an official legal diagnosis, am relatively new to neurodivergent spaces, and still have massive imposter syndrome. AKA I feel the need to make it clear that I am by no means an expert and this is just from personal experience😅). Anyway, disclaimers aside, here are some thoughts :)
A big thing is to let us stim freely without feeling judged! (Unless the stim is causing physical harm!)
Always ask before making physical contact! TBH this is a good rule for everyone, regardless of neurodivergence.
Be patient if we struggle keeping in touch: ignoring texts/cancelling plans/not calling you etc etc. I often feel like I’m a bad friend because I really struggle to actively maintain my friendships, especially long distance, and it’s really helpful to have people in my life who are understanding of that and will reach out to me, but without putting me under pressure <3
I didn’t quite know how to word this one, but always be happy to clarify things we don’t understand - especially in arguments! It is easy for many of us to misinterpret people’s intentions and that can lead to our feelings being hurt, but also us unintentionally hurting other people’s feelings. A very common experience is being told that we “overreact”: perhaps consider that our brains may literally process things in a way which makes us feel emotions differently. Being told that something is an “overreaction” or “we shouldn’t have been upset by that” can be super invalidating. Instead, maybe try to explain your point of view calmly, and reassure us without just telling us that the reaction was inappropriate. Sorry, I’m still not sure how much sense that made!
Consider accessibility needs we may have: this can be as small an action as lowering the TV volume for your noise-sensitive friend, or adding tone indicators to online messages to show when you’re being sarcastic etc (calling myself out here because I am terrible at remembering to do that one).
This one may be less universal, but I think it’s important to remember that we might not all be comfortable discussing our neurodivergence in front of everybody. Maybe don’t go shouting about our conditions to people who didn’t know - it isn’t your information to disclose. If this analogy helps, I personally find that as someone who is relatively “neurotypical passing”, disclosing neurodivergence can really feel akin to “coming out of the closet”, and it can be similarly uncomfortable if someone outs you against your will.
Sort of following on from that, try not to assume that people are neurotypical until told otherwise. Many people will be totally accepting of certain "weirdness” in someone they know to be neurodivergent, but won’t accept the same behaviour in someone else. That person may just not have told you they’re neurodivergent, perhaps they don’t have an official diagnosis so don’t feel able to claim accommodations, perhaps they aren’t even sure they are neurodivergent. Whatever is true, there is no reason not to treat people with respect regardless of what you do/don’t know about their specific diagnoses.
The most important piece of advice I have (which clearly you’re already following :)) is to listen to advice from actual neurodivergent folks!
This is longer than I meant it to be, but by no means exhaustive! Any other neurodivergent folks feel free to add on to this, because obviously it varies from person to person! And anon, I hope this was vaguely comprehensive and could help!! Lots of love!!!
