as of recently, my mind has been conjuring memories that i thought i had filed away and burned years ago.
and for some strange (and rather unfortunate) reason, i can’t seem to be rid of it. so, as ive been told by many, it’s apparent that writing it would put my heart at more ease.
i hope you guys don’t mind. you dont have to if you dont want to, but ill leave this here. (it’s rather long)
so years ago when i was 13, i met a boy on a video game. now, yes, i understand how that may be silly to many people. and i also know how dangerous it is to be doing such a thing, considering the predatory and lethal actions that occur online. but i just knew he was nothing like that. i just knew.
so this boy and i met when i was 13 and he was 14. we were in a group skype with a few mates we knew in the game, and as we did, me and him were the only quiet ones. so we were talking in our own chat for a while (in text) and the group then was talking about where we all resided. che had said the state and i was like hey, ditto, but im in the city. he lived one hour away from me.
one single hour. 60 minutes. sometimes less, depends on traffic.
he asked for my kik and i gave it to him. that very first day, he went on and on about his girlfriend. not how amazing she is, but how controlling she was. she was the kind of girl who would ask when he’d get home from school, work, soccer practice, etc. she was the girl who would ask persistently which girls he hung out with for the day. she was the girl who got mad when he fell asleep accidentally in their late night chats and would ignore him for days over it.
i told him to break up with her. i wasn’t in like or love with him at the time, so i wasn’t saying it for my benefit, but for his. and then he took my advice and didn’t talk to me the proceeding day. after that day, he asked for my number, and i gave it to him.
since then, we texted. almost 24/7. and that’s when we became obsessed with one another. because without us knowing it, we soon fell in love and didn’t dare put the label. and that’s when it only got worse.
for several months, we had a routine. everyday, we would both go to school and text each other as much as we can throughout the classes. i texted him when i was going home, and he’d text me right when he got out of soccer practice. he fell once walking while texting me. then we’d go home, where we’d get on a game speaking app on PC and he would drag me into a private chat and talk to me until we decide to go to bed. offline, we’d hop into bed and start texting each other until 5 in the morning. he would pass out, and i would, too. our alarms would wake us up at 6 am and that’s when we would start talking again.
1 hour of asleep every night for almost 2 years. and all we did was thrive from it. but then we started breaking.
he stopped playing the game, and it hadn’t occurred to me that the game had been the way we kept ourselves together like glue. so although we were still obsessed, it was gradually becoming one-sided and struggling to keep at bay.
and then it finally went to the point where the boy just wouldn’t say much at all. it would be a conversation like this:
b: hey
me: hi
b: whats up
me: nm, you
b: same
me: cool
and then he wouldn’t respond. and this was like this a few months before our second summer was to come. and i was desperate to fix everything before i left to vacation to my country. i didnt have international, so i couldn’t talk to anyone without wifi. so i wanted to use as much time as we had to love before i became inconsistent. so i had asked him to put the damned label, seeing as i thought it was the last thing i could do.
then he made me his girlfriend.
the next day, i broke it off. he texted me and i texted him and he stopped responding in the morning so my heart was done. i told him that the label doesn’t feel right and that we don’t feel okay anymore. and he’d just apologize and i said that it was okay and he went silent. and that’s when we stopped talking.
i went on vacation with a broken heart.
then he came back around september with a large apology. and of course, i told him how much he hurt me, but i said it was okay. and he was glad i forgave him. then he disappeared again.
he came back in december and we talked for 6 days until he disappeared again. he said he couldn’t handle it, and that he was sorry.
then the next year in like, may(?), he came back again. he came back, but this time he tried. he wanted to talk to me, and he did. we spoke. like friends, like how we were. stupid, dorky kids. stupid kids who talk about stupid things like love. stupid kids who both perfectly remembered what we had. stupid kids who grew up and exchanged sadness with one another.
and then he stopped again. and i concluded that we were done.
it is 2017, and i met this boy in 2013, and we broke it of 2014 and kept crashing through the rest of that year + 2015. the last words that were uttered was when i congratulated him for his graduation in june of 2016 and he said thank you. and that was our official (in my eyes) goodbye.
and i no longer cry over it, as im too grown and have college to go through. but i do wonder why my mind has done this to me and if it’s some sort of foreshadowing in the future.
im sorry if you didn’t like this/ thought it was a waste of time.
