Part of me want The Silmarillion to be on screen but part of me did not because if the First age is on screen the fandom will devided into: Feanorians apologist / "Feanor is a villian" / "They did not do this in the book"/ "The writers did them dirty" /Russingon ship war / Inc*st shippers /Glorfindel and Ecthelion fancam / Fingolfin's thirst tweet /Celegorm's war criminal supporters /"I have only seen LOTR" /"Where is Legolas?" /Luthien girlboss slay stans/ "The wigs look bad" /"The costume is cheap" /"The casting choice is horrible" /"They was cast so perfectly" , also 17749 edits of Finrod with his long blond hair and sick ass outfits on tiktok and twitter ,arguments between #TeamFeanor and #TeamFingolfin everytime new episode is outed ...etc...
elrond and durin are queer friends who experimented once but are now just mean gay friends together with durin's partner disa now. legolas and gimli are straight up married.
Oooh, Elrond and his (ex)mobster family is such fun idea, I adore it so much you are a true genius! But I got to ask; what if Galadriel leaving crime business is only what she wants you to think? Sure, she isn't as involved in it as before, and those flowershops are legitimate business, but she still does smuggling and crime on side. Leading to scene where poor Elrond and Celebrian, who just took out squad of would be assassins, are stuck between Celegorm and Galadriel 1/2
who are currently arguing about best way to dispose of body and assuring kids to just sit down and rest, they will clean up the signs before police comes. Fact that Elrond and Celebrian just murdered few professional hitmen doesnt disqualify them from kid status. 2/2
[re:]
No, Galadriel really DID leave the criminal enterprise…not long before the feds came in and cleared it up, in my mind she left Doriath immediately after Finrod’s death (which obv didn’t happen in this au). But still, she left before it all got REALLY warring between families. She went so straight that she married a man and they eloped to— fuck, I was going to say California but geographically, Beleriand is California and the Rockies are the Ered Luin, huh. They eloped to Colorado? Yes, all of this is much funnier if it’s happening in some mid-sized non-coastal city.
(Also, Galadriel/Celeborn is bi4bi, but my point stands.)
Galadriel’s burgeoning flower/gardening empire is completely aboveboard and she does NOT do additional crime on the side…but that doesn’t mean she can’t still grab a gun from an erstwhile cousin’s belt and coolly shoot someone attacking her daughter three times in the chest, then snappily discuss where to hide the body and how to follow this back to whoever hired these goons and deal with the problem at the root.
Also on the subject of “people who left that life behind, for sure”:
Celebrimbor, showing up to break into a bank at 3am: This is a terrible idea and I cannot believe I’m doing it. I’m not doing this again, Elrond. This is a one-time thing and I hope you appreciate it.
Elrond: I know. I do, really, thank you. I brought everything, I just need a hand - what’s that?
Celebrimbor: [had been getting a mysterious electronic doohickey out of his bag; set it at the side of the building, presses a button and looks satisfied when there’s a soft beep]
Celebrimbor: Short-range multi-purpose signal blocker. Can’t EMP the building, alarms would go off somewhere else - this way, none of the alarms will get out, and the camera data will be scrambled.
Elrond: Did you make that?!
Celebrimbor: Only the image scrambling - the rest, I borrowed it from work. [going around to a side door] Did you not have a plan for the remote alarms? See, this is exactly what I’m saying about how this is a terrible idea - we don’t care if it’s obvious there was a break-in later, right?
Elrond: No...
Celebrimbor: Great. [still talking, gets a vial out of his bag, uncaps it carefully and pours it on the lock. the lock dissolves] I don’t care what Maedhros thinks he needs, or what you think he needs, this just isn’t worth the consequences -
Elrond: Sorry, what’s that?
Celebrimbor: [opening door, walking in] Classified. It’ll evaporate without a trace, don’t worry. And if you’re caught, fuck the sons of Fëanor, how will that reflect on Gil-galad? What will your girlfriend think?
[at a mechanically locked door] Elrond, fishing out lockpicks: Here, I can -
[Celebrimbor continues lecturing while Elrond picks the lock. The vault itself, however, is electronically as well as mechanically locked]
Celebrimbor: [still lecturing (ranting), pulls out another doohickey, a little less sleek, and presses it against the keypad. the whole thing buzzes, lights, and goes dark. The door clicks]
Elrond: Okay, that one was an EMP.
Celebrimbor: - if my father thinks he can - yes, I made it in my garage. [opens door] If he thinks he can just....
ALSO by the end of it, Maglor is going to be on Elros’s maybe-extradition-proof topical island that needs more houses - well, at the actual end of it, everyone has to come together again for some dramatic mass confrontation, shoot-out and/or family shouting match, obviously. But Elros & Maglor arrive at that together, with the girl Elros’s new girlfriend (or Elros’s pre-established wife?) in tow...
BUT I’m torn as to whether it’s like, Elrond (& Elros) starts out genuinely not knowing where he is, they want to but also maybe they don’t because the affection between them and Maglor is Complicated, on account of the whole murder/kidnapping that preceded the genuinely affectionate parenting. But then like 2/3 through the plot, on their daily Zoom chat, Elros is like, “You know those finches I was telling you about, which keep trying to steal my breakfast?”
“Yes?” Elrond replies, still half-distracted by his own, more dire troubles.
“Well today a new bird showed up. A really big one, dark-haired. I think ti’s pretty rare - probably a lot of people would be excited to find it.
“Uh-huh...”
“Sings really loudly and obnoxiously.”
“...oh. Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“Do you want...advice to get ride of it? We could- I mean, we should call a- a zookeeper.”
“No. No, I think it’s....fine. For now. But don’t tell any other ornithologists either.”
OR
Has Elros been telling Elrond about the pretty birds that live in the trees near his apartment every day, about how they sing, they seem to enjoy the sunshine, the little fuckers stole his croissant...they seem to be anxious about the threat of hunting cats... Elrond says to send the birds his love and Elros says he’s sure they’d like Elrond, too, if they met him, and be worried about how he’s doing...
And you the audience just have the slowly dawning realization that Maglor has literally been there with Elros the entire time and they made this code in advance, and are deliberately not telling anyone.
One hand hand a dash more emotional drama; on the other, more dramatic irony, you know? I’m very torn.
Also in my heart I’m imagining this whole thing as a tv show where Elrond and Elros Skype once an episode.
Artist Elrod holding the “Chipped Beef Aspic Lamp” Elrod’s Mexakitsch art may look like dishes from another era but don’t try to eat them, because they’re really centerpieces that LIGHT UP!! She uses resin, glitter, and fake foods to create these …
