#erotophobia

[prettypupp]

"the thought of putting a tampon in or getting a pap smear terrifies me because i dont want anything going in there"

"you just need to learn your own body and be comfortable <3"

killing you with knives like caeser

[riverpancakes]

needing to make a gynocology appointment but the idea of a someone looking at and touching my genitals makes me want to kill myself

can yall give me your experiences with gynocologists please i need this appointment but im genuinely terrified

ive never had sex so ive never had the experience of someone looking at my genitals before and i never want to have sex because thats also genuinely terrifying to me. anything related to someone looking at or touching my genitals makes me want to die so if i could put this appointment off until it kills me i absolutely would

are they understanding of people who are scared like i am or do they thinks its weird and a waste of time to have appointments with people who are scared

[prettypuppxx]

"do you prefer tongue or fingers" id actually rather kill myself thanks

[pixiedoll2]

Tw // cocsa vent ,talks of sexual trauma , fear of sex and intimate activities

Okay so I might not be on the asexual spectrum

I might just be allo and have a horrible fear

Because I read smut and sometimes have fantasies and kinda feel sexual attraction.......but engaging in sexual activity, even online or thinking about have sex in real life gives me panic attacks ,even feeling turned on makes me distressed sometimes

Now I was repeatedly m0lested when I was a child and teen by my brother.....I won't go into detail about it but it really messed me up ...I have complex PTSD because of it and stuff

I was also taken advantage of online as a teen also ....I would do things to please others when I was scared to say no ...I was in several abusive online relationships with men when I was a teen ...a lot of them would get upset and coerce me into it if I showed any sign of discomfort .....

I still to this day have problems with saying no to people........

Anyways...the thought of ever having sex scares me ....I don't want to have sex even if I feel attraction.....I don't think I'll ever trust anyone enough to do that . It makes me feel horrible...like I won't be a good partner or that I'm useless or worthless .......

I don't know ....it's a very specific fear ...I don't ever really want to fix it either because I just don't want to go through the exposure therapy.....the fear of so bad I can't even finger myself or use tampons because I have a panic attack and I can't push it in ....I just can't......

I don't know.....I don't know if this is normal to have such a fear not wanting to get over it ..........I feel childish and immature...like there's something wrong with me .

( I want to specify that I'm not sex negative or anything......it makes me sad that I might not be able to go to certain pride events but that's a me problem to deal with , other people are allowed to do what they want . )

[failurefemmegf]

Vent of something I've had on my mind lately. Any advice is welcome.

tw: discussion of sex and sexuality, sexual trauma, kink

I don't have a healthy relationship with sex. Maybe I've never had, and maybe no one does.

First things first, I am in my early-mid twenties, and I am a virgin. The only shame I find in being a virgin is the shame that's be instilled in me by society. I am also sexually attracted to women.

I have been sexualized and exposed to sexuality from a very young age. I have unclear memories of CSA, along with some very strange memories with my sister when we were children. I won't go into detail on those.

I went through puberty earlier compared to my peers and developed breasts earlier than my peers. This lead to comments from the boys in my classes and body image issues I still struggle with, including gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia. When I attempted to vent my struggles online to women who I though could help me, I was instead sexualized and predated on by men, the attention of which I welcomed because I was a young, barely-teen girl.

I exposed myself to porn and misogynistic content against women from my early teens onwards. Kink, especially hard kink in fiction/fanfiction like rape, age gaps and pedophilia, and incest became a major part of my life from my teen years onwards. I was fascinated by these topics, and that fascination was encouraged by my peers. I engaged and consumed roleplay, fanfiction, and hentai on a daily basis. The entire basis of my sexuality seemed to be sculpted around sexual violence, and I feel lucky that I was never taken advantage of during this time.

I continued to be sexualized and pursued by men, especially my male friends since I struggled to make female friends (autism + niche interests + mental health issues). I welcomed male attention but I hated waiting for their attraction to become overt. I liked being pursued, hated being caught. Eventually this culminated in me being severely sexually harassed by one male friend in college, white-knighted by another male friend who proceeded to isolate me away from everyone else int he friend group, and then both of them dropped me when they realized I wasn't going to fuck them. I became actively suicidal and agoraphobic during that final semester of college, and fell back into fiction and hard kink to escape.

Now that I've become much more critical of the content I consume, and have begun to explore my sexuality as a lesbian, I find myself so lost. Any depictions of sex, especially sex with men, make me uncomfortable. I refuse to watch live-action porn for good reason, and drawn porn/hentai seems so alien to me now. I can't read erotica, as I find most erotica male-centric, whether that be because it's meant for straight women, or it's lesbian erotica written by men. And I can't fantasize anything because I don't knwo what a healthy sexual relationship looks like, and I'm so dissociated from my own body I can't imagine myself as a sexual being with agency.

I do crave intimacy. I just don't know what it looks like. I can't even imagine what it looks like. I cna't even talk about sex or pleasure without feeling a gnawing sense of guilt and shame. I feel like I went from drowning to dying of thirst (ha).

I don't know where to go from here.

[aroaceconfessions]

Sometimes I'm really glad to be ace bc I just can't stand the concept of getting pregnant. Seems like everyone says is "the best thing that could happen in your life" but in reality I had bad nightmares with being pregnant n giving birth. It fucking terrifies me since I was a kid. Sometimes I thought about having sex, but I get panicked with all the STD's, how I can get pregnant even with all the birth control methods, and then watching a thing growing /inside you/. It's just horrible to me, all of that. I'm happy that I don't have a need to have sex 24/7. No sex = not pregnant. It's a big win for me

[hungryhungryterminator]

a fear of spiders or heights is seen as “normal and common” but when you tell people that you’re scared of dogs and penises then they’re ready to burn you at the stake

[marshmallow--3]

Tmi

The more I have sex with men, the more I realise that I really don't enjoy it, it's just physically painful

Makes me sad seeing all these women cum and enjoy themselves

Sigh, but hey, I've made out with three women, had sex with three women, tried sex with a few men, and my sexuality is getting more confusing by the day

Women = yay

Men = pain