Iorda and Darcy/Riven parent-daughter AUs have my heart, and so, have an AU where Darcy finds a smol familiar and decides to raise it.
She's not gonna leave it to die ofc.
Stormy moment credited to: @ieatedanimation
@ieatedanimation @s12-kittie @rerarlo @thewillowofveles @dariaslore @darlenicy
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[Darcy and Riven are walking back to their little home after a date. The moon is shining, its nighttime, and they are continuing to be the ship of the century]
Riven: Any plans for the rest of the evening, my angel~?
Darcy, snorting: We have the same plans, Riv, we—
[A little, smol form proceeds to waddle out of the darkness]
Hyena pup Iorda: *takes a big steppy*
Darcy: What is a baby familiar doing out here?
Riven: Do they not wander?
Darcy: Not when they're this young, no
Iorda: *sits at their feet*
Riven, cups his hands around his mouth: HAS ANYONE LOST A HYENA FAMILIAR? A POM-POM LOOKING THING??
Iorda: *gnaws at the edge of Darcy's skirt*
Darcy: Where is your witch, honey?
Iorda: *is without a witch*
Riven, still screaming: —THAT LOOKS LIKE A CROSS BETWEEN A POMERANIAN, A CAT, AND SOME SORT OF BAKED GOOD!
Darcy: Riv, you're about to give me a headache
Riven: Well, we have to find her parents. Or her witch
Darcy: She's too young to be bonded to a witch already. Familiar moms are really protective—especially before their child shifts into their non-animal form—so I don't see why she would've let her daughter wander off
Riven: ... what's that on her neck?
[A thin, black, red, and violet piece of rope around Iorda's neck, the colors of The Sisters of Liliss. Yes the cult returns. So help me]
Darcy, frowning: I'm just gonna take that off real quick
Darcy: Cult. Illegal familiar trade. She's ours now
Darcy: Oh come on, she's cute, right?
Hyena pup Iorda: *The Cutest Thing Possible*
Riven: I have no worthy arguments
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[Darcy. Riven, and the fluff ball that is Iorda reaches their house. Once they enter, Iorda waddles off]
Riven: How does one raise a familiar?
Darcy: Catering to their form until they feel ready to shift I suppose. Which means a lot of blankets so she can burrow, comforting scents, and...
Riven: Hyenas eat meat, I'm guessing?
Darcy: And bone, yeah. We don't have to give her that. At least while she's still this young. She'll fare well with meat for now
Darcy: I'll call Stormy for help
[Ten minutes later, Stormy walks in]
Stormy: FRET NOT SISTER O F MINE! A RACOON HAPPENED TO RUN INTO MY CAR ON THE WAY HERE AND—
Stormy: *lifts up the dead racoon*
Stormy: I HAVE SUPPLIED GRADE-A ROADKILL
Darcy: WHY WOULD I GIVE THE ADOPTED FAMILIAR ROADKILL?
Riven: *too tired for this and goes to find where Iorda is*
Stormy: She eats meat, doesn't she?
Darcy: I asked for ADVICE! Not THIS!
Stormy: She's a hyena, right? She can eat bones?
Darcy: Stormy, it's dripping on the floor!
Riven: *chasing Iorda as she waddles fast to the blood*
Iorda: *about to lick up the blood*
Darcy: *lifts Iorda up by her scruff*
Iorda: *shakes her feet and cries out distressed noises*
Stormy: Come on, she clearly desires bloodshed! Here I am, trying to help you, a mother, feed your CHILD! And all I get is anger and denial! Well, don't call me whenever you need a babysitter if this is how you're gonna act. I'll have you know I poured my heart and soul out carrying this dead fucking raccoon the entire way here
Stormy: A thank you would've been nice. Can you do that for me, Darcy? Can you say thank you??
Riven: For all we know, you accidentally zapped it while fucking up a spell
Darcy: Also, raccoons have RABIES! Do you WANT your niece to get RABIES???
Riven: ... I suppose we have a hyena as a daughter now
Darcy: Yes. I thought that was clear
Iorda: *kicking her feet, not enjoying air jail*
Darcy: Oh my god. I'll get you salmon tonight, just please shut up
Iorda: *happily shuts up at the prospect of fish*
Stormy: I didn't zap it while fucking up a spell! I hit it with my car!
Stormy: On accident, but like, it's the thought that counts. And my car has a dent in it now. So, like, I've sacrificed so much and you won't even, like, test it for rabies then feed it to your daughter
Stormy: Also, I'm staying for dinner if you're getting salmon. Put the lemon and butter on it and roast that bitch
Riven: Eh we have extra. Why not?
Stormy: YOU'RE THE MAN, RIVEN!
Darcy: *about to strangle smth*
Darcy: *puts Iorda down on the floor so she doesn't hurt the bb*
Darcy: I DON'T HAVE TIME TO TEST—
Iorda: *has already waddled off back to the blood*
Riven: ... we really need to get her a child leash if this keeps up
Darcy: Also, Stormy, it's your fault for being a horrible driver. Don't push your troubles onto our daughter
Iorda: *sits at the blood*
Iorda: *looks up at Stormy like "can I haz the blood?"
Darcy, glaring at Stormy:
Riven: Iorda, how about we don't—
Iorda: *just fucking lays down in the blood*
Stormy: Oh shit, we rollin' around in blood now?
Darcy: You will not join her
Stormy: You're ruining my aunt-niece activities. Icy would have let me roll around in blood
Iorda: *pawing at the blood*
Riven: At least she's not squeamish
Darcy: Fine. You're staying for the salmon. But you are going to bathe her after this literal blood bath. Also, we both know that Icy is too tired at this point to care if you show up bloody or not
Stormy: Don't be overprotective, Darcy. No one likes a helicopter mom
Stormy: *walks over and starts to fingerpaint with the blood*
Stormy: Yeah I'll bathe her. How's that sound, kiddo? Wanna go take a bath with auntie Stormy?
Stormy: *boops a little blood on Iorda's nose*
Riven: She likes water as far as we know—hyena and all—so be prepared to get a lot on you. Have fun
Darcy: Have a horrible time
Iorda: *latches onto Stormy's hand by her teeth*
Stormy: Darcyohmyfuckinggodpleasehelpmethishurts
Darcy, smirking: Consider it karma
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[Stormy has brought Iorda into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her]
Stormy: Okay kiddo, what—
Iorda: *runs to the door and paws at it*
Stormy: Riven said you like water. I don’t think he’d lie to me. Unless him and my sister are conspiring. Fuck. Traitors
Stormy: Hm… Sink bath or tub? With the tub at least you won’t be able to jump out since you’re… very very small
Stormy: *starts to run a shallow, warm bath*
Iorda: *still at the door waiting for mama*
Stormy: … Darcy is in for a long… Wait. How long until you shift into your human form? At least she gets to skip the newborn human baby stage
Iorda: *whining and licking the blood on her paws*
Stormy: *gently tosses her in the bath*
Iorda: *falls under and gets water in her nose before she finally gets together and wades around*
Stormy: See? Tharma’s methods still work!
Darcy: STORMY WHAT WAS THAT NOISE?
Stormy: I’m bathing your daughter! LIKE YOU TOLD ME TO! I just threw her in and she waded fine!
Darcy: Fuck you mean you just THREW HER IN?
Riven: What did Stormy do?
Darcy: TOSS HER IN THE WATER!
Darcy, frowning and mocks: ‘Hyenas can swim’ I don’t care. I’d rather treat her gently than risk something happening
Stormy: But she’s drinking the bloody soap water
Darcy, sighing: Riven, please help Stormy so she doesn’t end up killing a two week old familiar
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Riven: What else do we have to teach her before she, well, shifts and gains full human awareness for the first time?
Darcy: She knows not to bite, when to sleep... I'm not quite sure
Riven: Do we have to teach her how to hunt? Is that a thing that we have to do for a hyena familiar?
Darcy: How would we do that?
[Later at Red Fountain where Riven teaches. New recruits are standing in a line]
Riven: Alright! Running drills!
Riven: *lifts up a 5-month old Iorda*
Recruits: *collective aws*
Riven: She's going to run after you while you go through drills, and she has been told to only nip any ankles and shoes she comes into contact with. But then again, I'm pretty sure that my wife taught her to bite the ankles of her enemies, so there's a fifty-fifty chance that she will indeed bite your ankles if you're too slow!
Recruits: *collective winces*
Iorda: *yip of playful bloodlust*
Recruit, running: FUCK FUCK FUCK IT'S AFTER ME!
Riven: SHE has a name! And she's two meters away from you!
Recruit: YEAH BUT I CAN'T FOCUS WHEN I'M BEING CHASED!
Riven: THEN HOW WILL YOU FOCUS ON PROTECTING MAGIX AGAINST ENEMIES?
Recruit, sobbing: THIS IS THE END FOR ME!
Iorda: *smol and fluffy and with very tiny teeth*
Recruit: GREAT DRAGON SAVE ME!
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[Darcy walking to Griffin's office, Iorda in her arms]
Darcy, scratching Iorda's head: A lot is riding on this...
Iorda: *confused why mama is stressed*
Iorda: Does she need me to bite ankle?
Darcy: *knocks on the door*
Darcy, hiding Iorda in her cardigan: Hey, um, mom?
Griffin: Still not used to calling me that, are you?
Darcy: Mother sounds better
Griffin: ... is your clothing possesed?
Darcy, sighs and sits down: I... um... I may have some sort of daughter
Griffin: Last time I checked, your entire reproductive system was unusable, so how—
Darcy: *places Iorda on the desk*
Griffin: Darcy, that is a hyena
Darcy: She's a familiar! Come on, just look at her cute human eyes!
Griffin: How did you? Where? Why? More on the why
Darcy: Eh, Riv and I picked her up off the street after she presumably escaped a Sisters of Liliss hideout, and so, she is now ours and has been for around six months
Iorda: *sitting down politely like Darcy taught her*
Griffin: Has she shifted yet?
Darcy: No. That's why I came to you... There's... not much information I can find about how to deal with familiars past shifting age and how to actually teach them to
Griffin, shrugging: She'll shift when she does
Darcy, sighing: I just worry that she's... not faring well
Iorda: *tail be wagging and very happy*
Griffin: She will learn that she can shift eventually. I'd bet that she's actually picked up on that she can with you talking about it
Darcy: She's six months old?
Griffins: Familiars are intelligent creatures
Darcy, looks at Iorda: Can you shift, please?
Iorda: *stands up and sits down again*
Darcy: Wha—no, shift. Not sit
Iorda: *stands up and sits down again*
Iorda: What does this woman want from me?
Griffin: I'm sure that she—
Ediltrude: *walks past in the hallway*
Iorda: *about to jump and chase*
Darcy: No, no. No chase time
Griffin: Darcy, why does the familiar want to chase Ediltrude?
Darcy: What? She insulted Riven last week...
Griffin: So your familiar—excuse me, daughter—doesn't know how to shift, but you taught her to chase the people that mildly annoy you?
Iorda: *yipping with bloodlust*
Griffin: I am proud to call her my granddaughter
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[Twelve years later. Darcy and Riven are reading on the couch, while a full grown hyena is walking around the kitchen]
Iorda: *staring up at the counter, eyeing the raw cookie dough*
Iorda: *too smol to reach and too heavy to jump*
Iorda, rolling her eyes: *proceeds to shift into human form for the first time, sneaking a very small bit of the cookie dough*
Darcy: *glances to the kitchen and is confused*
Darcy: Riven, there's a stranger in our house
Riven, looking up: Wait, there door is LOCKED! WHO ARE YOU?
Iorda: I'm your DAUGHTER!
Darcy: After ALL these years you finally shifted to get COOKIE DOUGH OF ALL THINGS?!
Darcy, sighing: She's your child, Riven...
Riven: What about all those times we placed perfectly good meat high up to tempt you to shift? Why now? What changed?
Iorda, shrugging: Darcy would give me the meat anyways if I looked cute enough, so I saw no reason to shift if she was just gonna cave sooner or later
Iorda: MEANWHILE... Cookie dough?
Iorda: Salmonella incarnate and a forbidden fruit
Iorda: *reaching for a tiny bit more*
Riven: Listen to your mother
Iorda, sighing: Yes mom, I'm sorry
Darcy: Good. Now, time to actually take you shopping now that you actually shifted for the first time. Finally. Finally
Riven: Iorda, you've unleashed the beast. Run