do you think you would like to write a chapter (blurb idk how to call it) from jays pov? i love to see the yearning up close
Yess! :) fem!jason todd x fem!reader. hockey au. jay's pov.
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Crrrack!
Jay slams her stick against the puck. It bounces off the side of the net with a metallic clink. Her fourth missed shot. Fucking shit.
Amara, their goalie, skates around, stopping next to her. "Everything okay?"
"Fine," Jay grits out, because she can't fix what's not okay, but she can actually fucking score a goal, God willing.
The team runs drills until Jay can't take it anymore. Eight missed shots. She's going insane on the ice, which sucks, because this is where she usually finds clarity. Not today.
"Hey." Cassie, right defenseman, bumps her shoulder as she joins Jay on the bench. "You disappeared last night. We did jello shots."
Jay snorts. "Not sorry I missed it."
"Jello shots pale in comparison to the tender touch of a lady friend," Marcy says, too smirky. "You two left pretty fast."
Jay sighs. She knows what Marcy's gonna say next: that Jay has more of a chance than she thinks, that being vulnerable is worth it for you. But Marcy hasn't known you for ten years, and she doesn't know what it's like to love someone so much, you'd rather throw yourself down the stairs than lose them.
"Cork it, Mars," Shauna says.
"Yes, ma'am." They're dating now, so Marcy is very obvious about enjoying her hot girlfriend telling her to shut up. Jay's grateful. At least Marcy doesn't try flirting with you anymore.
Shauna looks at Jay sadly. She hates it.
"Did you two fight?" she asks. "You were outside for a while."
Jay shakes her head. "No. We're fine. Just a misunderstanding on her part. Except somehow, I'm even deeper in the friend zone than I thought was possible."
And then she relays what you told her last night about wanting to be a better friend, as if that's possible. Jay delicately skips over you telling her that she can talk about who she has sex with. She doesn't know what to make of that one, but she's damn sure that she doesn't want to hear what her teammates think about it.
Marcy exhales. "Wow. Shit."
Jay tries not to look so glum. "Yeah."
"Oh my God," Shauna says exasperatedly. "You're both stupid. Jay, she likes you. She was jealous last night!"
"But she tried to set me up with Marcy."
Shauna rolls her eyes. "Yeah, and it basically brought her to tears."
"Understandably so," says Marcy. "We'd make a terrible couple."
Jay felt awful seeing you like that. She knew it wasn't the wind that made your eyes glassy, but she didn't want to pry. You were tipsy and it seemed like you had a lot more on your mind than you let on. But Jay trusts you, trusts that you'll tell her what she needs to know. Won't you?
"I dunno." She shakes her head. "No, I doubt it. She's never mentioned possibly liking women. Much less me."
"Maybe she doesn't realize that's what she's feeling. She thought she wasn't being accepting enough, but why would she panic about suddenly not accepting her gay best friend she's known for a decade? Any more accepting and she'd be sticking her tongue in your mouth."
Marcy gets two slaps on the arm: a hard one from Jay and a softer one from Shauna.
"Don't be rude," Shauna says. "Jay's friend is a nice girl."
"Just calling it like it is, babe. Nice girls can like tongue. No shame."
Shauna rolls her eyes and turns to Jay. "Just ask her if she likes women. What's the problem?"
The problem is that Jay's afraid you’ll see right through her. Why else would she ask, if not for her own interest? Besides, if you haven't figured it out for yourself, Jay doesn't want to be pushy and pry it out of you. She knows how vulnerable it is to tell someone such a thing.
"No way," she says. "I can't be that straightforward."
Shauna thinks for a moment. "Then tell her that someone from the team likes her and wants to ask her out. You'll know at the very least if she likes women."
Jay makes a face. "I don't wanna lie."
"But you won't ask her outright either! This is the best way, Jay."
"And what if she says yes? Then I have to come up with a reason why they can't take her out."
Not to mention that Jay would probably keel over and die if she had to endure you dating a teammate of hers. She'd rather let Kayla Berger smash her face into hockey glass.
"I'll take out your friend," Isabel, a left defenseman, says. "No lying needed. She's really cute."
Jay didn't even notice the audience she's gathered in talking about you, but three other women have tuned in to her pity party. She scowls, feeling like she's fending off vultures. The thought of her teammates finding you cute or hot or pretty makes her want to snap her stick in half.
"No. I don't want her to go out with anyone on the team."
"Not even you?" Marcy asks.
"I'll punch you in the face, Simmons, I really will."
"Fine, then I give you permission to paint me as the worst possible potential girlfriend," Shauna says. "If she shows any interest, tell her I... I retile pool grout as a hobby. I don't know. Whatever you want, Jay. Just nothing illegal. I do have a reputation to uphold."
Jay laughs. She thinks about the face you'd make if she told you something outrageous, like that Shauna picks pine needles off of trees to make her own Christmas tree.
Shauna is really in love with Marcy, so Jay has nothing to worry about. They’ve played together since college. And more than a part of her is curious. Would you date a woman? Her instinct is no, because it seems impossibly unreal, you liking women. A dream Jay has had many times. Her crush is devastating either way, but you've never acted the way you did last night.
Irrationally, a part of her still doesn't want to tell you that a woman she knows likes you. Even Shauna. It's terrible of her to feel so possessive when she has no right. She had no right either in moping over the few dates and one boyfriend you had in college, then rejoicing when you broke up. It's sick. She's sick to want you so much when she can't have you. You're not a doll for her to squeeze and cuddle when she needs comfort, even if you let her get close to you in bed and on the couch.
No, you deserve someone who makes you happy. You deserve a friend who has a normal, healthy attachment to you. Jay truly feels like a creep sometimes, the way she thinks about you. When you're near, all she can focus on is the scent of your hair and how soft your hands are. Sick!
"I'll think about it. Thanks." Jay gets up from the bench, ready to get back on the ice. She has a good feeling about her shooting now. And they need to practice. Scouts are coming to make definitive decisions next week.
She skates down the rink, imagining you in the stands, watching her score the winning goal and making it to Nationals. Would you get her number tattooed on you then? She hasn't stopped thinking about it since you said it. 15 on your wrist or ankle or hip. Somewhere no one but Jay knows.
She skates faster and slams the puck past Amara. Nothing but net.
next
