Summary: Feeling that there's no future for you in Orynth, you attempt to leave in the middle of the night.
Warnings: mild angst
Words: ~2.1k
Author's Note: eeee day 1 is here! I'm so excited for the rest of this week, and I hope you all are too! This is written for Day 1 of @sjmromanceweek. Enjoy and let me know what you think! ☺️
18+ only pls
💚🩵🤍🩵💚
You were a fool. A complete and utter fool.
Nearly a year of pining after Aelin and Rowan, your Queen and King, had led to nothing.
Nothing but one night, months ago in a packed inn when you’d been nestled between them after hours of making you feel pleasure like never before.
Since that night, you’d kept a small flame of hope alive that Aelin had meant that they wanted you, to be with you. They’d asked you to take a room in the castle, only a few minutes walk separating you from their personal tower. Aelin had mention something about saving you the time of fighting the now busy streets of Orynth to reach the castle greenhouses each morning as her reasoning for offering the room, when you had a perfectly comfortable cottage of your own inside the city walls. And you’d continued to visit other towns and cities to help with the ongoing rebuilding efforts, still just the three of you, your magic speeding along fields of wheat, ripening entire rows of tomato plants to perfection as your Queen and King saw to any other needs their citizens might have.
But you’d not shared a room again, no twist of fate forcing the opportunity once more, or the married couple simply asking you to join them. It was glaringly obvious to you now that there was no reason to keep hoping, and that you needed to leave your foolish feelings behind before you were hurt further. Yet… you couldn’t manage to tear your eyes away from their place on the dance floor.
Winter Solstice was here, and a ball had been planned to celebrate the first free winter of Terrasen. You’d tried and tried to keep your eyes from wandering to them, whether they were on their thrones or mingling with the crowd, but you failed all night. And now they were dancing, each movement followed by sparks of Aelin’s fire, sending your mind straight back to the night you’d had with them.
The two of them together were perfect, bodies full of grace and sharp personalities, souls that had intertwined completely, near immortal and everything you’d ever wanted. And you…
You were mortal. Skilled with the plant magic you wielded, but nothing else that would impress anyone, or make you vital to their kingdom. Aelin had called you pretty, but you were nothing compared to her own beauty.
Tonight would be the perfect time to make your escape, to find a town or city that would welcome you, to run away from the feelings that rushed through you at the mere thought of Rowan and Aelin. You’d planned to leave already if the conditions were right, but… you wanted to see them, one last time.
And now that you had, it was time to grab your things from your room in the castle, then from your cottage in town.
You calmly made your way to the entrance of the great hall, taking one last glance at the couple you’d fallen too deeply for when they were completely off-limits. Rowan dipped Aelin in his arms as the song ended, kissing her deeply before pulling her back into a standing position.
A sigh, and then you were gone.
The stairs up to your room were uncomfortable in heels, but you made your way up and back down in under fifteen minutes. Laughter and music poured from the great hall as you passed through a hallway nearby. It was easy enough to slip out the castle doors and through the streets of Orynth to your house, dodging revelers who’d had a bit too much to drink as you did.
Familiar wooden walls greeted you as you shivered in the cold of your house, but you didn’t bother lighting a fire in the fireplace seeing as you’d be long gone in a few minutes. A match lit two candles on your living room table, lighting the room well enough. You sat to remove the heeled boots you’d worn tonight and warmed your toes between your hands, the soft fur lining not enough to stave away the chills that Terrasen’s winters brought.
You reached for your socks, only to pat around on the couch and realize that you hadn’t grabbed a pair of socks, and you rolled your eyes at yourself. A hiss left your lips at the biting cold of the wood floors beneath your feet as you darted to your bedroom, sitting on your bed to tug the wool socks on, and then another pair for good measure. There may be a merchant’s carriage waiting to take you to Rosamel, but the journey would be long and freezing. No use in risking your toes when you had plenty of socks to bring with you.
Your hands set to packing the two other bags you could bring with you, stuffing in as many clothes as you could while your mind wandered, worries piling on one after the other. What if the Lord of Rosamel turned you away? What if you were allowed in, but couldn’t find housing? What if-
An insistent knocking on your front door snapped you out of your thoughts, annoyance flitting through you.
Who would come calling for you at midnight?
You thought about ignoring whoever was at the door, likely a confused drunkard, until the knocking turned to pounding.
“Y/N, please let us in,” a voice called, muffled but familiar. If Aelin was here…
The door swung open, revealing your Queen and King who looked panicked, if that was even possible. “I… What are you doing here?”
“The better question is what are you doing here, Y/N?” Rowan growled before prowling past you, opening each door and checking each room as if he was searching for someone.
Aelin’s hands grabbed one of yours, her warmth chasing away the chill that had settled into your bones. “Why did you take your things from the castle, Y/N? I thought you liked staying there…” Her voice was soft, softer than you’d heard it since that night.
“I did, but I-”
“Why are your bags packed?” Rowan asked after emerging from your bedroom, a furious look on his face. “You were going to leave in the middle of the night, just like that?”
Your heart stuttered as fear swept over you, doubling in intensity when you saw a matching look on Aelin’s face. “I- I didn’t want-”
“What, Y/N? You didn’t want to say goodbye before leaving for some incredibly urgent reason, or you didn’t want us?” The last word was said with such pain, the emotion reflected in Aelin’s eyes. You could hardly breathe as she pinned you to the spot with her stare, the gold in her eyes shining in the candlelight. “Which is it?”
“I…” You couldn’t break her stare, couldn’t escape the want that flooded you whenever you were near them, couldn’t help the tears that fell from your eyes. You didn’t want to confess, but it was the only way that they would let you go. “I want you too much,” you whispered into the space that separated you, resisting the urge to look at Rowan, see the disgust that was likely building in his eyes. “I’ve always wanted you too much, in the wrong way when I knew that you were married, mates.” Your voice cracked on the last word, the knowledge that you could never compete with a bond like that having already shredded your soul long before tonight. “I think- I think I love both of you, but I need to leave Orynth. I can’t… It hurts too much, to be around you.” Your voice had quieted to a whisper before you stopped talking, finally pulling your eyes away from Aelin’s.
You stared at the floor as you waited for Aelin to drop your hand, for the two of them to storm out of your house.
It didn’t happen.
Aelin tugged you closer, only letting go of your hand to wrap her arms around you. “Y/N.” She said your name like a prayer, and a shudder ran through you. “I can’t believe…” she laughed softly. “I want you too much. I can barely breathe without you, barely think around you.”
“We’ve felt for you since that morning in the greenhouse,” Rowan said, his warmth behind you now, his arms caging you between them. “You’re irresistible in every way, Y/N.”
You were silent in their hold, your mind trying and failing to comprehend what they’d just told you. They… Since the greenhouse…? But why wouldn’t they-
“I don’t… You- why didn’t you tell me?” you asked with a frown on your face.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” Aelin asked, her eyes meeting yours when you finally looked up again. “We weren’t certain that you truly wanted us, and, well…”
“Aelin’s not the best at handling negative consequences,” Rowan whispered in your ear, the grin he was wearing obvious without even looking at him, and he chuckled when Aelin glared at him over your shoulder with no heat in her eyes.
“You wanted for Y/N to come to us, Rowan,” Aelin said with a roll of her eyes. “I suggested offering you part of our closet and guaranteed snuggles every night, but… I guess we played it too safe, if you thought we were so uninterested that you needed to run away.” There was regret in those stunning eyes as her arms tightened around you. “Please don’t run.”
The words were so quiet, murmured like a prayer into the space between you, filled with the vulnerability that your Queen so rarely showed.
“Stay with us, Y/N. We need you.” Rowan’s words were just as soft, his lips brushing your ear as he spoke. “We want you.”
You let out a whimper as you melted into their arms, your forehead resting on Aelin’s shoulder. “You can’t talk like that,” you mumbled into the fabric of her dress.
“Why? Is-”
It was easy to cut Rowan’s worry off as you whined, “You turned my legs to jelly. I can’t go back to the castle if I can’t walk.”
Two chests heaved with laughter around you for a moment, arms squishing you between them more tightly before silence fell again. The three of you stood in the quiet for minutes, listening to each other’s breathing.
“So, you’ll come with us?”
“Mm,” you hummed. “You mentioned space in the closet…”
“I’ll burn all of my clothes if it means you’ll be with us.” Aelin’s lips pressed to the crown of your head as you giggled at her.
“She doesn’t need that much space, Aelin,” Rowan teased.
“Hey!”
“Don’t get rid of your clothes, you look too pretty in them. Especially that pink nightgown you wore,” you sighed, nuzzling into Aelin’s neck. “Definitely don’t burn anything like that.”
Two fingers brought your chin up until you were an inch from Aelin’s face, a pleased look in her eyes and a smirk on her lips. “Oh? Should I take you with me when I go shopping for new ones? I’d love to have your input, maybe buy some pretty things for you to wear, just for us. Does that sound good?”
You couldn’t stop the way your heart thumped harder, imaginings of the silk and lace that Aelin would, without a doubt, look stunning in and out of. You didn’t think you could speak anything but gibberish with how close she was, how tightly Rowan was pressed to you, his arousal obvious against your lower back, but you managed a nod, Aelin’s slim fingers still beneath your chin.
“Good girl.” Soft lips pressed to yours, the contact making your knees go weak. It was a short kiss, full of promises that would be fulfilled later, in the warmth of their- now your- rooms. Once your lips parted, Rowan shifted behind you, turning your head to claim your mouth with his own, more demanding than Aelin. You were breathless when you parted, thankful for the two sets of arms now holding you up. “Now go put anything else you want to bring with you tonight in your bags, we have a warm bed waiting for us.”
Aelin’s smile alone could bring you to your knees, but with their confession and your own out in the open… You nearly fell the moment your Queen and King pulled away, your knees saved from bruising by Rowan’s arms wrapping around your waist. “Are you alright?”
Your cheeks flushed as you nodded. “I don’t know if I can walk,” you sighed, your flush intensifying when you saw Aelin’s grin.
“That’s fine, my love. Rowan can carry you,” she said, grin widening when Rowan scooped you into his arms with no warning. “We’ll come back to get the rest of your things tomorrow, and you can wear something of mine tonight. Or nothing at all.”
You pressed your thighs together, knowing exactly what the look in her eyes meant.
I don’t know how to play it cool. Yesterday was hard. I missed you more than I know how to express. Today feels impossible - I keep moving forward because I must. There is no other way.
Song Review: Grateful Dead - “Foolish Heart” (Live, June 22, 1991)
June 22, 1991, was a cold night in Chicago. But the Grateful Dead played a hot show inside Soldier Field, from whence the latest “All the Years Live” comes.
Despite the unseasonable air and chilly winds that blew the music around as it traveled from the PA to Sound Bites’ upper-deck vantage, the Dead played one of those shows on this long-ago evening. Minor deficiencies on the part of Jerry Garcia notwithstanding, “Foolish Heart” is emblematic of the spirit of teamwork that made the Dead’s short-lived, dual-keyboard lineup of the early ’90s so exciting.
This “Heart” sports a long intro and finds newcomers Vince Welnick (keys) and Bruce Hornsby (piano) in lockstep with their veteran bandmates. Garcia’s forgetfulness gets the better of him at the mic and he blows through his fellow players’ first attempt at the song’s stop-start transition from jam to vocals. But this septet was quick on its feet and when Garcia decides he’s ready, the shift is seamless.
