I was pondering why so many people mistype with the Enneagram and/or struggle to find their core type, and it dawned on me that their image fix might be muddying the waters. It's related to shame and how you are perceived, which means the image center is subtly influencing how everyone presents themselves, ALL THE TIME. It can even deceive you and cause you to identify with something you are not, because it's less shameful than admitting to the "bad side" of certain types.
For example, a 3 fix won't want to identify as a core 6, because of competency fixations. (3: I am competent/cool, being a "repressed thinking" 6 sounds bad and will make people look down on me.) A 4 fixer won't want to be identified with 9 or 6 right off the bat; it doesn't fit their self image and is too pedestrian (6/9 are the most common types -- eww!). A 2 might not want to be seen as a 2, since "give to get" is incredibly off-putting to them. (I know one 2 who typed herself 6 for a long time, because "they're the 2 without an agenda.")
I started thinking about this after noticing how many sp/so's in typing videos open a can of pop/beer or pour a glass of wine, and drink from it while answering the questions. My reaction was "I would never do that, it feels cringe to me." Then it dawned on me that I wouldn't do it, to image-curate (this is not me; I want to be seen in another way -- hello 3w4 fix, finding stuff to sneer at!), but another type would do it, also to image-curate. For me, it's "nooo, too casual/every-man!," for them, it's telling people something about me -- I drink beer, I am chill, these questions aren't bothering me, I'm an every-man (or look at this expensive/special bottled water / wine I drink, unlike other people). I would think "I want this video to look like Y, so I won't do Z," and they would think "I want this video to look like X so I will do Q."
Thing is, no matter where our image fix is, we're doing this stuff all the time without even noticing it -- image-curating. Trimming the truth a little so you look better. Or ignoring this part of the story and playing up that part so people notice THIS about you and not THAT. Loudly drawing attention over here instead of there. Pointing out how you are different, sharing the nice thing you did, humble-bragging, etc. Sitting a certain way in a video. Slouching in your chair. Picking your best side to show to the camera. Or doing the opposite and thinking "I'm gonna wear a ratty t-shirt to show I don't care / don't ascribe to traditional concepts of fashion/beauty." The higher the image focus, the more this is instinctual, but we're all still somewhat aware of it.
To land on an image fix, you have to think about what you're curating and sharing with others for specific reasons and why. #Everyone is broadcasting their image fix all the time, even if they aren't core image types; everyone 'edits' what they want other people to know about them. 3s project competency, success, and what they got done; 2s make sure others know how sweet and generous and affectionate they are; 4s remind others of their brokenness, separation, and how they can't be fixed. What are you sharing and how is it helping or hindering you in admitting to your core type?
hi :) i think i found a good way to determine one’s heart fix (or heart type if it’s your core). i’d post this to reddit, too, but i don’t wanna deal with mistyped 4s yelling at me sooo we’ll just post it here for now.
ofc if you are one of these types and feel it could be represented better, let me know!
2 - I want to be seen as helpful and loving so people will like me. I want to be needed by the people I care about. Secretly, I want to be loved for who I am and not what I provide. I'm afraid of being alone and unloved.
3 - I want to be seen as successful and accomplished so people will value me. I want people to approve of me. Secretly, I want to be loved for who I am and not just my achievements or the roles I play for others. I'm afraid of failure and being worthless.
4 - I want to be seen as mysterious and interesting so people will approach me. I want to be seen for who I am on the inside. Secretly, I want all of me to be loved for who I am and not just the unique or intense parts. I'm afraid of being ordinary and having no personal significance
Hey guys! This is a general masterpost for cores 5 about their heart fixes! Sadly, online descriptions regarding your fixes are always very very poor, so here I'm trying to imagine how core's and 2nd fix' fears and strategies interact with each other. Basically, here are 3 subtypes of 5, classified based on the way they deal with the Feeling/Self-Image Triad.
I think that classifying types based on their 2nd fix makes sense, more so than classifying them by their 3rd fix, since it has mostly such a weak component in your general personality/in your daily priorities. Plus, 5s, being withdrawn types, are most likely to be gut lasts: so their 2nd fix is most likely to be from the Heart Center. Hence this post.
To be honest with you all, this can turn out to be more theoretical than practical (and I mean, as enneatype descriptions tend to be) since I don't actually have many in real life examples and I'm not entirely sure about my own heart fix, so yeah, take all of this with a grain of salt and feel free to criticize my descriptions (honestly it'd be helpful). I just wanted to try to give a more in depth analysis since fixes are a really interesting concept but there's so little information online...
Disclaimer: in order to make this work better one should compare themselves with other ennea5 in their life, possibly with a different heart fix than you. Comparing oneself to 5s online or in fiction can be more,,, eh (you don't see them acting in ther day-to-day life, and fictional characters are meant to be seen by the public in a certain way). I don’t know about comparing yourself to other types who seem to have a different fix than you... (like, say, comparing yourself to who is probably a 6 with a 4fix to understand how a 4fix would look like) it may work or it may not, I guess
5-2:
Uncertainty about the future and the world's dangers is faced by withdrawing.
Fear of being worthless is faced by trying to earn validation and attention.
Double Rejection Triad
Obviously, the problems that come from the rejection triad are very present here - they have different strategies to deal with this feeling of rejection, and that is by ignoring their own needs, be that by retreating entirely or by attending to others' needs (they shift according to the circumstances).
Exposing their needs to someone not only feels embarassing and threatening, but it may also cause guilt
Hypersensitivity
According to Naranjo, 5s are hypersensitive, specifically when it comes to other people's demands. "In other words, a great sensitivity to interference goes hand-in hand with an over-docility, in virtue of which the individual interferes all too easily with her own spontaneity, with her preferences, and with acting in a way coherent with her needs in the presence of others. Also, in light of this over-docility (understandable as a by-product of a strong repressed love need) we can understand the particular emphasis in aloneness in ennea-type V. To the extent that the relationship entails alienation from one’s own preferences and authentic expression there arises an implicit stress and the need to recover from it: a need to find oneself again in aloneness.". It seems obvious to me that all of this would be heavily present in the 5-2 individual. He most likely feels highly obliged to attend to other people's or authorities' demands. Let's say, easily guilt-tripped (they won't necessarily act immediately on that guilt though).
This means they have an extreme need to withdraw after a social meeting: they will try to meet other people's needs but they can soon get too tired and retreat again.
It's more difficult for them not to care (as other 5s may do) not only or really about other people's opinions, but about other people's needs and emotions. and maybe they also don't relate that much to 5 descriptions where their need to have a stoic and hyper-rational attitude is emphasized, but of course this is not necessarily the case. (Naranjo does say in his description that 5s oscillate between insensitivity and hypersensitivity, and it seems to me that a 5-2 would easily tend more towards the hypersensitive side. Still, insensitivity is the way 5s deal with hypersensitivity itself, so they may switch to insensitive mode sometimes, otherwise they would burn out or something)
Depeding on their wing/iv, they may help others even when they don't really feel like it - usually, if they feel acting on their 2 strategies would require too much energy/that it's not worth it they'll just let it go. Core needs and strategies are a priority of course. (something similiar may happen to 3-fixers, although their goals are different).
Knowledge in the service of others
Uses their knowledge to help people.
Probably more comfortable helping in a practical/informative way rather than emotionally
They may be very self-conscious about their comforting abilities though (feeling they're never doing enough to show that they care): they may have consciouly learned how to improve in this area and how to improve their Emotional Intelligence in general
Still, surely has excellent cognitive empathy
Simply put, their desire to be competent can traslate into a desire to be competent from an emotional/helper point of view.
"Fear of being useless", as you see in some 5 descriptions - oh boy.
Vibes, wings and mistypings
At a party they would keep in the background but probably try to show somehow to the host that they're grateful for being invited, even in non-verbal ways (depends on their energy levels)
The one emotion they're more comfortable expressing (not necessarily feeling: in fact, they may not even feel it) is contentment ("I don't need anything, don't worry") or care ("what can I do to help you?")
5w4 emphasizes empathy but 5w6 emphasizes sociability
They probably mistyped as a 9 at some point, especially if they're female/afab.
Def can look like soc 5
To sum up
How 2 strategies are used to cope with 5-ish fears:
Hiding own needs = also means avoiding exposing oneself and feeeling vulnerable
Knowing what to do for others = feeling competent, capable but especially in control (again, rejection triad types need to feel in control). Taking care of others creates the illusion of taking care of one's own most vulnerable side, in a way controlling it.
2 strategies are used to face and placate one's own super-ego. According to Naranjo, 5s have a very strong super-ego (again, hypersensitivity + probably because to the super-ego the 5 individual still has "too many needs") so doing good may be a way to satisfy it.
2 strategies are used as a way to feel close to others/satisfy a deep and repressed love need without needing to show their vulnerable side directly, but rather from a position of power
How 5 strategies are used to cope with 2-ish fears:
Helping in a practical and informed way
Repressing own needs and emotions
5 pushes to control oneself, especially one's own needs
5 hypersensitivity probably helps at better recognizing other people's needs
Qualities that 2 brings to 5 (that is, in which ways 2 can help overcoming 5-like challenges):
Availability; does not ignore external expectations and demands as much
Is able to show their warmer and tender side (many 5s feel exposed by doing this), even though this still isn't the same as being vulnerable
Have less of a fear of intimacy, even though it depends on one's health levels (an unhealthy 2 is not really that open to intimacy as it may seem)
Higher Emotional Intelligence
Greater Social and Empathy Skills
More inclined to be more out there than other 5s, and especially is more open when it comes to relationships; less disillusioned, less skeptical, less cynic. more likely to believe that human relationships are indeed worth it. or at least, that's what they may tell themselves.
Challenges that 2 brings to 5:
Again, hiding own needs, vulnerability and failures
Fears disappointing people
May need to feel in control all the time, to the point of exhaustion: 5 already wants to be in control of their own mental states and emotions all the time, 2 adds up other people's ones. Need to unwind, especially mentally
They often feel deeply rejected, may try to deny it
May not be easy to express anger (they may have an 8fix, but its strategies are left last, so 5-2 are more likely to prevail), and for this very reason when they blow up, they blow up hard. Not only do 2-like frustrations make them explode, but 5 also represses their emotions a lot so they may be overwhelming when they finally get to the surface.
Hi! I'm working on finding my tritype (yay!) And thanks to the advice you're always posting, I worked out that I'm a 9w8 (with a very strong wing) and a 6w5, but I'm having a lot of difficulty nailing down my heart type. I relate to most of them (2w3, 4w3, 4w5, 3w2, 3w4), so I'm assuming my heart time is the last part of my tritype. I've even looked at the distinergration points, and still can't work it out. Is there anything I should be asking myself?
Ah, I feel ya. It might help to think of it as image triad than "heart" triad. It deals with issues of shame, self acceptance, identity, and love. Also your last fix is probably the one whose type you feel sympathetic towards even if you cannot entirely relate to (is a theory I have heard). 2: No intrinsic sense of self worth if their ability to serve and be loved is taken away from them. They identify themselves as nurturers, and can be meddling almost in that aspect. 2s think of themselves as inherently lovable, to an extent their identity is formed around their role toward others. 3: No inherent sense of self whatsoever, because they are so used to being mirror people and adapting themselves to seek success, admiration and approval in whatever circles they inhabit. These people usually find it the hardest to do a self - read accurately cuz they are so disconnected from who THEY are. Without their achievements and labels, they feel worthless. Their worth is hinged entirely on success per their external/societal parameters. 4 - 4s have a very strong sense of self/identity (flawed or not is another thing). They either think it is hard for anybody to relate to them because they are too unique and special; OR too broken and flawed. They identify with their feelings a lot, that's where they get their emo rep from. It is important for them to accept, define and cultivate emotional authenticity in every way. They are usually more withdrawn than the other two types in the image triad. Their main emotion/theme is Shame. (fun fact: I haven't been able to nail down my image fix because I don't know if I have been blocking out some part of myself in a 3 ish fashion or because I fear I will be ashamed to find what's there if I go really deep (which is more 4-ish) )- ENTP Mod.
@ENTP mod: I'm having a similar issue with my tritype (the 3/4 dilemma). It feels like a really strong wing (one way or the other) is messing with my ability to process any of it and leading Ne makes it hard to narrow things down. I was definitely ignoring some of my 3 tendencies, but tend to relate more to 4 overall, so I don't know. At any rate, I hope you figure it out!
Thanks, I hope so too! Ne definitely makes it harder because Ne enables you to view yourself in multiple ways through varied perspectives, making almost everything seem relatable. On top of that, if you are an ENTP like me... Lack of Fi also contributes to not having a sound sense of self, or self awareness really. I was a late bloomer in that regard. Check out the recent subtype links we posted, I think that should help you figure out stuff. Also Google Beatrice Chestnut, Enneagram Harmonics and Enneagram Expert. Solid sources. Look at them. 3 vs 4. Core 3 can make it very difficult for you to see yourself for who you truly are but you will see yourself emerge, for better or worse when you read those with an open mind and without erecting any defence mechanisms. Cuz I think that might be my issue. That I have all these defences erected that I have to consciously break down in order to see what shapes me, who I really am and what I need to do in order to grow because ultimately Enneagram is all about inner excavation for bringing out the real you, and evolving towards becoming your best version. - ENTP Mod.
Im living in a nightmare, i dont understand whats been going on, i have not blogged in a long time as ive been so busy trying to figure my life out, but im really confussed right now, me and my partner love having a few drinks togeather and then past 2 times we had a drink hes kinda given up or starts complaining about stuff, it has been a little awarkerd everytime we have a drink and not sure why, love is a strange thing as you all know, maybe i upset him or said something i should’nt, i dont know....
Maybe i just dont understand him
We will get though this
we will move soon and hopefully feel more safer and more at home as at the moment me and husband dont feel at home or we feel unsafe
