#dc hc

[thief-of-eggs]

Headcannon that due to diligently monitoring the Wayne family’s media image, Alfred is chronically online, and as such, is constantly dropping slang into conversation like-

(Over the coms)

Batman: Alfred, what’s the update on the Arkham situation?

Alfred: *Ahem* Unfortunately sir, it is as they say- ‘we’re cooked’

Collective groans from Tim, Dick, and Jason over the coms

Batman: …Huh?

Jason: *muttering* I knew I should’ve stayed outa this one…

Damian: I don’t understand, what are we cooking?

Alfred: It’s giving ‘failure era’, sir-

Dick: Damn it!

Tim: We really are cooked

Damian: What does that -?

Alfred: It’s lowkey not-

Batman: In English Alfred. Please.

Alfred: *Sigh* My apologies, sir. The Joker has escaped.

[jasontodddidnothingwrong]

Jay and Roy have been together for a while, and it becomes clear that they're in it for the long run. Lian realises since Jason is her other dad now that means Uncle Dick is now her uncle twice over. She makes the mistake of bringing this up at a family event.

Everyone immediately starts calling him Double Uncle Dick (DUD for short). Eventually it devolves into a myriad of terrible nicknames. Duncle Dick, Double Dick, Double D, Dick Dick... it goes on and on.

[lithiumseven]

Everyone thinks Jason wears a domino mask under his helmet for the drama of it, but the real reason is because one time he sneezed wearing the helmet and it was the worst experience of his life.

He immediately started making the most grossed out horrified noises the gang member he had tied up had ever heard, and Roy doubled over laughing, completely giving up the intimidation factor they had had going.

They ended up getting nothing out of the guy and Jason immediately went home and designed a domino so he could throw the helmet off at any given moment while still hiding his identity. Roy still laughs whenever he thinks about it

[dc-gotham-instincts-wild]

Headcanon that Jason just kidnaps his siblings instead of asking them to hang out sometimes.

Sometimes he does the normal abduction thing and other times he has his methods.

Dick: Jason sneaks into Dick’s apartment in Blüdhaven at 3 AM, throws him over his shoulder, and drags him to his motorcycle. Dick wakes up mid-ride, half-conscious, groggily mumbling, "Jay, what the hell—?"

- Jason just shushes him and tosses a burger into his lap. "Shut up and eat, Goldie. We're bonding." (Jason, allowing his big brother to ruffle his hair? Nooooo, absolutely not...)

Tim: Jason straight-up drugs him asleep him when Tim refuses to take a break. He wakes up in Jason’s apartment with a cup of coffee and a sandwich waiting for him, while Jason sits on the couch reading a book.

- “You looked dead on your feet, Replacement. Either you napped willingly or I made you. Guess which one you picked.” (Jason totally doesn't rake a hand over his lil bro's hair during this time)

Steph: Jason knows Steph is a wild card when it comes to hanging out, so he has to be a little sneakier with her. He'd show up at her place unannounced, pretending to just be casually passing by, and in one smooth motion, he'd grab her and yank his little sister into his car or bike before she even realizes what's happening. (He totally doesn't do this in time with hard school, noooo)

Damian: Jason scoops him up mid-battle and just walks away with him. Damian kicks, bites, and yells, "UNHAND ME, TODD!" but Jason holds him like an angry kitten.

- They end up at a rooftop picnic with Alfred’s homemade food. Damian eventually eats while grumbling about Jason's “barbaric methods” but secretly enjoys the attention. (Jason maaayybe ruffles his hair a lot.)

Cass: She just lets it happen. Jason shows up, gestures toward his bike, and Cass just hops on without a word. They go on long road trips in comfortable silence, getting ice cream at 2 AM and scaring off criminals for fun. (Jason totally doesn't take the time to help her with her speech-)

Duke: Duke gets fake-napped. Jason tells him, "Be outside in five minutes," and when Duke says no, Jason still shows up, grabs him, and hauls him into a car.

- Duke just sighs and texts Bruce: "Jason's 'kidnapping' me again. Back later." (Jason totally doesn't get the names of school bullies from him and uses them, noooooooo)

Bruce knows this happens. He just sighs and lets it happen because, honestly? It’s Jason’s way of showing love. And at least the kids are getting along.

Jason kidnaps his siblings because it's his way of saying, "You're important to me, and I'm gonna drag you into ridiculous situations whether you like it or not."

He also, however, does it to Bruce.

In fact, it might be one of his favorite things to do, just because Bruce is always so serious and “responsible.”

Jason thinks it’s hilarious to force Bruce to take a break. He just shows up at the Batcave, probably with some kind of overly complicated plan to "kidnap" Bruce without him realizing.

Step 1: Jason would distract Alfred with a "Oh, just a quick check-in, you know, 'cause it’s been a while.’"

Step 2: He would wait for Bruce to get fully immersed in some case files and then sneak up behind him, tap him on the shoulder, and when Bruce turns around, Jason’s already got him in a headlock, pulling him out of the chair like, "Get up, old man. We're going to a diner. No arguments."

Bruce would protest, of course. He'd probably try to get out of it with his usual grumpy “I’m too busy” routine. Jason might fake-sigh and act like he's just trying to help Bruce loosen up, reminding him, "I know you think you’re invincible, but you still need to eat, Batman."

And if Bruce insists on not going, Jason would just drag him anyway. He might even grab the Batmobile for a joyride (he's always wanted to), making Bruce sit shotgun while Jason drives like an absolute maniac (Jokes on both because Bruce taught him to drive-)

Bruce would probably be scowling the whole time, but Jason would know his dad is secretly enjoying it, even if he won't admit it.

Eventually, Bruce would probably give in and get his grumpy little “dad” lecture—“You’re so reckless, Jason—” but Jason would just smile and be like, "Whatever. You’re welcome.”

Jason totally doesn't like it when his dad just ruffles his hair at some point.

[zanyanimegirl99]

”Batm—uh, B, you know we’ll accept you for whoever you are, right?”

and Bruce is so confused cause this smart dumbass has gotten so used to being called Mom and Mama Duck that he forgot it’s weird to the hets

YES 👍 This exactly! Batman’s maternal instinct has the whole JL acting crazy.

Batman being THE mother hen, the robins tailing after Batman on patrol like ducklings!

[fearingbabiesismyhobby]

I like the idea of Bruce occasionally underestimating how tired he is and just falling asleep in the most random places.

Like Alfred will come down to the cave with some tea and find Bruce asleep underneath the car, having fallen asleep while fixing it.

During a league meeting, Clark realises Bruce has fallen asleep, still sitting upright in his chair, and has to quietly shuffle everyone out of the room so they don't wake him.

Or perhaps the moment he's solved and dealt with a case, the adrenaline runs off and the days of sleep deprivation comes all at once to humble him.

On one occasion, Jason walks into a safe house he hasn't used in months and finds Bruce crashing on his sofa because he just finished a case that kept him up for a week straight, and was so desperate for rest, he invaded Jason's privacy, instead of driving home, because the safe house was closer.

More than once he's fallen asleep in the car to and/or from patrol. In fact he's done it so many times, they've had to program the autopilot to sense the difference between him falling asleep and passing out from blood loss, just so Alfred doesn't prep the whole med bay or divert the car to Leslie when Bruce is simply asleep.

His desk at work is a second bed and there's a button underneath that messes with the security cameras, projecting a prerecorded video of him working and automatically locking the doors to his office.

[brucewaynehater101]

Hmm... Guilty Bruce edition.

All of the other bat kids watch as Bruce, again and again, gives Tim whatever he asks for. It doesn't matter how ridiculous, expensive, or illogical it is. If Tim asks, Tim receives.

The other kids have tried to see if Bruce would do the same for them. If there's a logical or necessary use for it, Bruce automatically pays for it. He will buy art supplies, new gear, repairs, equipment, etc. He supports their hobbies (particularly outside of vigilantism) and their needs.

But the stuff Tim asks for? Tim will straight up request for bombs, money to bribe people, weapons/gear he doesn't need, etc. He always receives them.

The other kids? Bruce will interrogate them. "Why do you need that?" "What are you going to use it for?" "You already have three perfectly working ones."

And this annoys the other kids to no end. Why is Tim the favorite? Why does Tim always get what he wants?

Eventually, the batkids manage to squeeze the truth out of Bruce:

It's not favoritism. It's guilt.

It gets worse when the batkids all realize that Bruce feels guilt for all of them. It just manifests differently (like Damian being allowed an entire zoo or Barbara always getting the newest WayneTech before anyone else).

[istherealeakage]

oh um

pretty basic hc's abt dick and jason (separate) under the cut??? mdni! 18+ horny police

between the two, dick is surely the freaky one!! I'm talking kinks and wilderness here — are you open-minded??? dick's into biting, risks and toys. he is a performer, especially during sex. definitely a brat, switch. gets off to sharing your fantasies with each other. I'm not sure, maybe he's been so sexualised by the fandom and it's affecting my judgement, but to me??? he really is a horny freak. mirror sex, quickies (bonus points if semi-public or public ahh), TEASING. oh he's heavy on that one. to him, sex is a form of art and an essential part of a relationship. he needs having you satisfied, so he'll essentially adapt to your tastes. but the kinky dick will always remain in the way your lovebird marks you up and literally devours you :> hehehehe. loves to show off, hence the passion for mirror sex!! he wants to look good during it, THE PERFORMER!!! ahh. AHH. and when he's exhausted you&himself, he turns back into your sweetheart. aftercare king <3

and jason's far from him, honestly. while the constant stress can make him rough in bed, he loves letting loose. it's usually either you taking control during sex, or him being a soft dom — "lazy vanilla sex" we all chant in unison!!!!!! I imagine it being really really warm nights, with him sick of his responsibilities and you tired of yours, sloppy and slow in bed, no rush, just the need for mind-numbing release. jason can be freaky, but it's not what he chases. having sex with him is like exchanging courtesies, if I can say so?? a repetitive cycle of you taking turns pleasuring each other (yum). neither is left out + both are fucked right into much desired rest. when it's been a really long day, jason tends to manhandle you and bury himself in between your thighs. he needs his jaw to hurt to forget about all the idiots from earlier. and when he's not going down on you, he loves having you on top of him (he told me I know it for a fact). jay isn't the best with aftercare, but he's always making sure you're hydrated afterwards !!

how easy is it to tell I'm starving for some love?????