#hogwarts professors

[overheard-at-hogwarts]

Umbridge: [to Dumbledore] She told the students I'm on cocaine! McGonagall: I didn't say she's on cocaine... I said she acts like a person who's on cocaine.

[dodgerkedavra]

draco

for @drarrymicrofic summer bingo box patronuses

The seventh-years won’t leave Potter be. Days. Nights. Please, Professor Potter. Please!

Draco’s seated at the Hallowe’en feast when Potter storms in trailing seventh-years, a sunset-red flush glowing on bronze-brown skin.

“Fine!” Potter shouts. “Expecto Patronum!”

His Patronus erupts, enormous and winged and breathing fire.

It’s not a stag anymore.

[fannedandflawless]

I have often wondered if Severus Snape’s notorious grumpiness is less about his personality and more about a simple, physical reality: the man is simply exhausted. It seems he is perpetually burdened with duties that leave him no room to breathe.

He always seems to have so much on his plate, so I ran the numbers on his daily routine, calculating the bare minimum of his teaching hours and other known responsibilities just to see how much he's actually doing.

As it turns out, he’s barely sleeping. Teaching is one thing—and even just that is already pushing it, but it’s the constant "special requests" that really do it. Whenever something goes wrong at Hogwarts, it’s always Severus who has to fix it. He’s the school’s default "emergency contact" for everything. it makes me wonder if the Ministry of Magic even has a Labour Department, or if they’ve just decided to ignore basic workers' rights entirely. He isn't just a miserable man. He's a man who hasn't had a proper night's sleep in a decade and any hope of rest completely evaporated the moment Harry Potter turned eleven.

Let’s look at his basic teaching load. And I mean "basic" in the most merciful sense possible. Suppose each year group has about 40 students, divided them into two combined-house classes of 20 students each to ensure no one accidentally melts their cauldron (or their neighbour's face). For years one through five, that’s 40 classes a week. For the N.E.W.T. levels (years six and seven), he famously only accepts "Outstanding" students, which arguably lightens the load to about 4 classes a week.

Here’s the real hell-ish calculation:

Years 1-5 (The Core Grind): With 5 year groups and 4 classes each (to accommodate the 20-student limit), that is 20 classes a week.

Years 6-7 (N.E.W.T. Level): Assuming only the top-tier students remain (those who actually listen and won't cause a catastrophe), let’s be generous and say this filters down to just 2 classes per year group. That adds another 4 classes a week.

The Total Load: This brings us to a staggering 24 classes per week.

Since Potions is almost exclusively taught in double periods to allow for actual brewing, those 24 classes translate into 48 hours of active classroom instruction every single week. In a standard five-day work week, that averages out to 9.6 hours of teaching per day. This isn't just an unhealthy schedule.

Okay, one might argue that 9.6 hours of teaching a day is "manageable" if you have the stamina of a mountain troll, but there are the silent killers of any academic's sanity: grading, lesson planning, and preparation.

Let’s be realistic about the paperwork. With 40 students per year across all seven years, Severus is responsible for roughly 280 students. If he assigns a standard two-foot essay, and we know he loves his lengthy scrolls. Even a brisk 15-minute read per essay results in 4,200 minutes of grading. That is a staggering 70 hours of marking if every year group submits an assignment in the same week.

Then, of course, there is the matter of lesson planning and prep. Even with a modest estimate of 2 hours per day to prepare rare ingredients and refine his lectures, that’s another 10 hours a week. And let’s be honest—2 hours to prep for seven different year groups? That’s practically wishful thinking.

When combining the 48 hours of teaching with 70 hours of grading and 10 hours of prep, the situation is already dire. But we haven't even touched upon his responsibilities as Head of Slytherin House. Beyond the formal one or two-hour house meeting each week, there is the relentless burden of pastoral care and administration. He is the one who has to manage house rivalries, handle disciplinary crises, and deal with the inevitable paperwork that comes with being a guardian to eighty-plus ambitious students. Even if we budget a conservative 10 hours a week for these duties, we are staring down the barrel of a 138-hour work week.

The Grand Total of Labour Abuse at its Finest:

Teaching Hours: 48 hours (9.6 hrs/day)

Grading (280 students): 70 hours

Lesson Planning & Prep: 10 hours

Head of House (Meeting + Pastoral + Admin): 10 hours

Total Work Hours: 138 hours per week!

There are only 168 hours in a week, people! This leaves him with a grand total of about 4 hours a day to eat, barely exist, and—heaven forbid—attempt to close his eyes. It’s no wonder Severus looks like he’s fueled entirely by spite and a lethal concoction of black coffee spiked with every brand of energy drink known to man. (Perhaps, this also explains why he’s constantly power-walking with his robes billowing behind him. It’s clearly a desperate attempt to shave seconds off his commute just to reclaim a sliver of time for his impossible to-do list.)

The madness doesn't even end there. He could still find the energy to hand out detentions so liberally. It’s no wonder he offloads most of them to Argus Filch; if he oversaw them all himself—say, a modest three sessions a week at two hours each, that’s another 6 hours added to his already catastrophic schedule.

And then, there’s the nightly patrol. For a man with no time to sleep, he is suspiciously diligent about roaming the corridors at 2 AM.

If that doesn't look disastrous enough, my previous calculation spread the workload across the entire 168-hour week (7 days). However, the math gets even grimmer when you consider the distribution. If Hogwarts follows a standard Monday-to-Friday schedule, the reality is far more terrifying.

His 48 hours of teaching, prep, and house duties are crammed into just five days, resulting in "The Teaching Inferno" a 15-hour workday before he even dares to touch a single essay. And don’t forget that these classes aren't exactly a walk in the park. He constantly has to deal with clumsy students like Neville Longbottom, who are essentially walking safety hazards. Assuming that there are at least 1.5 "accident-prone" students per year, Severus must spend half his energy on pure, unadulterated anxiety, preventing the dungeons from exploding. And should a cauldron actually melt? He either has to clean up the hazardous mess himself or more likely pass the nightmare onto Filch, the only man at Hogwarts whose labour rights are as non-existent as his own.

As for the weekend? Any hope of rest is a delusion. Saturday and Sunday are strictly reserved for "The Grading Purgatory," where he must somehow condense 70 hours of marking into a 48-hour window. It’s a mathematical impossibility. At this point, Severus isn’t just sleep-deprived; he’s a biological anomaly. Whether he’s a wizarding superhuman or simply the living dead like a glorified zombie sustained by nothing but sheer stubbornness and magical spite remains to be seen.

And just when you think the cauldron is full, let’s talk about the 'On-demand' requests. Whether Severus is brewing complex antidotes or tirelessly breaking curses that students have managed to inflict upon themselves, that’s another 10 hours a week of pure, high-stakes labour.

Then there are the Staff Meetings. Imagine the sheer agony of sitting through two weekly sessions of administrative nonsense, listening to eccentric proposals while Albus offers you a Lemon Drop for the fifth time. If each meeting lasts two hours, that’s 4 hours of his life he will never get back.

When we add this to the tally, we are looking at a 152-hour work week. Out of 168 hours total, Severus Snape has a grand total of 16 hours a week or roughly 2 hours a day to be a human being. He is already a biological miracle at this point. (while his physical state is probably more precarious than Voldemort’s when he was hitching a ride on the back of Quirrell’s head.)

Actually, I suspect that Severus is secretly using a Time-turner just to survive the week. It is the only logical explanation. Without folding time itself, there is simply no way a mortal could maintain such a catastrophic schedule without dropping dead before Tuesday.

And the most terrifying part? This calculation reflects his life before Harry Potter even stepped foot into Hogwarts. Once the Golden Trio arrived, bringing along their knack for near-death experiences and midnight rule-breaking, one can only imagine how many Time-turners Severus would have needed just to keep the world and himself from falling apart.

⸻

For my next post (Maybe?), I'm going to assemble a hypothetical task force to work out exactly how many support staff members would it take to rescue Severus from this administrative abyss. Stay tuned as I calculate the dream team required to grant this man the ultimate luxury: a minimum of six hours of uninterrupted sleep.

[drarryrecroom]

Drarry Community Rec List: Hogwarts Professors

Drarry family, I hope you discover something new and wonderful to read from this list. Thank you to everyone who sent in recs!

Also, if you enjoy long fics this is the list for you: the majority of the recs have a word count of over 50,000 🎉

If you know the tumblr accounts for the untagged authors, please leave a comment with their username.

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📚 Happy Returns by @toomuchplor Teen | 6k words | 2024

Rec'd by Anon

📚 More Than That by joosetta Explicit | 10.9k words | 2013

Rec'd by @tackytigerfic: [One] of my favourite fics ever.

📚 A Gift of True Esteem by @apliddell Explicit | 53.9k words | 2022

Rec'd by Anon

📚 Finely Drawn Lines by @the-sinking-ship Explicit | 61.4k words | 2022

Rec'd by Anon: It is beautiful and sexy and so much fun!

📚 Transfigurations by Resonant - @petymology Explicit | 71.2k words | 2003

Rec'd by @tackytigerfic: [One] of my favourite fics ever.

📚 Bolts by @lqtraintracks Explicit | 114k words | 2021

Rec'd by Anon: As everything is by this author, this fic is brilliant!

📚 All Life is Yours to Miss by Saras_Girl Mature | 114k words | 2013

Rec'd by Anon: Good chance most people have read it already, but this is like THE professor fic of all time for me. It's so sweet and genuine and it just lives in my head rent free along with my sweet, darling boy, Stanley <3

📚 A Soft Place to Fall by @amomorii Explicit | 143k words | 2024

Rec'd by Anon: This fic is beautiful and a wonderful Drarry story with an unexpected character you will fall in love with!

📚 A Secondary Education by Thunderbird587 Explicit | 234k words | 2018

Rec'd by @its-the-allure: One of the HOTTEST Drarry I have ever read, featuring a confident gay Harry and a recently-divorced bi-curious Draco. Harry gives him a thorough secondary eduction.

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Reminder to consider all tags and warnings before engaging with a work, and hit that back button if at any point you become uncomfortable with the content. Don't like, don't read!

[inverted-typo]

And they were ✨Professors✨

I actually have such a soft spot for them being professors at Hogwarts together

[velvet4510]

I can’t stand the argument that Harry couldn’t have grown up to become the DADA teacher because “he’d be away from his family at Hogwarts for most of the year.” Who says he can’t live in or near Hogsmeade and spend his nights and mornings there between classes? I once read a fic where he moved into a cottage on the outskirts of Hogsmeade from which he could walk to and from the castle every day. Or if he must live further away, who says he - Harry Freaking Potter - can’t get a Floo installed in his office like Dumbledore did so he can come home for family dinners and breakfasts, and all day on weekends, and then head right back to the castle in mere seconds for his working hours? Seriously who would deny him of such an easy opportunity for him to balance his career and family? McGonagall certainly wouldn’t.

[ruzz9]

STAFF ROOM – LATE AFTERNOON

SNAPE (correcting homework): Luna Lovegood has once again submitted an essay written in invisible ink. I cannot grade what I cannot see.

SPROUT (frowning): Again?

SNAPE (dryly): Apparently, it’s an “exercise in intuitive perception.”

MCGONAGALL (sipping her tea, unfazed): You could always make up a grade. She likely wouldn’t notice the difference.

SNAPE: Unfortunately, I can’t write the mark she truly deserves on her forehead. I refuse to encourage fantasy—Potter handles that well enough without assistance.

MCGONAGALL (coolly): Say what you will, Severus. At least he turns in his homework.

SNAPE: Turns up where he shouldn’t. I could swear I saw him in the North Wing, the library, and inside a suit of armor—all within the same hour. Some ancient family skill, no doubt. Inherited from his father.

SLUGHORN (chuckling fondly): I quite like Harry. So much of James in that boy, Merlin keep him in glory.

SNAPE (bitterly): Is a moment of normalcy too much to ask? A modicum of order?

MCGONAGALL (arching a brow): You’re still sore about the Weasley twins and that biscuit, aren’t you?

SNAPE (sharply): Three days, Minerva. Three days of “Meow, Potions Master!” every time I opened my mouth.

MCGONAGALL (with a resigned sigh): Well, my office is now rigged to explode whenever someone says the word “grades,” so you’re not alone.

FLITWICK (cheerfully from his armchair): They gave me a bewitched origami frog today. It hops around my desk shouting, “Excellent work, Professor!” every thirty seconds.

SNAPE (Irritated): Why do they flatter you and mock me?

MCGONAGALL: Because you threaten to dock points, while Flitwick corrects patiently.