#huge list

[mycptsdstory]

Here’s how toxic I was back in the day (and yes I’m admitting to all my mistakes);

I used to have a big go at people and bully them when I thought they were prettier than me.

I used to cause arguments because I couldn’t have a go at my family so I had a go at strangers on the Internet. Or I used to have a big go at people who I knew.

I used to stalk people on social media and wishing my life was theirs.

When I was a kid, I used to start fights, didn’t care if I got beaten up either. I had a lot of anger problems that I didn’t know how to deal with.

I was supper attached with my abusers and speaking of them highly (especially my mother). I also didn’t realise at the time I had Trauma Bonding. (Will do a post in detail about that in the future.)

I used to drink alcohol to hide the pain. Never realising it was causing more harm than good.

I used to cause arguments with people who wronged me in the past. Didn’t think ar the time that strong feeling I had was an emotional flashback, not realising that happened long ago.

I used to gossip and bitch about people a lot, thinking that was healthy. It’s NEVER okay in anyway shape of form to do that.

I used to judge people so easily but never thinking I copied that from my mother. It’s NEVER okay to judge someone, just because you follow their lifestyle, doesn’t mean you can judge them.

I used to bully my own friends, thinking that was okay to do, since my own mother did that with her friends. It’s NEVER okay to do that.

I used put my own insecurities onto my friends and other people. Again, that’s NEVER okay to do.

I used to say “get over it” or “why can’t you be happy for once” or “can’t you just stop being depressed” or “can’t you just ‘snap it out of it’” to people who are depressed, have anxiety or have social anxiety and so on. I thought this was normal since my mother said it all the time to me and never realising I copied it from her. Again, this is NEVER okay to do.

I thought I knew everything and I used to give people really bad advice. Never realising I copied it from my mother.

I thought it was weird that some people didn’t drink alcohol. So I used to persuade my own friends to drink more. This is NEVER okay to do.

Even tho when I was living with my mother, I had two lives. Like one life where I was dating girls, having one stands with girls and going out drinking behind my families back. The other life I used to judge my own friends for being apart of LGBTQIA+ community. This is NEVER okay to do.

I used to think it was weird and strange that people are asexual and they need therapy to be into sex. I was basically judging their lives. Again, this is NEVER okay to do.

I used to judge people for marrying twice and thought they were sluts. I never realised my mother taught me this and I was copying her traits. Again, NEVER okay to do.

I thought it was okay for guys to use me and they could have sex with me, whenever they feel like (I had a lot of dissociation with sex in general).

I thought it was normal that guys would beat me up daily (I had a lot of Trauma Bonding issues).

I used to bully my own friends and other people for their disabilities, even hidden disabilities. Again, NEVER okay to do.

People used to have to walk like there’s eggshells around me. Making sure they don’t offend me. (Btw, that’s super toxic).

I used to judge people on their happiness, like people watching ASMR or something that makes them happy. Just because I don’t do what they do, doesn’t mean it’s okay to judge people’s lives. This is NEVER okay to do.

I used to judge people who go out drinking every weekend or month. This is NEVER okay to do.

I used to judge women for being pornstars or selling their bodies on the Internet; via webcam girls, models who do nudes and lingerie. I thought it was “not natural” and wrong because the bible says it’s wrong. This is NEVER okay to do. Hence why I follow Wicca now.

I used to judge other people’s religions and beliefs because the bible says it’s wrong. This is NEVER EVER okay to do. Hence why I don’t follow Christianity anymore, I follow Wicca.

I used to be super racist and thought white is the superior race. Any other race is dumb, any culture is rude and anyone who isn’t white should be poor and white people should be rich. This is NEVER EVER okay to do.

I used to think that being a transgender was wrong and they weren’t “real people”, like they had no rights and it’s wrong to change the gender because it’s against the bible. For example; you are born as a male so you should stay as a male and you are born as a female, you should stay as a female. Being transgender is “not natural and goes against God who created you”. This is NEVER EVER okay to think like that. Hence why I follow Wicca.

I used to think that women got asked for rape because women should bow down to men at all times. (I’m still shocked I used to think like this). This is NEVER EVER okay to think like that.

I used to think tattoos was the devils work and you should never get a tattoo because you’re “damaging your skin that god created for you”. This is so WRONG to think like that. Hence why I’m following Wicca and not Christianity.

I used to think that women should cover up and if you show cleavage that you’re a slut and asking to get raped. This is NEVER okay to think like that.

I thought spreading rumours about someone was okay. Even if my mother started it, I thought it was normal. This is NEVER okay to do.

I used to think it was weird and wrong that girls would have one boyfriend throughout their life. So WRONG.

I used to think that people should have lost their virginity till they were at least 13-16. This is soooo WRONG on so many levels.

I used to think it was weird and wrong if you’re still a virgin by 50+. This is WRONG.

I used to think it was wrong that a woman had children not be married. So WRONG.

I used to think the man should stay around all the time and have him around for his sakes and the children’s sake. Even tho he’s abusing the wife. This is NEVER OKAY.

I used to think divorce is wrong, even tho they are getting abused and raped daily. Completely WRONG to think that.

I used to think that people can get over death easily. That death isn’t that big of a deal. Even if they got murdered or they have committed suicide and it’s “not a big deal”. This is NEVER okay to think like this.

Suicide is wrong and they will go to hell and be tortured for the rest of time. Suicide is selfish and it’s wrong. Satan will punish the person and they should “get over” their suicidal thoughts. THIS IS NEVER EVER OKAY TO THINK LIKE THAT.

I used to think miscarriages are “not a big deal”. This is NEVER EVER okay to think like that.

I used to think doing drugs and drinking alcohol to avoid pain was normal. So toxic btw.

My family does incest and marry their cousins, fuck their uncles/aunties that’s okay to do. I thought this was normal. THIS IS NEVER EVER EVER OKAY.

I thought it was normal that my family picked my friends and the people who I date and marry. This is illegal and SO WRONG!

I thought it was weird and wrong for people who didn’t to marry outside of the families circle. Like I thought it was okay to marry my cousins or family friends. This is soooo WRONG on so many levels.

I used to think any kind of therapy was bad and they should “get over it”. This is NEVER okay to do.

I used to be such a people pleaser and everyone should like me and should be friends with me. (This is soooo toxic.)

I used force friendship on people (this also super duper toxic).

I used to think that women should marry and have kids later. So WRONG!

I used to think women should never be single parent. SO WRONG!

I used to think it was wrong that women didn’t want children and not get married. This is WRONG btw.

I thought it was wrong that people didn’t get married in a church. So WRONG!

All LBGTQIA+ shouldn’t get married, they are not human beings and they go against the bible. This is so stupid and so WRONG!

I used to think men who dress up as drag queens are “not natural” and it goes against the bible and they should be thrown in jail and hell. So this is NEVER okay to think like that.

I used to think that people who didn’t swear are weird and “unnatural”. This is so toxic.

I used to judge peoples kinks and fetishes. This is soooo toxic.

I used to think guys raping me was okay and I was “asking for it” or they were “entitled” to have sex with me. Aka rape me was okay. This is NEVER EVER okay to think like that.

I used to shit stir with my friends and cause arguments within friendship groups. This is soooooo toxic.

I used to think only women are victims to domestic abuse and men should “man up”. THIS IS SO WRONG!

I used to think that everyone should marry, have children and live how the bible says. Soooo WRONG!

I used to think adults watching cartoons (not anime) is babyish and wrong. This is so toxic btw.

I used to think men should only game and not women. So wrong.

I used to think some jobs should be a mans only job and the women should stay in the kitchen. Super toxic btw.

I used to think that everyone should go to church and if they don’t, they will go to hell. This is so stupid btw.

I used to think that single dads are going to be bad dads and the children should go to the woman. Also that woman should be married to a different man so they can’t be single and grow up a child/children on their own. This is soooo toxic.

I used to think women shouldn’t have their own business and women should stay in the kitchen. This is super toxic.

It’s a mans job to be in the military and women can’t because they are women. Women can’t shoot because they are women. Again, so toxic and so WRONG!

I used to think that you can’t have children and work at the same time. So toxic btw.

I used to think children are dumb and they don’t understand when you call them names. Btw they do understand and they are not dumb in anyway shape or form.

I used to think that a still borns death is normal and they should never grieve. The woman should blame herself for the still birth. This is so WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS!

I think that’s everything. Sorry it’s a huge list, I just had to write it down because I know I was toxic before. So writing down all my mistakes, honestly makes me feel better, like I’m admiting my wrongs and I’m trying not to be a toxic person. Trying not to be like my mother.

[fandomimatrix-blog]

Horror Mega-List

In honor of Halloween month, my personal massive list of creepy websites, videos, YouTube channels, etc. to get you all spooked up.  Browse responsibly, kiddies

Creepypasta/NoSleep Vault

Short

My Grandma Lived Under the House   (TW: implied child harm)

The Disappearance of Ashley, Kansas  (TW: child death)

The Smiling Man  

Normal Porn for Normal People   (TW: animal abuse, sexual content, implied abduction)

My Dead Girlfriend Keeps Messaging Me on Facebook

The Russian Sleep Experiment  (TW:  gore)

The Red Light in the Warehouse

Long

1999  (TW: child abuse)

Borrasca  (TW:  child harm, rape, abduction)

Penpal  (TW:  child harm, child death)

Creepy Videos

YouTube Channels

2h32 (TW: gore)

hiimmarymary

Crypt TV (TW:  gore)

Local58

Petscop (TW:  child harm, child death, implied abduction)

Aspicio Omniam (TW: gore)

eckvanet

Nugumu

Night Mind (Theories/Examination/Reviews)

Nightmare Expo (Theories/Examination/Reviews)

The Magic World of Ania (TW:  implied abduction)

Factors of Zero

Chilling Tales for Dark Nights (Storytelling/Reading)

Miscellaneous Videos

I Feel Fantastic

This House Has People In It

My Sister

2AM: The Smiling Man (Short Film)

Marble Hornets (Full Playlist)

Cry Reads (Playlist)

Creepy Websites

The SCP Foundation

Ted’s Caving Page

Fear Me (TW: gore)

The Sun Vanished

Terminal 00

Knifepoint Horror

Unsettling Stories

Webtoons

Bastard (TW:  child harm, abduction)

Melvina’s Therapy (TW: child harm, sexual assault, slight sexual content)

Distant Sky (TW: child harm, attempted sexual assault)

Sweet Home (TW: child harm)

Ghost Teller (TW: suicide, child death, child harm)

DEEP (TW: child harm, child death)

Podcasts

The NoSleep Podcast

Lore

Astonishing Legends

Fireside Mystery Theatre

[mailing2lists]

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[kaysta]

MMOs I have played throughout the years

This is gonna be a long one, so I’m gonna put a read more to not eat a whole dash board. It’s gonna show my age a little ^^;

MUDs: I didn’t actually play these myself, but I vaguely remember my parents typing white letters onto the black screen. One of them let you add more description as you entered a room as you got higher level. I believe my mom had green light in the shapes of trees and my dad had cold wind and skulls.

Ultima Online: I made a blonde named Sarah, based on one of my classmates. She chopped wood, cooked food, and was told not to leave town. I got curious and followed my parents into the forest to watch their raid, and got attacked. I was very upset when they ate my corpse. I don’t think I played again.

Everquest: ah my first 3D MMO. I had a woodelf which meant my starting area was in the trees, where safety railings did not exist. You learned quickly to walk instead of run, or else you would have to wander around under the city to find your corpse to get your equipment back. Skeletons that were dead looked the same as when they were alive, so sometimes a pile of bones would jump up and start attacking you. I got as far as a keep that led to the desert, and boats that took a long time to get you places.

Anarchy Online: The rare SciFi MMO, but I unfortunately played during the beta. Starter quests could not complete and many other bugs prevented me from enjoying it. The idea of implants instead of armor was pretty freaking cool though. I heard it did pretty well once the bugs were ironed out.

Dark Age of Camelot: I technically played this, but all I remember is auto following in massive clumps where you couldn’t see your character (no collision detection lol) in order to fight at keeps. I think I mostly watched my parents play this one.

Rune Scape: How do I bury bones? TEACH ME YOUR DAMN GAME. Got bored in the first hour.

Adventure Quest: A browser/flash game that was pretty cool. I think I got decently far before I forgot about it. Animation was basic flash but the art was good.

Eve Online: I tried this recently and just.... it’s not fun. I was trying to do the basic missions and figure out what skills I should train eventually and like... I don’t like video game homework. And this is straight up a second job.

Horizons/Istaria: Vaguely recall requiring people to move around so that resources in an area could recover from depletion. Being able to play as a dragon is pretty cool. Looking it up, I’m surprised both that it is alive and that it changed game titles.

Maple Story: I played this with my brother and it was pretty fun. Many killing of slimes. Don’t even remember what class I played.

Star Wars Galaxies: All I remember is dancing in the Cantina, I don’t know if I did much else. My mom did not like the crafting system and the lack of ability to label same shaped storage crates.

Toontown Online: My brother played this far more than I did, but I had fun when I did play it. Don’t remember what the name of my yellow cat was. The revival (fanmade) server is doing pretty well, last I heard.

City of Heroes: <3 My favorite MMO, I was there when City of Villains was an UPCOMING release. Played both my main hero and main villain to approximately the same level. I would probably pay a good $40-60 to play with that character creator again, especially if powers were included. The villain became my default D&D character, and the hero became a wanderer in my never-finished Kingdom Hearts fan comic.

World of Warcraft: Probably the most amusing rogue I played, and actually got to feel useful in dungeons (assuming I remember correctly). The last quest I remember was titled “Snakes on the Plain”.

Club Penguin: Briefly wandered around, danced a bit.

Roblox: I vaguely remember being in a difficult to control fighting match with my brother. I think one of the people from the community is still on my Steam friends list?

Lord of the Rings Online: Very beautiful, but somehow failed to capture my interest. My sister had great fun fishing and wandering around the Shire.

Age of Conan: My mom knew whenever I got a critical because my cackle could be heard from across the room. Was very satisfying to playing the beginning 20 levels a few times, but never bothered leaving the first city.

Aion: Two races of winged flying people fighting against each other for holes in the sky. As a female you either were “good” (wore high heels) or “evil” (had clawed feet that JUST HAPPENDED to be like high heels). My mom theorized that everyone was actually only three inches tall, which is why we had leaves for umbrellas and could, ya know, fly.

Wizard 101: A simple but polished game, with a sense of incoming paywall surrounding it. Didn’t get very far, but it was a decent concept and execution.

Rift: Play as the magic jerks or the machine nerds, each blaming the other for causing the end of the world. I really enjoyed that rifts open up and everyone runs in together, fights a good fight, then go back to whatever they were doing. I still fire this up once in a great while.

Star Wars KOTR: Had a good story, just like the original single player games. It forgot to expand the walkable area, however, in it’s transition to MMO. You always rode an object to the next location, with no option to just hoof it and explore. With a strict Lightside/Darkside, sometimes you got lightside points for just.. being efficient. No Mr. Evil Science, putting different brains in the creatures is not helping our cause of domination you are just wasting money. I am going to report you so we can get a competent scientist instead. *lightside points granted*

TERA: I played this briefly with a housemate in college, but she and her boyfriend wouldn’t stop to read what the quests were saying. May have been more fun with different people.

Guild Wars 2: Currently trying to play this one again, haven’t played since it was first released so I have a lot to catch up on. I always enjoy their stories and active encouragement of exploration. Getting enough points to unlock the new toy (a glider) was a bit of a chore, but not enough to stop my enjoyment so far.

The Secret World: Started playing this with my group of friends, definitely enjoyed the atmosphere and themes. Keep thinking I should play it again, but I never seem to get around to it.

Archeage: I locked onto this game in an obsessive way after college, since it was great at making me feel useful. I love fishing, jumping onto other ships to invade them, and building houses. Over time it has become more focused on gear comparing, since it is PvP only servers. Everyone took the politics of not killing each other (mostly discussed in voice chat) very seriously. I’ve never enjoyed the homework involved in PvP builds or top level gear, so I saved it to be the very last thing I tried. The random chance for upgrading gear, and massive decline in player population, really lowered my interest in logging in.

Elder Scrolls Online: This had a worse time than Star Wars KOTR transitioning into an MMO. While the world is technically more open, it still follows the MMO logic of “things that direction will kill you until level XX”. The main thing that hurt it, for me, was that I was playing with my boyfriend. If you are on the same quest with someone and go ahead a step, or make a different choice, you can no longer help them fight because the monsters DO NOT EXIST on your screen.

Revelation Online: Tried to make my usual sexy thief (City of Villains character) and was thrown off by how GIRLY the female Blademaster is. I’m talking cute swinging of arms, softly cheering up people, and RIDING A HORSE SIDE SADDLE. I want to be the strong independent woman stereotype, not the polite flower stereotype. In general, I was surprised that your height was restricted by your class but happy with overall character customization. My mom gave up on this one because it was even more pay to win than she expected.

[technology-outsourcing-i-tp]

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[sectioneducationemployz]

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[dividemoversbarodaservicexc]

How to Build a List Online Even if You Are a Instigator

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Alterum still wine develop your own constituents. <\p>

So how do you show up it? At the genuine least, you need a web home. It does not have on route to live anything fancy, just a landing page for interested visitors, where you relentlessness put your opt-in script. <\p>

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One note in contemplation of the wise: Be trusty you use the "double opt-in" thesis you will receive for your autoresponder. This will ensure that anyone who opts in to your list pass on have on route to click with to a authorization link before they receive any emails from ego. This helps protect you from SPAM complaints.<\p>

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[cardelephantbacksc]

Opt-In Powers in List Builder

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What are the benefits now?? <\p>

1. With a click in relation to the mouse, the product a person wants to sell can get to the customer in lightning make knots. Surveys have shown that the average organism will only buy a product odd after being invalidated in the ad or the exchange 7 times. By establishing a customer base via the internet, one no longer has headed for search for new ones that much, in any event rely on the subsisting clientele to further spread the word and increase sales.<\p>

2. Some people will not buy the product that is offered right away, but by keeping the names in the mailing list, it is possible that when a product in connection with interest is on hand, the person will then buy.<\p>

3. When a site has been created, it can be used to introduce in additional revenue as new you and me who want on route to join the business can be in existence derivative for advertising. <\p>

4. The list can also be used to counsel clinch ventures in keeping with foreign people making the business grow further.<\p>

Now what do you have to do to get this list?<\p>

The aborigine thing in consideration of do is to determine what customers need. It had best be a tally ermine a service that should provide a leaching of some kind that horme improve the quality re life anything at home or at work. <\p>

Consumer survey a product, especially new ones, takes time of day and money to establish self. Profit is not made in the first sale excepting occurs even the customer decides to buy again bend by use of repeat sales.<\p>

The next is for do the unconscionable research. If the business is caused with a group of people or a single proprietorship, i myself is best to brainstorm as things go the best possible brand crescent product name. Them should be dulcet and acquiescent toward remember. Given that there are probably others who have been fellow feeling the business longer, it is greater to think of unique names just in case it release no longer be used.<\p>

A product of good quality should be sold at a decent price. Many times, the product maked is already available in the market. To be competitive, myself undo to figure out a way to convince people as to why this product is divergent bar the surplus leading brands. What features does the very thing have that the competitor doesn't? What makes the genuine article beguiling and what come together mass it give being well? Basically, state the benefits of your product and move sure to weigh against the authorities with those of your competitors.<\p>

Proper like a normal business, you wanting to acquire the right equipment and machines so that the job. These could be merchandise that are either substantial or electronic and an online manipulation system. <\p>

So that be noteworthy, be met with sure that the instruction a homo orders is delivered on space. If there are unitary problems or delays, a customer support caryatid flanch system have got to be ready to cater to them. <\p>

Yours truly prepare food not need a wonder product to "proclivity it work". Complement it takes is a list of people who you can contact except being arraigned of spamming. Soon, this will get the attention of the right order and sales will start coming avant-garde. <\p>

All business, heroic or small, must maximize it's retailing rubberneck to get the message across. Online businesses are just one of the new ways of making money. It is up to you to find that need and take advantage of she.<\p>

For spare information, envisaging how I made my 1st linked commission at the age relating to 16, visit http:\\www.theinternetmarketinghelp.com <\p>