！ SLEEPYMASC; a xenogender related to feeling sleepy and masculine!
⍂ this xenogender may feel sleepy, drowsy, or somewhat distant! same in regards to the masculine aspect; it may feel somewhat muted, or softer than "usual".
⍂ this xenogender may often be related to energy drinks, comfort, naps and/or sleeping, and overall generally being cozy.
！ sleepy-masc ; derived from the word "sleepy" and the term "masculine"
term coined by @cannibal-carnivore , please credit if reposting.
[image description: a horizontal seven stripe pride flag. Colours in descending order: bright pink, medium pink, pastel pink, light grey, mint green, medium green, bright green.]
New Community Term: Dia Aro
In the last twelve months or so, it’s become common to see folks scrambling for a term that conveys the meaning of “someone on the aromantic spectrum who doesn't solely describe their aromanticism as 'aromantic'". “Aro-spec” was for a time beginning to be used this way, in the sense of “I’m an aro-spec ace”. Now, I’m seeing an increasing number of posts where the community is deciding that “aro-spec” includes all aromantics.
On the one hand, some of us have a need for a word that includes aros like me--aros who additionally use terms that aren’t “aromantic” to describe our aromantic identities. On the other hand, the alternative "greyromantic" (in its use as an umbrella term) doesn't include everyone who feels that general aromantic spaces and terms are unable to encompass our needs because of the way we identify our aromantic identities and experiences.
When idemromanticism and my shape of nebularomanticism mean I am not greyromantic, but the general aromantic community's approach to content and representation leaves me feeling alienated from my own community and even the word "aromantic" because it assumes a relationship to and understanding of romance and romantic attraction I don't have, how do I find connection and support? Nebularo and idemro spaces are tiny!
Let's be real, here: "aromantic" is a broad term that encompasses us all. General aromantic community spaces, however, tend to focus on a few ways of being aromantic, particularly the kind that doesn't require additional identity terms to explain how we experience or navigate romance, romantic attraction and relationship behaviours.
I am not greyromantic, but when I am lumped together with end-case aros as though that interpretation depicts my aromanticism, all I feel is how different--and unwelcome--are my experiences with regards romance and attraction. I have more in common with the greyromantic community than I have with most end-case aromantics, despite not being one of you. I need a way, therefore, to connect with other aros who don't fit the standard end-case aromantic experience without misidentifying myself, a word that can’t be conflated with “aromantic” or “aro-spec”. A word not quite as wonderfully broad as "aromantic" or "aro-spec" but a little broader than "greyromantic". A word that lets other people identify us without leaving cupioros and idemros under the "end-case aro" label as though the reasons we claimed those identities don't matter enough to be worth distinguishing.
Definition
Dia aro: Someone on the aromantic spectrum who doesn’t solely, completely and in full identify their attraction and aromantic experiences with the word "aromantic". A collective term welcoming everyone under the greyro umbrella who experiences some, limited, indistinct, vague or shifting romantic attraction; idemromantics, cupioromantics and bellusromantics; nebularomantics and quoiromantics defying the pressure to identify or distinguish shapes of attraction; aroflux and abroromantic folks; and anyone else who doesn’t identify their aromanticism as only “aromantic” because we cross or disregard the romantic/non-romantic binary or have differing or distinct relationships to the concept of romantic attraction and/or romantic behaviours.
Dia aro is not meant to be separate from "aro", "aromantic" or "aro-spec"; it's simply another umbrella term to describe how some of us are aromantic.
Meaning
Dia is Greek for “through”. The word that inspired this is "diapason", a musical term coming from a Greek phrase translated in English to mean "the concord through all the notes". I feel this describes the purpose or benefit of uniting a diverse collection of aromantic-spectrum identities under one label.
It also needed to be easy to pronounce, type and spell, as the current phrase alternatives like "on the greyer areas of the aromantic spectrum" require more words to speak and type (far less accessible for disabled aros like me). It also needed to avoid confusion with “spectrum” and “aro-spec” and serve as a modifier for "aromantic": dia aros are aro.
(I am aware that “diamoric” is a non-binary community term, but I’ve never seen a non-binary aro refer to themselves as “dia aro” to mean “diamoric aro”.)
Under keep reading: using the term, flag symbolism, stripe meanings, a final note on inclusiveness.
Why you may wish to use it
If you want to make community spaces connecting the experiences had by people who have some form of romantic attraction, don’t know what attraction is, identify with romantic behaviours or can’t categorise their behaviours/attraction along a binary of romantic/non-romantic, dia aro is open to you.
If you want to reference or build a community space about many shapes of aromantic-spectrum identities that is broader than "greyromantic", dia aro is open to you.
What if greyro folks dislike the concept of dia aro?
The community may need to consider using "greyro and dia aros" to describe this category of aro identities if some greyro folks dislike dia aro as an option and don't want it to include them in any way.
The current situation, however, either forces me under the greyromantic umbrella or denies me language to communicate and connect to, more broadly, the experience of having an aromantic identity that isn't solely encompassed by "aromantic". We understand the need to distinguish greyromantics, sometimes, as an umbrella category from general aromanticism because you have different experiences with regards romance, attraction and relationships.
Surely you can understand why I also have that need?
Flag symbolism
All the stripes are taken from aro-spec pride flags, to demonstrate some of the many shapes of aromanticism dia aro encompasses.
Darkest pink: abroromantic
Middle pink: cupioromantic
Lightest pink: inactromantic
Grey: demiromantic, requiesromantic
Lightest green: recipromantic
Middle green: greyromantic, arovague
Darkest green: aegoromantic
I admit that the colours don’t match in terms of hue transitions, but I prefer to keep the symbolism of taking the stripes from other flags.
Stripe meanings
The pink stripes represent a diversity of relationships to romance.
The grey stripe represents a state between, outside or beyond the romantic/non-romantic binary.
The green stripes represent a diversity of relationships to aromanticism.
A final note on use and inclusiveness
Dia aro exists so folks can distinguish the “type” of aro in a category that isn’t as broad as “aro” or "aro-spec", is a little broader than "greyromantic" and isn’t as specific as “idemromantic”. I will still be referring to myself as aro and using our green flag! Dia aro just encompasses the part of me that refers to myself as nebularomantic and idemromantic. I see it as akin to how many of us currently use “allo-aro”: an expression of identity that sits alongside our aromantic pride, not replacing it.
If we develop another term, that's all to the good! But I’ve spent months struggling with the absence of a word to describe this category of how some aros are aromantic. I am not okay with seeing myself continually ignored and erased for want of an identifying term that recognises a group of aromantic experiences. Until the community comes to some other shape of consensus, I will be calling myself, when needed, dia aro.
⍂ TW/CW// this term contains mentions of violence and violent tendencies ;; proceed with caution
⍂ term + flag under the cut!
PT; TW/CW/ this term contains mentions of violence and violent tendencies; proceed with caution | term + flag under the cut
▶ the flag on the right is dulled for those sensitive to mild eyestrain
！ BLOOD BAG ; a headmate who acts as a "blood bag" or outlet for another headmate/headmates with violent tendencies, cannibalistic urges, or other urges/tendencies regarding violent behavior.
⍂ This term is considered a Punching Bag subterm
⍂ This term can only be used as a self-identifier, and cannot be assigned to a headmate without their explicit and enthusiastic consent.
⍂ THIS TERM IN NO WAY ENDORSES VIOLENT OR ILLEGAL BEHAVIOR, AND IS AN IN-SYSTEM SELF-IDENTIFIER LABEL. Please avoid replicating violent or dangerous behavior outside of inner-world.
this term has been coined by @cannibal-carnivore , credit if reposting
So I wanted to ask about romance repulsion because I'm not sure if that's what I'm feeling. If I'm personally repulsed by romance for myself, but I'm not repulsed by other people's romance necessarily, does that make me romance repulsed or romance indifferent. I feel like when I tell people I'm romance repulsed, they assume I'm repulsed by all romance, so I just wanted to make a distinction.
I think there’s a good number of aros, actually, who are repulsed by romance being forced on their lives and experiences but have no repulsion when it is associated with others. I’d guess that it’s near as common as being more completely repulsed--it’s just that this is less understood by others and we’re working in the confines of a pretty new set of terms, making communicating degrees of things felt difficult. There’s so many experiences that we’re still struggling to build a language for and, traditionally, the broader LGBTQIA+ community has trouble with grey areas. Hell, I’d say the want for nice, binary you’re either this or that definitions is a problem long had with Western society generally, and we’re very good at assuming terminology operates on that binary.
I myself don’t find myself fitting in the repulsed/not-repulsed binary, to such an extent that I use “romance overloaded” or “romance alienated”. I’m not neutral in the sense that I don’t care. I am repulsed when I am forced into romantic situations or have them applied to me (which I think is a pretty fair response given that I wouldn’t and don’t consent to it). But while I can’t read very romantic romance novels, the conventional meaning of completely repulsed also doesn’t feel like it describes me. It’s more a case of being tired of its omnipresence than repulsion, but it isn’t exactly neutrality or indifference, either.
I do mark, at this point in my ramble, that I don’t have an answer. I personally think that “repulsed” can and should describe any degree of repulsion, and the world would be better off if we stopped assuming and started asking people what their needs are--as in, if someone says they’re repulsed, we ask them then about their individual access and comfort requirements. (Pretty much how we, ideally, treat disability.) However, in a world that’s going to assume, it may be useful for us to have a term for the experience you’ve described, especially when we’re navigating alloromantic folks.
Can folks offer up some good suggestions for our anon?
(Note: this isn’t really an identity discussion, but I’m not sure how else to tag it, so I’m shoving it there anyway.)
I forgot to say this important thing in the reblog this morning:
I was speaking largely in the context of that specific post, which didn’t label pride colours as specifically “bisexual” and “pansexual”, as far as I could see. While it is generally understood in allo LGBTQIA+ spaces that “bisexual” means “bisexual and/or biromantic” and sometimes “bisexual and/or biromantic and/or bialterous (etc)”, it is to varying degrees erasure (depending on the individual’s feelings and opinions about this) to force people who ID as -romantic or -alterous into seeking pride representation under the -sexual name. I know some ace folks prefer -sexual and some folks don’t care, but some people who don’t feel sexual attraction may find it entirely erasing to be labelled as “bisexual” (even if in the broader sense it is interpreted by most to have an unspoken “and biromantic”), and I should have acknowledged that. Same applies to aro-aces who feel alterous attraction and any other combination of attractions using the bi/pan/ply prefixes.
It’s why the use of bi/pan/ply in general conversations to also refer to folks who identify as -romantic or -alterous (etc) without specifically forcing them under “-sexual” is a good thing.
This said, in a post where pride art wasn’t labelled with -sexual terms (at least not on the screencap provided) and therefore represents more than just allosexual shades of those attraction orientations, to insist that asexual pride should represent alloromantic asexuality over aromantic asexuality when (at least for the more well-known/non-het orientations) alloromantic attraction was already included is, to me, a thousand shades of not good.
@arotaro: I would sincerely love to see you do a bingo sheet, if you don’t mind! Because I am a petty person, I’d print it out, laminate it and leave it on my desk so I can fill it out with whiteboard markers every time something annoys me...
Hi so im amab and I feel really feminine a lot of the time and get dysphoric about stuff like body hair, but I don't fully want to be a girl and I still have some more masculine interests and stuff. Could I identify as demigirl?
mod ryan says:
the experiences you’re describing are pretty common among fem-aligned amab nonbinary people and of course you can identify as demigirl if you think that fits you best. your interests in “masculine” things don’t have to define or invalidate your identity at all :)
