Standing in the edge of the cliff with a firm decision of jumping, she breathed in the fresh air of may.
“Do you wish to die?” A voice said . She was startled but she stayed where she was because she knew the voice didn’t come from behind her. She closed her eyes and with all her might she answered to that anonymous voice.
“Do you not wish to live anymore?”
She opened her eyes and she spoke with a broken voice, “yes, I want to live. To be alive- is the most beautiful feeling.”
“And yet you wish to end your life?”
“It is not the life that I wish to end.”
“No. I am not afraid of pain.”
“ if you jump now, what do you think will happen?”
“ I do not know much. But I am sure that I will regret it, because I loved living.”
“Why do you want to kill your self?”
She saw the sun getting close to the horizon. She clenched her arms around as if to hold herself together. “Because”, she said, “ my mind and every part of my body are tired. I haven’t lived. I do not feel alive!” She shouted. “ it’s been so long since I’ve felt anything. I am not sure if anything makes me happy or sad. I think that I fake all my emotions. I pretend to be bothered by other peoples hurting words, I pretend to be happy with people I love, I pretend to be interested in talks, I pretend to be sad. And I do not feel any of these. I am tired of pretending. I just want to sink into my bed and stay there with the thoughts I pretend I am thinking. The only thought that terrifies me is of death. I don’t want to die. So here I am doing exactly what I am afraid to do because- ( breaks down into intolerable pain) I want to feel alive! I want to know if I’m real, if I can die or I am just a thought, I don’t know.” She shrinks, trying to hold her whole body into her arms.
“you are real. I can tell you this. But you will not believe me. So jump. You will regret it. I hope you will be able to save yourself.”
“ I have been told a lot of things, but what is truth if I can not feel it, see it , or believe it.”
She rolls down to the cliff and lands with a thud into the ocean. She doesn’t try to fight the waves. For the first time, she doesn’t pretend to save herself. She feels the pain of life leaving her body. A life which she loved dearly. She slowly submerges into the water. She was happy to know at last that she was real and can feel genuine emotions of fear and pain.
