#internalized transmisogyny

[jessiewithaj]

me, stunted 12 year-old whose only representation of trans women had been ace ventura and jokes about shemale prostitutes, "well, i guess when i'm like, 40, and everyone i have any obligation to is dead, i can get a bunch of sex change surgeries and fuck gross men for money. but at least i'll kinda look like a girl."

real transfem representation really could've saved me a solid 15-20 years.

[tavidragon]

When you're autistic so you feel like a predator for flirting

When you're a woman so you feel like a predator for flirting with another woman

When you're a trans woman so you feel like a predator for thinking about flirting with another woman

When you're a trans woman domme so you feel like a predator for thinking

When you're an autistic trans woman top domme sadist so you feel like a predator

[goodbigonebad]

Not exactly bi-related, but just to comment on something that exhausts me: I think it says a lot that I've only ever seen center-right or outright fascistic transmedicalists from online conservative safe spaces use terms like "theyfab" and "theymab" to derogatorily describe non-binary people. The second I see someone use these terms, I automatically know they're a weirdo who believes that only people who medically transition within the male/female binary are "actually trans" and that transitioning non-binary people are binary trans and in denial. No one else uses these terms except right-wing trans people with superiority complexes and actual neo-Nazis.

I couldn't even begin to imagine the cognitive dissonance it takes to be alt-right (or MAGA) and trans or any other LGBTQ person but somehow they exist. That's not to say these terms don't accidentally get lifted by online left-wing/leftist types but they're usually not actually leftists and are also transmedicalists. Let's be serious, though: they were made to mock transfems and transmascs who don't adhere to a colonialist view of binary gender and even gender nonconforming binary trans women and trans men, plain and simple.

Someone in my social circle let me know that I was called a "theyfab" by an annoying friend of a friend despite the fact that I don't use they/them pronouns (yet?) and I'm a post-op trans woman. I know she doesn't know that, but it's still bizarre to think that I got hit with the "theyfab" allegations as though my entire transition didn't occur and I've retroactively only ever had a vagina. That would have saved me some money and a whole lot of trouble. It almost feels like advanced transmisogyny. I can't wrap my head around the idea of how she decided she would devalue me for my perceived gender identity and then both assumed I was assigned female at birth and subsequently decided my opinions didn't matter because of it. I don't think I'm going to endanger myself, risk my job, and go through all that distress by coming out as having transitioned just to correct someone, and I guess it's always nice to know I pass that well, but still. Bizarre behavior from strangers you hang out with for one night.

There is no world in which it's alright for people to use "theyfab" and "theymab" to devalue someone's non-binary identity in favor of their forcibly assigned gender. No, not even if a non-binary person was rude to you. No, not even if you arbitrarily decide you don't like them and don't want to hear their opinions for one reason or another. It doesn't matter if they plan to transition or don't or if they can afford to/are safe to or not (that's where privilege and classism really shine from transmeds), or if they just feel comfortable looking similar to someone of their assigned gender. Your gender experience is your own and not explicitly about your appearance/presentation or personality, and all trans people should be well aware of that.

There's a lot of natural solidarity between the bisexual and non-binary communities in this way. People are always forcing us to "pick a side" and be who we're not, complete with denial of both existence and oppression despite plenty of publicly available sociological research and statistical evidence for it. This is really just a ramble so I'm not going to make it able to be reblogged or anything, but other trans people really need to let go of enforcing strict ideas of binary gender and the related essentialism that comes with it. Something that's true for you isn't true for everyone else. There are no universal gender experiences.

[this-is-varsexism-transphobia]

🪼 back at it again at Krispy Kreme. (Sorry for joking around on a serious blog I need to distract from the crippling self loathing :| )

But anyhow, is it internalized transphobia if I feel so outcast from girls that I beat myself up over it constantly? I used to call myself a girlfailure as a joke, but now it truly feels like I failed, socially, to be a girl.

For the record, the girls at my university are into crop tops, short skirts, long nails, cheetah prints, perfume (SO much perfume...), tons of makeup, etc. I also wear things like makeup and perfume, but I usually wear a little and my look is generally unisex, I don't try to make myself look too feminine. I wouldn't say I look androgynous (my features will never let me achieve androgyny 😔) but like, I don't go out of my way to be feminine. I like looking classy, somewhat elegant, but socially I act more of the "this fine young gentleperson would hold a door open for you" type than the "hot popular girl who gives 0 fucks" type.

When my roommate started disrespecting me over my social life (the fact that I don't go to parties at uni, my lack of knowledge regarding makeup, the way I hate wearing earrings, how I socialize with boys like I'm one of them), I felt like I had earned that disrespect because I'm not on the social level of being a girl like it seems the rest of them are. I cried on call with my girlfriend and told them I wished I was a perfect cis girl with a mind like everyone else's.

I still kind of wish that. I hate being a girlfailure.

This is internalized transmisogyny.

You are not a failure. There's no such thing as a "girl with a mind like everyone else" or a specific appearance for a woman. Women are diverse, both TGD (trans & gender diverse) and non-TGD women.

I understand how hard it is, though, to be dealing with social and physical dysphoria. My heart goes out to you.

[transcatgirl551]

I realized the they/them pronouns where part of me denying my femininity

Cus I didn't "deserve" to be just she/ her

So. Those are gone now.

[autolenaphilia]

The context is this post, and I suppose I'm targeted in this since my addition was part of the reblog. And like this is just pathetic internalized transmisogyny.

Like she outright says transmisogynist stereotypes are true, that her disgust for other trans women makes her hate herself and her trans womanhood (aka textbook internalized transmisogyny), and clearly thinks that makes her "one of the good ones."

This is all to defend one of the most notorious pedojacketing transmisogynist witchhunt dudes on this site. A man who says that pointing out the obvious transmisogyny in his callouts is using transfemininity as a shield (lol), as if that works in reality.

This woman is just feeding other transfems to the transmisogynist wolves in hopes of saving herself. And as pathetic as this is, I feel bad for her, because this won't save her in the long run. They will come for her eventually.

This is giving in to transmisogyny instead of fighting it and having basic solidarity with other transfems in a hot allostatic load situation.

[mlembug]

> encountering a gender questioning person > asking her if she's a trans girl with brain worms or she/her HRT femboy > she doesn't understand > I pull out an illustrated diagram of who's a trans girl with brainworms and who's a she/her HRT femboy > she laughs and says "I want everything that comes with being a girl but I can't be an actual girl" > oh no > she's a trans girl with brainworms

[aroaceconfessions]

I have always known that I do experience sexual attraction sometimes but I've almost always hated it and I've never wanted to act on it, so I have been hesitantly thinking of myself as maybe some sort of aspec...

But recently I have been trying to write sexually explicit fanfiction as a way of exploring/expressing those feelings and I have found it not to be stressful in the same ways that talking or even thinking about them is? And even kind of enjoyable?? I uploaded one thing anonymously and it got a positive response and I feel kind of proud about that. And also like I want to keep exploring this, but at the same time, it is kind of frightening? I have gotten really comfortable thinking of myself as someone who never wants to express or act on sexual feelings in any way. This all feels like it's wrapped up in complicated self-image issues and confusion and probably a not-insignificant helping of internalized transmisogyny. A big part of me wishes I had just left this can of worms unopened forever.