On Marriage
I have always been afraid of marriage. Whenever I imagine myself waking up to the same person everyday, I have a hard time breathing. Like I’m being choked.
Some people would say that the fear comes out of the finality of marriage. I live in a country where there is no divorce. In the eyes of the law - marriage is forever. I have to admit, I am afraid of choosing the right partner. People change and not always for the better.
But after some extensive thinking - I realized that I am more afraid of what marriage compels me to do. I have to share. I have to tell this other person my thoughts, ideas, anxieties, and emotions. That kind of openness is so terrifying. The things I do is just a fraction of what goes on inside my head. A relationship compels me to share a part of who I am.
For most people, marriage means that they will have someone by their side - forever. It’s a happy thing.
For me, marriage means I will have someone by my side forever. The introvert in me rebels. I enjoy my solitude. Silence and privacy is my default.
Marriage and a family means I can never be alone again. How terrifying.
