thinking about.. sae as a clingy sleeper ♡
—ᓚᘏᗢ cw: fluff, gender isn't specified, clingy sae duh
ෆ a/n note: tysm for ts req!
when you and sae first got into a relationship, suprisingly he was the one who insisted that you move in with him. its not like you mind, but it felt unusual of sae suggestjng these things.
you agreed, he helped you move in, arranging your stuff the way you wanted. since sae never felt the need to live in a two bedroom penthouse as it was only him, you both shared a bedroom... and a bed.
sae and you have shared several intimate moments. cuddling, spooning, and etc. now it was a routine. every night before bed, he did demand a kiss from you. you loved when he was needy for you affection. he isn't a man of words, he is a man of action and he makes sure you understand that.
but, who would expect him to be clingy in his sleep too?
you, as his significant other lying down on your 'side' of the bed, asleep soundly. but your slumber is soon disturbed by two strong arms gripping you close to a muscular chest. and that belongs to none other than the itoshi sae.
the way his hands don't leave your body throughout the entire night, he's always touching you, he needs to feel you under his fingers or he wont be able to sleep comfortably. whenever you did confront him about his actions in the morning, he would refuse claiming, its his "only way to fall asleep comfortably and quickly".
oh, just how you are crazy in love with eachother.
written by - @ysvanielle (me) | please do not copy, steal, modify, repost or translate my content onto any other platforms or tumblr. reblogs, likes and follows are appreciated !
synopsis : you doubt your relationship with him. does he even like you? once he broke his promise to rin, you knew you had to have a talk with him.
a/n : sae my emotionally unavailable cutie :(
wc : 5.0k+
you were always the one who felt more.
you knew it from the start.
sae itoshi was never one to wear his heart on his sleeve. he was calm, quiet, collected. everything about him felt composed — from the way he played to the way he spoke to the way he barely blinked when you told him you loved him for the first time.
he just nodded, kissed the top of your head, and said, "mm."
and you let it go.
you told yourself he was just reserved. that he wasn't the type for grand displays. that it didn't mean he didn't care — he just showed it differently.
but over time, the "differently" started to feel like not at all.
you'd come home from a long day, exhausted and aching, hoping for even a fraction of his attention, and all he'd do was glance up from his phone with a quiet, "hey."
you told him about your promotion — he said, "cool."
you cried over a rough week — he patted your shoulder.
you kissed him goodbye before a trip, whispered "i'll miss you," and he just nodded, pulling his hoodie over his head.
no "i miss you too."
no "be safe."
no "call me when you land."
just silence.
and you started to wonder if maybe you were the only one who ever really showed up for this relationship at all.
does he even like you?
the question hits you late one night, uninvited but relentless — the kind that doesn't whisper, doesn't knock, just barges in and makes itself at home.
you're lying in bed, staring at the ceiling like it might offer some kind of clarity. the room is still, but your thoughts are anything but. they spiral and loop and twist until you're left with nothing but that single, sharp doubt.
does he even like you?
not love.
you're not reaching for something that far anymore.
you stopped hoping for that a while ago.
but like?
does he even like who you are — your voice, your laugh, your dumb little stories about your day?
did he ever look at you and feel warmth?
did his heart ever speed up when you texted?
you're not sure.
when you go back in your mind, sift through all the moments, it's hard to find proof.
you remember speaking and getting a shrug in response.
you remember telling him how tired you were, and him not even looking up from his phone.
you remember trying to make him laugh and feeling like you were talking into an empty room.
he didn't fight.
he didn't try.
he just... let things pass.
like he was always a step outside the relationship — watching, waiting, but never stepping in.
like he was barely there at all.
you think about how it always felt like you were the one showing up.
you were the one asking how his day went.
you were the one remembering his schedules, planning the dates, reaching for his hand first.
always you.
did he ever get excited to see you?
did he ever miss you when you were gone?
did he ever talk about you when you weren't around?
God, does he even like you?
because loving someone — real love — that takes presence. intention. warmth.
and he was so cold.
so detached.
so distant, even when he was sitting right beside you.
and maybe what hurts the most is that you let yourself settle for it.
you convinced yourself that he was just tired. or busy. or bad at expressing himself.
you gave him excuses when he wouldn't give you effort.
you kept trying, kept pouring, even when the well on his side was bone-dry.
you thought it was worth it.
but now, lying here in the dark with your heart knotted up in your chest, you realize you don't know the answer to the most basic question of all.
does he even like you?
you weren't expecting to hear from rin.
not after everything. not after the silence that followed your quiet unraveling with sae.
but he texts you one night, short and to the point:
rin (9:03 pm):
you should know what happened between me and sae.
a beat. then another message:
rin (9:04 pm):
he won. our dream's over. he made sure of it.
you stare at the screen, heart suddenly too loud in your chest.
you:
what do you mean?
he calls you. you answer.
there's silence for a second, then rin's voice—tired, tight.
"we played. one on one. i told him i still wanted to be the best with him. that we could still chase what we promised when we were kids."
you don't say anything. you know what that promise meant. sae had told you once, half-asleep with his head in your lap, how much that dream used to matter.
"he said he doesn't believe in it anymore," rin continues, bitter. "that being the top striker's not worth it. that it's not his path."
you close your eyes.
"i told him i still believe in it. in him. but he wouldn't bend."
rin's voice lowers. "he said... he said he can't be what everyone needs him to be. not to japan. not to football. not to you."
your breath hitches.
"he said it like it didn't matter. like you didn't matter."
you bite down hard on the inside of your cheek.
"i don't think he meant it," rin adds. "but he still said it. and i thought... you should know."
you whisper, "thanks for telling me."
rin sighs through the phone. "i told him he was a coward. for giving up on us. on you. i don't think it even got through."
you nod, even though he can't see it. "it did. even if he pretends it didn't."
rin is quiet for a while, then: "he's lost, you know. even if he's pretending to be focused. i think he let go of everything that ever made him feel anything. even you."
the words slice deeper than you expect.
but somehow, hearing them from rin—someone who loved sae in his own fractured way—makes it more real. and a little easier to grieve.
you say a soft goodbye and hang up.
what the fuck.
you find him after evening practice, alone in the hallway near the locker rooms, towel slung over his neck and hair still damp from the shower. he's looking down at his phone, texting someone — maybe his agent, maybe no one — but he looks up when he hears your footsteps.
his expression flickers for a second — annoyance, surprise, something colder — then flattens. "what."
not hey. not what's wrong? just what.
you stop a few feet away from him, jaw tight. "i talked to rin."
he blinks, slow. "okay?"
"he told me what happened between you two."
there's a pause. then he scoffs.
"seriously?" sae mutters, rolling his eyes. "of course he did."
"you're not even surprised," you say, folding your arms. "you just assumed he'd tell me."
"because he always does. can't keep anything to himself, apparently."
your eyes narrow. "he told me because you wouldn't."
"because it's none of your business."
your breath catches. "excuse me?"
"i said," he repeats, stepping around you toward the exit, "it wasn't your business. it was between me and rin. i don't know why he felt the need to drag you into it."
you follow after him, sharp on his heels. "maybe because i'm part of your life? or did you forget that too, while you were busy burning every bridge that ever meant something to you?"
he stops walking.
the hallway goes still.
he turns back to you slowly. "watch it."
"no," you snap, heat rising to your face. "you watch it. i can't believe you said the things you said to him. that you—"
"what, ended it?" sae cuts in, eyes narrowed. "finally told the truth? yeah. i did."
"you told him the dream didn't matter anymore. that you don't believe in being the top striker. that it's not your path," you spit. "fine. maybe that's true. maybe people change. but you didn't have to tear him down with it."
"i didn't tear him down."
"you abandoned him, sae!"
his mouth tightens, jaw clenched. "i gave him the truth. we're not kids anymore. it's not my fault he can't let go of a fantasy."
"it wasn't a fantasy to him," you say. "it was his entire reason for chasing football. you were."
sae scoffs again, looking away like he's bored. "great. so i'm the villain for not letting him live in my shadow anymore."
"you're the villain," you say, voice sharp with disbelief, "because you knew exactly what that dream meant to rin, and you still used it against him. you knew he looked up to you, and you crushed it. and now you act like you're above it all."
"i am above it."
the words land like a slap.
you take a step back, stunned. "do you even hear yourself?"
he shrugs, cold. "yeah. do you?"
your mouth parts in shock. "you're unbelievable."
"you're overreacting."
"and you're heartless," you say, voice shaking. "you treated him like nothing. like he never mattered. and you treat me the same way."
he glares at you. "you're pissed because i didn't coddle him?"
"no," you bite. "i'm pissed because you hurt him. because you stood there and told him—told me—that you can't be what we need, and you said it like it didn't matter."
"because it doesn't," he snaps. "what difference would it make? i've never been who people want me to be. i'm not your warm boyfriend, and i'm not rin's older brother anymore. i'm just trying to be the best at what i do, and if you and him can't handle that, then—"
"then what?" you interrupt, voice loud and furious now. "we get left behind? we get discarded?"
his eyes flash. "don't twist this."
"i'm not twisting anything! you said it yourself. you gave up on him. on the dream. on me. and you don't even care that you did it."
he's breathing heavier now, fists clenched. "you don't know what i care about."
"then tell me," you challenge. "tell me what you care about. because from here, it looks like all you care about is yourself."
a beat of silence. he doesn't answer.
you stare at him — this boy who once made you feel seen just by standing beside you. this boy who could've had everything, and chose isolation instead.
"i used to think you were cold because you were focused," you say quietly. "now i think you're just afraid."
"of what?"
"of needing people."
his jaw ticks, but he doesn't deny it.
you take a breath. "you don't want to need rin. you don't want to need me. and that's why you pushed us both away."
he doesn't respond. just stares — angry, tight-lipped, eyes stormy with something unspoken.
"rin didn't tell me to hurt you," you finish. "he told me because he still gives a shit. because he still sees the version of you that cared."
sae turns his head away, jaw clenched.
"but if you really don't care anymore," you say, stepping back, "then maybe i don't want to know you, either."
his once stoic face darkens.
"go be with rin, then," he spits, eyes narrowed. "sounds like he means more to you anyway."
you blink, stunned. "what?"
he laughs — low, bitter. "don't play dumb. you've been talking about him all night. what he said, how he feels, what he believes in—like he's some perfect little saint and i'm just the heartless asshole who ruined everything."
your eyes widen. "that's not what i said."
"you didn't have to." he runs a hand through his hair, sharp and angry. "you made it pretty fucking clear where your loyalty is."
"loyalty?" you echo, voice climbing. "i was loyal, sae. i've always been. even when you were distant. even when you shut me out."
"but the second rin tells you something—"
"no. don't twist this into jealousy."
"i'm not jealous," he snarls, stepping closer. "i just think it's funny. i open up to you, and it's never enough. i tell you i can't do this—can't be everything for everyone—and you run off and call my little brother for answers."
"i didn't call him. he called me."
"sure," sae scoffs. "right. and i bet he was so fucking gentle about it, wasn't he? so understanding. because that's what you want, right? someone who'll bleed for you."
"no," you snap, throat tight. "i want someone who doesn't push me away the moment things get hard. i want someone who doesn't act like love is a burden."
he flinches, barely. but his face hardens in the next breath.
"love is a distraction," he mutters.
you feel like he's punched the air out of your lungs.
"then what the hell are we doing?" you whisper.
silence.
just the sound of both your breaths, ragged and uneven.
sae looks away, jaw tight.
you're shaking — from cold, from fury, from something deeper that won't stop aching.
"you think rin matters more to me?" you say, voice trembling. "he told me the truth because he still believes in you. because he loves you. even after everything."
sae's eyes flick to yours, and for a split second, something cracks behind them.
"you both still believe in someone i'm not," he says, softer now. "someone who doesn't exist anymore."
"no," you whisper. "we believe in the person you could be. the one who used to care."
he doesn't answer.
doesn't deny it.
just stands there, fists clenched, like he wants to scream but won't let himself.
you stare at him, heart broken open, and say quietly:
"and maybe that's the saddest part of all."
the silence stretches between you like an endless gulf.
finally, you take a breath—the kind that feels like dragging yourself out of quicksand.
"sae, i can't do this anymore. not like this. not when it feels like i'm the only one holding on."
he swallows, jaw tightening. "you think it's that easy? just walk away?"
"no," you admit. "it's not easy. not for me either."
you stand up, pacing the room slowly, voice trembling but steady. "i stayed because i loved you. because i wanted to believe you'd come back. but you keep pushing me away, ignoring everything i am."
"i'm still here," he says, voice cracking.
"are you?" you stop and look at him, searching his face. "because it doesn't feel like it. not when you're distant, when you don't fight for us. when you treat my job like it doesn't matter, like i don't matter."
he flinches at that. "i never meant to hurt you."
"but you did. over and over." you bite your lip. "i'm tired of being the one who cares more, who tries harder. it's exhausting, sae."
his shoulders slump. "so what, this is it? you're giving up?"
"i'm choosing myself," you say, voice breaking. "because if this is all i get—the silence, the coldness, the feeling of being invisible—then i'm done."
he closes his eyes, as if trying to will away the words.
just as you reach for the doorknob, sae's voice cuts through the thick silence—harsh, sharp, and laced with something like anger.
"i don't need you," he says, voice low but fierce. "you're a distraction. something that's holding me back."
you freeze, hand on the door. it's not what you expected—not the apology or begging you'd secretly hoped for. instead, it's cold dismissal.
"a distraction?" you repeat, voice trembling but steady. "after everything, that's what i am to you?"
"yeah," he spits out, eyes flashing. "i'm trying to be the best. focus on my goals. and you... you just get in the way."
you feel tears prick at your eyes—frustration, sadness, and something like anger rising all at once.
"if that's how you really feel, then maybe this is for the best," you say softly. "because i'm not going to be your distraction. i deserve to be someone's priority, sae."
he says nothing, just stares, jaw clenched.
you open the door, stepping out into the night air, heart breaking but clear.
sometimes, love isn't enough when the other person doesn't want you—not as you are, not as you deserve.
and that's when you know it's time to finally walk away.
sae sat alone on the edge of the worn couch, the weight of the room pressing down on him like a suffocating fog. the silence around him wasn't peaceful — it was loud, heavy, and unforgiving. every sound seemed to echo off the walls: the faint hum of the refrigerator, the ticking of the clock, the distant muffled noises of the city outside. yet none of it filled the hollow ache gnawing at his chest.
he clenched his fists tightly, nails digging into his palms as his mind replayed the conversation from earlier, every harsh word sharp and cutting.
"i don't need you. you're a distraction."
he hadn't meant for those words to come out so cold, so cruel. but in that moment, they felt like the only way to push the tangled mess of frustration and fear inside him out into the open. he thought pushing her away might make things easier — simpler. maybe even protect her from the version of himself that he was struggling to face.
but now, as the minutes stretched into what felt like an endless ache, sae realized just how wrong he had been.
he looked down at his hands, shaking slightly, and swallowed hard. his chest tightened with a pressure he couldn't shake. the truth was that he needed her more than he wanted to admit. more than he ever had before. but admitting that felt like losing control. it felt like exposing the parts of himself he wished he could hide.
the space beside him felt unbearably empty. she was gone — not just physically, but in that moment, it felt like she was slipping out of his life entirely. her absence carved a jagged wound in the quiet room, one he wasn't sure how to heal.
his eyes burned with the sting of regret as he recalled the look on her face: the sadness, the hurt, the flicker of hope that maybe, just maybe, he could be different. and yet, his own walls had kept her at arm's length, keeping the distance she didn't deserve.
sae wanted to call her back, to tell her everything — to confess how lost and scared he was, how much he hated the idea of losing her. but the words tangled in his throat, heavy and impossible to say. fear rooted him to the spot. fear that she wouldn't come back. fear that maybe he didn't deserve her.
the quiet swallowed him whole, and for the first time in a long while, sae felt utterly, painfully alone. all that remained was the bitter taste of what could have been — and the painful weight of his own mistakes pressing down on him like a storm with no end in sight.
two months later.
the sun filters in through the lace-curtained windows of the small café, bathing the room in warm, hazy light. the smell of coffee beans and sugar hangs in the air — familiar, comforting. it's quieter than usual for a saturday. couples talk in hushed voices, spoons clink against ceramic mugs. everything feels slow, easy.
you sit across from someone new. he's... nice. sweet, in a slightly offbeat way. maybe a little too eager, a little too loud, and you've caught him checking his reflection in the spoon more than once. but still — you're trying.
he's talking about his job. or maybe his dog. it's hard to focus. you nod politely, stir your drink even though you're not thirsty, and glance out the window, letting your mind wander.
and then the door opens.
a soft chime.
you hear it, but you don't look up at first. it's muscle memory. a habit from another life.
but your date stops mid-sentence. "whoa, that guy looks like—"
you look up.
your stomach drops.
sae.
he walks in like he doesn't know — or maybe doesn't care — that this was your café. the one you claimed together months ago, when everything was warm and easy. he's wearing that same navy jacket you used to steal, his headphones slung around his neck. his hair's a bit longer. his expression, unreadable.
he sees you almost instantly.
you freeze.
his steps falter, just for a second — like he's been punched in the chest — but then he looks away, pretends like it doesn't sting. pretends like it's not you, sitting where he used to sit, with someone else in his seat.
your heart thuds painfully.
he moves to the counter, orders without looking back. but his shoulders are tense. too still. and you know him well enough to see it — the flicker in his jaw, the way he doesn't take his hands out of his pockets.
your date leans in. "you okay?"
you blink, look down at your half-empty cup. "yeah. just... spaced out."
"you know that guy?"
you pause. "yeah. i used to."
across the room, sae turns just enough to glance at you.
and your eyes meet.
for the first time in two months.
everything stills.
memories come rushing back like a wave — laughter over shared desserts, cold hands tucked into warm ones, that look he used to give you when he thought you weren't watching.
you tear your gaze away first.
your date is still talking, something about how the coffee's too bitter. you nod again, but you can't hear any of it. not really.
because sae is behind you now. you feel it — that pull, like gravity.
a presence that tugs at you even before he speaks.
"we need to talk," comes his voice — low, sharp, just over your shoulder.
you freeze.
your date blinks up at him, confused. "uh, sorry—do you need something, man?"
sae doesn't even look at him. his eyes are on you. hard. unreadable. "now."
and before you can even process what's happening, his hand is at your elbow — not rough, but firm enough to mean no arguments. he pulls you up, ignoring the confused sputter from your date as he leads you out the front door of your café, past the windows and the tables and the ghosts of a hundred memories.
outside, the air is colder than you expected. or maybe it's just him.
you yank your arm away once you're on the sidewalk. "what the hell, sae?"
he turns on you. "you're on a date."
"and you dragged me outside in the middle of it," you snap, voice rising. "what do you want?"
"why here?" he bites. "why our café?"
you stare at him, stunned. "you're seriously upset about that?"
his jaw clenches. "it's not about the café."
"then what is it, sae?" you ask, arms crossed tight over your chest. "what are you mad about? because you're the one who said you didn't need me. you called me a distraction."
he flinches, just barely. "that's not—"
"not what you meant?" you cut in. "because it sure sounded like it at the time."
he exhales, sharp and shaky. Runs a hand through his hair like he's trying to calm the storm inside him. But his voice stays bitter, raw. "you really replaced me that fast?"
you blink, stunned. "is that what this is about? you're jealous?"
he doesn't answer.
just looks away, fists clenched in his coat pockets.
"it's been two months, sae. you made it very clear you didn't want this—didn't want me."
"i never said i didn't want you," he mutters.
you laugh, bitter. "you didn't have to. you said i was a distraction. said you didn't need me. what was i supposed to do? wait around forever while you pushed me away and buried everything that mattered?"
he doesn't meet your eyes. doesn't move.
"that guy inside?" you add, voice quieter now. "he's not you. he never will be. and you know what? i haven't even kissed him. i don't want to. but at least he wants me there. he shows up."
finally, sae looks at you. really looks — and the emotion in his eyes is a mess of guilt, regret, and something that hurts worse than anger: want.
he swallows hard. "i was scared," he admits, barely audible. "of losing focus. of not being enough. for the game. for you."
"and so you pushed me away," you whisper.
he nods once, like it costs him.
"then why are you here?" you ask. "why now?"
his voice cracks when he answers. "because seeing you with someone else hurt like hell. and i know i don't deserve to say this, but... i still want you."
your chest aches. god, you hate how much those words still sting, still reach you.
but you shake your head, biting your lip. "wanting me when you see me with someone else isn't love, sae. it's ego."
his breath catches.
you take a step back.
"if you want me," you say, voice trembling, "you have to show it. not just when you're jealous. not just when it's too late."
you glance at the café behind you. at the window where your date still sits, staring in confusion.
"and i don't know if i can trust you to do that anymore."
you turn—half expecting him to let you walk away, again.
but he doesn't.
"you're just going to give up on me?" sae's voice cuts through the cold air. "after everything?"
you whip back around. "you gave up first."
his jaw tightens. "i had reasons."
"no, you had excuses." you spit. "you didn't even try to explain yourself until you saw me with someone else."
he steps forward. "i didn't know how."
you laugh bitterly. "and you still don't. do you even realize how much it hurt? watching you shut down, close off, like i didn't matter—like we didn't matter?"
he doesn't say anything. just stands there, silent in the face of your anger, like he thinks if he stays still long enough, it'll pass.
you don't let it.
"i waited for you to reach out," you go on. "i kept hoping maybe—maybe—you'd come to your senses, but you just disappeared. like i was nothing."
his eyes flicker. "you weren't nothing."
"then why did you treat me like it?" your voice cracks. "why did you throw everything away without even talking to me?"
he looks down at the ground, fists clenched in his pockets.
"say something," you demand.
"because i didn't think you'd understand," he snaps, finally looking up. "you think it's easy, being me? being expected to carry the weight of everything—japan, madrid, football, my brother, you?"
you flinch. "so i'm a burden now?"
"that's not what i meant."
"then what did you mean?" you fire back. "that loving me made things harder for you? that caring about someone makes you weak?"
he exhales, sharp. "it made me feel. and i can't afford that. not right now."
"but you can afford to walk in here and act like i belong to you the moment someone else is sitting across from me?"
he glares at you, wounded pride flashing in his eyes. "that's not what this is about."
"really? because it looks like it's exactly what this is about," you say, voice rising. "you didn't care until you saw someone else where you used to be."
his lips part like he wants to argue, but no sound comes out.
you step closer. "you think you're the only one who's scared? who's under pressure? you chose to shut me out. you told me you didn't need me. and now you expect me to just forget all of it because you're hurting?"
he breathes out, slow and shaky. "i didn't mean to hurt you."
"but you did."
you both fall silent. the wind picks up. a few brown leaves tumble across the pavement, caught between your feet.
"you want me to fight for you," he says quietly. "but you're already halfway out the door."
your eyes narrow. "i was halfway out the door. months ago. and you just stood there. now you want to act like i owe you another chance?"
"you don't owe me anything," he mutters, voice tight. "but i still want one."
you stare at him. at the familiar curve of his brow, the slope of his shoulders, the storm in his eyes. he looks different than he did two months ago. thinner. tired. but the ache in your chest tells you it's still him. still the person who held your hand under café tables and kissed your forehead like a promise. still the person who walked away.
"you can't just show up and ask for me back like i'm something you left at home," you whisper. "i'm not a possession, sae."
"i know." he breathes out. "i know."
you blink, and your voice softens—just barely. "so what do you want from me?"
he shakes his head. "i don't know. i just... i saw you. and everything i've been holding down since you left hit me all at once. and i hated that you looked okay. like you'd moved on."
your throat tightens. "i'm trying to move on. because i had to. because you didn't give me a choice."
his voice is lower now. hoarse. "i miss you."
you close your eyes. for a second, the wind is the only sound between you.
"then maybe you should've missed me sooner."
you don't mean for your voice to shake.
you don't mean for your heart to splinter open again, like it hasn't already been broken and rearranged by him a hundred times.
but the words leave your lips like a final blow, and as soon as they do, something inside you cracks.
you take a shaky breath, then another—and then you crumble.
it starts with a small, helpless sob. one that catches in your throat and spills past your lips before you can stop it.
then another.
and then you're crying—ugly, gasping, heartbreaking sobs that curl you forward like you're trying to fold in on yourself. like if you make yourself small enough, the pain might go away.
but you shake your head, shoulders trembling. "no—don't—i can't—"
"you don't have to say anything," he says quickly, arms wrapping around you without waiting for permission. "just... let me hold you."
and you do.
because even now, even after everything, your body still remembers what it's like to be safe in his arms.
still leans into the shape of him like it's something you've missed more than you'll ever admit.
you bury your face in his chest, sobs muffled by the fabric of his coat. your hands fist into it like you want to push him away—but you don't.
you can't.
"i hate this," you cry, voice raw and muffled. "i hate that you still feel like home."
he holds you tighter, one hand cradling the back of your head, the other steady at your waist. "i know," he murmurs. "i know. i'm sorry."
"you left me," you whisper. "you hurt me."
his voice is choked. "i know."
you pull back just enough to look at him, eyes red and glassy. "i hate that i still love you."
he flinches—like the words wound him. like hearing them aloud is worse than silence.
"i don't want to," you add. "but i do."
he swallows hard. "then let me be better. let me fix what i broke."
your lip trembles. "i don't know if you can."
he nods, once. "then i'll try. for as long as it takes."
you search his face for a lie, for a crack in the words—but it's just him. sae. stripped down and vulnerable and maybe, just maybe, starting to feel again.
you don't say yes.
you don't say no.
you just stay there—pressed against him in the cold, the wind still howling through the streets—while he holds you like he's afraid to let go again.
and for now, that's enough.
@ lveisagi, please do not copy, translate, or repost my work. all rights reserved
ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ in which itoshi sae teaches you how to kiss properly
“why are you so shy suddenly? thought you wanted to kiss?” he hums.
sae tilted his head closer to you, almost as if he was teasing you. and he probably is when he leaned more. you don't know what has gotten to sae but he's strangely too affectionate.
teal eyes slowly started to get drown in your hazy eyes. you're blushing crazy and you didn't know what to do with this unseen version of sae. you almost thought you shuddered but the loud beat of your heart shapes an illusion that sae was staring at you like he was eating you alive.
and boy he really is gonna.
sae leans further, urging you to bark back like you were doing earlier. but you didn't knew that sae would be the kind to bite and bark in this kind of situation.
you almost regret what you said.
“y/n,”
“w-wait! i don't know how to... kiss right now. let's do this sometime—”
he hums. “bite back, won't you?”
sae's fingers are now on your cheeks as he holds your face. might as well being forced to hold your eyes on him since your vision only captures his captivating look.
“i'll tell you a secret then. if you lick the inside of your lower lips, it will feel as if we're kissing.”
you blinked. then you did what sae said. “wiwy? (really?)”
sae leaned down to kiss you.
correct that. to french kiss you.
you breathe in sharply. your hands jolted on top of sae's shoulder to get a hold of this sudden action of his... but you eventually find yourself melting under him.
you utter a curse to sae but it was quickly drown when you felt him tracing your nape, slowly and teasingly.
oh christ, sae is one sly man.
kissing technique idea was inspired from the bl: backlight!
sae drives back to your guys’ house quietly. his teammates are the most gut-wrenching, nauseating, revolting, irritating, burping, chaotic messes ever. he’s just relieved to come back home to you. he puts in the code to the front door and walks inside. greeting you with a kiss because you ran to the door when you heard him coming home and he goes to take a shower.
he comes into the bedroom, hair wet and bangs down. you’re pushing something under your big bed and shoot up at the noise.
“what’re you doing?” sae voice breaks the silence and you shake your head. “nothing. i was just…putting extra blankets under the bed that we don’t use.” you say and nod your head. sae goes to sit on the bed, it was covered in hot pink silk sheets, cheeta print blankets, and hello kitty plushies everywhere(if you don’t like that vibe then just imagine what your bed looks like or what u want it to look like i jsut thought its totally giving saes significant others style), you even had a little sae plushie that you bought at one of his games that he hates(you cuddle it when saes out of the city).
“no!! don’t sit on the bed it’s uh… wet.”
“wet?”
“yeah.. i uh, just washed them…?” you say and glance down at the sheets, which felt completely dry under you.
“and you didn’t think to dry them?” sae raises an eyebrow and walks past you to sit on the bed. you cough to cover up the squeak the cat makes under the bed at the sound of sae sitting on it, but you’re not a very good liar.
the cat meows again and sae closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “what was that?” he questions but immediately pulls out the blanket the cat was laying on and lift him up.
“okay well he needed a home and when i went to the new cat café earlier he was up for adoption!! i couldn’t just… leave him.” you pout and sae looks down at the cat and back at you. “can we keep him? pleaseeee!???” you whine and sae bites the inside of his cheek. “we’ll see.” and he walks away into the other room.
later you find the two of them cuddling while asleep on the couch together. (🥹)
my fics on vacation have like so not been it but i’ve been in the sun so much i have a permanent headache and yeahhhh i love you guys so much you guys are my children and significant others and my wife is @shinoagriche uh i just lowkirkuinely decided that rn 🥹✌🏻
It's a fluff with some angsty pieces. Reader is a captain of the coeducational team of Real Madrid, the new idea of World's Soccer Association. A mention of reader's sad past. Sae may be a little ooc.
Sae Itoshi is a character who belongs to the authors of the manga and anime "Blue lock".
h/c - hair colour
e/c - eye colour
s/t - skin tone
Please don't translate, plagiarise nor use my works on other social media platforms, etc.
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As harsh, cold, and distant as Sae Itoshi has become since his arrival in Spain, he was still only a human. The wind caused his reddish-brown hair to move. The new idea of the World Soccer Association dismayed him. Coeducational team? What a farce. Playing with women didn’t bother him, but having more people on his contact list was indeed troubling. At that point in time, Sae certainly hadn’t thought he would meet the bane of his existence. As much as Y/N L/N was an infuriating woman with her beautiful h/c hair and s/t skin, he could not have removed the picture of the striker from his head. How dare she have flashed her sparkling e/c eyes at him? Did she not realize how he must have felt next to Y/N?
A Japanese prodigy. A genius midfielder. A member of Real Madrid's youth team. An asshole. A handsome male who is rude to interviewers. Because of his outstanding soccer career, the older Itoshi earned numerous titles and nicknames. Everything would have been flowing altogether if it weren’t for the new captain of Real Madrid’s coeducational team, Y/N L/N. He remembered their first meeting too well. No matter how hard he tried, he persisted in having forgotten her; he could not have done so.
That Monday evening after practice. One week ago, when Sae’s teal eyes met Y/N’s e/c one, he kept his distance, never exposing that his distant nature was only a facade. She came up to him.
“Leave me be. You probably know who I am, so I won’t bother with saying anything more to you.” He said it coldly. His demeanor didn’t discourage her.
“A kind of peculiar way to introduce yourself to the new captain of Real Madrid, Sae Itoshi. I do not have to announce who I am either.” Y/N chuckled. Of course he knew who she was—Y/N L/N, the ex-captain and ex-striker of the Brazilian pro-team, Jackals. Her former teammates were such prodigies as herself. Even though she was already a star, Sae could not have been less bothered by the woman’s presence until their gazes met for the first time. He felt a bizarre feeling—it wasn’t butterflies, but a sense of familiarity. The midfielder noticed a bandage on her right arm, not having dared to ask what had happened to her.
“I am not interested in talking with you.” The Japanese prodigy remained completely unfazed, despite a glint of surprise he (luckily) managed to contain.
“Mhm. As if I wanted to talk with someone who has your attitude,” She replied calmly. “Y/N L/N. Whether it’s a pleasure or not to see me for you, I do not care. My responsibility as a captain is to inform teammates of upcoming matches and not indulge in personal matters. You are a midfielder, correct?” Y/n added. Sae was flabbergasted. That woman appalled him to no end. Her beauty, her remarks, her personality. She is the new captain!? Good luck to members who cannot handle sarcasm and criticism.
“... Correct.” Sae answered. His tone of voice was still as cold as the Arctic Ocean. He scanned the h/c’s woman's body, trying not to stare.
“Good. We have a practice match tomorrow. With FC Barcelona. Coeducational team. See you soon.” After having said that, his new captain just walked away. He didn’t want to be bothered by anyone; however, why did he feel the urge to run after her? He stayed in place, completely frozen due to the events of the past few minutes. The practice match against the rival team ended with a score of 4:3 for Real Madrid. Y/N proved herself one more time.
One month later, Sae found himself wandering aimlessly around the shores of Barcelona. Staring at the sea was his favorite pastime. It eased the mind of the young prodigy. The calm waves differed greatly from the people he was forced to be surrounded by. The feeling of the sand under his bare feet, freedom from any kinds of obligations, and hustle of the soccer world...
What the boy could not have expected was to meet someone as strong and confident as Y/N, crying on the beach. She appeared vulnerable yet powerful, beautiful yet sad.
“Why do you still haunt my mind? Why did my former team disband? Just why?” She sobbed to herself. They were the only two people on that shore. “Glass-shattered… That much for half a year not being present in the soccer world. Everything slipped through my fingers.” A young female took the sand in her hand and let it fall on the beach. “Just like this sand.”
Sae observed Y/N’s movements. She seemed so weak and strong at the same time. A fragile but poisonous flower.
“Welcome back home, Y/N. In my hometown, which feels so foreign.” She sighed and sobbed.
“Are you alright?” The question left the Japanese prodigy’s mouth before he could have ever thought about it. The weather and scenery didn’t match the scene before his eyes. Sae felt a sharp feeling in his chest—was it empathy, care, love, or sympathy? He wasn’t sure. The urge to embrace the cute woman in the midfielder's arms strengthened every second.
“No, I am not.” That answer was enough for him. Fuck it. Let him do what his heart wants for the first time in a while. Even if it was reckless for himself and his own career, Sae Itoshi hugged Y/N. The young male would be damned if he left her there alone without anyone to lean on. It was certain. He would not allow her to feel the same way he did after his arrival in Spain. Young, alone, and inexperienced in life. Some people have physical homes, others have spiritual ones, and some are lucky enough to have both.
The male’s eyes widened when Y/N snuggled up to him. He stayed calm, but wrapped his muscular arms around the woman’s waist.
“Do you have anyone to rely on?” He carefully stroked the girl’s back while she sobbed.
“My parents are constantly not home; friends are abroad. My past is quite ominous, Sae… I had been the captain of the world’s best female prodigies in Rio de Janeiro. Everything ended when one of my teammates cheered. I was forced to disband the team. She shattered a glass trophy on my right arm; this is why it has been bandaged since then,” She revealed. “Barcelona is my hometown, but it feels so foreign.”
“...” Sae didn't answer; he just stroked Y/N’s back in a circular motion. “Shhh…” The girl started to sob again, this time into the older Itoshi’s chest. It didn’t bother him at all, contrary to what he thought earlier. Emotions were only an obstacle that prevented him from becoming the best. Maybe he was wrong. After all, within all his pride and coldness, Sae Itoshi wasn't a stranger to admitting his own mistakes.
“Sae…” Y/N’s voice took him out of his train of thought.
“Yes, querida?” The young male didn't notice that he used a nickname, which enhanced their proximity. However, the girl’s attention was somewhere else.
“Could we dance in the streets of Barcelona? Please, Sae. It has been my dream since I was a young girl.” She whispered her request. Sae’s heart started to beat faster, no matter how hard he tried to collect this organ.
“Yes…” Sae stood up first, helping the girl stand up. No matter how much he hated to admit it, he was still a caring person deep down. Behind the closed curtains and walls of ice, a warm heart beat. Sae Itoshi, in all his fame, glory, and achievements, existed as a human being, not a god.
The girl softly smiled at him and jumped slightly.
“There is a cozy area. Without paparazzi. I liked to go there when I was younger, with all of my troubles. The music always matches the feelings of a person!” Y/N exclaimed. Her e/c eyes examined Sae’s expression. When she checked for any signs of disapproval and found none, her precious smile brightened. The young woman intertwined her fingers with the man’s and showed him the way to the venue. “It’s here!”
The music played. The rays of the evening sun illuminated the area. Y/N had never seemed more ecstatic than in that moment. Her skin and eyes were shining due to the light. Sae’s heart must have stopped beating.
“美しい (utsukushii).” He whispered, not spotting Y/N’s curious gaze while she stared at the boy. Little did she know the word Sae said meant ‘beautiful’.
“Shall we dance?” The older Itoshi didn’t reply but instead began to dance with her. ‘Somewhere only we know’ by Keane was played. Spain indeed felt like an empty, foreign land for him. The feeling of the sea nearing comforted both of them. Even though Sae could remember the streets of Madrid and Barcelona by heart, they have never given him a sense of familiarity. Always a foreigner, no matter where he found himself. And it appeared Y/N felt the same. Both of them didn’t have a place to begin. The world, which was once a cruel and cold place, seemed to have warmed along with their dance.
Sae wrapped one arm around Y/N’s waist, signaling that he finally let her in. The other hand was intertwined with the girl’s. They kept on dancing in a comfortable place, such as the venue. They didn’t need any words to explain what they felt. The birds sang as the song continued. It wasn’t just a mere intimate moment, but an entanglement of souls. A lonely tear fell down Sae’s cheek. After so long, he found home in a woman. She was perfect. An angel. The light to his darkness, kindness to his mean nature. This was the place he had earned to find the sense of proximity that Sae Itoshi craved. After all that happened to him in Spain, the prodigy found happiness.
“Y/N… I-” He couldn’t continue his sentence. The world would be cursed if she didn’t feel the same way as he does. Was it the end of everything? Their last dance? Or the beginning of something new? Even the gods themselves wondered. That endearing smile of hers—how much he wished to shield it from the world. Sae didn’t dare break the silence anymore. The romantic lyrics made his heart pound harder as the music reached its climax. Their bodies together felt like poetry. Not a forbidden one. The destined one. Everything fit perfectly, and they moved in sync. And once the music ended, gathering up his whole courage, Sae Itoshi made the first move: he hugged Y/N, embracing her tightly.
“This has been wonderful... This song… It reminds me of you. Y/N.” He whispered as the tears fell down his cheeks. The young male was joyful when the girl let him embrace her. What he did not expect was the next question.
“Do you finally feel at home, Sae? Thousands of kilometers away from your motherland.” He nodded, still clinging to Y/N.
“I do feel like I am at home, Y/N. I feel like I finally found peace in your arms. That is what I have always longed for," he confessed. For the first time abroad, the boy felt at home. “Do you mind if we stay like this for a little longer?”
“Certainly not. We can hold onto each other forever.” The girl’s voice made him smile. He kept holding her close to his chest.
“I’ll be glad to stay like this forever.” He hugged her even tighter. The tears stopped streaming down his cheeks.
“I have a confession to make.”
“I am all ears.” He didn’t let go of the young woman.
“Barcelona has been my hometown since I was born. Currently, this city feels so foreign. The unfamiliarity terrified me. I had spent so much time abroad, resulting in my becoming a stranger here. However, today… I found peace with you. I finally feel at home.” Y/N revealed. She didn’t even stutter. Sae’s embrace tightened even more.
“You know that I feel the exact same way?” A chuckle escaped the midfielder’s mouth. “I think I actually feel at home too, with you.”
“Maybe we are each other's destiny? Who knows? It fills me with joy. To be with someone, I don’t have to spend a lifetime translating my soul.” The girl looked into Sae’s teal eyes. He caressed her cheek.
“It’s the most wonderful feeling I have ever experienced. Not having to translate my soul to you. Just one look, one thought, one word, and we understand each perfectly. I know I come off as rude, distant, and cold as well. We didn’t get off on the right foot. However, as the time went by, you showed me something more than a pretty girl with monstrous soccer skills—someone I could lean on. A person who became my home abroad.” Sae took a deep breath. “I love you, Y/N. And the world would be damned if my feelings were not reciprocated.”
There it was. She kissed him softly but passionately. The shock faded away quickly, and he returned the favor, tasting her lips for the first time. That day was his dream come true. He didn’t expect to fall in love and become smitten with someone. It didn’t matter now. After all, Sae Itoshi was still a human, even with all his medals and prizes.
in which itoshi sae's lover — gets infuriated over his behalf upon seeing the comments on his last play against the U-20.
"what the fuck,"
not really the sort to swear on the daily, dark eyes grew even darker. it probably would've had a more prominent effect had she worn her favourite contact lenses. "itoshi sae held the ball for too long? he didn't have a fucking choice!" she flipped onto her back, glaring at the screen of her phone. funny how comments towards her didn't affect her, but whenever it was towards her boyfriend or literally anyone else, she turns into a snarling dog that would maul literally anyone. she behaved in face of accusations just in case someone would call her "sae's drooling rabid dog". she even practiced patience for when people tried baiting her into biting or even barking. leaked photos of her and sae leading to envious outsiders calling her a pick-me girl for her affectionate behaviour, or a tyrant kaiserin for seeming disinterested in sae.
all rumors, none of them true the slightest. accusations, blame, when unfounded tends to stir ugly feelings within her. because she feels like if she sees and hears a little too much, she'll end up playing right into their hands become those very rumours. surviving as sae's significant other truly is hellish.
sometimes, she does want to dig her nails into her skin and bleed. sometimes, she wants to kneel and let loose. but for sae, she instead breathes and focuses on herself - the truth that has to stay within her very blood and existence.
no, don't go off-script. remember that you're supposed to focus your distaste on sae's insignificant haters. she desperately inhales a sharp intake of air, and manage to set her phone aside instead of blowing up and chucking the piece of trash towards somewhere. sae never seems to know this, but she has major anger issues. then again, would it be major anger issues when it's just pent-up resentment reaching its climax? she pales in comparison to others who are much more explosive the moment they receive something they dislike in their lives.
compared to them, she's pretty tame.
she thinks.
she hasn't injured others.
she hasn't even injured herself for some time now. that's a win. that's progress.
while still pissed with the existence of others' ignorance and stupidity, she managed to calm her own storm. people like that exists everywhere, more prominently on the internet. it shouldn't really bother her, not when literal degenerates who think it's alright to drive someone to suicide because they don't fit their standards exist. whenever facing those sort of comments, whether directed to herself or others, kage is bewitched by the temptation to act just as horrible as self-defense, as her own means to teach them a lesson. but when remembering how it might not even work and it would spell even worse trouble since she doesn't know how dangerous those people actually are, she forsakes the mouthwatering desire in interest of better judgement and life choices. block and walk away.
block and walk away. that's easier said than done, especially when sae came home with a pretty deadly aura and calls up owen (friend? enemy? associate.) to have him deal with someone who thought it was acceptable to even express how they think kage was plenty of things but the things sae would agree with.
