Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (2017)
"Why am I wearing this outfit in a jungle? Tiny, little shorts and a leather halter top. I mean, what is this?"
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seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
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seen from United States
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seen from Netherlands
Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (2017)
"Why am I wearing this outfit in a jungle? Tiny, little shorts and a leather halter top. I mean, what is this?"
Fringe - Letters of Transit by Joe Chappelle, Akiva Goldsman, J. H. Wyman, Jeff Pinkner.
The Dark Tower (2017)
While I didn't enjoy this film, that doesn't mean you won't. No matter what I say, the people involved in this project did it: they actually made a movie. That's something to be applauded. With that established...
Stephen King began The Dark Tower series in 1982 and concluded in 2012. It incorporates elements of fantasy, horror, western and fantasy. Some consider it his magnum opus. Even if you haven't read a single page, you'll recognize this film adaptation has simplified it to death. It's Unimaginative but promising, complex to the point of being confusing but so simple you can foresee every development coming from universes away. In the end, you’ll wonder if maybe you weren’t paying attention or if you missed something but there’s just nothing here.
11-year-old Jake Chambers (Tom Taylor) dreams of a strange world, of a Man in Black, of a gunman who seeks revenge against him and of a tower under attack. The man, a sorcerer named Walter Padick (Matthew McConaughey) is real and seeks to use Jake’s psychic gift to destroy all realities. Only Roland Deschain (Idris Elba), the last Gunslinger, stands in his way.
A lonely boy is thrust into a big adventure and learns the world's fate rests in his hands while sinister forces seek him out. His youth and wide-eyed optimism are exactly what the now-jaded hero needs to put him back on the path of righteousness. When you take a step back, the plot is familiar, so how can so much of The Dark Tower be indecipherable?
Most of the time, when a film’s length is brought up in a review it’s because the movie is too long. This movie is too short. Way too short. We’re never allowed to dig into the world, characters or mythology. Walter seeks to use the powers of psychic children to launch beams of light that will topple the titular Dark Tower, destroy the barrier which surrounds all worlds and allow legions of demons in. Why? So he can rule. But why? We see what abilities he possesses. With them, he's able to do nearly anything his heart desires. He can mind-control people, make objects levitate, has access to stargates and can communicate telepathically. How would destroying everything improve his situation? You don’t understand his motivations and watching McConaughey, you wonder if he doesn’t realize how flat and uninteresting this character is. This might explain why he gives the peculiar performance that he does. I wouldn’t call it bad but you almost expect him to turn towards the screen and say “Ain’t I a stinker?” after every line.
Similarly, there’s little to Idris Elba’s Roland Deschain. At least you understand his motivation, which is a step up from Walter but he doesn’t spend enough time with Jake for you to feel a bond of friendship between them. When someone tells Roland he’s just “using the boy to get revenge” it should be a tower-toppling reveal but you won’t care. Little about this story will surprise or move you.
This movie feels as though it’s hitting you with big inflatable boxing gloves, the kind that have no impact on you but are so big they hinder its movement. The action scenes are either too dark, too frenetic, feature opponents who aren’t menacing, or are paced in a way that makes you go “Oh! Is it over? I didn’t realize it had started”. So much of this movie feels like it’s building up to something that never comes. Well, unless you’re waiting for references to Stephen King’s other works, which are plentiful and in-your-face. The first scene features a reference to The Shining and it isn’t the only one. It’s a way to keep you entertained, I guess.
Utterly forgettable, bland and generic, I can’t imagine any fans of the book series being satisfied with The Dark Tower. Newcomers are likely to be confused or unimpressed. Will they be turned away from the novels? Probably initially but in the long run, they’re unlikely to remember they even watched the film so King's books are safe. The ending hints at a sequel but that's not happening, not in a million years. (June 5, 2020)
HUFFLEPUFF: "You're wrong about us being on different paths. We're not on different paths. You're my path. And you're always gonna be my path. And I know there's a million reasons why we shouldn't be together. I know that. But I'm tired of them. I'm tired of every single one of them. We've all gotta make a choice. Right? Well, I choose you." –Alex Kurtzman + Roberto Orci + Jeff Pinkner (Peter Parker: The Amazing Spider-Man 2)
Who would have thought that the some of the side-effects of being infected with a alien symbiote would be similar to menopause (like experiencing a ‘hot flush’)?
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(Hopefully by this point you’ve finished all 112 minutes of ‘Venom’, the kind of person who isn’t bothered by spoilers, or are just deciding if you still want to keep watching.)
Jumanji: The Next Level (2019)
Directed by Jake Kasdan
Cinematography by Gyula Pados
THE DARK TOWER
The Dark Tower is a 2017 American science fantasy western film
Directed and co-written by Nikolaj Arcel.
Screenplay by Akiva Goldsman, Jeff Pinkner
A continuation of Stephen King's novel series of the same name
Starring Idris Elba, Matthew McConaughey, Tom Taylor, Claudia Kim
"Shining is your weapon, guns are mine."
The Dark Tower (2017)